20 weeks pregnant

One thing I was told before I became pregnant was that everyone seems to have something to say to an expectant mother, whether you want to hear it or not. I haven’t experienced this too much just yet, but from early on, I decided to only have a few people to go to for pregnancy advice – my mom, my sister and my doctor. Luckily, I have a mom who raised three girls and an older sister who has three great boys. I also have a doctor I trust; I’m not afraid to ask him even my most embarrassing questions.

Even though I have these “go-to” people in my life, I thought it would be fun to ask moms of all ages in my life to give me their best words of wisdom for a first-time mom. Here are some of their replies:

• It's great to read parenting books, but don't let those books take away from the most important Book - the Bible.  It has all the answers, and it's authored by the One who created the life on loan to you!

• Write things down! Take pictures! You think you'll remember everything, but you don't!

• Keep in mind God gave you the ability to care for your child in the best way you know how. Trust your gut, and don't doubt your ability to do what is best.

• Enjoy each moment and milestone, because they will quickly pass that one and go to the next.

• Don’t sweat the small stuff.

• You won't have all the answers, but you have earned the right to attempt life's journey together because you bonded for nine months.

• Even when you feel unworthy, undeserving and incapable of directing your child, remember He is there guiding you.

What about you? What one word of wisdom would you pass on to a new mom-to-be?

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Read Becky's other journal entries: Ask and You Shall Receive, Consider It Joy, Overwhelmed, and Pregnancy Perks.

Become a contagious and irresistibly good stepmother in these ways.

1. Understand that your relationship with your stepchildren is born of the loss, either by death or divorce, or their mother. You are a reality in their lives because someone else that really matters to the children is gone or has dramatically changed.
2. Create realistic expectations for yourself as the stepmother. Be the loving and compassionate image of God you were created to be. Replacing the biological mother and fulfilling the stepchild’s every need is not likely to bring immediate success, if any success at all.
3. Be consistent, patient, and trustworthy over time. This will earn you more points with the new stepchildren than any grand plans for being everything to them.
4. Do not force, buy, or bribe your way into your stepchild’s life.

Create a new “normal” in your blended home.

• Acknowledge that the stepchildren have experienced loss.
• Be a learner of your new stepchildren.
• Be a learner and student of your new role as stepmother.
• Make your marriage a great marriage.
• Cooperate with the biological mother and avoid power struggles with her.
• Slowly create new family traditions.
• Read books on stepfamilies. I recommend Ron Deal’s book, The Smart Stepfamily. (Deal also wrote The Smart Stepmom, The Smart Stepdad, and The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Help Your Marriage Last a Lifetime.)

Liberate yourself and recognize your success as a stepmother.

Your new husband loves you, but that love does not necessarily create any sense of obligation within his children to do the same. In fact, they may decide to hate you as a tactic to get their biological parents back together. Again, it is not necessarily you they hate, but the role you occupy. No child is born with the glorious dreams of having a stepmother. However, when reality crashes down the walls of the ideal, children often resist reality and fantasize about their idealized past.

Your sense of self and capacity for love will be challenged. In all likelihood, your investment of love for your new stepchildren will far outweigh the returns, at first. Most stepchildren grow to love their stepmothers in some way. The goal is not to replace the biological mother but rather to develop a loving relationship with clear and defined boundaries wherein all the parties know and agree to the expectations for each other. Respect for each other and allowing space for stepchildren to be stepchildren is the name of the stepmothering game.

Chris Gonzalez is a marriage and family therapist with the Better Life Counseling Center in Jonesboro, Arkansas. He writes a feature column for the Jonesboro Sun and gives seminars on the topics of marriage, family, and faith. Chris and his wife Gail have two children, Sierra and Canaan.

In a recent survey of over 500 kindergarten teachers around the country, two-thirds of the teachers stated that the children in their classroom were unprepared for kindergarten. Two-thirds of the teachers said that the majority of students do not know their ABCs.

What can you do to prepare your child for kindergarten? Here are some suggestions from teachers.

• Actively participate in your child’s education with pre-reading and reading activities, such as reading books together and practicing the alphabet.
• Expose children to new experiences and talk with them about those experiences in order to improve their ability to speak and understand oral language and increase vocabulary.
• Practice identifying numbers and counting with both verbal and written activities.
• Work with children to identify shapes, colors, and objects in the world around them.
• Place children in social settings with other young children so that they can learn together while they also develop manners and the ability to share and be respectful.

Age of Learning, Inc., which conducted the survey, has several online games to help your kids learn and be ready for kindergarten. Access is $7.95 per month.

For free games, you might try SproutOnline.com, or learn Bible verses and ABCs at the same time with the ABC Scripture Series at Impress Your Kids.

What do you think of this survey? Is it valid?

ParentLife Online is excited to announce a new partnership each month with LifeWay’s CentriKid Camps (centrikidblog.com). Each month we will feature a guest post from the CentriKid team filled with great insights about the older children and preteens they work with every summer. We hope you will be inspired and encouraged through this new partnership!

To kick off our new partnership, we are giving away 5 copies of Organized Mass Chaos: The Official OMC Game. If you have ever been to camp, you know how amazing this game is! OMC is an action packed, large group activity perfect for any occasion with a large group of kids. Designed for kids in grades 1-6, it can be played with up to 200 kids at one time. Comes with a complete instructional DVD and 300 task cards for your VBS, Discipleship times, Summer Children's activities, or Backyard Bible Clubs.

Here’s how to enter: for a chance to win post on our site or on our FaceBook page about this new partnership with CentriKid. If you have been to CentriKID camps, tell us why you love the CentriKID experience! If you have not, tell us what you look for from a camp experience for your kids.

Want to win a free subscription to ParentLife? While you are online, check out the CentriKid blog today. They will tell you how to enter a giveaway today to win a free one year subcription to ParentLife!

You can find great info anytime about CentriKid by visiting their FaceBook page too!

So post today about camp and enter to win OMC!

Nothing is more frustrating than watching your child suffer and feeling like there is nothing you can do to ease their pain. But take heart – a parent’s supportive words and actions have more of an impact on their child’s heart than they realize. Sometimes just knowing how to tweak the little things makes all the difference.

Not sure what’s going on in your child’s heart? ASK.


Bombarding your child with “What’s wrong?” is likely to push him away rather than draw him into conversation. It may make him feel like he is being confronted instead of listened to. Try asking your child how he is feeling or make an observation. “You seem a little down today” might just open the door to some eye-opening conversation.

Keep Notes … and the Lines of Communication Open


Teachers, pastors, and other parents often see things that parents don’t. Sometimes Mom and Dad unknowingly deny there is anything wrong, just to save themselves and the family the heartache of confronting it. Ask other people who play a special role in your child’s life if they’ve noticed anything unusual or if anything concerns them.

At the same time, don’t expect others to alert you to changes in your child’s behavior or habits. Let other people know you are looking for additional insight; but ultimately, you are your child’s first line of defense, and if you do notice something unsettling about your child, take copious notes that you can review later on with a doctor or counselor. Is your child sleeping more than usual or suffering from insomnia? Is he having angry outbursts or crying for seemingly unknown reasons? Jot it down, and include dates and times.

What Goes in Must Come Out


You can’t always control what your child eats at her friends’ houses or while she is at school, but you can have relative control over what she consumes in your home. As a long-time depression sufferer myself, I will never forget when a friend and counselor told me she had never worked with a depressed client who ate enough protein. Skeptical, I began making an effort to eat more protein, and guess what? My depression improved.

It stands to reason that if a child eats mostly sugary cereals for breakfast, junk snacks during the day, and not enough fruits and vegetables in between, the result will be depression and less of an ability to be his best self. Everyone knows it’s hard to get children to smile upon a plate full of brussels sprouts, so find out what healthy foods your child likes, and add more of those things to his diet. Ask your child’s pediatrician or a knowledgeable counselor about diet and depression and change your menu accordingly.

And if you can’t convince your child to devour a single green bean, learn creative ways of disguising healthy foods. Tip: puree any vegetable imaginable and add them to spaghetti sauce!

Get the Lead Out


If your child’s life revolves around the Internet and video games, something is wrong, and you may have a starting point for dealing with his depression. Exercise can lift your child’s spirits, distract her from her troubles, and inspire a healthier lifestyle.
 
Making sure your kids are physically active means being a positive role model yourself … which means getting the entire family moving. You don’t have to sign the family up to run a marathon – just find a few physical activities you all enjoy. It could be something as simple as tossing a ball back and forth on a beautiful day.

Faith


Where is your child, spiritually? Do you know? Even if your family attends church every time the doors are open, that doesn’t mean your child is spiritually healthy. Depending on a child’s age, she may be questioning some of the doctrines she has heard at church, especially if she is being challenged by other kids. Be sure to continue family church attendance.

Schedule family devotional times, and be sure your child has access to an age-appropriate devotional guide and has a Bible of his own. Most of all, pray for your child often. Ask God to provide the guidance that only a Heavenly Father can give.

Julie Fidler is a freelance writer and researcher and author of Adventures in Holy Matrimony: For Better or the Absolute Worst.

Photos used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photos for source.