Dads Archives
Jessie Weaver-
January 30, 2012-
Has your child had a big project due at school and needed your help? How much should you step in? Do you find that the majority of school projects reflect Mom's or Dad's work more than the student's? Ouch! The truth hurts.
Why is it that we sometimes step over the boundary line and do things on our child's behalf? This tendency doesn't happen overnight. Parents often are caught in a pattern of doing things for their kids, rather than stopping to teach or coach them how to do things for themselves. The following are three guidelines for fighting this trend.
- Step back. It is OK for kids to make mistakes. We sometimes forget that trial and error can be the best part of learning. We would rather step in and make things right. Or we are living vicariously through our children and take things personally when our children make mistakes.
- Build in time for interruptions and teachable moments. Kids learn by asking questions, hands-on experimenting, and connecting new things with what they already know. We are sometimes too busy for our child's questions or to stop and teach a life skill. We have to fight packing our schedules so full that there is no time left for life's interruptions. Unfortunately, all too quickly the question "Dad, will you help me?" turns to "I can't do this! You'll have to do it."
- Place the journey together higher than the finished product. Too many times, we focus on the end product. We want our child to make the perfect project or we must have the clothes folded a certain way or we are not happy. Resist the urge to refold those clothes or make the project the way you would have done it. Life is a journey together, so enjoy the time along the way!
Have you ever had trouble with this "doing too much" boundary? How do you discern where to draw the line?
Originally posted in June 2009.
Jessie Weaver-
January 3, 2012-
Carey Casey, our Dad's Life writer, is also the CEO of the National Center for Fathering. He brought it to our attention that they are sponsoring a giveaway for two tickets to this year's SuperBowl - the #1 Football Dad Contest.
Their publicity article states:
The contest is part of the nonprofit’s initiative to reverse a trend of fatherlessness, said Carey Casey, the National Center for Fathering’s CEO.
“We have a crisis in this country: Our children have a critical shortage of heroic fathers and father-figures,” said Casey, adding that the dangerous trend is negatively impacting teenage pregnancy rates, drug abuse, mental and physical health problems, and poverty.
The giveaway is an opportunity to reward heroic fathering and raise awareness about the Center’s mission, said Carey. To enter the contest, a father will be asked to film a 60-second-or-less video explaining:
1) Why he is a great father or father figure;
2) Why his son or daughter is the ultimate football fanatic; and
3) Why he deserves to take his son or daughter to the Super Bowl.
Contestants will then upload the videos to YouTube and post them on the Fathers.com Facebook page (www.facebook.com/NCF4dads). The public will vote for the videos between January 16 and January 20. On January 21, three judges will select a winner from the top three vote-getting videos. The winner will receive two tickets to the Super Bowl: one for him, and one for a child of his choice.
That would sure be the trip of a lifetime for a kid and his or her dad! Let us know if you decide to enter so we can vote for you! You can find more information and e-mail for details from the Fathers.com Facebook Page.
Jessie Weaver-
August 9, 2011-
I've wondered a lot lately what it means to be a grown-up.
Does becoming a parent automatically make you grow up? What about those who become parents at 13, 14, even 17? What is the bridge you have to cross in order to feel grown-up?
At 29, I'm still often confused that I have responsibility for two children and a household. I still picture myself as the shy 14-year-old girl that begged her mother to let her quit the magnet high school. The 15-year-old with a heart full of romantic hope but unkissed lips. Freshly 18, sweating against the wall as I wait for my college paperwork.
They say many people recall high school or college as the best years of their lives; and, while my college days are very dear to me, I can't say that they are the highlight of my life. Doesn't that put a limit on the future? Can shoving seven people in my red Eagle Vision to go through the Wendy's drive-in compare to seeing the face of my daughter for the first time?
We spend life reconciling inside and outside, what we are and what we feel. I wonder if anyone ever truly feels like a grown-up. I thought I would: when I got married, when I had my first child, when I had two kids. It hasn't happened yet. Has it for you?
(I touched on this topic by writing a poem on my main blog this week, and I'd love if you'd visit me over there as well!)
When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (7 months). And yes, that picture is, in fact, of her, around age 14.
William Summey-June 24, 2011-
I have to admit I enjoyed every bit of attention I received on Father's Day this year! From the first wishes of "Happy Father's Day!" before church to the great lunch to a few presents, it did make me feel special as a Dad. I am so thankful to have talked to my Dad on Father's Day too, catching up via long distance without having to rush to some other appointment or responsibility. We talked about Dads in our adult Sunday School class too. In fact, I introduced the topic by asking folks to reflect on those things they do, whether consciously or not, that they inherited from their parents and the way they were raised. This is always an interesting discussion!
I told the class Sunday that it was no accident that I have a love for baseball and that my kids seem to play baseball constantly. My Dad used to lie awake at night listening to games on the radio, read the box scores every morning, and watch and play baseball with my brother and me on Saturdays. There was no surprise on Father's Day when we started talking about the College World Series and the Vanderbilt-North Carolina game. I had to chuckle about that tonight as I kept the score book at Christopher's game and missed 4 phone calls from home to check the score. You might say I was distracted!
As I grow older and begin to understand a little bit more of what my parents were like at my age, I can't help but think of the iconic movie, Field of Dreams. The mysterious baseball diamond in the cornfield becomes the setting where Kevin Costner's character comes face to face with his deceased father as a young man, full of the hopes and dreams of youth. It reminds me that there is something so bonding about just playing with our kids whether it is sitting in the floor rolling a ball back and forth with your toddler, teaching your kindergartner to play checkers, or one of my favorites, a game of catch in the yard.
I still am moved as an adult when I hear a clip of my childhood coaching hero, Jim Valvano, deliver a famous speech at the ESPY Awards, establishing his V Foundation to find a cure for cancer. It was a mere 8 weeks before he died from cancer. Valvano said that he believed you should do three things every day to be fully alive: laugh, think, and cry.
As a Dad, I would add play to that list. To me, play is the love language my boys speak! It literally shows them that I love them and puts my words into action. Someday I hope they think fondly of those times together really living life ... whether laughing, thinking, crying, or playing. Wishing you fond memories of your Dad and great memory-making moments with your kids!
William
William Summey-May 25, 2011-
This month it seems we have just been clicking off the milestones for my 12-year-old son, Jonathan. Jonathan has been in the same school, St. Paul Christian Academy, since Kindergarten and is graduating tomorrow night. So we have been doing the last of everything: last Field Day, last day of classes, last field trip, last tests, etc. But there have been so many other milestones that hit at the age of 12: his last year in Bible drill, his last year playing Cal Ripken baseball, and all the other milestones of being a last-year preteen. I have been thinking for quite a while how to help Jonathan mark this transition into becoming a teenager. I am leaning toward a road trip this summer and going through the Passport2Purity study with him as part of that trip. Passport2Purity is produced by FamilyLife.
I would love to know what you have done to help your preteen mark this transition into the teenage years. What worked well and what does not? Thanks for your help!
Jodi Skulley-May 18, 2011-
Last year my daughter, Kylie, decided to run for Student Body President of her elementary school. I was so proud of her! She dreamed, strategized, marketed, prayed her guts out and even “hired” a campaign manager. Trump should consider hiring her!
Speech day arrived and I will never forget walking into the auditorium. Every candidate was dressed like a clown, a rock star, or they rode a unicycle and juggled. The reality is that it looked like a Barnum and Bailey Three Ring Circus. It looks like Kylie had missed something! She should have dressed up like Dora, Hannah Montana (that’s not happening), or Dee Snider from Twisted Sister!! Something!!
Kylie looked me in the eyes and said, “Dad, I’m not going to play that game. If I win, I will win because they like me, trust me, and want me to be their president.”
Bam!! I was so proud of Kylie. I started to tear up, shout, and do a dad’s happy dance.
So what happened?
Kylie won the position of Student Body President!
Kylie taught me a ton about life that day; but most importantly she taught me about strong, confident, unwavering leadership.
Parents, teach your kids these leadership lessons by Kylie Spradlin:
3 Choices Every Leader Must Make:
- CHOOSE IMPACT OVER IMPRESSION: God has called your kids to IMPACT the world, not IMPRESS the world.
- CHOOSE WEIRD: My friend Craig Groeschel just wrote a book called Weird: Because Normal Isn’t Working. Parents, we must teach our kids to stand alone and choose weird. Kylie chose weird by not dressing up like a clown and getting out of a clown car.
- CHOOSE SERVICE OVER SELFISHNESS: True leaders serve! Kylie didn’t “pimp the school store” or add Coke machines. Instead she led a team to serve the community in a Steamboat School District Food Drive.
I think we could all learn a lot from Kylie. Have your children taught you any life lessons recently?
Chris Spradlin is husband to Jodie and dad to Cole, Kylie, and Tifton. He lives in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, and is the pastor of Euzoa Church. He also blogs at EpicParent.tv about being a creative, involved, and godly parent.
Jodi Skulley-March 11, 2011-
Here's your chance to contribute to a future ParentLife article. Just help us answer the question:
"From throwing a fastball to changing the oil, what are the things you think every father should teach his child?"
Anyone who comments here with a response will get an extra entry to the March giveaway (even if you've already commented on that post)!
[Side note: if you're looking for another chance to win a ParentLife subscription, visit The Inclusive Church!]
Jodi Skulley-February 28, 2011-
Iconic recording artist Janet Jackson is now an author. Her book, True You: A Journey to Finding and Loving Yourself, details Jackson’s personal struggle with self-esteem. In it, the superstar portrays herself as a sort of everywoman who was never satisfied with her looks, weight, or relationships.
In an interview with Meredith Vieira on February 13’s "Dateline," Jackson was candid about her relationship with her father. “My father was never there the way that I wanted a father to be,” she shared. “I would see my friends interact with their dads and I would say to myself, ‘Now that’s what I want to do. I want to be able to sit on his lap. I want to be able to call him Dad.’ ”
She was not allowed to call him “Dad”; the elder Jackson insisted on being called by his first name. This kept his daughter at arm’s length, and it dismissed any chance of a meaningful, healthy relationship between them. When it comes to self-esteem and personal identity, a girl’s relationship with her father affects how she sees herself — big time. There are three things dads can do right now to help stem the tide of insecurity that threatens to wipe out the heart of their growing girls.
Be an Available Dad. Always listen when she wants to talk. As girls grow, that means staying up late sometimes. It means providing your undivided attention when you’re with her, shutting down the laptop and turning off the cell phone. It also means setting aside time that is just for her.
Be an Around Dad. With today’s limitless technology, dads can be “around” when they send simple text messages (Try: How’s your day? You are special! or Want to watch a movie later?) or even “like” a status on Facebook. Do you attend her games, recitals, and school events? Don’t leave all the scrapbooking to Mom. You took lots of pictures when she was little — don’t stop once she hits those awkward years!
Be an Always Dad. Often when a growing middle school-aged daughter begins to develop, dads have a tendency to back away. While it is a bit unnerving to see Daddy’s little girl looking more like a woman, you need to realize that everything in her life is changing, and well, you don’t have that option. You need to be the same dad you’ve always been. You still need to hug her and tell her how pretty she is. She may not look like your little girl anymore, but she can always feel like she is. She needs to know that even when she is not so accepting of herself, you fully accept her — bad skin, mood swings, and figure development notwithstanding.
What happens when a father is available, around, and always? He gives his daughter an accurate depiction of a loving Heavenly Father. He makes it easy for her to understand the Father’s unconditional love because he showed it to her in everyday life. A daddy’s love gives his daughter worth and value, paving the way for her to understand her true identity in God’s eyes.
Rebecca Ingram Powell is the author of Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose. She blogs daily at www.MomSeriously.com.
Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons.
Jodi Skulley-June 16, 2010-
Be sure add these two events to your June calendar. Enjoy shoes and dessert ... while helping out two great causes!
Purchases with a Purpose by Pediped
Beginning June 8 through July 11, pediped® footwear will host a Purchases with Purpose fundraiser. Fifty percent of the purchase price will be donated to the Make-A-Wish® Foundation to help grant the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions. During this period, select styles of both Originals and Flex shoes will be marked down as much as 40 percent. So if you love to shoe shop, check it out, knowing that your purchases will serve a wonderful purpose!
Father’s Day Frosty Weekend
Wendy’s is celebrating the fourth annual Father’s Day Frosty Weekend by satisfying Dad’s sweet tooth and giving the whole family the satisfaction of helping the more than 123,000 children in the U.S. who are waiting for the love of forever families. During Father’s Day Weekend, June 19–20, Wendy’s will donate 50 cents for every Frosty sold to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption (DTFA).
There are several additional ways customers can get involved and raise money for the DTFA. Visit www.frostycard.com or www.facebook.com/frosty for all of the details.
The money raised online in the weeks leading up to Father’s Day weekend and in-store during the holiday weekend will directly support Dave Thomas Foundation’s signature program – Wendy’s Wonderful Kids (WWK). The program awards grants for adoption agencies to hire recruiters to aggressively work to place foster children into adoptive families.
Does your family have big plans to celebrate this Father's Day Weekend? How will you celebrate Dad?
Jodi Skulley-June 17, 2010-
When my daughter was 2 years old, she was learning to climb up and down the stairs in our house. I remember standing behind her, then beside her, helping her up and down the stairs. It was not long before she did not need my help when she was climbing up the stairs. She was a "big girl" and she could do it by herself! However, she still needed my help to start walking down the stairs because the banister started several steps down from the top landing.
She would stand at the top of the landing and call for me to come help her to the banister. I would climb the stairs and drop to my knees about four steps from the top landing. After I was in place, she would back up, take a running start, and jump into my arms giggling. Once she was in my arms I would set her on the stairs by the beginning of the banister. She would then carefully walk down the steps without any additional help.
It is funny how helping my daughter reminded me of some very important truths that I had allowed to be crowded out by the circumstances and obstacles of life. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that we can call out to our Father and He will always be there.
One afternoon I went upstairs to my office and was quickly followed by my daughter. She played in her room while I was working. After I completed my tasks, I quietly snuck downstairs. She soon realized that I had gone downstairs and cried out for me to come help her. I told her, “You are a big girl and you can do it yourself." I quietly peeked around the corner and watched her nervously try to take that first big step.
As she peered down that first step, I wondered what she must be thinking. What an obstacle! She finally sat down and tried to crawl down to reach the banister. However, just looking down all those stairs was too much for her. She was scared. She called out for me, her father. I came around the corner and stood at the bottom of the stairs. As soon as she saw me turn the corner she started backing up to jump into my arms. My heart dropped as I realized that she was not going to wait until I was in my normal place before she jumped. I tried to race up the stairs, but it was too late! I caught her in mid-air halfway up the stairs. I was immediately upset that she had done such a crazy thing!
As I angrily carried her down the remaining steps, God stepped in and broke my heart. You see, I had been struggling with a series of obstacles in my life. I found myself overwhelmed by that first big step and then scared as I looked beyond. When my daughter was confronted with her obstacle, she called out for me, her father. When she saw me come around the corner the obstacle before her melted away as she jumped into her father’s arms.
I learned a very important lesson that day. I can allow the obstacles in my life to become so large that they overshadow His presence. Or I can be so steadfastly focused on God’s presence that He is able to continually contend with and transform the obstacles before me.
Psalm 73:23 says our Heavenly Father is always with us. Just as my daughter knew that I would always be there for her, we can know that our Heavenly Father will always be there for us. We must continually maintain our focus upon Him, especially when we are facing life’s obstacles. We can’t do it alone; we will always need our Heavenly Father’s presence and guidance in our lives. He is always there waiting to catch us as we jump by faith into His loving arms.
Tim and his wife, Tammy, have been married for 15 years. They have three children (Hannah 9, Elijah 8, and Samuel 6). Tim has been called to the full-time pastorate. He completed his Bachelors degree in pastoral studies at Cedarville University. He is currently creating a terminal illness ministry prior to entering the full-time pastorate.
Have you ever learned spiritual lessons through the actions of your child? Share your insight with other ParentLife readers by leaving a comment.
William Summey-June 9, 2010-
Buying Dad a present can be a challenge. What do you get the man who has everything, wants nothing and thinks you should save your money? Here are some ideas from www.supercoolsteals.com- Invest it! Sounds crazy – maybe. But Dad wants to know he has done a good job raising you. Sit down and tell him how you are doing in life. Tell him thanks for being a good dad and raising you right.
- Play ball! Is your dad a sports fan? Take him to the batting cages and let him hit a few. Buy him tickets to see his favorite team or pick up a t-shirt or other memorabilia.
- What is dad’s favorite meal? Set a time to cook (or order in) for him.
- Ask him to teach you something. Or make a plan to learn something new together. His advice is free and you know he loves to give it.
- Make a photo book. Or frame your favorite one for his office. You can save money by using sites like picaboo.com (coupon codes on supercoolsteals.com).
- Shop online. Check out www.supercoolsteals.com where you’ll even find a special Father’s Day category.
Or donate in honor of your dad to worldvision.org or imb.orgto help care for those in need.
What are you buying Dad for Father's Day?
Jodi Skulley-June 22, 2009-
The ParentLife staff hopes that all you dads had a special day yesterday!
Steven Curtis Chapman fans displayed “a father’s love” for their children in a special Father’s Day video tribute that features Chapman’s hit single “Cinderella.” Fans were encouraged to submit family photos and, as a result, over 150 photos were chosen to create two heart-warming videos on animoto.com.
To view these unique Father’s Day tributes visit: http://www.tangle.com/stevencurtischapman.
Tell us what your family did to honor Dad yesterday!
William Summey-June 18, 2009-
This Father’s Day, Wendy’s is serving up a tasty treat for Dad and a chance to give back while spending time with the family. Visit any participating Wendy’s over Father’s Day Weekend (June 21-22) when Wendy’s will donate 50¢ from every Frosty sold to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption (DTFA), a non-profit public charity dedicated to increasing the adoptions of the more than 150,000 children in North America’s foster care system.
Kids can visit FrostyCard.com to choose from a variety of scenes and objects, from sandcastles on the beach to baseball in the backyard, and create a free custom Father’s Day e-Card for Dad! To top things off, Wendy’s will donate an additional 25¢ to the DTFA for every Frosty Card sent.
What fun things do have you planned for Father's Day?
William Summey-June 17, 2009-
For the past several years, when it was been time to write the June editorial for ParentLife, I always think of Father's Day and writing about my Dad and how much he has meant to me. This year in the June 09 issue my editorial went in the direction of how little thought I had given while growing up toward what it would be like to be a father some day — and how important it is now to take time and reflect about what it means to be a good father. There is always room for growth and improvement, and I want to be the best father I can be!
But those thoughts lead me right back to my own Dad again — what a good father he was and is — and all the lessons I learned from him: hard work, diligence, perseverance, kindness, service, and sportsmanship just to name a few. I still can't believe he got up at 3:30 a.m. day after day to milk the cows on our dairy farm. Summertime not only meant longer days but longer work days as well harvesting the hay and straw from the fields or working in his garden. What a blessing it is to think of the lessons I have learned from my Dad. I will honor him this Sunday ... and try to be the best Dad I can be for my kids!
What are some of the lessons you learned from your father? What are some great ways you will honor Dad on Father's Day? Share some creative ideas with us!
Jodi Skulley-June 11, 2009-
In this month's issue of ParentLife, Brian Housman gave encouraging words to working dads about making time for family time.
Start by recalibrating your priorities. Try these helpful tips.
- Keep a family calendar. Just as you schedule a business lunch or board meeting, you need to schedule time with your family. If you have a work assistant, give her your family event so she can assure those times do not get double booked.
- Schedule extended reconnection. Vacations are important for their uninterrupted time to focus on one another. These times help you rediscover common interests and create shared memories. If work is too demanding this summer for a vacation, at least plan a long weekend retreat together.
- Special days are a big deal. Anniversaries, birthdays, and even the school play are all a big deal to your family. Allow time in your schedule for those special days. Your son will remember seeing you in the stands at his baseball game far longer than he will what you did for a living.
- Romance is a must. Plan a date with your spouse at least once a month. It does not have to be fancy to be special. A date night shows your kids how important their mom is, allows your wife time to breathe and feel special, and goes a long way to keeping your emotional connection in sync.
Are you a working parent? How do you make time for family time? Share your strategies with us. And be sure to check out the "Working Life" column in ParentLife each month.
William Summey-June 2, 2009-
Summertime! For me it has arrived. There was nothing better than spending last week on the beach with my family. So relaxing and fun.
One family member made the comment that summer vacations are the things that kids will remember most about summer when they grow up. That started me thinking about what I remembered most about summer. I loved going to the beach one week a year, but that week always seemed to go by so quickly.
The thing I remember most about summer is baseball! My brother and I played baseball every day. And because summer days were so much longer, there was much more time to play! I would rush to get the sports section every morning to see who won, who got the clutch hits, and what pitcher was the hero. I remember looking forward to Saturdays when my Dad was off from work, and we could play a family game of baseball in the backyard. Dad would be the pitcher for both teams, and we would have bases made of frisbees or gloves not in use, but the game might as well have been at Yankee Stadium! During the heat of the day, we would settle down on the couch and watch what was then called the Game of the Week (long before cable). What great memories!
Yesterday on our first day of summer after vacation, we spent our afternoon at the baseball fields watching the boys play baseball (the photo is of Jonathan at first base yesterday—thanks to photographer Brian Jones for the great photo!). As I sat and watched, I thought, It is finally summer ... and there's no other place I would rather be!
What are your favorite memories of summer? What memories do you plan to make as a family this year?
Jodi Skulley-May 19, 2009-
Do you have a little one on the way? Maybe it's time to rejuvenate your marriage and enjoy some much-needed relaxation on a babymoon!
Across the country, bed-and-breakfast inns offer delightful babymoon lodgings. Discover your ideal destination with this sampler:
Begin your parenting adventure where Lewis and Clark ended their trek to the Pacific — Washington’s Long Beach Peninsula. Wander the oceanfront boardwalk, breathe salt air, watch ocean mammals, and dine on fresh seafood. For attractions and accommodations, visit www.funbeach.com.
Or prepare for the arrival of your little prince or princess with a babymoon at Glen Eyrie Castle in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Savor time roaming the lush grounds or enhance your visit with a Navigator’s marriage or parenting conference offered on-site. Visit www.gleneyrie.org for details.
For a last urban outing sans baby gear, think San Antonio, Texas. The King William Historic District and nearby Riverwalk boast galleries, boutiques, museums, and charming B&Bs. Just for fun, attend a professional sporting event, or visit Sea World®. Find lodging, attractions, even day spas, at www.sanantonio.com.
If nature soothes your soul, consider an Ozark babymoon. Stay in a cottage, cabin, or a tree house! Walk the woods, relax by the lake, or pause to pray at the Thorncrown Chapel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. Branson, Missouri is the place for family-friendly entertainment. Learn more at www.eurekasprings.org and www.explorebranson.com.
Visit Virginia for a romantic babymoon. Balance pampering with local sightseeing. Explore Crabtree Falls along the Blue Ridge Parkway. Stroll Colonial Williamsburg gardens. Tour an antebellum home. Make a splash at Virginia Beach.
To locate bed and breakfast babymoons in your area, visit www.bnbfinder.com/babymoon.
There are several options for keeping babymoon costs down.
- Consider off-season or midweek B&B specials.
- Many state and national parks rent cozy cabins for very reasonable rates.
- House-sit for vacationing friends; then splurge on day spa treatments.
Future grandparents: A babymoon makes a much-appreciated gift for expectant parents.
Save more on your babymoon. Check out special bed and breakfast offers at www.stashtea.com and www.iloveinns.com.
For great tips on planning a babymoon, be sure read Suzanne's article "Babymoon" in the May 2009 issue of ParentLife.
Do you have a babymoon planned? Or have you been on a babymoon in the past? Tell us about your babymoon!
William Summey-May 12, 2009-
The term Sandwich Generation is used to describe those parents who have children still at home but also are taking care of their own parents. They are literally sandwiched between caring for two different generations.
If you are looking for ways to help care for your parents, check out the resource GeriCareFinder.com. GeriCareFinder.com brings together all types of senior care into one Web site. You can search through thousands of care providers, advisory resources, and product or service companies to help seniors, all within any US zip code. The extensive online support tools include a care needs assessment, financial calculators, definitions, articles, FAQs, helpful hints, and checklists — all on one helpful site.
GeriCareFinder.com is the official website of GeriCareFinder, Inc., which was founded by Lysa and Ron Kustek. While learning how to arrange care for an elderly friend during her illness, Lysa and Ron were overwhelmed, uneducated about the health care industry, and found the internet was of little help when trying to find the best care. GeriCareFinder.com is the answer for those with similar care questions.
How do sandwich generation parents balance caring for both generations? Read Kathryn Slattery's article on the sandwich generation "Squeezed in the Middle" in the May 2009 ParentLife for a new perspective for sandwich generation parents.
Are you caring for two generations? Tell us how you are balancing it all!
William Summey-April 21, 2009-
It is so easy to get impatient with our kids! Sometimes I think Dads like myself are short on patience. We want things done right but don't always take the time to explain and teach our kids the skills necessary to succeed. I found myself reacting with impatience while helping my son study for a math test today. We were doing fine until we hit the pie graphs -- yikes! Fractions are one thing, but I found interpreting them through a pie graph was not as easy for my son. I wasn't sure if he wasn't getting it or just was not trying hard enough to understand! So I began to get impatient.
Times like these remind me that it is best to err on the side of grace in our dealings with others, especially our kids. After all, I would want the same grace extended to me! And since today I found myself, in addition to not being a perfect father, not being a perfect leader or friend or spouse. Notice the theme here? Much like the Golden Rule from the Sermon on the Mount, I need to show grace to others in the same way I want grace extended back to me. Whether that is in relationship issues, life on the job, or those evil pie charts, God has shown grace to us moment by moment. God calls us to do the same with our kids!
Are there times when you need to show extra grace to your kids? What are the triggers or areas of life where you have to guard yourself against reacting with impatience?
Jodi Skulley-March 6, 2009-
Did you know that every child learns differently? How does your child learn best?
There are eight primary ways that children learn. To find out how your child learns, check out the article
"How Am I Smart?" (
HowAmISmart.pdf) by
Dr. Kathy Koch from the September 2009 issue of
ParentLife.
Which of these eight learning styles describes your child? Let us know.
William Summey-March 4, 2009-
This time of year always makes me think of
Upward™ Basketball. I have helped coach Upward three years and love this organization for its sports philosophy and emphasis on teaching kids about Jesus. I thought you would enjoy these words from Upward's founder and president,
Caz McCaslin.
What we do: Specifically designed for K5 through 6th grade boys and girls, Upward sport leagues provide a fun, positive atmosphere for children to grow in a sport they love while also learning about Jesus Christ. Who we are: Upward™ Unlimited is
an international nonprofit children's sports organization designed to
give children and their families a positive sports experience. To
fulfill their mission, Upward partners with evangelical churches across
the country. By working with and training local churches, over half a
million children will participate in Upward this year. How we operate: Giving
children the opportunity to learn and grow through participating in
games they love is one of the most rewarding aspects of conducting a
league. Unlike traditional sports programs, Upward programs are
structured so children participate in practices and games without
league standings. Characteristics such as sportsmanship, kindness, and
character are valued as winning qualities. Coaches primarily focus on
ministering to children and their families instead of game strategy.
Teams are arranged in a substitution system where all players are
allowed equal playing time and equal opportunity for improvement. What we emphasize: To
further the "Every Child Is a Winner" philosophy, Upward coaches
encourage each player with a game-day star award following each game
that builds self-esteem and team spirit. Coaches also are prepared with guides containing a Scripture
learning verse and devotions for practices and games. In addition, the
referee will lead all sports teams in prayer in the center of the field
or court at the beginning of each game.
Upward offers basketball, cheerleading, soccer, flag football, and several camp options so
find a church near you who offers one of our sports leagues.
Have you participated in an Upward league? Tell us about your experience!
William Summey-February 25, 2009-
Has your child had a big project due at school and needed your help? How much should you step in? Do you find that the majority of school projects reflect Mom's or Dad's work more than the student's?
Ouch! The truth hurts.
Why is it that we sometimes step over the boundary line and do things on our child's behalf? This tendency doesn't happen overnight. Parents often are caught in a pattern of doing things for their kids, rather than stopping to teach or coach them how to do things for themselves. The following are three guidelines for fighting this trend.
Step back. It is OK for kids to make mistakes. We sometimes forget that trial and error can be the best part of learning. We would rather step in and make things right. Or we are living vicariously through our children and take things personally when our children make mistakes.
Build in time for interruptions and teachable moments. Kids learn by asking questions, hands-on experimenting, and connecting new things with what they already know. We are sometimes too busy for our child's questions or to stop and teach a life skill. We have to fight packing our schedules so full that there is no time left for life's interruptions. Unfortunately, all too quickly the question "Dad, will you help me?" turns to "I can't do this! You'll have to do it."
Place the journey together higher than the finished product. Too many times, we focus on the end product. We want our child to make the perfect project or we must have the clothes folded a certain way or we are not happy. Resist the urge to refold those clothes or make the project the way you would have done it. Life is a journey together, so enjoy the time along the way!
Have you ever had trouble with this "doing too much" boundary? How do you discern where to draw the line?
Jodi Skulley-February 24, 2009-
It's hard to believe, but the
ParentLife team is already starting to make plans for 2010 and we need your help! We want to make sure the topics we cover are practical and helpful to your everyday life. So tell us ...
What parenting questions do you have (or hear your friends asking) related to this specific stage of parenting? Leave us a comment and let us know. Or e-mail your ideas to
parentlife@lifeway.com.
(Please include in your comment or e-mail the ages of your child/children.) We want to use this information to plan the topics we will cover in our "Growth Spurts" section in 2010.
William Summey-February 19, 2009-
My baby boy turned 5 on Tuesday! I can't believe it. It seems like it was just yesterday when
Christopher made his entrance into the world. But he was destined not to be a baby for long. Almost from the beginning he wanted to be like his big brother. Christopher walked and talked earlier, liked the shows and games his brother watched, and wanted to play sports with his bro -- no matter that Christopher is five years younger. How quickly this time has passed!
We thought about the reality of these changes as we completed an "All About Me" poster for Christopher's preschool to display on his birthday. We spent a day perusing every photo we had of Christopher to pick out our favorites
(this is one of our favs of the boys). Then came the whittling down process. We chose photos representing every year of his life and included every family member: aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, and first cousins. Sound tiring? It was! But afterwards, we looked with amazement at how blessed we are as a family.
Of course, we celebrated Christopher's birthday in many traditional ways -- delivering cupcakes and treats to his school and opening presents between slices of pizza and video games at
Chuck E. Cheese's. We certainly made several more great family moments! But it is hard to top a poster overflowing with five years of memories. It will become a keepsake for our family, reminding us of how God has been good to us!
What about you? Share with us some of your favorite ways to celebrate birthdays and capture memories of years gone by.
Jodi Skulley-February 17, 2009-
As a parent,
you have the primary responsibility for the spiritual development of your child. But God wants your child to know and love Him even more than you want it. Pray that the Holy Spirit will work through you as you teach biblical truths in all that you say and do.
The
Levels of Biblical Learning is an instrument you can use to reference what children from birth through sixth grade can understand and develop in their spiritual growth. It provides a chart cross-referenced by age groups and spiritual development concepts. There are 10 content areas:
God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Bible, Creation, Family, Self, Church, Salvation, and
Community and World. The changes in concept areas coincide with changes in a child's level of understanding and vocabulary.
The
Levels of Biblical Learning chart is available online for free.
Using the Levels of Biblical Learning- Read the listings in each content area matching the age of your child.
- Note the knowledge and skills your child already has firmly in place.
- Mark the statements you believe your child is in the process of making his own.
- Flag one or two statements in each content area that you feel are important for your child to know.
- Determine ways to encourage your child in the areas where you feel he already is making progress and in the areas you flagged as important.
Be on the lookout for a brand new line of resources based on the Levels of Biblical Learning coming out this summer. Puzzles, bookmarks, stickers, craft packs, and more are categorized by each of the Levels of Biblical Learning concept areas.
What are some ways that you are building your child's spiritual foundation?
William Summey-February 12, 2009-
One of my favorite parts of
Valentine's Day is helping the boys pick out their Valentine cards for school. They are not that much different than the cards I picked out as a young boy, except for the characters on the front of the cards (although I think
Scooby-Doo® has remained popular across all these years). And this year? My sons both picked out
NASCAR® cards to give to their friends!
Although Valentine's Day is about more than giving chocolate and flowers, these tokens of love still remind us of the source of unconditional love -- God. Perhaps our greatest task in parenting is to show our children unconditional love on a regular basis. If you are like me, when I am tired, frustrated, or angry, I realize that I can only love my children unconditionally with God's help. So as you open your cards and eat candy hearts, remember to give thanks to God for sending Jesus -- His greatest gift of love!
What do you plan to do this year with your kids on Valentine's Day? What are your Valentine's Day traditions?
Jodi Skulley-February 10, 2009-
Does your family feel as if they always are rushing from activity to activity? Running should be part of the fun, not the way you get there. Consider these 7 family friendly principles for prioritizing your s
chedule.
- Family Mealtimes. How often do you choose fast food because you have not planned ahead? Plan ahead which evenings will be restaurant or drive-through evenings and which will be cook-at-home nights. Stick to the plan.
- Downtime. Without downtime, you will burn out quickly. God did not create people (including children) to be on the go nonstop. Plan time to be at home without structured activities or responsibilities. Refresh, recharge, and get reacquainted with those you love.
- Church Activities. Stay involved in worship and Sunday School. Pray about which other church activities will best help your family grow in their relationship to Christ.
- School and Community Activities. Consider a reasonable amount of involvement for community and school activities. Many parents of young children find that one extracurricular activity at a time per child is a good limit.
- Family Outings. Plan time for short outings (one or two hours or a whole day).
- Special Occasions. Strive to keep special occasions special. You may have wonderful memories of homemade cakes and elaborate meals. Continue the tradition with your own family.
- Chores. The laundry, dishes, and yard work can be part of a schedule. If there is a planned time to do the laundry, then it is more likely to get done. If not, it becomes an emergency operation in an already-too-packed schedule.
Carol Moore is a teacher and freelance writer. In addition to parenting articles, she writes devotionals, curriculum, and children's fiction. Moore and her family attend the First Baptist Church of O'Fallon, Illinois.
How does your family manage to have fun amidst a busy schedule? Share your tips with other ParentLife readers by leaving a comment.
Jodi Skulley-February 5, 2009-
Who doesn't love a child in footy pajamas? There is just something irresistible about them!
Before my son, Jack, was born, I couldn't wait to put him in cute pajamas. (See Jack to the right, exhausted after playing all day in his footy pajamas!) It didn't take long after he was born, however, to realize just how frustrating footy pajamas can be! I
almost never get footy pajamas snapped correctly the first time. It usually takes me at least two tries to get the snaps together right, especially if Jack is having a wiggly day (which is most days).
Who's with me?After over 6 months of footy-pajama frustration, I have learned a couple of things.
- First of all, I have learned to slow down. As I'm putting Jack in his pajamas, I tell myself, "Just take one snap at a time, and it should come out right." Sometimes I try to do too many things at one time and work myself into an exhausted mess. These are the days I am learning to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus. It may be a silly analogy, but I have to tell myself to take things one "snap" at a time.
- Secondly, I have learned that some everyday tasks just take more tries than others. As a parent, I certainly am not going to do everything right on the first try. It might take me several tries to figure out the best way to bathe a wiggly baby, establish a bedtime routine that works, or discover ways to make reading books a daily event. Thank goodness for second (... and third ... and fourth) chances!
Do you ever have days like this? What everyday things (like footy pajamas) have you found inspiration in?The funny thing is, my frustration does not keep me from putting Jack in footy pajamas. In fact, he spends most of his time in them!
William Summey-February 2, 2009-
Wow, what a game! Both teams fought admirably, although a little sloppy at times. I enjoyed watching the first half with friends and then the end of the game with my boys. The boys and I
were pulling for the Cardinals the whole game, so we were disappointed in the outcome. As soon as the game ended, my 4-year-old, Christopher, informed me he was really pulling for the Steelers all along! He certainly loves being a winner!
We are excited to report that
Super Bowl® quarterback
Kurt Warner and his family will be featured in our March issue of
ParentLife. Be sure and check out how he and his wife, Brenda, parent seven children amidst the crazy schedule that professional football brings.
Did you see last night's game? What did you think of the game? What about the commercials?
Jodi Skulley-February 3, 2009-
It's February and Valentine's Day is just around the corner. What better time than Valentine's Day to think about heart health? Do you need to make any lifestyle changes?
Check out this article by Travis Walters, M.D.
Did you know that the number-one killer of American women is not cancer like many women think? It is actually heart disease!
Why Heart Health Is ImportantAs
parents take care of their newborns, most quickly realize that if they
are not healthy themselves, their babies cannot receive the best care.
If mothers are not physically, mentally, and emotionally energized,
care and decision-making for their newborn will suffer. But it does
not
stop there. As children grow, they require guidance to help equip them
for the "real world." This necessitates parents with healthy
lifestyles. Kids learn from parents every day and emulate the actions
they see.
Take StockWhat can you do to improve your influence on your child? You can make some important lifestyle choices.
- Control your blood pressure. Have your blood pressure checked regularly. High blood pressure is considered 140/90 mmHg and above.
- Control blood cholesterol. Have your total cholesterol checked at least once every five years, along with a lipoprotein profile which shows a more specific breakdown of your total cholesterol.
- Stop smoking. Smoking is a major risk factor for heart disease.
- Control diabetes. Aiming for a hemoglobin A1C less than 7 percent reduces the risks from diabetes.
- Sustain a healthy weight. Target a body mass index (BMI) of 18.5 to 24.9.
- Exercise regularly. Strive for at least 30 minutes per day of moderate physical activity, four to six days per week.
- Maintain a healthy diet. Keep fat calories to less than 30 percent of your total calories and avoid saturated fats. A diet that contains a healthy balance of fruits, vegetables, grains, fish, poultry, and lean meat is best.
By making these changes, you not only will improve your own health, but you also will become a healthy role model for your child.
Recommended ResourceThe
American Heart Association's Food Certification Program helps you easily and reliably find heart-healthy foods that are certified by the
AHA.
Travis Walters, M.D., is a pediatrician at Green Hills Pediatric Associates in Nashville, Tennessee. Travis and his wife, Rebecca, have two children, Olivia and Caroline, and are expecting their third in June. **This article was originally scheduled to run in our February 2009 issue of
ParentLife. If you would like to see more information, this pdf (
HeartHealth.pdf) provides the article in its entirety.**
Jodi Skulley-January 27, 2009-
Was one of your New Year's resolutions to keep your house cleaner or less cluttered? Maybe we can help!
ParentLife writer Amber Peacock gave us the following tips for controlling clutter.
Avoiding and dealing with clutter is a challenge for most families. Try these great ideas for controlling clutter.
- Before birthdays and holidays, make room for new things by getting rid of a few old things.
- For birthdays and holidays, consider giving more experiences and less stuff. Passes to local children's museums and parks are terrific gifts. Family friendly concerts, gift certificates to a skating rink, or passes to play miniature golf make memories instead of messes.
- Instead of waiting for spring cleaning to sort through stuff, make decluttering a regular routine. Designate a box for donations and keep it in a convenient spot (like your child's closet). Toss in outgrown clothes as you fold laundry instead of stuffing items back into dresser drawers. When the box is full, drop it off at a local charity.
Convenient Charity Drop-off Centers
Amber Peacock has masters' degrees in Human Development/Family Studies and Education but learned how less can be more on the job as a stay-at-home mom of Seth (11), Melody (9), and Cara (5). She is the pastor's wife at Broadus Church in Mechanicsville, Virginia.
Leave us a comment and share some ways that your family controls clutter in your house.
William Summey-January 28, 2009-
I taught sixth grade for one year after graduating from college. One day in our Reading class, we read a short descriptive story about teachers. The text told how teachers were kind, loving, and nurturing -- just like having another mom right there at school. One of my students raised her hand and said, "That sure isn't you, Mr. Summey!"
She was right! I wasn't that type of teacher but still those words bothered me a little. It certainly wasn't that I wanted to be a substitute mom to these kids, but the idea that Dads can't be nurturing seemed just plain wrong!
Since then I have learned how important dads are. They just are nurturing in different ways than moms. For example, moms may have the tendency to build intimacy through conversation. Dads may literally connect just as much while shooting hoops together, working on the car, or doing chores around the house. One study showed that dads rolling in the floor wrestling with their kids is just as effective at building relationships as a mom's gentle hug! But that still won't get you out of trouble if you knock over Mom's favorite lamp!
The lesson for both moms and dads is not to try and makeover your spouse in your image. There is more than one way to connect with your kids! So do what works best for your personality and that of each of your kids. In fact, finding your child's love language (what communicates love and appreciation most effectively to your child) is the most important aspect of this process. Each child will be different, but it will be a fun journey to discover how to connect with your kids!
How do you like to spend time with your kids?
Jodi Skulley-January 20, 2009-
Hi. May name is Jodi, and I am the editor of ParentLife magazine. I have worked on ParentLife for over five years and have loved every minute of it. I initially started out as the copy editor. As copy editor, I was responsible for correcting grammar and spelling, verifying all facts and statistics, and handling various administrative details. After a few years of being copy editor, I became editor. Now, as editor, I am responsible for leading out in the planning of upcoming issues; finding writers to write articles; and reading articles for stucture, content, and grammar. I feel so blessed to be able to work on such a great product that ministers to parents, and I have learned so much along the way.
I have actually been very surprised at how much I love working in the publishing business. In high school and college, English was always one of my least favorite subjects. If you would have told me six or seven years ago that my career would involve using grammar skills on a daily basis, I would have laughed. But through tiny nudges in the right direction, God led me to where I am today. He opened every door and gave me a love for what I do.
Over the past year, working on ParentLife has taken on new meaning. Why you ask? Because I am now a parent myself. My husband, Jason, and I had our first baby in July of 2008. His name is Jack and he has definitely rocked our world. I love being a mommy but need all of the help and encouragement I can get. That is why ParentLife articles have taken on new meaning to me -- I often can apply them to my everyday life. I am reading articles with a brand-new mind-set. I hope I am able to evaluate better what topics and products might be helpful to you and what is not. I feel more in touch with your everyday needs.
I hope and pray that each issue of ParentLife helps you in some aspect of your parenting journey. I would love to know what you would like to see more of. Leave me a comment and let me know what topics you would like to read about in ParentLife, what types of products you would like to see, or just general feedback about how we are doing. Tell me about yourself and your family. We love to know who is reading our magazine. Can't wait to hear from you!
William Summey-January 26, 2009-
I love this time of year! Nothing is better than football in January (except maybe March Madness). You might be thinking, "But the big football game is now in February every year!" That's true ... but also part of the reason why I say that football in January is so great.
Let's face it. Super Bowl games can be duds. The best games often are in earlier rounds of the playoffs. The Super Bowl gets so much hype and attention. How could it possibly pay off?
Have you noticed that once your kids entered school that parenting becomes a lot more event centered? You have to take them to practice, rehearsals, school, church and all the corresponding games, performances, recitals, plays, parents' nights, and other important events. Ever beat yourself up for missing some of those big events?
As Dads, we sometimes put too much emphasis on the things we do or a few big things in life -- Christmas morning, a birthday party, or a family vacation -- when those events may not live up to expectations either. The heart of parenting comes in the day-to-day time you spend with your child -- being there, talking, loving, and even drawing boundaries fairly and consistently. This knowledge can take the pressure off trying to perfect those big events and back on how you live today.
Don't worry about tomorrow! Take some time for your child today.
Let me hear from you: What are some of the things that stand in the way of you doing all that you want to do as a dad?
William Summey-January 19, 2009-
ParentLife Online is here! We are excited for the opportunity to communicate with you online. ParentLife Online will be updated daily during the week with commentary from the ParentLife staff, content that goes deeper into topics appearing in our print magazine, product reviews, and helpful links to parenting sites and the latest parenting information.
We also want to hear from you! Respond to our posts, send us ideas for articles, and submit your writing and queries to be considered for ParentLife.
Meet the Editor in Chief
Hi there! I am William Summey, the editor in chief of ParentLife. I have been working on ParentLife for 7 years, initially as editor and now as editor in chief (EIC). As an EIC, I help edit the magazine but function as team leader, helping everyone do their jobs as best they can.
I have been married to my wife, Christy, for 15 years. We have two boys, Jonathan (10) and Christopher (4).
One of my passions is to help encourage parents in their parenting journey. One of the best ways to encourage others is by being open and honest about parenting struggles and challenges. By building community, we are all stronger. I hope that our blog can be a small piece of that community for you!
What are the parenting issues you feel most strongly about? I would love to hear from you!
