ParentLife Blog

Safety Product for Families

When a child goes missing or is critically injured, a parent’s ability to recall basic facts about her child can be compromised by overwhelming stress. For this reason, AmberAlert.com, a privately-held company focused on providing programs to help keep children and families safe, has introduced the My Child ID™ — the first comprehensive, digital child identification device that stores critical data to help in instances of a missing child, critical injury, or abduction cases.
 

“The first three hours a child is missing are the most critical for their safe return. Understandably, parents can become hysterical in an emergency situation,” said Harlan Lyons, CEO of AmberAlert.com. “My Child ID is a proactive tool for parents, law enforcement and emergency responders to safeguard children by helping to reduce the time it takes to gather accurate information when time is critical.”
 

My Child ID stores vital information including:

• Recent digital photos
• Vital statistics
• Emergency contact information
• Medical information
• Contact information for family and friends

My Child ID is supported online at www.AmberAlert.com where information can be securely backed up.  Software updates and a Private Alerting feature are also available on the online portal.  Private Alerting is a service that allows parents to send text messages and/or e-mails to their entire network of trusted contacts using the same alerting technology AmberAlert.com developed to disseminate AMBER™ Alerts through the Law Enforcement Alerting Portal (LEAP). The back up and Private Alerting features are free for one year after account activation.

My Child ID is now available at select retailers and online at www.AmberAlert.com and retails for $39.95. Pricing includes one year of online back up and Private Alerting. For more information about AmberAlert.com visit www.AmberAlert.com or call 602-889-7256.

February Events & Happenings

Check out these exciting events and contests taking place during February!

• LifeWay's Valentine's Retreat Weekend (February 12-13, Ridgecrest, NC) — Valentine's Day is approaching quickly, but there is still time to register for this great marriage event featuring Tim and Darcy Kimmel, Kenn Kington, and Warren Barfield.
• Kohl's Kids Who Care® Scholarship Program — Kohl’s Department Stores will award more than $410,000 in scholarships and prizes, ranging from $50 Kohl’s gift cards to ten $10,000 scholarships, recognizing students who make a difference by volunteering in their communities. Nominations for kids ages 6 to 18 will be accepted from now until March 15 at kohlskids.com.
• Boba Baby Carrier Design Contest — Do you have a flair for design? Then you might be interested in this contest! Bobababycarrier.com - together with Spoonflower, is holding a new contest from February 18-25. Everyone is eligible and encouraged to submit one new fabric design per person for NAP, Inc.’s backpack-style Boba baby carrier. The theme of the new design submitted should be “nature.” One winner will receive $500 in cash and the opportunity to work with NAP, Inc. to name the winning design. The winner will be selected based on the highest number of votes received from online voters. Voting begins online on Monday, March 1 through Sunday, March 7.  The winner will be announced on March 9. Visit the Spoonflower blog for more details and to enter the contest!

Planning Ahead to March? Be sure to check out information on HomeLife's Love & Marriage event happening March 6th in Austin, Texas!

Fun Friday Photo -- February 5, 2010

Caleb helping "Ma" bake!

Thanks to Carrie S. for this great photo!

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

Preteens & Dating Terms by Mia Pinson

Preteen dating is not something that should be taken lightly. In fact, statistics show that preteen dating can lead to serious problems. Depending on whom you talk to, each of the following terms can have a different definition. But this glossary should give parents an idea of what their children are talking about when they mention dating or a relationship. Discussing these terms with your child now can help you set guidelines for the future as you seek God’s plan for his life.

• Hooking Up -- The term “hooking up” equals every parent’s nightmare. And, it does happen with preteens. When two preteens hook up, they get together for one party, one night, or even just one hour. Sometimes, they know each other, and sometimes, they do not. It really does not matter because there are no strings attached, no commitments, and no plans to ever develop a relationship.
• FWB (Friends with benefits) -- Two good friends who do not want to be in a boy/girl relationship. Instead, they become involved physically whenever it “just happens.”
• Talking -- When a boy and girl are “talking,” they are casually flirting and showing interest in each other. Most of the time, they are not ready to commit to a relationship and are testing the waters to see if their relationship can go further.
• Drop-Off Dating -- Drop-off dating occurs when parents drop their preteen off somewhere they think is safe such as a mall, skating ring, or movie theater. What parents may not realize is often after they are dropped off, their children are picked up and taken to another location.
• Going Out -- When two preteens say they are “going out,” they probably mean they are in a relationship that is recognized by their peers as exclusive. Terms like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are used. Preteens can “go out” without going anywhere on a date.
• Group Dating -- Group dating can be chaperoned or unchaperoned. When preteens group date, they may go out with older friends who drive. Caution: Going on group dates no longer means that your child is safe from being physically intimate (especially if your preteen group dates with older couples). Many teens and preteens now act the same way in front of their friends that they would alone. In fact, sometimes being with friends actually makes it more difficult for preteens to say  “no” to situations in which they are uncomfortable.
• Family Dating -- For many, family dating is a good alternative to secular dating. After searching God’s Word and listening to each other, families can choose their own rules and relationship guidelines. Family dating allows parents to get to know their child’s friends in a more natural setting while it still keeps children under the protection and guidance of their parents.
• Courtship -- Courtship is a “no nonsense” approach to finding a mate. Courtship is not a casual dating relationship. In fact, some couples wait until marriage to kiss each other. Generally, in courtship, a man will pursue a woman with the ultimate goal of finding a spouse. She, in turn, has the benefit of her family’s support and of knowing the man who is pursuing her is seriously seeking God’s plan for their future instead of a casual relationship.

For more on preteen dating, don't miss Mia's article "Growth Spurts: 9 to 12 Years -- The Dating Game" in this month's issue of ParentLife.

Is your preteen dating? Does your preteen use these terms? Tell us about your experiences!

Great Expectations

Both of my boys, Jonathan and Christopher, love sports. You can be certain we will watch the Super Bowl® this Sunday. But they also will want to get off the couch and play — and my wife hopes not in the house!

Before the season started, Jonathan came to me and asked for us to create a family fantasy football league online — and we did! I observed them play with the neighbors, drafting their own football teams to make franchises filled with players from their football cards. Christopher even reported at his preschool graduation last year that he wants to play for our local team — the Tennessee Titans — when he grows up!

As a parent, you want your children to dream while still maintaining realistic expectations. The question is — How can I balance these two for my children? You don’t want to give your children a limited view on life — what we often call “the box” — the one we want them to think “out of”!

So we let our boys play sports but have not ventured into travel teams or multiple sports at the same time. We know they love sports and certainly want them to be active and healthy but keep their schedules in balance while still developing those areas in which they are talented.

We also want them to be well-rounded and developed in other areas. Both boys are very musical as well but are not as enthusiastic about practicing the piano as they are with practicing baseball! But we have so many friends who say either “I am so glad my parents made me continue taking piano when I wanted to stop” or “I wish I had never stopped taking piano.” So we have to struggle sometimes with holding the boys to some activities that we hope will pay off in years to come.

As parents, our guide should be to train our children in the ways God has already gifted them and in God’s Word (Proverbs 22:6) with hopes of a lifetime relationship serving God. We hope that every issue of ParentLife helps you raise your children to do just that.

What are ways you need help in raising Christ-followers?

February 2010 Giveaway

This month we are giving away two different books!

In honor of Valentine's Day, we are giving away five copies of Closer: Devotions to Draw Couples Together by Jim & Cathy Burns (Bethany House, 2009). This is a collection of 52 devotions to help couples draw closer through faith conversations. Each reading includes inviting discussion questions and practical action steps to provide a focused time to learn and talk about what is important in life. And ... it's designed for today's busy schedules, requiring only 30 minutes a week.

Have you found yourself in a complicated stepfamily situation? ParentLife writer Ron Deal can help! The Smart Stepmom: Practical Steps to Help You Thrive! by Ron L. Deal and Laura Petherbridge (Bethany House, 2009) offers hope, encouragement, and practical information for the stepmom journey.

Everyone* who posts a comment on our blog during the month of February will be entered to win one of these books. We have five of each book to give away ... 10 winners total!

*LifeWay employees are not eligible for this giveaway. Multiple comments do not increase chances of winning.

January 2010 Giveaway Winner

Congratulations to Amy ... the winner of our January giveaway. Amy won a one-year subscription to ThreeJars.com, an innovative modern allowance system that lets kids earn, track, and use their own money online.

Be sure to stop by soon for details about our February 2010 giveaway!

Fun Friday Photo -- January 29, 2010

Sammy is enjoying a "hat hair" kind of day!

Thanks to Becky W. for this great photo!

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

Faith Differences

What if only one parent is a Christian and the other parent has very different beliefs? ParentLife has a monthly department "Single Parent Life" that addresses the needs of single parents. This month ParentLife writer, Tammy Bennentt, asked this question about parents with different beliefs. See her practical helps below that will help any family dealing with faith differences.

This question is common, not just after divorce, but in traditional families as well. Many times a mom and dad have been raised with different belief systems, or they may have a change of belief later in life. One parent who used to attend church and confess to be a Christian then decides this is no longer true for him. With divorce, there is a high level of frustration that happens to Christians who, unfortunately, may feel judged or isolated by their church because outsiders do not understand or agree with the reasons for the divorce. And there is the all-too common concern of a believer who may become angry or distant toward God because he wanted God to save his marriage and it ended anyway. There are many reasons a person might decide to turn his back on God after divorce — or even before divorce. If you are coparenting with someone who finds himself frustrated and confused about his beliefs, here are a few suggestions.

Remember the most important impact you have. What your child sees in your daily living will speak louder to him than anything. You cannot control what the other parent believes or what happens related to church when your child is with the other parent. What you can do is be the Christian example you want for your child to become. This does not mean being a perfect person or a perfect parent; it simply means letting your whole life radiate Christ and His love and life lived out through you! Years and years of this example will stand strong as a foundation to the faith being built in your child.

Pray for the other parent. Sincerely and fervently pray for the other parent but do not confuse prayer with control. It is not your job to fix or change the other parent. It was not your job when you were married and it certainly is not your job now. The power of a praying parent can reap invisible but valuable rewards — for your child and for the other parent.

Do not openly criticize the other parent. There is a big difference between criticizing the other parent’s beliefs and having neutral conversation with your child about lifestyles, belief systems, and faith. Always be available to listen to your child’s thoughts and be prepared for these “deep talks” at the most unexpected times. If you badmouth the other parent with hopes of getting your child to “side with” you, it will probably backfire! Not only will he feel the need to protect the other parent and stand up for him, he will likely begin to resent you (silently) and a wedge will build between you and your child.

Be respectful. The words your child hears you speak about the other parent will be life or death to his soul. Choose words of life so your child can live — find other details (besides religion) that you can point out that are good and positive about his other parent and say them aloud to your child.

Find an appropriate support system. Find an outlet to talk to another adult or counselor about these concerns and problems, but do not process these with your child. Be the parent and let him be the kid.

Enlist a leader at your church. Depending on the age of your child, enlist the leader for his age group and have an honest dialogue with that leader about your concerns. Encourage your child to spend time with that leader, outside of regular church activity time, to develop the friendship. Many times the extra outside voices you help cultivate with your child can be the best influence ever! It also can allow your child to have someone objective to bounce ideas off, ask questions, and to talk about the differences they see between his parents’ beliefs without the worry of hurting feelings or making a parent angry.

No matter the other parents’ beliefs, be the example your kids can follow!

Tammy G. Bennett, The Coparenting Coach, is the founder of Christian CoParenting. She and her daughter, Angelia, live in Nashville, Tennessee. For free e-newletters and resources, see www.ChristianCoParenting.com.

Recommended Reading: Spiritually Single Moms: Raising Godly Kids When Dad Doesn’t Believe by Nancy Sebastian Meyer (Navpress, 2007)

Challenges & Blessings

If you know me at all, you know that I don't cook ... especially on the weekends. So eating out most meals on the weekend has become a habit. A habit that is about to dramatically change. Our 18-month-old, Jack, is getting to the age where it is difficult to go out to eat with him. Sunday was a perfect example. 

One of my favorite burger places opened a new location in our town, and I was super excited. We decided to try it out on Sunday after church ... our first mistake for two reasons:

1. The restaurant had only been open a couple of weeks and apparently everyone had the very same idea we did. It was packed!
2. Sunday lunch is not Jack's best time. He's hungry, exhausted, and ready for a nap. (In case you are wondering why we don't head straight home for this reason, we eat somewhere close to church to ensure Jack gets lunch before falling asleep on the way home.)

When we saw the crowd, we were tempted to turn around and head somewhere else, but I was determined we were going to make it work. I really wanted that burger! The trouble started when we realized there were no available high chairs. We tried just having him sit in a big chair and on our laps with no success. Luckily, by the time our food arrived, a high chair became available. However, by that time, Jack had reached his limit. He began screaming and pointing at random things on the table. I would offer him the things he was pointing at (his drink, a bite of his lunch, etc.), but nothing seemed to help. He just kept screaming and randomly pointing. We tried to calm him down for what seemed like an eternity. (Luckily, it's a very loud restaurant so I'm thinking we didn't disturb those around us too terribly much.) I was getting ready to make a quick exit if necessary. Finally ... in an act of desperation, I offered Jack a french fry! (I know, I know ... a terrible choice ... but like I said ... I was desperate!) That apparently was what he had wanted all along. (Not sure why that didn't occur to me earlier. I guess I was in denial ... only offering him the better choices.)  We were able to speed through the rest of our lunch offering Jack a steady supply of french fries!

So ... what exactly did I take away from this experience? As a parent embarking on this new phase of toddlerhood, I am reminded of how each new phase has its unique challenges but also its many blessings. We may not be able to eat out as often as we used to, but it is amazing to watch Jack as he learns new things every day and is beginning to show so much personality! I'm also amazed at how sacrificies (such as not eating out, being too tired to stay up late, and not getting to sleep in) don't really feel like sacrifices in light of the tremendous blessing that our little man is! It makes me hesitant and excited all at the same time to see what each new phase of Jack's life brings!

What are the challenges and blessings that you are facing in your child's particular phase of development? Share your thoughts with us.