We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My seven-year-old son was playing house with his same-age cousins. I saw them and noticed they were touching each other and trying to kiss. Should I be concerned about this type of play?
A: Today, parents are very concerned about possible sexual abuse and victimization with kids, so it is important to know what is normal sexual developmental behavior. During the early school age years (6-8), children often play games or role-play as they explore their sexual development.
Your child has a natural interest in body parts and function at age seven. The key here is to notice whether his sexual interest is excessive, that the play involves children the same developmental age, and that no activity was forced or coerced.
Children this age have a normal curiosity about physical bodies that often leads to sexual play, involving touching or role-playing what they see adults do. Most times, it is harmless. So stay calm and use this to teach your son about the privacy of a person’s body and appropriate touch. You can use a book to go over private parts with him in order to satisfy his curiosity.
If you are still concerned, require the children play in open areas of your home. Finally, if your child has been sexually abused, exposed to pornography, or has observed adults having sex, pay more attention to what he is doing in order to spot signs of inappropriate play.
Every wonder how film & TV ratings are determined? Here’s the first in a two-part blog series to help you easily interpret those ratings systems for your family.
PART 1: MOVIE RATINGS First, for any movie, I’d recommend you always look up the “Reason for the Rating” at www.filmratings.com. That’ll give you a clearer idea of a film’s content and whether it’s appropriate for your family.
G—General Audiences According to the Ratings Board of the Motion Picture Association of America (www.mpaa.org), a film with this rating “contains nothing in theme, language, nudity, sex, violence or other matters” that parents accompanied by young children would find offensive. Generally speaking, if you trust the MPAA this rating should be fine for your family.
PG—Parental Guidance Suggested In a PG movie no drug use is allowed, but “there may be some profanity and some depictions of violence or brief nudity.” This most often shows up as mild swear words or mild violence. Parents should be aware, however, that PG-rated films released before 1984 more closely reflect the standards present in today’s PG-13 rating. You’ve been warned.
PG-13—Parents Strongly Cautioned A PG-13 movie has more frequent, or more intense, depictions in regard to “theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or other elements”—but those depictions not as graphic or pervasive as in an R-rated film.
Drug use is allowed in a PG-13 movie. Brief nudity can appear too (usually a bare behind), as long as the MPAA doesn’t view it as “sexually oriented.” Violence is allowed if the Ratings Board sees it as “generally not both realistic and extreme or persistent.”
Most general profanities are to be expected in a PG-13 film, including a single use of “one of the harsher sexually-derived words.” So practice this mantra with your kids: “Just because you hear it doesn’t mean you have to repeat it.”
R—Restricted This film “may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements.”
The Ratings Board applies the R rating broadly, resulting in wide variance between individual motion pictures. For instance, rare “hard language” will receive the same R rating as torture-porn or graphic sex. The “reason for the rating” is the best indicator of content here.
NC-17—No One Under 17 Admitted The age of admittance for NC-17 seems arbitrary and out of touch with American families. (Why would this content be appropriate for high school kids?) Nevertheless, according to the MPAA: “An NC-17 rating can be based on violence, sex, aberrational behavior, drug abuse or any other element that most parents would consider too strong and therefore off-limits.”
Next Month: Ratings-Ready Part 2: TV Ratings
Have a pop culture question for Trends & Truth? Email it to parentlife@lifeway.com!
Mike Nappa is a bestselling author, a noted commentator on pop culture, and founder of the website for parents, FamilyFans.com.
Has your child had a big project due at school and needed your help? How much should you step in? Do you find that the majority of school projects reflect Mom's or Dad's work more than the student's? Ouch! The truth hurts.
Why is it that we sometimes step over the boundary line and do things on our child's behalf? This tendency doesn't happen overnight. Parents often are caught in a pattern of doing things for their kids, rather than stopping to teach or coach them how to do things for themselves. The following are three guidelines for fighting this trend.
Step back. It is OK for kids to make mistakes. We sometimes forget that trial and error can be the best part of learning. We would rather step in and make things right. Or we are living vicariously through our children and take things personally when our children make mistakes.
Build in time for interruptions and teachable moments. Kids learn by asking questions, hands-on experimenting, and connecting new things with what they already know. We are sometimes too busy for our child's questions or to stop and teach a life skill. We have to fight packing our schedules so full that there is no time left for life's interruptions. Unfortunately, all too quickly the question "Dad, will you help me?" turns to "I can't do this! You'll have to do it."
Place the journey together higher than the finished product. Too many times, we focus on the end product. We want our child to make the perfect project or we must have the clothes folded a certain way or we are not happy. Resist the urge to refold those clothes or make the project the way you would have done it. Life is a journey together, so enjoy the time along the way!
Have you ever had trouble with this "doing too much" boundary? How do you discern where to draw the line?
Matt's Got an App for That at Clubhouse Magazine - About a 14-year-old who creates apps for churches and ministries. Wow! Never underestimate your kids!
Read anything great this week? Leave the link in the comments and you might see it in a future "Friday Links" post!
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current January 2012 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Like a Lamp Unto My Feet: Just like prayer and Bible study, Scripture memory is a critical Christian discipline. Unfortunately, it is becoming obsolete in many homes today. Teach the families three practical, everyday ways to memorize Scripture together as a family (pp. 31-33).
Sparrow Prayers: Teaching a child to pray can be as simple as learning to pray sparrow prayers—short "thank You" and "help me" prayers throughout the day. Provide parents with six simple ways to help teach their children to talk to God (p. 44).
Real Life Solutions: Tattling. Every parent or teacher has had to deal with a tattletale at some point in time. Check out these effective strategies for curbing tattletale behavior (p. 48).
Help! I'm in Debt! In today's economy, there are bound to be families in your ministry who are struggling financially. Provide them with these practical tips for digging out of debt (pp. 38-39).
Aaron Shust: Encourage families struggling with life-changing illnesses with this story of hope and learning to trust God (pp. 20-23).
Honesty Is the Best Policy: Children are great at asking difficult questions, and sometimes teachers and parents may not know the answers. Equip them with ways to handle these questions with honesty (p. 19).
50: The number of words most 2-year-olds may say. Are the teachers and volunteers in your ministry nurturing language development? (See p. 13.)
Beating Cabin Fever: Are the kids in your ministry struggling with cabin fever this winter? Provide these creative winter-fun ideas to parent and teachers in your ministry (p. 24).
To download a full-color PDF of the flyer, click on the link below.
Julie Fidler wrote the article "Childhood Depression" in our February issue. Here, she outlines a plan of action for parents of depressed children.
Nothing is more frustrating than watching your child suffer and feeling like there is nothing you can do to ease their pain. But take heart – a parent’s supportive words and actions have more of an impact on their child’s heart than they realize. Sometimes just knowing how to tweak the little things makes all the difference.
Not sure what’s going on in your child’s heart? ASK.
Bombarding your child with “What’s wrong?” is likely to push him away rather than draw him into conversation. It may make him feel like he is being confronted instead of listened to. Try asking your child how he is feeling or make an observation. “You seem a little down today” might just open the door to some eye-opening conversation.
Keep Notes … and the Lines of Communication Open
Teachers, pastors, and other parents often see things that parents don’t. Sometimes Mom and Dad unknowingly deny there is anything wrong, just to save themselves and the family the heartache of confronting it. Ask other people who play a special role in your child’s life if they’ve noticed anything unusual or if anything concerns them.
At the same time, don’t expect others to alert you to changes in your child’s behavior or habits. Let other people know you are looking for additional insight; but ultimately, you are your child’s first line of defense, and if you do notice something unsettling about your child, take copious notes that you can review later on with a doctor or counselor. Is your child sleeping more than usual or suffering from insomnia? Is he having angry outbursts or crying for seemingly unknown reasons? Jot it down, and include dates and times. What Goes in Must Come Out
You can’t always control what your child eats at her friends’ houses or while she is at school, but you can have relative control over what she consumes in your home. As a long-time depression sufferer myself, I will never forget when a friend and counselor told me she had never worked with a depressed client who ate enough protein. Skeptical, I began making an effort to eat more protein, and guess what? My depression improved.
It stands to reason that if a child eats mostly sugary cereals for breakfast, junk snacks during the day, and not enough fruits and vegetables in between, the result will be depression and less of an ability to be his best self. Everyone knows it’s hard to get children to smile upon a plate full of brussels sprouts, so find out what healthy foods your child likes, and add more of those things to his diet. Ask your child’s pediatrician or a knowledgeable counselor about diet and depression and change your menu accordingly.
And if you can’t convince your child to devour a single green bean, learn creative ways of disguising healthy foods. Tip: puree any vegetable imaginable and add them to spaghetti sauce!
Get the Lead Out
If your child’s life revolves around the Internet and video games, something is wrong, and you may have a starting point for dealing with his depression. Exercise can lift your child’s spirits, distract her from her troubles, and inspire a healthier lifestyle.
Making sure your kids are physically active means being a positive role model yourself … which means getting the entire family moving. You don’t have to sign the family up to run a marathon – just find a few physical activities you all enjoy. It could be something as simple as tossing a ball back and forth on a beautiful day.
Faith
Where is your child, spiritually? Do you know? Even if your family attends church every time the doors are open, that doesn’t mean your child is spiritually healthy. Depending on a child’s age, she may be questioning some of the doctrines she has heard at church, especially if she is being challenged by other kids. Be sure to continue family church attendance.
Schedule family devotional times, and be sure your child has access to an age-appropriate devotional guide and has a Bible of his own. Most of all, pray for your child often. Ask God to provide the guidance that only a Heavenly Father can give.
Some days, I think I might actually have this parenting thing somewhat under control. (Then something happens like I trip over the trash can lid that's on the floor and bang my baby's head onto the corner of the china cabinet, and I change my mind.)
My daughter, Libbie, who's 3, has been running a fever for the past day and a half, so we've had a lot of time at home. During a better hour this morning, I offered to let her do one of her favorite activities: paint.
"Will you paint WITH me, Mommy?" she asked sweetly, the dark circles under her big blue eyes making her look even more pathetic. I agree, and she instructs me on where I am to sit, that I need a separate page of paper, where to put the water, what colors to paint. While she makes, well, a big purple watery mess, I use half my brain to paint a simple rainbow.
As soon as she deciphers its shape, Libbie exclaims, "It's like Noah!" And I beam. Because somewhere in there with the (somewhat correct) words to "Jingle Bells" and ways to annoy her baby brother, she related rainbows with the Bible.
So while we paint, I simply retell the story of Noah's ark, illustrating my story as we go. She wants me to paint Noah and people and animals, so I craft a few flying birds and a bear with my big sponge brush. They look ridiculous, but I don't care. Because we're learning and having fun.
Being a stay-at-home mom is all about these teachable moments. They make it worth every tear, coupon, and supressed scream.
When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (3) and David (1).
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: Some days we are so busy, we need to eat out. We want to teach our children healthy eating habits, but it seems like the kids’ menus are not helping. We know many restaurants are adding healthy selections, but there are still a lot of fried foods with little nutrition. How can we encourage healthy eating in restaurants?
A: More restaurants are offering better choices for children because of the obesity epidemic. But for those menus that still challenge your sensibilities, try these suggestions from my book Raising Healthy Kids in an Unhealthy World.
Ask the waiter to bring water right away and skip the sugar drinks.
Tell the waiter to skip the crackers and bread — too many calories before the meal even begins. Occupy children with games instead.
Order a salad or vegetable instead of fries—ask for substitutions if necessary.
Check out appetizers or split meals from the adult menu if the child options are unhealthy.
Encourage your child to stop eating when full and wrap up the rest for a snack later.
On sandwiches, try mustard, vegetables, or salsa instead of mayo.
Go to the salad bar and choose low-fat dressings, fruit, and vegetables.
Order fresh fruit for dessert.
And always remember that you model healthy eating by your choices!
One of our new monthly features will be Trends & Truth by Mike Nappa. Here's the first installment. Enjoy!
"Test everything. Hold on to the good." ―1 Thessalonians 5:21
Welcome to “Trends & Truth Online”―exploring pop culture from a parent’s perspective. In this month’s blog we tackle a few questions from parents.
Q: Dear T&T―I keep hearing that the digital revolution is taking over. What does that mean for my kids?
A: The short answer is this: Whereas digital movies, books, TV shows, music and games are relatively new to you, for your children they’re all just a normal part of life.
Today, entertainment media is ever-present on computers, cell phones, e-readers, and video game consoles. That means your children are growing up in a world where everything they want is available digitally―and they’re going online to get it. In fact:
Among kids aged 2 to 14, digital downloads account for 21 cents of every dollar spent on entertainment.
About 50% of American children have downloaded their first digital content by age 7.
Over half of American kids ages 2 to 14 use Netflix and Hulu Plus subscription services to download TV shows and movies.
“Instant gratification afforded by downloading content is alluring to [kids],” says Anita Frazier, an analyst with the NPD Group. And the massive scope and availability of digital content in a “broadband home” makes downloading entertainment something that’s very “normal” for children today―your kids included.
Q: Hey T&T―I love to share funny YouTube videos with my family, but it’s a pain for us all to gather around my laptop for viewing. Any suggestions?
A. Probably the easiest way for your whole family to watch the latest dancing cat video is through your family’s gaming console. By connecting to the Internet via your Sony Playstation 3 or Microsoft Xbox 360, you can easily view YouTube chuckles on your big-screen TV. In fact, according to recent reports, Playstation and Xbox are the #1 “devices that U.S. consumers use to watch online video content on the television.”
In our December issue, pages 40 through 42 talked all about finding a new pet. Here, Kristen White tells us about hot to determine whether you want to BUY or ADOPT your furry (or not!) friend.
If you know your family is ready to bring a pet into your home, you’ll have to decide how to find your furry (or feathery or shelled or bubbling) friend.
Pet stores may be the only place available in your vicinity for certain kinds of pets. When buying from a pet store, assure how the pets have been cared for prior to purchase and what kind of warranty comes with them. If your son is willing to fork out more than $100 for an aquarium and all the set-up costs, you want to be assured his turtle or lizard will live longer than a month!
In general, the best place to find a dog or cat is your local animal shelter. In the United States, 3.7 million animals are euthanized every year because of overpopulation. That’s 800 every minute! Your family may be able to help alleviate this sad situation. Some shelters allow a trial period; inquire about policies at the shelter or humane society in your community.
If your family is interested in an American Kennel Club (AKC) registered dog or specialty breed of cat, in most cases it is better to purchase the pet directly from the breeder. That way, you can meet the mother (and perhaps father) of your pet, see the conditions in which she was raised, and ask questions. Responsible breeders will provide a health certificate from a veterinarian showing proof of vaccinations, worming, and a general exam. Many maintain a policy to take the animal back if there is a problem.
Did any of our readers get a new pet for Christmas? How did you make the decision on what to buy and where to get him or her?
You're going to be noticing something a little different here on Fridays: Friday links, as opposed to Fun Friday Photos. We have just not had the submissions to keep up with Fun Friday Photos like we hope to. While we might include one every once in awhile (so keep sending them!), for now we're going to focus on sharing some links from around the Web you might enjoy reading.
Please note that these sites are not all LifeWay-sponsored, and we do not condone everything on every site; but we do feel these posts are worthwhile reads.
The Great Santa Debate at I Can Teach My Child - I appreciate the author's thoughts and would love to hear yours!
A Teaching Legacy at Kids Ministry 101 - A great post that might help you reflect on the influence you have as a parent and/or a teacher
Last-Minute Ways to Make Christmas Memories at Motherhood Your Way - Good ideas that are completely applicable for dads, too, I promise! (Or aunts, uncles, grandparents, third cousins once removed ...)
For When Everything is Different at (in)courage - This post is by Emily Freeman, who wrote a guest post for us a few weeks ago. Her writing is gorgeous, and this post talks about how to deal with a Christmas in the shadow of loss.
Have you read or written something lately that you think our readers would enjoy seeing? Leave the link in the comments and you might see it here in the future!
Talking on a cell phone while driving is dangerous. But a mid-transit chat pales in comparison to the distraction of driving with one (or two!) children wailing in the backseat. Nothing increases adrenaline quite like crying kids.
As parents, we can mentally cope with crying kids to and from the grocery store. But long-distance trips need more finesse. Careful preparation and a few necessities can prevent a few glitches and keep your travel going smoothly. As you prepare for holiday travels, make the most of your trip with these handy gadgets.
1. Snack Container A signature trademark of a kid-friendly car is a Hansel and Gretel-worthy crumb collection on every surface. If you can overlook this completely annoying parenthood perk, I applaud you; otherwise invest in some creative cups. Munchkin offers an ingenious design with handles and no spill rubber top--two for under $7. Sporting a similar design but with an attachable rope (and additional solid top) is the Spill-Proof Snack Buddy Cup from One Step Ahead.
2. Window Shade Getting on the road is tough enough; stopping to shade a sunset shouldn't be on your list of priorities. Grab a light-cutting window shade to curb the brightness. Measure your windows and buy the widest shade possible, making sure you have enough visibility in your back and rear passenger windows. Check out your options at Great Baby Products for window shade reviews.
3. Lacing Toys Kids above age 3 (who don't suffer from motion sickness) will work on lacing boards for hours. Growing Tree Toys has a fantastic range of simple lacing activities, like necklaces and ABCs, to complex connect-a-dot boards. Bring a bucket to set in your child's lap so that she can contain the blocks without dropping them on the floor.
4. Finger Puppets For the dramatic types in your crew, a set of finger puppets can be a space-saving lifesaver. My favorite are high-quality puppets that tell a familiar story, like Thumbelina or the Frog Prince from puppet master Folkmanis, but folks on a budget can definitely afford IKEA's popular set of circus characters or animals for just $4.99.
5. Favorite Music Play your favorite kid-friendly music and Christmas tunes. Bring on talk radio or a favorite podcast when it's time for a snooze.
6. Bubbles So what if you have to clean up the residue later! Bubbles are total fun for all ages, especially when the road seems never-ending. Unless you have an older child, mom or dad needs to commandeer the liquid and blow them toward the back. The best bubbles on the market, hands down, come from Gymboree. These bubbles float forever and the solution never dries out.
7. Barf Bag Close to 30% of people are susceptible to motion sickness, and kids are no exception. The barfies can strike at any time--there's no guarantee that your child will or won't get sick on a road trip. Prepare for the worst by investing in a few leak-proof barf bags with fun pictures printed on the outside and show your child how to "cough" into it if his tummy starts to hurt. And bring an extra couple of towels just in case.
8. Neck Pillow This is a tricky one. Your younger child may or may not like the feeling of something so close to her neck. Try it on short stroller trips ahead of time to practice. If your kiddo will wear it, she'll be far more comfortable during naps. Pillows like the Dora neck pillow attach to the straps of your car seat or stroller, making it a bit more accessible.
9. Small Baking Sheets This ingenious idea from Family Fun keeps the ever-present I-dropped-it-on-the-floor wail at bay. Use a conventional (but smaller) lipped baking sheet as a drawing, magnetic, and keep-it-all-in-one place surface. Glue one or two layers of foam shelf paper on the bottom to make it less likely to fall and affix white contact paper to the top for the drawing surface. Turn it into multiple activities by attaching magnets to buttons for checkers or bingo games. Older travelers might prefer a more sophisticated travel kit like this one from Martha Stewart.
10. iPad No, I'm not a fan of hours of screen time for little eyes, but during a road trip this godsend is a total catchall. From apps for all ages to music and movies, the iPad is the perfect device for tiny travelers. Purchasing gift cards at a discount from sites like GiftCardGranny can help you pay for the pricey device at such retailers as Target and Walmart, who are currently offering deals on iPad 2 bundles. Then, let your kiddos learn letters with Starfall or everything nursery-rhyme cooky from Duck Duck Moose. (Even little toddlers can play with the Crayola Paint and Create app!) When all else fails, strap it to the seat and watch a movie.
What are your favorite distraction tactics for long car trips? I (Jessie) just took my first overnight car trip with our two little kids, and I might be sold on that technique! Definitely keeps stops to a minimum and sleeping to a maximum!
Ashley Grimaldo comes from a long line of penny pinchers and enjoys blogging on money-saving tips and advice for frugal-minded parents. She lives with her husband and three children in Bryan, Texas. Ashley has been featured among such media outlets as Redbook, The Chicago Tribune, Time.com, and CBS News-Houston.
Want to teach your preteen about prayer? Have your family unplug for a day — no TV, no Internet, no phone. At the end of the day, read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and share how everyone felt about being disconnected from the world. Emphasize that too often, we are even more disconnected from God, the One who loves us and knows our every need.
Forever Friends
Friends are important to your preteen. Continue to monitor and guide your child’s activities and choices as she strives for more independence in choosing relationships. You can help your child make safe and successful relationships.
Communicate your expectations about the types of relationships your family deems appropriate. Talk in honest and open ways.
Encourage your child to develop positive relationships in your church, school, and community.
Get to know your child’s friends and their parents. Welcome them into your home, creating a safe, loving environment for friendships to develop.
How much do you "tend" your preteen's friendships?
My family moved to Richmond, Virginia, when I was 8 years old - quite far away from where my parents grew up and where all of our extended family lived. Dayton, Ohio, was a LONG trek now, and with two little kids my parents decided we'd go for Thanksgiving OR Christmas.
One of those first Christmases we were in Virginia alone, I remember a strange guest around our Christmas tree: my dad's work friend, who had recently had a broken engagement and was suffering heartbreak. We loved having him among us, and he gifted me with my very first (and only) Paula Abdul cassette tape, for which I will be forever grateful to him.
Fast forward a good deal of years, and I am 22. It is my first married Christmas, and I live in Nashville, Tennessee, far away from my own parents and even my husband's. I started a job in customer service on November 1, leaving me with no vacation time and the inability to take any even if I had it, due to the nature of service jobs.
I cried in my office one day over the injustice of it all. Christmas had always been steeped in tradition for my little family unit and the thought of those traditions continuing without me was enough to make me physically ill. I wanted my mommy.
Lo and behold, one of my motherly co-workers invited me and my new husband into her home for Christmas Day. They made us feel like family, let us hold the new babies and pet the dogs and call Miss Sheila's elderly mama "Grandmother" like they did. It wasn't my family ... but it was enough. And it was a blessing.
So here is my Christmas advice: don't get so wrapped up in your own family unit that you don't see the hurting, lonely people around you during the holidays. What's one more mouth to feed at your Christmas banquet? Bless others by taking them into your family and loving them. It will set a wonderful example for your children and who knows ... you might be entertaining angels (Hebrews 13:2).
When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (3) and David (1 next week!).
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My husband’s parents live about three hours away and mine are six hours away, in opposite directions. Both sets of parents want us to spend Christmas with them. How do we handle this without upsetting either family?
A: It is really important to have this conversation when you first get married and later when you start your family. That way, you can make a plan and communicate that plan to both families. Some families are flexible and will easily accept any plan you make; others are more rigid and want certain traditions kept with you participating. There are usually four options to consider:
Alternate holidays by holidays or years. For example, go to one family for Thanksgiving, the other for Christmas; one for Christmas, one for Easter, etc. Or alternate the years, one year Christmas at one family, the next year Christmas at the other.
Dine and dash. Try to make both families for part of the Christmas season. This will be more stressful, require travel, and time off from work but each family gets you for part of the holiday season. I call it Dine and Dash because it feels like you eat and run to the next home. This works better for families who do not live very far apart.
Host the holiday at your home. Invite both sets of parents to come to you if you can handle the accommodations or they are willing to arrange their own. Or if you go to one family for Thanksgiving, maybe have the other family at your house for Christmas and then alternate the family that comes each year.
Visit at other times. You stay home for Christmas and make your own traditions and visit both families at other times of the year.
Bottom line, you and your husband need to make a plan that makes sense for you and that you can manage. Then talk with your families and see if you can agree on an arrangement.
How do you deal with multiple family holiday events?
Fascinate your baby with bubbles and you will both enjoy playtime!
Blow bubbles as you are waiting for Daddy to get home, at the bus stop, in the car pool line, or at the doctor’s office.
Blow bubbles at the park and watch where they drift away.
Blow bubbles in the bathtub to make the bath water sudsy.
Blow bubbles so your baby can work on fine motor skills, such as holding the wand.
Blow bubbles and pop them as fast as you can.
Blow bubbles as you dance to music.
Your little one wants to explore her world. As her motor skills develop, she will be interested in stacking, pushing, pulling, and knocking things down! She will want to imitate Mommy in the kitchen and Daddy at the tool bench. Let your child explore unstructured play with the following age-appropriate toys.
Building blocks
Push-and-pull toys
Sorting and nesting toys
Soft balls
Riding toys
Washable crayons and paper
Toy kitchen (plastic)
Tea set (plastic)
Tool set (plastic)
Picture books
Toy instruments
Puzzles
Cars, trucks, trains (plastic)
Dress-up clothes
Do you have a favorite toy or activity for your 1- to 2-year old? My daughter has loved the Leapfrog Learn & Groove Table since she turned a year old. At 3, she's growing out of it but my son is about to turn 1!
I'm excited to introduce Emily Freeman, author of Chatting at the Sky and the book Grace for the Good Girl. I truly enjoyed and was challenged by reading her book a few months ago. I hope you'll consider grabbing a copy after you read her words here.
I’ve been a good girl most of my life. If there was a rule, I followed it. If there was a rebellion, I avoided it. If I experienced heartache, pain, or brokenness, I did my best to hide it.
One of my great motivators as a good girl all those years was fear—fear of failure, of being wrong, of letting other people down or of disappointing God.
And so when a woman who is afraid of living becomes a mother, you can imagine all the things that can go wrong. I was a great mom until I had kids. But having kids smoked the crazy right out of me. All the ways I had worked hard to control life stopped working.
So for the tired good girl moms who just want to raise good kids? You will never be more free then when you give up your right to be good and to raise good kids.
I know that sounds extreme. But if you’re a good girl like I was, then chances are your definition of good is laced with nauseating pleasantries, strict spiritual disciplines, and a religious view of God. Might I invite you do a different way to parent?
Don’t confuse her behavior with her identity. This is of the biggest mistakes I make as a parent. It is so important to encourage our kids in their identity as individuals and in Christ rather than try to shame them into better behavior. It may be true that she is acting irresponsibly. But better to call the choice an irresponsible one or the behavior irresponsible rather than to say that she is irresponsible. The goal is to empower, not to shame.
Connect with her heart rather than manage her outcomes. Good girls like to check things off lists. But parenting can’t be put in an outline. My girls are only seven, but I’ve been a mama long enough to know that seven turns into seventeen all too quickly. And we can’t really control a bit of it. The sooner we trade our manager hat for the mystery of Christ, the better off we’ll be.
Be led by love rather than pushed by fear. Fear pushes me to make sure they don’t throw fits, to control and demand for the sake of my reputation. But love makes a different choice. Remember what Love did. Even though He knew they would choose the wrong one, God still put two trees in the Garden. He could have just put the one, guaranteeing they never messed up. But a choice with no opportunity for failure isn’t really a choice, is it?
Our children need our faith, not our anxiety. They need our confident love, not our hovering fear. But they also need to see our weakness and then watch what we do with it.
Our Growth Spurts articles in the November 2011 issue discuss what your baby might eat for Thanksgiving based on his or her age ... but what should you pack if you're traveling with a little one? The answer: you will probably pack WAY more than you need, but it's better to be safe than sorry!
Some items you will want to consider packing:
Portable crib. You may need to lay your baby down for a nap at Grandma’s house, or have a place for her to sleep at night.
Portable high chair. Baby will want to join the family at the table too.
Formula, baby food, bottles, snacks, and baby's utensils and bowls. Pack lots of extra, just in case Auntie’s kitchen is not set up to accommodate a baby.
Diapers, wipes, clothes. You can never pack too much!
What do you always forget to pack? I somehow manage to always pack way too much clothes for the kids and way too few items for myself. And I always, always forget baby shampoo!
Today’s date is unique - 11/11/11. Did you know it is supposedly a special “wish day”? Wishing is ingrained in our culture. We wish on birthday candles, falling stars, and even numbers.
As adults, we know inanimate objects cannot give us what we desire. But when a child hears a trusted relative say, “Blow out the candles and make a wish!” she may believe the wish will be granted. How can we explain the truth about wishing to our kids?
One way to debunk the wishing myth is to compare wishing and praying. To start a discussion with your children, ask questions like:
What is a wish?
Do you think candles can hear you making a wish?
Do candles have ears?
How can a star give you a new bike?
Ask similar questions about praying, such as:
What is a prayer?
Can God hear your prayers?
How do you know?
Does God answer every prayer?
Are wishes and prayers the same?
To help kids and parents with this discussion, I wrote a children’s book called A Wish and a Prayer. In the story, Jason loses his parakeet when it escapes out the window. He tries wishing to bring his pet home. Then one night during a thunderstorm, he discovers something better than wishing. This book is close to my heart because helping our children understand the truth about prayer is so important.
Forget wishing. Let’s make 11/11/11 the biggest “prayer day” ever!
Beth Bence Reinke holds a Bachelor's in biology & secondary education, a Master's in nutrition, and is a registered dietitian. She writes articles about food, health and nutrition for magazines and websites such as ParentLife, Smart and CBN.com and is the wellness columnist for Living Light News, a Canadian newspaper. Overall, Beth has written more than 120 articles and numerous devotionals for publication. Her latest assignment is writing for Adventure, a devotional magazine for 3rd & 4th graders from LifeWay.
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My 11-year-old son is constantly on his cell phone, the computer, or his gaming system. He is becoming disrespectful and getting in trouble at school because of his media use. We have taken away his privileges but he seems worse. What would you advise?
A: Parenting is all about training and teaching. It works best when you teach your child to obey by giving instructions that are consistent and clearly stated.
Media use is a brave new world to navigate. Begin by clarifying your media usage rules. Remember kids should have no more than one to two hours of screen time per day! Once you determine the rules of usage, have a conversation with your son to establish those rules. You may even want to write up a contract so there is no room for interpretation. Then stick to your guidelines no matter his response.
Instead of taking away privileges, I would turn it around and make him earn them. His use of media is determined by how well he complies to the agreed-upon guidelines. Put the responsibility on him — his usage is up to him, not you. Reward behavior that is compliant and also reward behavior that is media-free. Praise him for compliance to the guidelines.
Most of us underestimate the power of praise and find ourselves focusing on the negative versus the positive. When parents make this shift in emphasis (from negative to positive), the atmosphere in the home changes. Children know they earn privileges rather than assuming they are entitled to them. The rules are clear and enforced. It is then up to kids to comply with established rules if they want to engage with media, rather than parents playing the bad guys who always take things away.
How do you deal with media usage in your household?
Perhaps the hardest time to juggle a blended family is during the holidays. How should time be split? How do you even begin to decide? Here, our Blended Life author gives some tips on planning ahead for an excellent holiday season.
Never underestimate the power of traditions. Traditions play a crucial role in determining family identity. It is critical to make these changes of tradition as smooth as possible. Planning well can avoid the painful lack of security and loss of identity within blended families.
Sitting down with your co-parent and any stepparents well ahead of time is a must. Your motivation has to be the well-being of your children and the overall health of your families. Flexibility and sacrifice are central to creating an effective plan. Do what you can and accept what you can’t. Don’t be afraid to re-evaluate and make changes in the best interest of the kids.
Discussion Points
Define your holidays. What do you consider to be a holiday? The big ones are usually obvious (Thanksgiving, Christmas), but sometimes smaller ones can carry great significance, such as having a family reunion scheduled around a certain holiday.
Reconsider holiday visitation schedules. Just because there is legal documentation establishing a plan does not mean it can’t be revised or altered if it is in the best interest of all parties. When parents remarry, that brings additional grandparents and potential traveling into the picture; be thoughtful of what all parties need and be flexible.
Kids are first. As you strive for consensus, remember to put the welfare of the children at the forefront of the process.
How do you decide on holiday plans with your blended family?
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current October 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Little Sponges: Preschoolers soak everything in just like a sponge! But what are the most important things they shoudl learn? Check out these five important life skills (p. 24).
Are You a Pushover? Are there families in your church who struggle with an imbalance of family power? Does the child hold more power than the parents? Provide these families with seven practical strategies for restoring order (pp. 40-41).
Guide Toward Godliness: Raising a preteen girl is more challenging than it has ever been given today's culture. What can parents do to help guide their daughters toward godliness? Provide parents with Nancy Rue's four effective suggestions for making the most of their daughters' formative years (pp. 38-39).
A Special Need: Finding a church home can be difficult for families of children with special needs. Be sure your ministry is a welcoming, safe place for all families in all walks of life (p. 48).
Developmental Milestones: Being familiar with the developmental milestones of preschoolers helps parents set realistic goals at home and allows teachers and volunteers to teach more effectively. Provide parents with this list of milestones as their kids grow (pp. 14-15).
Learning for Life: Don't forget the school-age children in your ministry. What important life skills can parents and teachers in your ministry teach? Don't miss these five important life skills (p. 28).
Absorbing Autumn: Fall abounds with teachable moments and many of those moments can be used to help build on a child's spiritual foundation. Help parents seize these opportunities and have fun with their children at the same time with these creative ideas (pp. 34-37).
5 million: The number of kids in the United States who reported being bullied in 2010. Is your church a bully-free zone (p. 42)?
When I published the article "Baby Movers" by Joy Fisher this past May, I had no idea how soon I would need the ideas within its text!
Our situation was a little different, because we moved from a rental house to an apartment; therefore, there were no showings or closings, thankfully. But I did have a whole mess of stuff to pack up, clean up, and clean out before we moved. We downsized from a four-bedroom house with a yard to a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment. Many, many items were trashed, given away, hauled away by a thrift store, and sold.
My baby, at 9 months, hasn't been at all disturbed by the move. He doesn't really care where he is as long as we keep feeding him! But my daughter, at almost 3, has all but gone bananas since we moved. It didn't help that the three weeks before moving, the kids and I went to North Carolina, their dad and I left them with grandparents and went to Boston, we went to Ohio, and THEN we went to Pennsylvania!
We found out we were moving on-campus at the school where my husband teaches while we were in North Carolina - about a week and a half before the move. So there was very little time to prepare my toddler for moving. In fact, we flew home from Pennsylvania and unceremoniously got back to the new apartment at 1 a.m. "Here's your room!" we said cheerfully.
That, apparently, is NOT the way to introduce a toddler to her new space.
I could write a whole other post about the acting out, terrorizing, and not sleeping she's done since then, but I'm sure you can imagine it if you've ever had a two-year-old. We've seen some improvement ... but not a lot.
So I'm here asking for your advice: what should I be doing when almost everything in her life has changes in the past two months? Any suggestions?
When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (9 months).
Our October issues outlines the problems with being a pushover parent. But there is a flip side.
At the opposite extreme from the pushover parenting style, overly domineering parents exert excessive power and control over their children, with the following harmful results:
Using disrespectful intimidation, bullying tactics, and insufficient empathy only provokes more power struggles with children and spurs rebellion against authority figures.
Instead of learning respect, cooperation, and self-control, children of domineering parents focus on not getting caught.
An intimidating parenting style instills fear, hurt, and shame, and stunts the desire for learning and achievement.
I'm sure you're heard stories from many people about how a verbally or physically abusive parent has affected their life and how they view themself. Disciplining your children is right and godly ... but sometimes it's hard not to cross the line into unloving and hurtful parenting.
How do you keep a balance in your parenting style? Can you be firm without being a pushover and discipline without being cruel?
Give your firstborn a later bedtime. Even if the difference is as little as half an hour, enforce it. Your firstborn is watching.
Make responsibilities and allowances different. The older child gets the most allowance and the most responsibility. But be sure the younger one does her share of the work.
Avoid comparisons. Be aware of the dangers of those famous words, “Why aren’t you like your brother [or sister]?” Your remark is not only damaging, it is a foolish waste of breath.
Don’t feel compelled to do for one what you did for the other. Treating each child differently may mean that sometimes one child gets a little more than the other. But it all evens out.
Do things with one child at a time. Give both children plenty of one-on-one opportunities. Take one child alone on a shopping trip or even a business trip. If possible, leave half an hour early in the morning and stop for breakfast before dropping him at school. Just remember the cardinal rule: if you do something with one child, do something with the other, focusing on the need of each child.
How do you parent your older and younger children differently?
Dr. Kevin Leman, whose professional affiliations include the American Psychological Association, American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, National Register of Health Services Providers in Psychology, and the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology, earned his Doctorate degree in psychology from the University of Arizona. He lives in Tucson, Arizona, with his wife, Sande, and they have five children.
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: Lately my son has become aggressive. I wonder if he is acting out because of the tension he feels between my husband and me. We have a lot of conflict in our marriage. Do you think our son is reacting to the constant fighting in our home?
A: Most likely you have put your finger on the problem. Kids do not like it when their parents fight. The tension is upsetting, and they do not know how to process it. So they act out, usually a cry for help.
The fix is to work on reducing marital conflict and treating each other better. If this means seeing a marital therapist, do it for the sake of your son. Humble yourselves. Find the root of all the tension and work on those issues.
Unresolved conflict that leads to criticism is the first step in a marriage headed for divorce. Criticism leads to feelings of contempt. Contempt brings defensive behavior and eventually leads to putting up a wall and becoming emotionally distant. Emotional distance is the number-one predictor of divorce. So you can’t allow this negative behavior to continue between you and your spouse.
Most marital issues are fixable when couples get help from qualified Christian therapists. Before things move in a negative direction, get a referral from your church, a trusted friend, or a professional familiar with local options. Look for someone who is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).
As you begin to resolve issues, you will notice a positive change in your son’s aggression, and you will model for your son the type of marriage you want him to have one day.
In our October issue, Kelly Wilson Mize writes about ways to enjoy the autumn season with your kids. Autumn is also a great time for science experiments involving the outdoors! Here is Kelly's list of Web sites that provide ideas for experimentation.
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
Melissa Greene: True to Her Calling Worship leader and busy mom of two Melissa Greene offers three great insights into leading young children to praise God. Are there moms in your ministry going to dotMom? They will love getting a sneak peek of Melissa's ministry (pp. 20-23).
Why? Why? Why? It doesn't take long being around preschoolers to realize they love to ask questions. What do you do when you don't know the answer? Be sure the parents and teachers in your ministry are prepared (p. 14).
The Early Years: Help the parents and teachers in your ministry to use a baby's senses to help her develop gratitude and dependence on God (p. 10).
Family Bible Study: Encourage families to spend time together in God's Word outside of the church walls. Check out these eight great tips for incorporating Bible study into the bedtime routine (pp. 38-39).
Parenting Perks: Parenting is hard work. Give the parents in your ministry a pick-me-up with these top 10 moments guaranteed to make them smile (p. 24).
A Preteen-Friendly Bible: Are parents in your church trying to engage their preteen with God's Word? Provide parents with eight helpful features to look for when choosing a new Bible for their preteens (p. 18).
A Shoulder to Lean On: Receiving a special-needs diagnosis for a child is a challenge many families face. Provide the families in your ministry with these four practical ways to show their love and support (pp. 40-41).
1500: The house per year the average American youth watches. Encourage families to spend more active, meaningful time together (p. 18).
To download a full-color PDF of this document, click on the following link:
My little girl is turning 3 next month, and despite the fact that I swore last year was her big birthday party before her brother arrived, I'm still thinking about throwing a themed bash again. For her? Well, sort of. I think planning a themed party with lots of touches ignites my creative side and gives me a project to work on. And yes, all the cake and fun makes the birthday kid pretty excited, too.
It's exciting and nerve-wrecking to throw a party ... especially when you join in the comparison game. When we have the Internet to show us hundreds of kids' parties with professional photographers, fancy bakery cakes, vintage decor that covers a whole home or party locale — it's easy to feel like you will never measure up! Not to mention the photos of celebrity parties that are available everywhere you turn.
Let's all plan parties we can handle and that bring our families joy; not ones just to make the neighbors jealous, OK? I want to look at extravagant parties like this gorgeous yellow one and take inspiration, not envy, as a party favor.
Here are some tips from Andrea Woroch on how to throw a great birthday party on a budget.
1. Plan Ahead Wait until the last minute and you'll likely spend more on unanticipated extras. Decide what you want to accomplish, set a budget, and slowly chip away at all you need to accomplish. You might also enlist the help of family and friends to keep your stress level down.
2. Limit the Guest List Does the entire class really need to attend? Invite only your child's closest friends, but be tactful. Mail or e-mail invites, rather than have your child distribute them in school where everyone can see.
3. DIY Invites Personalized invites are as close as your computer. Use a special photo or download free clip art to make your own creation or, if you want to go electronic, check out websites like the very popular evite.com.
4. Dollar Store Decor Party stores have unholy markups on the simplest supplies. Shop a dollar store for all your basics and save up to 70 percent on everything from balloons to party favors. You'll also find a decent selection of wrapping paper and reusable gifts, as well as plates and cutlery for the birthday treats.
5. Banish the Bouncy Castle Don't spend a fortune on those celebrity-style extras. Instead, hark back to a simpler day by organizing a simple game from times past. (Pin the tail on the donkey? Bobbing for apples? Still fun!)
6. Take Back the Cake Kids look forward to the birthday cake, but not because of any icing artistry; they're just interested in the sugar. Make your own cake or cupcakes, toss on a few sprinkles and add the candles. That should satisfy all but the pickiest child while saving you over 80 percent at the bakery for a custom order. For an added touch of excitement, let the kids play pastry chef with a cupcake decorating activity.
7. Simplify the Food Kids don't care about fancy appetizers. They'll be equally happy with potato nuggets and other finger food. Buy generic — they'll never know — and use grocery coupons to save a few extra dollars.
8. A Party for Two ... or, Three If your son or daughter shares the same birthday (give or take a few days) with a school friend, neighbor, or relative who is close in age, consider hosting a joint birthday celebration and share the costs with the other child's parents. Make sure everyone is on the same page though as far as the budget, guest list, and other party expectations to avoid any uncomfortable situations which may arise from a lack of communication.
OK, excuse my pun there. But I can tell you, my daughter is definitely not as "fruit-full" as I would like her to be! She refuses to eat any fruit except bananas and peeled apples, much to my chagrin. And vegetables? I have to hide them in other foods.
If your kids are like mine, here are some tips from "Mr. Salad," Tossed® restaurant's master salad creator, on how to encourage your kids to eat more fruits and veggies.
What you see is what you get. Allow the kids to participate in the grocery shopping. Visit a local farmers’ market for fresh produce or harvest your own at a “you-pick-it” farm so children can see a farming operation. Plant your own garden – even in containers on a patio – to help them become interested in the growing process. Use the produce they’ve chosen in the next meal.
Can I help? Let the children assist with meal preparation; they’re more likely to eat what they’ve made.
Shape shifters. Use melon ballers or cookie cutters to craft fruits and vegetables – even cheeses -- into fun shapes and use them as salad toss-ins or as a garnish. What child can resist eating a star-shaped cucumber or heart-shaped red pepper? Sliced fruits can be made into flower petals or moons.
Mad scientists. Give your kids a variety of fruits and/or veggies and ask them to build a person. Cut a circle out of bread then ask the kids to make a face. They can use a cherry tomato for a nose, for instance, olives for eyes, a red pepper slice for the mouth, and broccoli for hair. Or, use toothpicks to connect baby carrots, sugar snap peas, jicama, and other produce into the shape of a child or favorite animal. Enjoy the creations with a variety of flavorful dips such as hummus, yogurt, or guacamole.
Sensational Salads. Salads – either as a side dish or entrée -- are a simple way to serve healthy, nutrient-packed produce. Make it a point to try different add-ins until you find ones that click with your child. A super summer and fall salad combines fresh, sliced strawberries or apples with greens, blue cheese, walnuts, and a tangy dressing. Add a protein such as grilled or blackened poultry or seafood, bacon or beef, or legumes, such as chickpeas, for a more filling dish.
Fruitie-tootie. Serve a bowl of mixed fresh fruit with a sprinkling of sugar or honey, cinnamon and coconut. Or you can place the fruit on skewers and serve with a honey yogurt dip. It’s OK to occasionally give your child sweet treats. Dip fruit in chocolate, fondue style, or serve with a whipped cream/marshmallow dip.
Wrap it up. Salad ingredients don’t need to be served in a bowl. Roll them in a whole wheat wrap with a tangy dressing for a wholesome lunch or meal on the go.
ERIC CLARK is Chief Operating Officer of Tossed®, a nationwide chain of restaurants serving garden fresh salads, crepe wraps, and sandwiches. He also serves fruits and vegetables every day to his children, ages 9 and 11, and they love them.
I really thought that I had reached the end of the line when it came to sports for our boys this past year. The school year is so long, and both boys played baseball last fall, basketball in winter, and baseball again in the spring. They had fun, but both boys happened to be on teams with the worst records for their age groups in spring baseball ... yikes! So the season felt longer than usual. We were all ready for a summer break.
As always, summer went by so quickly too. It was difficult enough to get geared up for school, nonetheless another sports season. I was late getting Christopher registered for his fall baseball. Jonathan was running for his new school, so we were excited for him to start his season but all a little nervous at the new undertaking.
Jonathan had his first cross country meet on Thursday, and it was amazing! There is nothing like the start of a race. The excitement is amazing. Approximately 170 competitors all starting at once. Check out the photo just before the start! (Isn't that about what the troops looked like in Braveheart before the beginning of a battle?)
Jonathan was a little nervous, and it was hot. Evidently it was just under the heat index max that they will even let students run. The race started downhill, which meant a lot of the kids went out too fast--Jonathan included. But we were so proud! And it doesn't hurt that the entire race is over in under 20 minutes!
Christopher had the first game of his baseball season tonight, so it has felt like double duty this week. Got to love those 7:00 game times on a school night! The game was fun. Christopher's team won in the last at bat --always a fun way to win!
So the sports bug has hit me again! It is always so much fun to watch and play. I'm sure around May you will hear me wishing it all to end again, but the Fall sports season has got me hooked for now!
I would love to hear how you manage sports, school, and church this time of year. I could use all the help I can get! How do you guys manage it all?
We're very excited to tell you about Shaun Groves' latest album, Third World Symphony. Shaun is passionate about social justice, promoting Compassion International in word and deed. The album is fan-funded and releases tomorrow, August 30th. (The Third World Symphony site will also go live then, and will contain lyrics, videos, stories, and other interactive elements.)
Shaun is known for his many trips to Compassion sites around the world. He takes bloggers along with him to spread the work of Compassion as far as he can. In May, he took a group to the Philippines, and one of those bloggers was Kat from Inspired to Action. She's here to share her story with you today!
_____________
They were waving at me from the hotel lobby. Family I'd dreamed of meeting all my life. Aunts and Uncles who had known my mother and could tell me all about her. People who missed her just as much as I did.
I sat on the bus outside that Manila hotel waiting for Shaun to finish giving instructions for the evening. Except I'm not sure he actually finished. He may have just paused to think ... or breathe. All I know is that I bolted down the aisle, out of the bus, into the lobby and tried to hold back the tears while the hotel security guards checked my bags.
I failed miserably; the tears streamed. The guards, unnerved by my watery emotions, waved me on and I ran into the arms of my family, who had been waiting to meet me for 35 years.
No, this one was different. I wasn't traveling across the world to write about people different than me. I was traveling across the world to write about people more like me than any I'd ever known.
My mom, who died when I was a baby, was from the Philippines. I'd never known her or her family. But that evening in May I was welcomed as their own. And in the following days at the Compassion centers, I played with and hugged children who looked just like me but lived very, very different lives. It inspired me. It broke me.
And yet...
Even with such a personal, heart felt experience, not long after I arrived home, the memories began to fade.
::
I stepped off the plane from the Philippines to a summer in full throttle. We traveled, we summer camped, VBS'd, we swim lesson'd. If it could be done, it was on our calendar.
And I began to forget the unforgettable.
... what it was like in the tiny homes of those Filipino children .
... how it felt to walk through waste water and trash as children played around us.
What makes it so easy for us to forget?
Busyness.
This quote rang true for me. "If the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy."
And was I ever busy.
But ... I'd seen the massive impact we have on our Compassion children. I'd seen tears in the eyes of children talking about their sponsors. I'd seen the hope in the eyes of parents.
So I decided to start a knock down, drag out, bare-knuckled brawl with busyness. With complacency.
I realized we can't always *feel* inspired to action, sometimes we need to fight for action. And if I came home with anything from my trip to the Philippines, it's that those precious children are worth our fight.
So I challenge you to take a swing at complacency and set aside 5 minutes right now to pray for one of these children. Who's ready for a throw down?
Kat and her husband Jimmy have three children ages 8, 6 and 3. She loves music, running, Jesus and Tex-Mex food. Not necessarily in that order. Kat started the site Inspired to Action to help moms raise children who will change the world by offering practical tips and advice.
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current August 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
A Father's Impact - Father involvement makes a huge impact on the life of a child. Find out how and encourage the dads in your ministry to get involved in the lives of their children (p. 8).
Bible Basics - Can toddlers really learn about the Bible? Yes! Encourage parents and teachers to teach these Bible Basics (p. 13, and see our PL Online article Summer Spiritual Learning for tips).
Dangerous Drop Sides - Are the cribs in your church safe? Be aware of the new standards from the American Society for Testing and Materials and make safety a top priority (p. 11).
One Anothering - Good Samaritans are hard to find. Explore the difference your church could make in your community (and the world) if parents and teachers taught children how to love their neighbors by setting the example (pp. 20-21).
Beyond Bedtime Bible Stories - The Bible is not just something families should study on Sunday mornings; it should be an essential part of everyday life. Equip families in your church with practical ways they can incorporate Scripture into their daily routine (p. 25).
Back to School - Prepare the families in your church for this hectic season with tons of back-to-school tips (pp. 28-35).
Single-Parent Pitfalls - Help single parents in your church find God's redemption as they face these common struggles (pp. 36-37).
23 - The number of unique blog entries you will find this month on www.lifeway.com/parentlifeblog about the topics you care about most. We blog 5 days a week, so visit us!
For a printable PDF you can give to leaders in your childrens' ministry, click on the link below!
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: How important is it for me as a parent to play with my child? I feel like I have so much to do during the day. My child has playmates in our neighborhood and likes to play alone with toys. I use playtime to get household chores done, but I am wondering if she needs more of my time.
A: I love your question because you intuitively know that being a Martha mom requires a bit more Mary time (Luke 10:38-42)! Playtime with you is important for your child no matter how many friends and activities she has. No one can make your child feel as special as you can.
It is worth taking time each day to engage in pretend play. Play is a learning activity that encourages verbal and logical skills and the development of relationship skills. Studies show that parents who play with their children have kids with better self-esteem and who are reinforced in their imaginations and creativity. So here are a few ideas.
Instead of cleaning with your mop, make it a puppet. Have your child develop a theme and become part of the pretend world. Be silly and have fun. You can play with puppets and stuffed animals and use them to teach your child real-life situations that present your values.
Old-fashioned games such as hide and go seek, hopscotch, and acting out a fairy tale are easy to do and will bring you and your child closer together. Put down the dust rag and play with your child. She won’t remember a clean house as much as the fun she had with Mom.
I grew up on a dairy farm. We had cows, cows, and more cows. All Jersey. All brown. Except for a couple Black Angus we were told not to get too attached to! Cows do a lot of fun tricks or anything so I moved my affections toward the smaller creatures. We also had chickens and dogs and cats. The chickens were scary, especially after I had to pluck one once after seeing him beheaded. Yikes! The dogs were our pets, our real friends. The cats basically hung around to drink milk. They weren't pets. They did their own thing. I probably would have told you as a kid I was a dog person. Who needed cats?
Then about a year into married life a little black cat walked into our lives, Samantha. Talk about changing our thoughts about cats! We even smuggled her into seminary housing ... she was our little renegade cat. Seventeen years later I will tell you that I was always a cat person and just didn't know it. Not that I don't like dogs, but our cats have really been part of our family, and the kids have loved them.
Unfortunately we have had our share of pet losses too. Samantha died as mature 15-year-old of cancer. This week our young Orange Tabby, Charlie, died of an apparent heart attack 4 months after being diagnosed with cardiomyopathy. The boys were so sad. I really spent a long time digging in the dry ground, thinking about what to say at our funeral service. My prayer at the end of the service went something like this:
"Dear God, we are sad today because of the loss of our dear pet, Charlie. After everything you created, you said that your creation was good. We know that you thought Charlie was good. He was such a good and faithful pet to us. We know that you knew all about Charlie because you know even when a sparrow falls from the sky. Even though it makes us sad, it reminds us of how much you love us to send your only Son to die for us. We are reminded of how precious life is. Thank You for your goodness to us even on a day like this. We love you. Amen."
Our pets are members of our family, and it does hurt when they die. Children need to be allowed to grieve and celebrate the life and memory of a pet. It does teach valuable lessons about life and death and think about the things that are most important in life. There is no one size fits all plan to talk to a child about death and loss, but you know best how to communicate in a way your child can understand.
How have you dealt with the death of a pet in your family? What are some tips you would offer to parents in helping children deal with the loss of a pet?
Going along with our reading theme from yesterday, here are some tips from Darla Brantley on beating boredom at the library. - Jessie
Summertime blues? Head to your local library. Here are some interesting ways to cure boredom and maybe sneak in some educational opportunities.
Pick a theme. Have everyone check out books about animals. Read mysteries together. For giggles, check out only humorous books such as joke books, cartoon books, or books with silly rhymes or stories.
Read your favorite author. Re-read an old favorite or look for new releases.
Pick a letter of the alphabet and check out book titles that start with the chosen letter.
Try a non-fiction day. Check out biographies of favorite celebrities or historical figures. Check out magazines with informative articles about everything from cooking to rock climbing.
Have an information hunt using reference materials such as encyclopedias, the Internet, or old newspapers. Look up information about each family member’s birth year. Find out how you favorite snack was created. Discover how hurricanes are formed.
Check out videos. Look for favorite movie releases or documentaries about historical topics.
Read a friend’s favorite. Find out what authors are treasured by your friends. You may discover a new favorite writer.
Ask the librarian for recommendations. She will know which topics and titles are currently popular.
Read the classics. These books are timeless for a reason. If your children are younger, consider reading to them from any available abridged titles.
Check out a book of plays. Pick a production, assign roles to each family member, and “act” out the entire script at home. If you don't have enough family members, favorite dolls, toys, or action figures can fill in!
Do not forget your church library. Be sure to look for books about your favorite biblical figures or topics that teach your family more about Jesus.
Darla Brantley lives in Winfield, Alabama where she works as a special education aide and has the summers off. She visits her city and church libraries often with her husband, son, and daughter.
Have you discovered any amazing reads lately for your kids? My daughter (3 in October) is currently obsessed with Miss Fannie's Hat and How to Be a Baby. She loves coming home with a big stack of books from the library! - Jessie
“She hates to read!” I complained to my girlfriend.
At first, things were fine. Meghan could color, cut, and paste like the best of them. But, when it came time to teach our daughter how to read, struggles became apparent. It was hard to believe — especially when she came from a long line of bookaholics.
Fifteen years later, this same child is getting ready to graduate a year early from college. Her major? English. This same child who cried over silent g’s eventually became our most voracious reader. Her nose constantly stuck in between the bindings of a book; her junior-high girlfriends teased her when we put her on restriction from books for a week.
So, what did we do that helped encourage her hunger for the written word? We took a radical sabbatical, a year-long break from soccer, from dancing lessons, which gave us more time to read together as a family — especially after we kicked our TV to the curb. It’s been almost three years without a television. It’s been one of the best decisions we’ve made. When the TV isn’t constantly on, the kids will actually reach for a book.
Does your family enjoy reading? Do your children spend more time with video games than with books? I’ve included a few tips to making readers out of all of your children:
Read in the car. When we drive our kids around, they know to bring along a book. One of our children gets carsick, so he’s off the hook — he listens to books on tape instead.
Family date with a book. Borders and Barnes & Noble have cafés, which meant Paul and I would grab a mocha and pull up a chair in the children’s’ section. While their dad and I read books, often they climbed into our laps with a request, “Can you read me this?”
Turn off the TV. Give a child the choice and they’ll choose passive entertainment every time. Turn off the TV and hand them a book. We did. As a matter of fact, we’ve been TV-free for almost three years and our kids have survived.
Be an example. The greatest way to instill a love of reading in your children is to let them see our love of reading first. So, when was the last time your son or daughter saw you read a book?
When our family was just too busy, we didn’t have time to read. During our twelve-month time-out, it was miraculous how much time became available for us. Reading became one of favorite family pastimes!
How do you encourage your kids to love reading?
Joanne Kraft is the author of the nonfiction book Just Too Busy: Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical. A sought-after speaker, Joanne has been published in Today’s Christian Woman, In Touch, ParentLife, Kyria, and P31 Woman Magazine. She lives with her husband Paul in the California Sierra Nevada Foothills, where they are raising their four children.
Guess what? Today you get something we don't usually offer: a whole article from our June 2011 issue, in living color! The subject matter "Chosen Families: Parenting a Child with a Hidden Disability" is something many of our ParentLife Online readers can relate to. I hope you'll take the time to download and read the article if you missed it in the June issue. Thanks to author Shannon Royce for this information!
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Hidden disabilities—anxiety, asperger, ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, learning disabilities, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Tourette syndrome, and others—are neurological disorders that might not be obvious to the general public but that affect every area of a child's and a family's life. As a mom of a child who has been diagnosed with a hidden disability, I know the challenges your family is facing …
For the rest of the article, download the PDF by clicking on the link below.
Shannon Royce is President & C.E.O. of ChosenFamilies.org. Prior to founding the organization, Shannon served in various pro-family organizations as a public policy advocate.
It's a hot afternoon in June, and Libbie and I are on the back deck. My poor basil plant is withering, the one thing in our yard I claim to care about - since it provides the crop for our Summer Bow-Ties, fresh pesto, gorgeous pizza - and it's nearly dead. My dependence on the rain to water it is not a smart choice in the drought we've had.
I hand Libbie her little yellow spray bottle and ask her to water my plant. I will dump some more water on it later, of course, but her helpfulness needs an outlet that does not include stirring hot pots on the stove or trying to help her brother sit up. She gives it a good spray and then keeps on watering the friends around it: the bushes, the grass, and the weeds that grow around the weathered deck.
She does not discriminate, joyfully doling out to each one, weed or treasured food-bearing plant, its share of needed water. And I think this - this is the faith of a child. This is what Jesus meant.
Libbie does not know to differentiate between people, plants, colors. She doesn't know that one plant is helpful and one plant is a nuisance to the garden. She sees them like I believe Jesus sees people: each one as His favorite. Each one important to Him. Each one beloved, in need of some tender nurture. And often, I think He gives us children to learn some of these simple lessons, the truths we've forgotten since we, age two-and-a-half, watered our own weeds.
When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (6 months).
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: The other day, I took my daughter to a park and we played most of the day. As soon as we came home, she began to whine and said she had nothing to do. I have noticed that no matter how active we are, she complains. I don’t like this behavior and when I lecture her on being grateful, she just rolls her eyes. Any suggestions?
A: Whenever you try to change a child’s behavior, first look at your own. Do you whine and complain and model this behavior? Think about your conversation at meals, in the car, and on the phone. Sometimes parents are the culprit and need to get a handle on their own complaining behavior.
If that is not the case, consider this: Most children today have grown up with loving parents who provide lots of toys and stimulation. They aren’t used to being “bored.” So no amount of lecturing will do.
Instead, you have to do something about the whining that does not involve words. Tell your daughter that Mom and Dad made a mistake by paying attention to her whining and complaining. From now on, you will both ignore that behavior when it happens. You will walk away from her when she whines.
Then do it. Do not give any attention to that behavior when it happens or you will reinforce it. It is OK to give one warning when she says she is bored. Say something like: “It’s up to you to find something to do” or give one suggestion. After that, ignore complaints. Remember that whining usually means she wants to do something other than what is available, she wants you to change your mind, or she wants to do something she can’t do at the moment. So be resolved to use this ignoring strategy.
Keep in mind that when you begin to ignore an obnoxious behavior, it may escalate at first because the child is used to you responding. Do not give in when she escalates and the behavior will soon disappear. But you have to be consistent and give it a week or so.
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Great advice, Dr. Mintle! I may give these tactics a try with my own whiny kid. (Anyone else feel like they might scream if they hear, "Mom, I'm hungry!" again today?) How do you tame whining? -- Jessie
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current June 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Dads Need Mentors! Celebrate Father's Day as a church family by establishing a mentoring program for dads. Learn about the benefits of older men mentoring younger men and how mentoring made a huge difference in the life of one church and community (pp. 30-31).
Not every special need is visible. Reach out to families in your community who may be struggling with the diagnosis of a child with special needs. Encourage them with these 13 practical pointers (pp. 40-41).
On the Move. Is a family in your church getting ready to move? Help parents view relocation from a child's perspective.
Off to Church We Go. New parents can be nervous about leaving their infant with church caregivers. Address the concerns of these parents and help them prepare ahead of time for Baby's first trip to church (p. 11).
Safe Swimming. Do any of your summer activities involve the swimming pool? If so, be prepared to keep every child safe (pp. 42-43).
True or False? It is OK to eat food dropped on the floor if you pick it up within five seconds. Find out on page 16.
55 — The number of milligrams of caffeine in 12 ounces of Mountain Dew®. Are you making sure the children in your ministry are offered safe and healthy snacks (p. 12) and drinks (p. 18)?
Grandparent Encouragement. Offer hope and encouragement to grandparents who find themselves raising their grandchildren (pp. 39-39).
To download a PDF of the colorful ParentLife Everyday flyer, click the link below:
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current July 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Go Fish! Are families in your church looking for solid Christian role models? Discover the powerful gospel-focused message behind the music (pp. 20-23)!
Discipline Basics. Knowing how to discipline children is one of the most challenging parts of parenting. Equip parents and teachers with the basics of discipline with this age-by-age guide (pp. 30-31).
Hear—Know—Do. Equip the parents in your church to take an active role in the spiritual development of their children with these three strategies (p. 15).
Four Important Corners. Are parents and teachers in your church looking for some backyard camp ideas for kids? Teach children the principles behind Matthew 22:36-39 (pp. 40-41). Also see our blog article on having a Four Corners Campout.
Stepfamily Survival. Establishing a stable family identity takes the average stepfamily between 5 and 7 years. Ensure the success of blended families in your church by providing them with these 12 survival tips (pp. 38-39).
Fun & Free. Looking for some creative summer activities for your children's ministry? Consider adapting these eight free, fun ideas (p. 28). Also check out our blog article on Beating Summer Boredom on a Budget.
Separation Anxiety: A Spiritual Milestone? Help preschool teachers and volunteers understand the spiritual significance of separation anxiety (p. 11)
15% of parents surveyed reported that they turn to the church for parenting assistance. Do the parents in your church know God's plan for parenting (p. 17)?
To download a PDF of the colorful ParentLife Everyday flyer, click on the link below:
Early summer is the best time to devour fresh, ripe berries. Our July issue shares a quick and easy recipe for blueberry yogurt pops. (Do you make homemade popsicles, pudding pops, and the like? It seems so simple with a mold, but my daughter is not very into cold things.)
My favorite use of fresh blueberries is this double-crust blueberry pie. I took bits of pieces of other recipes to create this one, where delicious, ripe blueberries meld with a fresh burst of lemon. So find yourself a pick-your-own farm or pick up a few pints at a farmer's market. Spend an afternoon in the kitchen teaching your son or daughter how to craft a pie from hand.
I won't tell if you use refrigerated pie crusts. I always do.
Blueberry-Lemon Pie
2 pie crusts, homemade or the refrigerated kind 2 to 2 1/2 pints fresh blueberries, stemmed and washed 1 lemon 3/4 cup sugar 1/4 cup cornstarch 1 tsp cinnamon dash nutmeg 1 T butter, cut into small pieces 1 egg white, beaten (optional)
Spray the bottom of a deep-dish pie plate with cooking spray. Preheat oven to 350.
Mix together blueberries, zest of the lemon, juice of half the lemon, sugar, cornstarch, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Pour into the pie crust and spread out evenly. Dot the top with pieces of butters. Place the second crust over the top and crimp the edges together. Cut a few slits into the crust.
Optional: Brush the top with egg white for a good brown color. If you do this though you will need to check the pie after 30 minutes. If it's getting too brown, cover the edges with aluminum foil.
Bake at 350 F for 45 minutes or until the crust is brown and the filling is set. Let cool before serving.
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For the rest of the berries exploding around you, you could try:
On several occasions in the not-so-distant past, I've found myself chuckling over the strange characteristics that mark motherhood. You know ... the things you never could have imagined or understood before having kids.
I'll give you two personal examples:
1. Several months ago, I was digging for something in the bottom of my purse and I pulled out a rubber duck. That probably doesn't happen to many women without children!
2. A few weeks ago, our department was given the opportunity to leave work a couple of hours early before a holiday weekend. Do you know what I did with my time off? I went grocery shopping ... and I was excited about it! Why? Because I didn't have my toddler in tow! Three and a half years ago, I could not have imagined being that excited about grocery shopping!
Knowing I'm not the only one who thinks about these kind of things, I decided to ask my Facebook friends to finish this sentence: You know you're a mom when ...
I LOVE the responses I got and wanted to share them with you.
Some made me literally laugh out loud!!
... you speak in five-word sentences. "Would you like some juice?" "Do you need to potty?" "We do not eat rocks."
... you automatically cut everyone's food into small pieces, even the grownups.
... you find yourself watching Sesame Street and you are the only one in the room.
... you unconsciously think in rhymes (due to reading too many Dr Seuss books)!
... you tell other adults that you will be right back because you need to "go pee-pee in the potty."
... you catch yourself singing the Wonder Pets theme song in the shower.
... you know every word to every VeggieTales video but have trouble recalling what you did last week.
... you accidentally dilute your own apple juice ... and drink it anyway.
... you share bites of your meal even though they have the exact same thing on their plates.
... there are rocks in the dryer and clothes in the driveway.
... you have to weed through the action figures in your purse to find your lipstick.
... ketchup on the ceiling does not surprise you in the least.
... you tell time by which cartoon is on.
... you understand the language of toddler speak.
Others were responses I knew every mother could relate to:
... you're exhausted, ready for a nap, and your toddlers are running laps around you!
... you can't use the bathroom or take a shower without being interrupted.
... you hear yourself giving the same sound advice or warning to your children that your parents gave you ... even the phrases you swore you would never say!
... you catch your child's throw-up in a store.
... things that used to gross you out dont't phase you anymore!
... getting up at 7 is sleeping in.
And others warmed my heart and made me smile!
... you look at all your grandchildren and say, "It was all worth it".
... when you look at that little gift of God and nothing else seems as important anymore.
... you can see your heart walking around OUTSIDE your body!
Now it's your turn. Leave us a comment finishing this sentence. You know you're a parent when ... . I can't wait to read your responses!
In the July 2011 issue, we outline a "Four Corner Camp" for you to do at home. What better way to end the week "at camp" than having a family campout?
Here are a few ideas for a simple campout, indoors or out!
Make homemade tents inside (outdoors if you have appropriate equipment).
Fire up the grill (or a fire pit) and have hot dogs.
After eating s’mores from the microwave, watch campers perform Matthew 22:36-39.
Follow up with lots of silly camp songs! Slowly move this to a time of worship, singing slower songs. "More Precious Than Silver," "I Love You, Lord," and "Shout to the Lord" are good for reflection. If anyone in your family can play the guitar, all the better!
If you can go outside, spend time looking at God's creation and being in awe of it.
Remind campers that God desires our heart, souls, and minds.Pray, asking God to make this truth a reality in your family.
Research has demonstrated the wonderful effect that real photographs can have on a child’s ability to learn. Children with autism are often drawn to real images: the colors, vibrant imagery, the facial expressions, and more.
While running various workshops at Bookmans Bookstore, the YMCA, MOPS groups, and mom groups, it became clear to me that many parents are unaware of how effective photos can be. A simple project can lead to activities that enhance understanding, empathy, learning, and the retaining of information.
Tell a story: Take photos of your child helping someone else: a person or animal. Print the photos in color and put them in order (up to about 10 images). Laminate each one or cover in contact paper. String the images together, in order, to create a visual story. Look at the photos together and talk about what happened. Who did your child help? How was he/she affected? How did your child feel, knowing that someone was being helped through their actions?
Sequencing: Take photos of your child going through the steps of getting ready for the day. You could also take photos of a swim lesson or grocery shopping experience. What do you do first? Second? Third? Next? Last? Laminate the photos and string them together or place them on a flip ring. Talk about the steps with your child to help with sequencing. This will assist in reducing the stress of daily “have to’s” and errands — something that many children with special needs become frustrated by.
Colors or Feelings: Take photos of your child wearing blue, green, red, orange, yellow, white, etc. Laminate the images and turn them into a game. “What color are you wearing here?” “Red, yes!” You can also write the color names on the back of each photo, prior to laminating them. When you say, “Red, yes!” flip the photo around so your child can see the word on back and associate that word with the color. Do the same thing for "feelings" images: sad, happy, frustrated, excited, joyful, lonely, and so on. This will help to build empathy in your child.
Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the Owner/Founder of Personal Child Stories. Shara is a mother of three with a background in education, early childhood, journalism, freelance, nanny work, and special needs.
"After a month without a shower, it's hard to describe the joy you get from a package of wet wipes." - Michael Krause
In our July issue, Darla Brantley writes about the LifeBox program. LifeWay Christian Resources in years past urged U.S. civilians to send a LifeBox to a soldier overseas. The LifeBox program no longer exists through LifeWay, but there's no reason why you can't use the same ideas in the article to send a care package to a soldier. These care packages include LifeWay magazines — such as ParentLife — which are uplifting and moral.
I hope you'll watch this video of Second Lieutenant Michael Krause. He tells about a time of deep sorrow during which he recieved a LifeBox. It's a beautiful testimony to the ministry.
What a wonderful opportunity to show our children how we can spread God's love to the ends of the earth. I think I'll be going to pick up a few flat rate boxes to fill with my daughter soon. — Jessie
And if you are a military wife, don't miss LifeWay's Bible study for military wives — Tour of Duty by Sara Horn.
I have to admit ... after yesterday's Real Life Solution, I couldn't STOP thinking of ways to beat boredom this summer! Here are some more we've collaborated for you. These are all cheap or nearly free: my favorite way to do things! — Jessie
Go bowling for free! In all 50 states and Canada, bowling centers are trying to help over 2 million children bowl for free this summer. You can search for a center and check out the details at KidsBowlFree.com.
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: I do my best to keep my kids active in the summer, but I am already hearing, “Mom, I’m bored!” and it is only June! Do you have any suggestions in terms of keeping them busy?
A: I doubt there is a parent reading this who has not heard those words. Kids are so used to being entertained every minute that parents honestly need to teach them how to relax and have downtime. That said, here are 10 suggestions that may help.
10 Summer Boredom Beaters
Turn off the TV, computer, and other electronic forms of entertainment. Electronic “stuff” teaches kids to attend for short intervals, encourages passive activity, and doesn’t stimulate cognitive development.
Enroll your child in day camps or park and recreation activities. Many cities have organized opportunities for children.
Find a fun class such as cooking, sculpting, tap-dancing, or pottery-making. Experiment with an area of interest.
Buy a pass to a community pool. Swimming is active, fun, and interactive. It’s also a great way to beat summer heat!
Get involved in the public library with a summer reading program. You will reinforce reading skills, explore books, and relax in an air-conditioned room.
Volunteer for civic organizations or church activities as helpers, workers, or whatever is needed. Do a park clean-up day or a walk to fight cancer, teach at Vacation Bible School and take the kids, or plant flowers at your church.
Get kids helping others, such as doing errands for a homebound adult.
Help your child develop a hobby, such as bird-watching, card-collecting, or marbles. Have your child organize groups around those activities.
Encourage creative play around the house. Have bountiful art supplies, water games, board games, and cards. Put on dramatic plays. Be prepared for rainy days.
What do you do when your child proclaims, "I'm bored"?
In less than two months, my "little" guy, Jack, will turn 3 ... which means we're about to embark on our next big adventure ... potty training!
As you can imagine, being the editor of a parenting magazine I've read about the basics of potty training more than once <tiny bit of sarcasm>. You would think this means that I am more prepared than the average parent to potty train my own child. But that couldn't be further from the truth. To be completely honest ... I'm stressed about it already and we haven't even officially started! Reading the books and having head knowledge is one thing, but actually carrying it out correctly and effectively is another!
We've been talking it up for a few weeks with Jack and he's starting to show a glimmer of interest in the idea of using the big-boy potty. We even bought a potty chair this weekend to help him get used to it. He's very intrigued by the new addition to the bathroom. I am borrowing books and DVDs from friends to help engage him even more in the idea. We've even cultivated his love of M&Ms (not hard to do) in preparation for positive reinforcment! Everything is starting to indicate that he might finally be ready ... now if only I was as ready as he is!
I'm not sure why I'm not anxious to get started. I think part of me realizes that it is a HUGE milestone that officially marks the end of babyhood. As annoying (and expensive) as it is to change diapers, it is at least one way Jack still needs me. Once diapers are a thing of the past, he is one step closer to being independent. Next thing I know, he'll be moving out of the house (deep sigh)! OK ... maybe I'm being a bit overdramatic!
However, in reality, potty training is a big step ... one that should be celebrated! There's nothing left to do except to push aside the drama-queen thoughts and go for it!! I know it's a process that takes time ... but I'm hoping by the fall we'll have this potty-thing under our belts and be enjoying diaper-free freedom!
What potty-training tips do you have for me? What worked with your child? I'm all ears!
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current May 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Looking for a Safety Net? Help the moms in your ministry build a healthy network of supportive friends to rely on. Encourage experienced moms to reach out to newer moms by extending a hand of friendship — a great article for launching or promoting a Mom-to-Mom mentoring ministry in your church (pp. 20-23). [Also see our blog posts "Being a Friend" and "You're Not Alone, Mom!"]
True or False? Peanuts are the most common food allergy. False! However, peanuts are the food most likely to cause a life-threatening allergic response. Get the facts about food and seasonal allergies for parents and teachers (pp. 42-43). [Also see our blog post "Allergies 101."]
Single on Mother's Day: Be sensitive to the unique emotions and challenges single mothers face on Mother's Day. Recognize the sacrifices they make each day and encourage them to take time to celebrate their motherhood (pp. 38-39).
Choosing Adoption: Encourage teachers and volunteers to consider adoption from every angle ... including the perspective of the birth mother. Be prepared to minister to women who might be working through guilt (pp. 40-41).
Deep Questions: Preschoolers have a knack for asking difficult questions. Equip parents and teachers to answer these questions in a healthy way (p. 15).
Gracious Gratitude: Instill a sense of gratitude in the children in your church with these six tips (p. 16).
20+ : The number of words an 18-month-old may say. Are your teachers and volunteers building spiritual foundations by talking about God, Jesus, and the Bible? You want these important words to become a part of a child's working vocabulary (p. 12).
To download a PDF of this month's ParentLife Everyday, click on the link below.
Before we left the hospital with our newest bundle of joy in December, we were required to watch a DVD.
Great, I thought. One more delay keeping me from my soft bed, toddler, and Christmas celebration. (Have you ever slept on a hospital bed? I'd rather just go straight home after delivery so I can sleep on my own pillowtop mattress.)
The DVD was actually sort of interesting, though. It was an encouragement to read to your children. A kindergarten teacher told that she could tell whether a child had been read to or not before their entry to school. The difference between the vocabulary level of a child who had been read to and one who hadn't was thousands of words!
As someone with a BA in English and a total bibliophile, I was thrilled to hear these stats. I've been reading to my daughter since she was a few days old. The small toddler period where she would not sit still for even a short picture book tore me apart.
Now, at two-and-a-half, Libbie will listen to a whole stack of books. She relishes trips to the library, "reads" books in her bed at naptime, and can recite most of Green Eggs and Ham.
As a parent who is striving to instill Christian values in her children, I do filter what she reads. She does not read books where rude behavior is tolerated or celebrated. Nothing with language I deem inappropriate. While we do read an abundance of books of every kind, I especially try to choose books that teach biblical stories or stress the love of Christ.
I'd love to hear your suggestions for other God-honoring books for children. My oldest is a toddler, so that's is where my list comes from, but I'd be grateful to have a list for my kids as they grow!
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My 10-year-old son would play video games all day if I let him. Every time I tell him to put down the game, he says, “But I am in the middle of a game and can’t stop.” I feel like pulling out my hair and wish I had never given in to buying him a gaming system.
A: Don’t pull out your hair! You are more powerful than a 10-year-old armed with video games. Instead of buyer’s remorse, teach him how to use those games responsibly.
Most video games have a save button that allows the player to quit and then pick up the game again with no lost action. Your son’s excuse to keep playing is just that—an excuse. But first, you need an established time limit for play before he ever turns on a game. Experts recommend that screen time not exceed one to two hours in any given day. That includes all screens (TV, computer, gaming systems, and mobile devices).
Once you have established the amount of playing time, make sure he does not have the gaming system, TV, or computer in his room unsupervised. You cannot monitor screen time if you cannot see when and where he is using screens.
Also, review the content of games. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reports that most games have common themes that are promoted. You should be screening for the killing of people or animals; the use and abuse of drugs and alcohol; criminal behavior; disrespect for authority and the law; sexual exploitation; violence toward women; racial, sexual, and gender stereotypes; foul language; obscenities; and obscene gestures.
Finally, remember you are the boss and decide the rules of usage. If he does not abide by the time frame, give one warning and then remove the device as a time-out from play. Loss of the privilege is usually enough punishment to keep a child in line with the established time frame.
My 10-year-old son, Jacob, was baptized a few weeks ago. The special day began with a prayer time with our pastor before the service. My husband, David, accompanied Jacob to the changing room. I sat in the congregation with our extended family, standing in support of Jacob as is the custom at our church.
Each child is encouraged to write a letter to God, which our pastor reads from the baptismal pool. Jacob’s letter said:
Dear God, I’m excited about being baptized because then the whole church will know that I’m a Christian! I want everyone to know that I’m a Christian! From, Jacob
A few minutes after the baptism, Jacob and David arrived back at our pew and joined us for the rest of the worship service. Not wanting to embarrass Jacob, I just squeezed his shoulder and whispered that I was proud of him. When we sat down after the next hymn, Jacob pulled a piece of paper and a pencil out of his church bag. He’s quite a good artist, so I had no problem interpreting the drawing he slid over to me: It was unmistakably a pair of underwear. I looked at him with raised eyebrows and he gave me one of his silly grins before he looked away.
My husband saw what was happening and filled in the gaps. Apparently when I packed the bag of items Jacob would need after his baptism, I forgot to put in the most important thing — dry underwear! I suppose that when we talk about his baptism in the years to come, the first thing anybody mentions will be that Jacob had to go commando in his khakis through the rest of church.
In a way, I’m kind of glad I forgot the underwear. It gives us a starting point for talking, again and again, about one of the greatest spiritual moments of my son’s life. It’s been fun to think of ways to remind us often of Jacob’s decision. As part of the preparation for his baptism, Jacob completed LifeWay’s “I’m a Christian Now” workbook. One excellent suggestion given in the book was to make a memory box. In it are his letter to God, worship guides from the dates of his profession of faith and his baptism, and cards he received from family members and friends.
I plan to make a DVD of the photographs and video clips from Jacob’s special day. We watch home videos often and will enjoy putting this one in the rotation. My sister and her family gave Jacob a 6-inch wooden cross, which is on display in his room. He also received a certificate from the church office, which will also hang in his room as soon as I can get it matted and framed.
If your kids are like mine, they likely have already accumulated trophies for sports, medals for science fairs and perfect attendance at school, accolades for piano and dance recitals, and patches for scouting. For sure, we also need some tangible reminders when our children make the most important decision of their lives, to follow Christ.
In what ways do you mark your child’s spiritual milestones? Let’s share our ideas to be sure our children know—and remember—how important these accomplishments truly are.
Joy Fisher has been a ParentLife contributor since before her children were born; her oldest is inching ever closer to his 13th birthday. She edits Special Buddies, LifeWay’s Bible study curriculum for children with intellectual and developmental special needs.
Sunday was a special time for our family apart from the normal Easter festivities. Our 7-year-old, Christopher, was baptized. The pastor did a beautiful job, not only explaining to visitors why we baptize by immersion and what it symbolizes, but also in endearing each child's story to the congregation and reading a verse parents picked out for their child.
We asked our pastor to read Christopher's life verse that we chose for his baby dedication: "Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him" (Colossians 3:17). We have told Christopher that this verse is important for all Christians because we always represent Christ in everything we do, but that the name Christopher literally means "Christ follower or Christ bearer." He literally represents Christ with his name!
The pastor also mentioned Christopher and the courage he showed on the day of his baptism. Christopher had been very nervous! In fact, our pastor used Christopher as an example at the invitation time, encouraging adults to come forward with courage and accept Christ. It reminded me of what Jesus did when He called a little child to stand with and be an example of faith (Matthew 18:1-5).
Children have a remarkable ability to believe, love, and trust—as well as show courage—that we as adults could learn to follow as we all grow together in faith. It takes a lot of courage as an adult to face fears, stress, conflict, and failures. Sometimes I wish I could say time out and call a "do over" like we used to do as kids playing games. But it takes courage to face all these difficulties, to parent, to say "I’m sorry," to admit mistakes, and even to share the gospel of Christ with others. That’s a big part of why Jesus used a child as an example of great faith.
We want to partner with you in helping your kids take huge steps of faith. Let us know other ways we can partner with you to raise godly kids!
I'm taking a break from my looming deadlines this afternoon to day dream for a few minutes about some much-needed time off. My husband, Jason, and I have always been huge fans of vacationing in the fall when the weather is cooler and the crowds are smaller. We've taken some really great vacations as a couple — the Smoky Mountains; the Biltmore in North Carolina; North Myrtle Beach in South Carolina; and Savannah, Georgia just to name a few.
But ever since Jack's arrival, we've not had a great track record with vacations — a week at the beach where Jason and I both ended up with a stomach virus, a trip to Cincinnati that ended early because we didn't plan well for a toddler, and a whirlwind trip to Texas for a family reunion (more exhausting than relaxing).
So this year, we decided to do things differently! Rather than waiting until the fall, we decided to take some days off this spring, before it gets too hot and crowded. And rather than spend a lot of money traveling, we've decided to stay home! We are officially on "stay-cation" next week! I can't wait! We plan to go to the zoo and to our favorite children's museum. I'm sure we'll play at the park and maybe even go swimming! We will do some shopping and eat out some, but most importantly ... we will rest and spend time together as a family. My prediction is that it just might be our best vacation yet!
For now ... it's back to reality. Those deadlines won't take care of themselves!
What are your favorite vacation memories? Do you have exciting vacation plans for this year? Any tips for our upcoming "stay-cation"? I'd love to hear from you!
I don't know about you, but when 4 p.m. rolls around, I am tired. Being a stay-at-home mom with a couple freelance gigs on the side, trying to keep my house running, and having a baby who still doesn't sleep makes me ragged. By 4 o'clock I am ready to put my feet up and call it a day.
And yet that seems to be the time the kids really rev up for some "fun." Or as I like to call it, torture of their mother.
In our house, we call 4 p.m. "The Time When Mommy Turns the TV on and Begs Libbie to Watch It So She Can Make Dinner While the Baby Screams."
We eat dinner early, so our frenzy time usually falls from 4 to 5. For most people I think it's more like 5 to 6. It's that time when you're trying to deal with kids, make dinner, go through the mail, talk on the phone to your mother, online bank, and be on Facebook all at the same time. — Jessie
Here are some tips from Leanne Ely of Saving Dinner to help you through this painful hour:
Have a Plan. You have to have your menu planned for the week so you're not schlepping through the grocery store at 5:45 with hungry, miserable kids hoping to score a rotisserie chicken. If you have your meals planned for the week, you'll be more than a little ahead of the game — 75% of Americans don't know what's for dinner at 4:30 PM each day. If you have your plan, you'll have thawed chicken and some veggies stashed in the freezer; no last minute runs to the grocery store.
Appetizers Anyone? Having a quick appetizer for the kids will soothe their tired little selves. Have this stuff ready to go in little plastic containers — any little veggies you can think of that you can plop on a plate easily and serve with some (dreaded) Ranch dressing. Kids will eat anything with Ranch dressing!
Play with Your Food. You'll double your chances of getting your kids to eat their vegetables if you give them some toothpicks to stab the veggies with. Kids love all manner of violent behavior; just make sure Junior doesn't put the baby's eye out and no Norman Bates imitations!
Hire Help. Don't you wish? For most, that ain't happening. In light of getting a chef and butler, train your little padawan learners. Give them duties in the kitchen and teach them what to do (as age appropriate). True, it might take longer initially, but there will come a point where your 12-year-old can suddenly make dinner by himself. That's because you had him at your elbow since he was little. Don't miss this golden opportunity.
Make a Busy Box. Have a plastic tub with special stuff that the kids can only play with when Mom is making dinner. Put some books in there, special games, puzzles, and some pretend cookware! While you're busy making the salad, ask little Suzie to make her pretend salad and talk her through it as you do your own. Kids like being involved even when it's just pretend!
I went to Target on Saturday night to get diapers.
Every inch of the store is filled with bring Spring colors, plastic eggs, pastel-wrapped candies, bunnies, and baskets. Easter dresses and tiny three-piece suits fill the childrens section and Easter cards line the aisle. Egg plates. Roasting pans for clove-studded hams. Banners and flags and picture frames that all proclaim, "Happy Easter!"
It literally turned my stomach.
I have nothing against Easter egg hunts and baskets and dresses and Cadbury cream eggs are one of my favorite annual treats. But it feels like just another holiday we've morphed into a reason to buy cards, candy, and clothes. Another time for our kids to feel like they "deserve" something.
I know what I deserve: eternal separation from God, separated from Him by the blackness of my sin.
"If God were fair, I'd get what my sins deserve. I praise Him that He's not fair … God is just, but He's not fair. If He were fair, I'd have to suffer … forever."
These next two weeks, I want to keep my focus on the reason we celebrate: the Resurrection that saved me from eternal death. My kids are a little young to understand being saved from their sins, but I want to start the tradition now of concentrating on Christ. I'm reading my 2-year-old the stories of The Last Supper, The Triumphant Entry, and Jesus' Crucifixion and Resurrection from every kids Bible we have in our house. She may not get it, but the words are there. The Word, instilled in her little heart.
How do you keep your kids focused on the true reason for Easter?
When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (4 months).
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current April 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Spoiled Rotten? Are parents in your church struggling with spoiled children? Help them break the cycle with these six practicle tips (p. 28). [See our related blog article, "The Ways and Whys of Spoiling."]
New Ways to Celebrate Easter. Celebrate the newness of the Easter season while building strong family relationships. Encourage parents to start creative Easter traditions of their own using these great ideas. Teachers in your ministry can even adapt these ideas to use in the classroom (pp. 24-25).
Sensory Overload Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) affects approximately 5 percent of school-age children. Equip your teachers with the information they need to provide these children with an effective learning environment (pp. 36-37).
An Amazing Testimony. "You can't protect your family from everything. We have to give them into the keeping of the Lord." --Jennifer Shaw (pp. 20-23) [Also see our blog article on Jennifer's son, "The Miracle Boy."]
Building Moms and Dads. Build moms and dads in your church into the parents God wants them to be (pp. 38-39).
46% - The number of U.S. preteens (ages 8 to 12) who use a cell phone. What is the primary reason parents give for giving their children cell phones? Find out on pages 18 and 19.
Download a PDF of ParentLife Everyday to pass along to your children's minister or parents in your church:
In our April issue, we featured the article, "Keep It Fresh! The Dangers of Spoiling Your Children" by Carrie Bevell Partridge. The article has some great advice on breaking the cycle of spoiling, but to help us understand it more fully, here are lists of the WHYS and WAYS we spoil.
Why You Spoil Your Child
Not wanting her to dislike you
Fearing tantrums, which will embarrass you
Wanting to have a happy child, which makes you look like a “good parent”
Wanting to give her things to help her enjoy life
Wanting to keep her quiet or to eliminate conflict
Being too lazy to discipline
Fearing saying “No” to a sick child
Having an “I never had ... so my kids will have everything” attitude
Convenience
Wanting her to have what other children have
Wanting her to be well-liked or to fit in with peers
Wanting to be a “cool” parent
Feeling guilty for not spending enough time with her
Wanting to build her self-esteem
Ways You Spoil Your Child
Always letting her have whatever she wants, whenever she wants
Never saying “No” and meaning it
Not giving her any experience in working or waiting
Not challenging her on thoughts or actions
Allowing her to dictate what she will eat at meals
Giving her certain items just because “everyone has them”
Being her friend instead of her parent
Putting her needs ahead of your spouse’s needs on an ongoing basis
Continually bailing her out when she gets in trouble, makes poor decisions, or is irresponsible
Dropping everything to listen to her when she demands it
Allowing her to treat you as her servant
Do you think these are accurate? What would add or take away?
**Remember, this is the last day to enter the March giveaway!
Photo by Tammra McCauley; used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.
This week I attended a meeting about transitioning kids into middle school. Yikes, middle school! Does that bring up not so pleasant memories for you as it does for me? There aren't many people I know who talk about the middle school years without thinking of the difficult moments.
As I listened in that meeting, the speaker shared that one of the best things you can instill in your kids is a sense of resiliency, dealing with disappoitment and loss and moving forward. And I have to agree. Too many times it is easy to cover up issues rather than deal with them, pretend you are not hurting, or avoid conflicts altogether.
This reminder of building resiliency is a good one not only for middle schoolers but also for parents too. How do you say you deal with problems? Difficult times are going to come. Preparing your kids for them takes a lot of work.
Here are some ways to help build resilency that I thought of while reflecting on that middle school meeting.
Model yourself how to deal with disappointment.
Admit when you deal with things badly.
Ask forgiveness when you mess up.
Talk openly your disappointment with trusted confidants.
Realize that is OK to feel the disappointment or loss. Don't cover up the pain.
Address issues that arise when your emotions are in check but without putting aside for too long.
Don't let fear determine your behavior. Recognize that it does take courage to get back on the horse!
Pray to God for clear direction. Praise Him always for His goodness and thank Him for His blessings!
I don’t know what the weather is like in your neck of the woods, but in Middle Tennessee the past two weeks have been beautiful, complete with sunshine and temps in the 60s to 70s. And for my family, spring couldn’t get here soon enough! Jack is now 2.5-years-old and he is an outside boy. He would spend every second outside if we let him. Being cooped up so much of the winter is difficult for him … and for us!
A few weeks ago, I was the closest I’ve ever been to claiming Jack was in his terrible 2s. We were dealing with difficult behavior and meltdowns more than usual. My patience was wearing thin … and I was worried that it wasn’t going to get any better. I was starting to panic that maybe I wasn’t doing a good enough job as a mother, maybe we weren’t using the right form of discipline, or maybe he was going to turn out to be defiant child!
Enter springtime. We have spent almost every free minute outside in this beautiful weather. It’s amazing to me how outdoor activities, sunshine, and fresh air make a huge difference in Jack’s mood and behavior. He sleeps, better, eats better, and listens better when he has spent time outside. For now, order has been restored in the Skulley household.
The longer I am a parent, the more I am discovering that challenges seem to come in phases. Just when you are ready to give up, things smooth out again. Don’t get me wrong. It’s never “easy.” But with time (and lots of prayer) the challenges become more manageable, and eventually a specific challenge becomes a thing of the past.
I’m reminded of this as I talk to friends who have recently had babies. I faced many of the challenges they faced with their newborns and infants, but looking back now, it feels as if it was a lifetime ago. It is easy to forget how many challenges you have overcome.
Old challenges are replaced with new challenges but that’s what makes parenting an adventure. There is never a dull moment … and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Our next big challenge? Potty training! Aren’t you jealous?
What is your current parenting challenge? What challenges have you already been through?
"The Story of Jesus” is presented in a colorful way in April's ParentLife. Use this teaching tool to encourage your family through Bible study in the days leading up to Easter. Get everyone involved!
There are 24 stories of Jesus’ life in this teaching tool. As a family, read one passage each night from April 1 to Easter Sunday on April 24. Divide each color block into different ways to share the story. Read the blue passages aloud; act out the yellow passages; draw pictures to describe the story for the red passages; create a puppet show for the green passages. Talk about or make a list of everything you know about Jesus. Read the Bible stories together and see what new things you learn about Jesus! Make a list of all the new things you learned in Scripture about Jesus; pray together to thank God for continually learning through His Word.
Worship together by singing songs to go with the different passages about Jesus’ life. Song ideas might include: "Silent Night," "Jesus Loves Me," "God Is So Good," "Zacchaeus," "Fishers of Men," and "Christ the Lord is Risen Today." (For toddler and younger elementary-aged children, Wee Sing Bible Songs is a great CD with a singing book to follow along.)
Make a timeline of Jesus’ life. Cut apart each of the colored passages and place them in order on your timeline. Read the Bible passage and let younger kids color a picture on that color of paper. During the month, hang the pictures in a hallway to tell the story of Jesus’ life. Cut up the colored Bible passages and mix them up. Challenge older kids to place the passages in the correct order of Jesus’ life.
Give each person in your family a color to coincide with the Bible passages. Then each family member is responsible for planning the Bible study for that color passage. Challenge older children to create a song, activity, or game to go with the Bible passage. Help younger children retell the Bible story in a few simple sentences and create motions to a song.
Strengthen older children's skills by hosting a Bible drill challenge. Each night, the first one to find the book, chapter, and verse of each passage gets to read it!
Do you do anything with your family to mark the weeks before Easter?
Thank you, Christi McGuire, for these helps. Christi is a freelance writer in Lakewood Ranch, Florida. She and her husband, Matt, enjoy each new day with their two daughters Mary-Allison (5) and Mia (3).
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current March 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Check out the new ParentLife! Each cover will capture playful moments in life that parents and teachers love!
Provide parents with this effective monthly tool for family worship times. Equip them with a week's worth of family devotions (that coordinate with what children are learning at church) as well as a calendar packed with application activities to enhance learning throughout the month (pp. 25-27).
Inspire families in your church to watch for and take advantage of teachable moments that arise in everyday life, no matter thier family situations. Remind them that children learn amazing truths by watching the adults in their lives live out their faith in practical ways (pp. 38-39).
Looking to train parents and teachers with the latest and best information about their children? Growth Spurts provides this information about all aspects of a child's development in this new easy-to-read format.
Hear. Know. Do. Teach these three basic principles to parents and teachers in your children's ministry in order to build healthy, strong spiritual foundations in the children of your church. Establish hear, know, and do as the first steps in a lifetime of spiritual development! (p. 28).
Pass along Mom- and Dad-centered articles each month by Angie Smith and Carey Casey to encourage moms and dads in their parenting journeys.
Download a PDF of ParentLife Everyday to pass along to your children's minister or parents in your church:
I've certainly heard it and thought it a million times: "Time changes were created by someone who doesn't have children."
Trying to get children adjusted to a suddenly adjusted schedule can be daunting at best and torturous at worst. No one wants to go to bed when it's light outside. Hopes of a later bedtime meaning a later wake-up are often crushed by disoriented toddlers.
Here are some tips on getting your children adjusted to the time change:
Don't skip naps in hopes of having your child go to sleep earlier. Overtired children often resist sleep.
If your child is old enough to understand, explain the time change and why it began. Not only will this help them understand why it is light outside at 8 p.m., it makes a great history lesson at home!
Don't be too stringent about bedtime the first week after the time change. Let kids go to sleep 30-45 minutes later than normal and edge back toward their regular bedtime. Keep their routine the same, though, because those steps can communicate "bedtime" more than outside conditions.
My friend Kat suggests having your child use a sleeping mask as young as age 4. This helps block out sunlight and allows them to get to sleep despite light coming in the windows. She said it really did the trick for her daughter!
Also interesting is that exercise helps your body produce seratonin, which aids in resetting your internal clock. So if you are having difficulty adjusting yourself, a good workout might be the remedy!
Do you have any tried-and-true tips for maintaining sanity during the time change?
On a personal level, Rebecca is a joy to work with and has become a very dear friend! I treasure each or our conversations and interactions. Thank you, Rebecca, for all you've done for ParentLife! We love you!
If you love Rebecca's writing, don't worry. You'll see plenty more of her writing in ParentLife and here on the blog. (Don't miss her guest post on Monday!) But you can read more from Rebecca every day on her blog, Mom Seriously ... not to mention the following great resources.
Remember the story of Jacob from Genesis 29? Jacob worked seven years to marry his love, Rachel, but was tricked by his uncle and married her older sister, Leah, instead. Jacob was not deterred and promised to work seven more years for Rachel. Talk about a true labor of love!
I don't why exactly, but this story kept bubbling into my conscious thoughts as I pondered my youngest son, Christopher, turning 7 last week. It must be the 7 year time frame that made me think about it. Seven years is a long time but has gone by so quickly in many other ways. We celebrated at a Belmont basketball game (guess which masked Bruin in the photo is Christopher), some pizza, a trip to the circus over the weekend, and by watching the first two days of Christopher's life on DVD (this puts a different spin on what "labor of love" means).
And we'll be the first to tell you that parenting is not easy day in and day out. There are many difficult stretches that involve a different type of labor: sickness, mistakes, disobedience, the hard times of parenting. But those times of trial quickly melt away in retrospect.
Christopher was enthralled watching the video of the hours after his birth. The pure joy on everyone's face was so evident: Mommy, Daddy, big brother, grandparents, nurses. What a joyous event! I could tell that watching the video of his first two days was a special moment for him. What a cute, special little baby that has grown into our little boy in 7 short years. We love you, Christopher, and are so proud to be your parents!
The Kohl's Cares Scholarship Program launched its 11th year on February 1st. Nominations will be taken at kohlskids.com until March 15. The scholarships honor young volunteers who have made an impact in their community. Scholarships range from $50 Kohl's gift cards to $10,000 for college.
On the Clorox Facebook page, you can submit a picture of you and your child(ren) cooking together for a chance to win trips to NYC or Vermont, a private baking party, or a prize pack with money to throw a baking soiree of your own! You can submit pictures until March 29.
The Women's Missionary Union hosts Children's Ministry Day this Saturday, February 19. It's not too late to look into the projects being done ... or think up one of your own! This year's theme is "neighbor to neighbor." Encourage your kids to think about how they could minister to their friends, neighbors, church family, or anyone you needs a little help.
You know how everyone will tell you that going from one child to two is hard?
They aren't kidding!
I was prepared for it to be hard to juggle two kids around. I dreaded getting them in and out of car seats, trying to go to the grocery store, and never being able to sleep.
What I wish someone would have told me is that the difficulty is not all in technicalties and physicality.
I was almost thrilled when I confirmed with my girlfriends that it was NORMAL I was resenting my older child for being so needy. (Not forgetting that she is only 2. She IS needy!) I feel that most of my days now are spent scolding and disciplining her as she uses any method she can think of to procure my attention.
David is a pretty needy baby - he rarely slept in his bed until he was 4 weeks old - and dealing with his physical needs trumps playing on the floor with Libbie ... which results in her emotional meltdowns, tantrums, and acting out.
There are not many of the sweet bonding times I experienced with my daughter. No whole afternoons spent cuddling on the couch. It disappoints me that my relationship with each child is not living up to my expectations or desires.
My friend Mary says I make a good case for her to not have any more children.
I think one of the major problems with American Christianity is that we live in a culture of independence. The Christians in Acts gave freely to one another, giving help where it was needed. I've told many a friend that I can now understand why people lived in villages. It would be nice to be able to let Libbie run outside or to a neighbor's without worrying about her.
I'm so appreciative of those who have stepped in to watch the kids, bring a meal, or just come and talk. I'm especially thankful for a sweet friend who came to hold David for an hour so I could take Libbie out and have that one-on-one time she craves.
Don't let Americanism trump the life of community God's called you to. Ask for help if you need it, receive it with a humble spirit, and give it when you can.
And maybe give someone fair warning if they ask for advice on having a second child!
What do you wish someone would have told you about parenting?
Along with being the resident ParentLife blogger, Jessie has been blogging for nearly five years at Vanderbilt Wife. She is mother to 2-year-old Libbie and 8-week-old David. She lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and is a freelance writer, editor, and proofreader.
It was Thursday afternoon, and I was checking last-minute e-mails before taking Sam over to a friend’s neighborhood pool. Always the water bug, my little guy was so excited about the chance to swim at a new pool, with two adoring older girls who treat him like a prince.
As I opened Jenna’s last-minute reminders, she noted, “You may want to prepare Sam that the lifeguards take a 10-minute break every hour. The whistle will blow, and everyone will have to exit the pool.”
As I read her message, I knew she had just saved me a lot of headaches for the afternoon. My son, Sam, has autism. He has difficulty with transitions, needs to know what to expect, and hates loud, shrill noises. Her casual e-mail helped me prepare Sam for the experience, so we could all enjoy the trip to the pool.
If you know a child with autism, here is a list of do’s and don’t’s to show you how you can help:
DO:
Give him a heads up on anything out of the sensory “norm”: loud noises, something particular he might have to wear, etc.
Let him know the schedule ahead of time, especially if there are big transitions. My son uses a visual schedule with pictures that show him what is coming next and what his choices are. These are invaluable in new situations.
Be very specific in your instructions and give positive feedback when the child does a good job.
Provide two choices: “Do you want to swing or slide?” Too many options can be confusing.
Use simple language. Be direct without using too many words.
DON’T:
Expect him to read your facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language -- many children with autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) can not.
Speak loudly like you’re talking to a deaf person. Volume does not increase understanding!
Change plans mid-stream. Children with autism often are resistant to change in routine and expectations.
Underestimate their ability to be social, have a great time, and play hard!
Exempt him from the rules of sharing, caring, and treating others with respect. As a parent, I want my son to learn those things as well. Practicing in social situations is the only way he will learn that.
Jennifer J. Holt and her husband, Brian, are walking through each day, casting their cares on the Lord, and praying for strength and wisdom as they raise their hilarious, musical, artistic, outdoorsy, miraculous son, Sam, who is now four years old.
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: We have been through a lot this past year. My husband was deployed and is still serving overseas, our family dog died, we’ve moved closer to my family, and my mom is battling cancer. I’ve noticed that my 7-year-old son is bed-wetting and more withdrawn in school. How do I know if he needs to see a therapist?
A: What you’ve described is a series of significant life events that can be tough for a child to manage — a move, deployment, pet death, and an ill grandma.
The stress can cause the problems you see. First, talk to teachers and others who interact with your child to get a better idea of how he is doing in settings away from home. See your pediatrician to make sure there is no underlying medical issue that could be impacting his behavior.
When you see regression in behavior like bed-wetting, behavioral problems like isolating, grades dropping in school, sadness, social withdrawal, losing interest in enjoyed activities, aggression, changes in sleep and/or appetite, mood swings, physical complaints, and adjustment problems, these are all signs that indicate your child would benefit from the help of a child therapist.
You are covered under your military insurance so you should be able to get help easily. Look for someone trained in working with children, who is good at building a relationship. Ask if the therapist is willing to do a brief consultation before you commit to that person. The therapist should be licensed in your state, covered under your military plan, have credentials and training that reflect child development, and be friendly so that your son feels comfortable.
I would recommend finding a family therapist who will include you in helping your son through the transitions and dad’s absence. In addition, you may want to identify a dad at church who might give your son a little “dad time” now and then. Boys miss doing things with their dads when dads are deployed. Hopefully he can work through all the transitions that seemed to hit your family at one time.
Parenting a special needs child is one of the most daunting and rewarding tasks a parent could ever be asked to do. Many evenings I have found myself lying in the dark, crying out to God and begging Him to heal my son's autism. I have also spent many nights worrying about Sam’s future, clinging to God’s promises to prosper him and not to harm him (Jer. 29:11-13).
When my husband I attended our first orientation session about this overwhelming disorder, the speaker began the presentation by saying, “Go ahead and mourn the child you have lost.” She proceeded to outline the seven steps of grief, the same steps people experience when a loved one dies. We realized in that moment that the speaker did not have the hope that we have. She obviously does not know the One, True, Living God.
As parents of a child with autism, we often feel like we are standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon, with no bridge to help us walk across that chasm. Jesus Christ is that bridge. He offers hope, encouragement, wisdom, and rest. My God is bigger than autism, bigger than special needs of any kind, and ready and willing to help. God has a perfect plan for my son, and for every person He creates.
Before Sam was formed in my womb, the Lord knew he would have autism. I look forward to seeing how God uses this thorn in Sam’s side to bring glory to Him.
Here are a few special promises that encourage me to stay strong in the Lord:
“Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, fenced in and hidden, which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 (AMP)
“Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5 (HCSB)
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (HCSB)
“That’s why we can be so sure that every detail of our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:28(MSG)
“Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.” Psalm 27:14 (AMP)
Jennifer J. Holt and her husband, Brian, are walking through each day, casting their cares on the Lord, and praying for strength and wisdom as they raise their hilarious, musical, artistic, outdoorsy, miraculous son, Sam, who is now four years old.
Sunday School teachers are heroes. Have you taken time to show appreciation to your child's Sunday School teachers? Enjoy this sweet poem in their honor!
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who tell the children the truth about Jesus, For they will be called the teachers of God.
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who love and hug the children, For they will be embraced by God’s glory.
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who endure the talkative children and the ear-piercing screams of little girls, For they will hear God’s joyful laughter among them.
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who behave and play like the children around them, For they will receive youthful vigor for the next 10-15 minutes.
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who listen to the children’s concerns, For God will reveal His heart to them.
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who teach the children to pray, For they will experience God’s power through answered prayer.
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who lead one of the children to saving grace, through Jesus Christ, For they will have treasures in heaven.
Blessed are the Sunday School Teachers ... Who call on God for wisdom in teaching His Word, For the Holy Spirit will speak the truth in love through them.
For some creative ideas to show your appreciation to your child's Sunday School teacher, don't miss "Sunday School Heroes" in the January 2011 issue of ParentLife.
How have you shown love to the Sunday School teachers in your life? Share your ideas with others by leaving a comment.
Are your kids growing up too fast? I am living that today. My youngest son, Christopher, is a big first grader. We are so proud of how he is learning to read, playing basketball, and memorizing his books of the Bible. He is such a big boy in so many ways!
We love him so much and treasure every moment together, but we sometimes miss those days gone by — before homework, sports practice, and video games — when entertainment involved snuggling on the couch watching his favorite cartoon. Ask Christopher today what his favorite cartoon is, and he will tell you the latest incarnation of Scooby-Doo. But it wasn't too long ago when we were watching shows like The Backyardigans, laughing at the silly characters and singing those clever songs.
That was before he somehow realized that show is "for babies." For the longest time, we kept our collection of Backyardigan episodes on the DVR — probably 30 shows! Then the day came when I deleted them one by one ... all except our favorite "Race Around the World." I kept that one several months longer. One day my wife actually got Christopher to sit and watch it with her, and they laughed and enjoyed it so much! After the show was over, Christy asked Christopher, "Now wasn't that fun?" Christopher replied, "Yes, but please don't tell any of my friends I watched it!"
So goes that part of childhood. The Backyardigans has become part of our parenting history as we move on to other fun challenges and exciting times. But occasionally it is fun to "remember when"! It helps us remember how precious every passing moment is together!
What are some of your kids' "old favorites" you have left behind?
This past Sunday was Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. One of the many ways that Christians can honor God's gift of life is through adoption. Our January 2011 feature "Choosing Life" by Bill Conger celebrates three families who chose life by choosing adoption.
Another very special form of adoption is embryo adoption ... also known as snowflake adoption. Jon and Jodi have a powerful testimony about embryo adoption to share! Enjoy their amazing story!
Jon and Jodi
For six long years, Jodi longed to be pregnant, but that didn't seem to be part of God's plan for her and her husband, Jon. The Mt. Juliet, Tennessee, couple quickly nixed the in vitro fertilization (IVF) option for moral and ethical reasons so they pursued domestic adoption.
"I kept wondering why would God give me such a deep desire to become pregnant that wouldn't go away if there wasn't going to be a pregnancy," Jodi recalls. "There's got to be a reason for that." They eventually chose to adopt embryos.
"In embryo adoption, you're providing a solution for the extra embryos created though IVF. You're giving children life that wouldn't otherwise reach birth."
Just like a traditional adoption, the Jon and Jodi filled out reams of paperwork and were properly screened to make sure they were a suitable adoptive family. The doctor prepped Jodi's body through a series of hormone shots before transfering three embryos.
"Our prayer the whole time was that God would protect each embryo through the process," Jon said. "We didn't go into this with anything but the belief that life begins at conception. These embryos deserve every chance at life possible, and we shouldn't do anything that would put their lives at risk. We felt that was totally God's business and not ours."
At the ultrasound appointment, the future mom and dad discovered a triple blessing. "When they showed us one, we were just thrilled to death, and then they showed us two and we were just overwhelmed with joy," Jon said. "And then they showed us three, and we just burst out laughing. We were laughing so hard that the stenographer had a hard time finishing her work."
Through years of struggling with infertility, Jodi couldn't imagine what could be better than just getting pregnant. Yet she and Jon learned to trust that God's ways are better even when we don't understand. They now celebrate the privilege and blessing of giving three children the opportunity to live.
What are some ways your family has celebrated the sanctity of human life this month?
If you've picked up our January 2011 issue of ParentLife, I hope you were blessed as much as I was by the feature "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. Back in November, I had the chance to sit down and talk one-on-one with Mary Beth to get the inside scoop on her book.
We're thrilled to have Kids Ministry 101 blogger Bill Emeott as our guest blogger today! Since 2003 Bill has served as the Lead Childhood Ministry Specialist for LifeWay. His passions include childhood ministry leadership training and development, leading children’s Bible Study, and being an Uncle! Bill has been teaching children at First Baptist Nashville for seven years. He has some great insight into getting kids into God's Word! Check it out!
Continuing on the subject of differences, I reminded my son how his body does not digest milk easily. His difference requires us to buy special foods so that he can absorb nutrients and avoid getting sick. I then asked my son to begin naming other types of differences people may have, and he quickly recalled his cousin’s need for eye glasses and a friend’s need for speech therapy.
While as adults we know that some diagnoses are easier and more commonplace, the goal in these first conversations is making differences an expected part of our child’s world. Conveying our respect for and acceptance of individuals affected by special needs is crucial to shaping our child’s view of disability. Addressing a child’s questions and discussing recognized differences may remove fears and ultimately promote better inclusion of other kids who are different.
Amy Fenton Lee equips churches for ministry to children with special needs through the The Inclusive Church Blog.
Have you ever had to talk to your child about someone's differences?
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
The articles below are in our current January 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
The Power of Words Remind parents, staff, and teachers about the power their words have to shape children. Encourage them to use their words to build up the children at church and welcome visitors and families (pp. 22-23).
“Nearly 1 million preteens admitted they had used an inhalant to get high.” — The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) — ParentLife helps you stay connected to your preteen.
51% — The number of head injuries in 1- and 2-years-olds that come from falls. They can happen anywhere. Are classroom teachers and parents in your church aware of symptoms of a concussion? Check out pages 10-11.
Choosing Life Celebrate Sanctity of Human Life Sunday by highlighting adoption as one way to choose life. Inspire families in your church to support adoption through these three stories of families who chose to make a diference in the lives of orphans (pp. 18-21).
New Design! Coming March 2011 The ParentLife team is working hard to bring you a new design in March 2011. We are excited to bring parents the same great content in a more practical format with a fresh, new look! Be sure to check it out at www.lifeway.com/parentlifeblog for sneak previews of the new look!
31 Days Build a congregation full of prayer warriors! Equip the parents in your church with this powerful prayer guide … a full month’s worth of Scripture-based prayers for their children (pp. 26-27).
For a downloadable pdf of this content, click on the link below:
Hopefully Jean M. McLean's article "Discovering Fun" in this month's issue of ParentLife has helped you get your child excited about science. Jean had the chance to interivew Tom Schulz and get his advice on nurturing young scientists.
“For me, science is about discovery,” says Tom Schulz, cell biologist. “It’s like jumping on an explorer’s ship 300 years ago. It’s a fascinating opportunity.”
Schulz seeks to nurture his four children’s interest in discovery. For his homeschool family, he is the “special projects guy,” with his wife carrying day-to-day educational responsibilities for two boys and two girls, ages 6 to 12. Schulz took his Georgia family to see the once-every-17-years cicada swarm in North Carolina as part of his effort in “trying to infuse them with a sense of wonder and discovery.”
This Australian native benefitted from his mother’s emphasis on academics. She also gave him time to observe. He says children must have time to watch and track changes, an essential part of the scientific process. “I had a lot of time to read, think, and observe. Kids these days are harried,” he says, often through overscheduled athletics.
He says many biologists’ early interests in the field seem to be triggered by interaction with pets, and encourages families to take time for children to be involved with the animals around them.
Although he calls science “a closed field, spiritually,” Schulz knows colleagues watch and learn from how believers react to stress and adversity. These agnostics also notice when others are there for them in their time of need. While Schulz is studying cells, he is also planting spiritual seeds.
Schulz works in a cutting-edge field, both professionally and personally. At work, he has seen the wonders of an embryo’s heart pumping its first beats while also studying even earlier stages of development. At home, he explores the frontiers of fatherhood, ministering to other dads and making online observations.
“Probably due to my scientific training, I’ve made a bit of a case study of being a dad, and mentally collated as much information as possible whilst on the job. I’m starting to convert that memory bank to text, and attempting to offer advice for ‘starter’ dads.”
Q: My 4-year-old daughter is very afraid of monsters. She is terrified at bedtime and wants me to stay in the room until she falls asleep. She holds my hand and sometimes cries. Is this normal or should I be concerned that fear is getting the best of her?
A: Not to worry. It is common for children to have specific fears as they grow and develop. And those fears change with age. So, for example, children ages 4 to 6 do have fears about things that are not real like monsters and ghosts. Your daughter is in that age group so her fear is quite normal. Older children (ages 7 to 12) have fears more related to real circumstances that they may have experienced, such as being frightened by an animal that tried to attack.
Typically children grow out of their fears. The most important thing is to validate her fear. Then, try lots of reassurance and a night-light and see if this helps calm her down. A consistent bedtime routine may also help, one that allows her to quiet down and spend time with you. This is also a good opportunity to teach her a Bible verse about fear and pray with her. Pay attention to her level of fear and decide if she is really anxious or simply wants your presence at night. Even if she is anxious, it is part of normal development at this age.
However, if you notice her fear worsening over time, you may want to consider talking to your pediatrician. Anxiety disorders are one of the most common childhood disorders and can develop when fears persist. Anxiety usually appears as sleep difficulties or physical symptoms like stomachaches. The key here is to know the difference between normal developmental fears and anxiety. What is your child afraid of? How have you helped your child overcome her fears?
The January 2011 issue of ParentLife featured the article "Conquering Spiritual Doubts" by Tim Pollard. The article equips you to give assurance (through God's Word) to a child who might be struggling with doubt. So if your child is having doubting his salvation, be sure not to miss it.
Maybe your child is not a Christian yet, but he has spiritual doubts as well. Consider the following scriptures as you help your child find answers to these common questions.
Does God exist? • Genesis 1:1 • Psalm 14:1 • Isaiah 46:8-9 • Romans 1:20 • 1 John 5:20
Does God love me? • Deuteronomy 7:9 • Proverbs 8:17 • John 3:16 • Roman 8:38-39 • 1 John 4:9-11
Am I truly saved? • Isaiah 12:2 • Isaiah 32:17 • Romans 10:9-13 • Philippians 1:6 • 1 John 5:12-13
For more insight, be sure not to miss these three helpful books. • When Skeptics Ask by Norman L. Geisler and Ronald M. Brooks (Baker Books, 2008) • Got Questions? by S. Michael Houdmann (Pleasant Word, 2009) • Saved Without a Doubt by John MacArthur (David C. Cook, 2006)
Depression is a serious mood disorder that often goes undetected in children because it may not look the same as it does in adults. Kids experience many of the same feelings and symptoms, but find it difficult to articulate and express. Diagnosis is also complicated by the fact that changes in academic, social, or emotional functioning can be normal childhood behaviors. For instance, increased temper tantrums and misbehavior could indicate depression rather than defiance.
Other signs and symptoms include:
Frequent irritation, sadness, anger, or boredom
Excessive crying
Withdrawal, loss of interest in hobbies, friends, or playing
Unexplained aches and pains; stomachaches and headaches are common
Difficulty concentrating
Sleeping too much or too little
Thinking about death or suicide
Children who appear depressed may actually be experiencing anxiety. Pay attention to your child. If she is showing symptoms that do not resolve with communication, support, and encouragement, a visit to the pediatrician is in order. Treatment generally includes professional counseling, medicines, and family work.
Thank you to ParentLife contributor Vonda Skelton and Dena Cabrera at Remuda Ranch for this pertinent information.
Have you ever suspected or confirmed your child is depressed rather than just sad or upset?
Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!
All of the articles below are in our current December issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!
Know Busy Parents? As kids get older, they seem to get busier. This article will help parents in your ministry maximize their tie connecting with their preteen through minimum planning and focused effort (pp. 16-17). "I cannot raise this girl, but You can. I give her back to You." —Max Lucado's prayer about his newborn daughter, Jenna, when faced with the fears of becoming a new parent (pp. 18-21).
Help Parents in Uncertain Times Are parents in your ministry fearful? Fearful of the economy? Fearful of job loss? Fearful of the future? Max Lucado inspires parents and points them toward God who holds the future (pp. 18-21). Walking Through the Storm Guide parents in your church who are going through difficulty. Angie Smith's testimony and example of strength through a season of loss will inspire you (pp. 34-36).
Listen & Learn Equip divorced parents in your church to know how to listen to their kids and help them navigate the impact of divorce. Counselor David Thomas answers common questions regarding the children of divorce (pp. 24-25). Fixing Our Fibbing Encourage families in your church to practice honesty and personal integrity. This article emphasizes the importance of setting an honest example for children (even in the small things) (pp. 22-23). Everyday Teaching Moments Equip parents in your ministry with practical ideas for experiencing God in daily family life. Pass along these three articles to help parents to teach their kids about God (pp. 26-27, 47).
100% —The percentage of ParentLife readers who love Christmas! Equip parents in your ministry to put Christmas in perspective this year with these six articles (pp. 38-41, 43-44).
For a downloadable pdf of this content, click on the link below:
In our December 2010 issue of ParentLife, Dr. Mom addressed dealing with aggressive behavior in children (p. 45, "Aggression"). Here are some extra tips from Dr. Mom, Marianne Neifert, M.D., on taming aggressive behavior you may perceive in your children.
Provide adequate supervision. Children require structure, supervision, and adult guidance as they learn to make good choices. Closely monitor your children’s behavior and intervene when aggression is being displayed.
Limit media exposure to violence. Excessive viewing of television violence, including cartoon violence, and exposure to violent video games can increase childhood aggression. Limit television to 2 hours a day of educational programming and closely monitor your children’s media viewing habits. (Television is not recommended for children under 2 years.)
Promote problem-solving. Children without effective problem-solving skills are less able to cope with everyday challenges and are more prone to frustration and aggression. Regular family meetings provide an ideal opportunity for children to hear differing viewpoints and gain practice brainstorming (with parental guidance) possible solutions to family dilemmas.
Have you dealt with aggressive behavior from your children? How do you respond?
Did you read Max Lucado's article "What If?" in the December 2010 issue of ParentLife? There was so much good content, that we didn't have room to fit it all in the printed article. So ... we saved some for the blog. I hope you'll take the time to read this brief passage from Max Lucado's amazing book Fearless. Can we live without fear, even as parents?
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As Jairus and Jesus were going to Jairus’s home, “a messenger arrived from the home of Jairus, the leader of the synagoge. He told him, ‘Your daughter is dead. There’s no use troubling the Teacher now.’ But when Jesus heard what had happened, he said to Jairus, ‘Don’t be afraid. Just have faith, and she will be healed’” (Luke 8:49-50, NLT).
Jairus was whipsawed between the contrasting messages. The first, from servants: “Your daughter is dead.” The second, from Jesus: “Don’t be afraid.” Horror called from one side. Hope compelled from the other. Tragedy, then trust. Jairus heard two voices and had to choose which one he would heed.
Don’t we all?
The hard reality of parenting reads something like this: You can do your best and still stand where Jairus stood. You can protect, pray, and keep all the boogeymen at bay and still find yourself in an ER at midnight or a drug rehab clinic on visitors’ Sunday, choosing between two voices: despair and belief. Jairus could have chosen despair. Who would have faulted him for deciding “Enough is enough”? He had no guarantee that Jesus could help. His daughter was dead. Jairus could have walked away. As parents, we’re so glad he didn’t. We need to know what Jesus will do when we entrust our kids to Him.
He united the household. “When Jesus went to the house, he let only Peter, John, James, and the girl’s father and mother go inside with him” (Luke 8:51, NCV).
Jesus included the mother. Until this point she had been, for whatever reason, out of the picture. Perhaps she was at her daughter’s bedside. Or she might have been at odds with her husband. Crisis can divide a family. The stress of caring for a sick or troubled child can drive a wedge between Mom and Dad. But here, Christ united them. Picture Jesus pausing at the house entrance, gesturing the distraught mother to join them. He didn’t have to do so. He could have hurried in without her. But He wanted Mom and Dad to stand together in the struggle. Jesus gathered the entire, albeit small, household in the presence of the daughter.
And He banished unbelief. “Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said, ‘Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.’ And they ridiculed Him, knowing that she was dead. But He put them all outside” (vv. 52-54).
He commanded doubt to depart and permitted only faith and hope to stay. And in this intimate circle of trust, Jesus “took her by the hand and called, saying, ‘Little girl, arise.’ Then her spirit returned, and she arose immediately. And He commanded that she be given something to eat. And her parents were astonished” (vv. 54-56).
God has a heart for hurting parents. Should we be surprised? After all, God Himself is a father. What parental emotion has He not felt? Are you separated from your child? So was God. Is someone mistreating your child? They mocked and bullied His. Is someone taking advantage of your children? The Son of God was set up by false testimony and betrayed by a greedy follower. Are you forced to watch while your child suffers? God watched His Son on the cross. Do you find yourself wanting to spare your child from all the hurt in the world? God did. But because of His great love for us, “He did not spare His own Son but gave Him for us all. So with Jesus, God will surely give us all things” (Romans 8:32, NCV).
“All things” must include courage and hope.
Some of you find the story of Jairus difficult to hear. You prayed the same prayer he did, yet you found yourself in a cemetery facing every parent’s darkest night: the death of your child. No pain compares. What hope does this story of Jairus offer to you? Jesus resurrected Jairuis’s child. Why didn’t He save yours?
God understands your question. He buried a child too. He hates death more than you do. That’s why He killed it. He “abolished death and brought life and immortality to light" (2 Timothy 1: 10). For those who trust God, death is nothing more than a transition to heaven. Your child may not be in your arms, but your child is safely in His.
Others of you have been standing for a long time where Jairus stood. You’ve long since left the water’s edge of offered prayer but haven’t yet arrived at the household of answered prayer. You’ve wept a monsoon of tears for your child, enough to summon the attention of every angel and their neighbor to your cause. At times you’ve felt that a breakthrough was nearing, that Christ was following you to your house. But you’re not so sure anymore. You find yourself alone on the path, wondering if Christ has forgotten you and your child.
He hasn’t. He never dismisses a parent’s prayer. Keep giving your child to God, and in the right time and the right way, God will give your child back to you.
Our December 2010 article, "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," gave a few facts related to bedwetting. Here are some helpful hints from author Gregory W. Edens, M.D., on helping your child stay dry.
Limit fluids before bedtime.
Have the child attempt to use the bathroom at the beginning of the bedtime routine and just before going to sleep.
Wake your child a few hours after going to sleep to attempt to use the bathroom and then put him back to bed.
Have the child help wash the sheets when he wets the bed, but never scold or shame him.
Buy a bed-wetting alarm that has a pad which senses moisture and will alarm to wake the child if he urinates. This will help the child learn to sense the cues of when he needs to go to the bathroom.
Talk to your child’s doctor if he is older than 6 to see if further investigation is needed.
Do you have any extra tips for parents of bedwetters?
Ever wonder how to get ParentLife at your church? Each issue of ParentLife is great to share with other parents in your church or to use with outreach to let your community know that you care about them!
First, take your copy of ParentLife to your pastor or appropriate minister (prechool, children, family, or education minister).
Second, tell them they can order ParentLife at a great reduced rate ($1.55 an issue) by placing a standing bulk order in one of the following ways:
1. Use their LifeWay quarterly literature order form. 2. Go online to www.lifeway.com/parentlife. 3. Call Customer Service toll free at 1 (800) 458-2772.
November is National Adoption Awareness Month. I recently had the privilege to sit down and talk to Mary Beth Chapman about her family's miracle of adoption. Mary Beth provided some practical ideas for ways that every family can support adoption!
Don't miss our January 2011 issue of ParentLife featuring Mary Beth. And ... we'll have even more insight from Mary Beth on the blog in the months to come. Stay tuned!
Does your family feel called to adopt? Tell us your story. If your family is not called to adopt, what are some ways that you have supported other families who are adopting?
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: I have a shy child and want to help her make friends. She tends to cling to my side and not talk to anyone when we meet a new family. Even after several play dates, she is reluctant to leave me and go off with the other children. I see her playmates trying to engage her, but she is very hesitant. Are there things I can do as a parent to help her with shyness?
A: Shyness in children is not uncommon, so don’t panic. Many children are born with a shy temperament and need a little coaxing to engage in new situations or with new friends. Contact with new people is a bit terrifying but in most cases can be overcome. Occasionally we see children who are so anxious that they need treatment from a mental-health provider to work on anxiety. However, given time to adjust to new situations, most children do fine.
There are two areas of your child’s life I would like you to consider. Has she been rejected by other children (teased, singled out, excluded from peers, etc.) or neglected by other kids (ignored, left out of activities, not picked on a team, etc.)? Being rejected or neglected by peers can reinforce shyness and cause a child to withdraw.
As a parent, you can help coach your child to deal with relationship exchanges by teaching her how to forgive others; manage her feelings of hurt, anger, or rejection; defend herself from teasing; make requests to play; and find friends who will be kind.
A key part of this coaching is focusing on how your child thinks about herself. Shy children tend to over-focus on their own feelings and fears and judge themselves too harshly. They have thoughts like, No one will like me or They think I am stupid. And when someone does show interest, shy kids tend to think it had nothing to do with them. The fear of being rejected or embarrassed takes over.
So talk about positive things when meeting someone new or engaging in a group. Ask your child what she might like about engaging in an activity with other children. In new situations, it helps to have one familiar face in a group, so try to find that one friend or person your daughter knows to help ease the adjustment. Shy children want to be social. Finally, as much as we want to rescue our children from discomfort, resist paving the way. Instead, prompt her to make a move and encourage independence. Each success will build and bring confidence.
If your child seems shy and this resonates with you, you may want to check out Nurturing the Shy Childby Drs. Barbara and Gary Markway.
Do you have a shy child? How do you cope and teach?
As you're preparing for the ever-dreaded Christmas card picture, or just a regular fun photo shoot of your kids, here are six tips to help you get beautiful photos that will last a lifetime.
Get to know your photographer and create a lasting relationship. We suggest that you research photographers both online and via word-of-mouth. When you find a photographer that suits your style – call them. Emailing is fine, but it is so impersonal. It's important to make sure you "click" with your photographer since you will hopefully be creating a relationship with them over the course of the next few years as your child and family grows.
Ask your photographer about her level of experience. You need to be aware that photography companies come with all degrees of experience — ranging from your amateur neighbor to the world-renowned photography celebrity. More than likely, you will want someone in-between who fits into your budget, preferably someone with experience and a photography education.
Be ready to make an investment. When you look for professional photography services, you need to be prepared to invest, and here is what you are investing in: a pro isn’t simply coming to hang out and casually snap some photos; a pro is highly educated in their craft and has taken great time to schedule your session and familiarize themselves with you, your family, and your image goals. They know how to make you feel comfortable, pose you and your family, perfectly light the scene, and make you and your family look amazing.
Understand the final product (a.k.a. You get what you pay for). Many professional photographers are also simultaneously graphic designers and skilled retouchers. Therefore we are capable of not only capturing your images but also retouching your prints and designing your products. For example, at Shoots & Giggles we do all our post-production ourselves. It is important to ask your photographer about the degree of post processing and TLC your images will receive as that often increases the value and beauty of the images exponentially.
Disk of Images vs. Fine Art Digital Negatives. Most high-end pro photographers do NOT offer a disk of ALL the images; however, many amateurs and beginners will. Rather than offering a disk of ALL the images, many pro photographers will offer hi-res digital negatives retouched and color corrected a la carte. If you are looking to spend very little and get a disk of untouched beginner-caliber images, working with an amateur or a student might work well for you. However, if you want a lot of "guaranteed-to-be beautiful" shots to choose from, working with a professional is going to be your best option.
Last but Not Least – Photography is ART! Pros look at each shoot as an opportunity to express themselves creatively and enjoy what they do — that is why we are doing it! The moments you hire us to capture are priceless (and totally adorable), and we truly love every minute of it!
Have you had an amazing photography experience? Or one that, quite frankly, you could do without? My favorite shoot was when my daughter was 3 weeks old. She was a model for two local photographers and they took AMAZING pictures. (This one was my favorite.) Since then we've used two different chains with varying success (mostly due to the moodiness of my drama-queen toddler). — Jessie, Resident PL Blogger
Having a hard time keeping your little one out of the kitchen while you prepare for tomorrow's festivities? My daughter thinks the oven is her personal playplace, much to my chagrin. Thankfully, we will be spending the holidays with extended family and letting others cook for us (and the baby in my 36-week-pregnant belly rejoices).
Here are some activities for distraction ... I mean, education ...
Thanksgiving door hangers would be a fun addition to the front door even a toddler can help decorate.
Older kids can do a Thanksgiving Day word search. You could have your kids cut out the word search and glue it to sheets of construction or scrapbook paper for any children coming to your Thanksgiving feast. It will give the kids something to do while they wait on the food! Fall or Thanksgiving-themed scrapbook paper would give the word search a festive feel.
Hamlet almost had it right. “To be or not to be” is a great question, but for many Christians, “To Santa or not to Santa” is truly the question to ask in December. Whatever you decide, can I make two recommendations? First, let’s extend grace to one another. The unity of the church should be strong enough to withstand a man in a red suit. Second, as a parent, don’t forget to filter this issue through the lens of honesty and tactfulness.
If you choose not to include Santa in your Christmas tradition, you will need to help your child respond to others who believe in Santa. While they may be tempted to tell their friends the truth about Santa, perhaps it would be best for them to demonstrate tactfulness and refrain from doing so.
If you decide to include Santa as part of your Christmas celebration, you will need to think through the implications of presenting Santa as real. One of our goals as parents is for our children to have the confidence that whatever we tell them is true. Don’t we undermine this when we claim that Santa is real? Perhaps the better approach is simply to share that Santa is make-believe. You can still have fun with Santa without compromising your child’s trust in your absolute honesty.
There’s one other important factor concerning telling your child that Santa is real. What happens to your child’s understanding of Jesus when he learns that Santa is not real? For years you have told him that Santa was real and at the same time also told him that Jesus is real. I would encourage you to consider carefully if your child’s understanding of — and genuine belief in — Jesus is worth a brief season of believing in Santa.
Brian Dembowczyk is Associate Pastor of Discipleship and Assimilation at FBC Tampa, Florida. He is married to Tara and is father of Joshua (5) and Hannah (3). You can follow Brian on Twitter at @BrianDembo or check out his blog at missionaldiscipleship.blogspot.com.
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Our daughter (pictured above, with Santa at Sears) is 2 this year, and I still don't think my husband and I have decided what to do about the Santa conundrum. He grew up not believing; I learned there was no Santa when I found his wrapping paper hiding in our basement around age 8. Did it damage me? Not much. But I see the author's point. I'm interested to see what you have to say on the topic!
Our friend Rebecca Ingram Powell is doing a series on Santa Claus this week over at her blog that you might want to check out as well! - Jessie, Resident ParentLife Blogger
Here's an extra bit from the article "Fixing Our Fibbing" in the December 2010 issue of ParentLife.
Steps to Take When You Catch Your Child in a Lie
Know the situation before confronting. There are times when you might believe you have caught your child in a lie, but it is actually a misunderstanding. Make sure you understand the situation as best as possible before confronting your child.
Give an opportunity for confession. Once you confront your child, do not start by accusing him of lying. Instead, give him the opportunity to confess to you (think of God in Eden). Present the facts as you understand them, and give your child a chance to respond.
Make certain that a resolution is made. Once the lie has been brought to light, you will want your child seek forgiveness from the person to whom he lied and make things right the best he can.
Discipline if needed. Not every lie will require discipline; however, serious lies or chronic lying may need to be addressed through loss of privileges, grounding, or some other form of discipline.
Extend forgiveness. Always reaffirm your love and forgiveness as well as God’s. It is important for your child to understand what it means to be under grace.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).
Laurie Hanson — mother of two in Elgin, South Caronlina — had no idea the lemonade stand her 7-year-old daughter started in 2007 would turn into a project that impacts the lives of hundreds of children around the world each year.
This simple lemonade stand and its global impact began when Laurie’s daughter Grace learned about Operation Christmas Child — a global project that hand-delivers millions of gift-filled shoe box to needy kids. Grace wanted to pack 21 boxes; but with the tough economy, her mother Laurie didn’t know how to pay for the toys, school supplies, and hygiene items needed to fill the box.
That’s when they decided to sell lemonade. One Saturday morning, Grace and her friends got up early, put on their homemade aprons and hair bows, and served lemonade at a neighborhood garage sale. In five hours, the girls made 74 dollars, and their efforts were covered by a local news station.
After seeing the kids on TV, a manager of a local grocery store invited them to set up their stand outside his store. That year, Grace and her friends made enough money to double their goal and packed shoe box gifts for 42 kids they had never met.
"We have lemonade stands to help kids all over the world who don't have anything,” said Grace. "I feel good when I imagine the kids opening their boxes of goodies and smiling."
Today, the “Lemonade Gang” — as they are known — is a neighborhood staple. Since 2007, these young kids have raised more than $5,000 and packed more than 330 shoe box gifts for needy kids worldwide. Each year, they hold 3 to 6 lemonade stands, involving 30 kids, at nearby grocery stores and the local Wal-Mart. In the fall, they have a huge shoe box packing party.
This year the Lemonade Gang hopes to pack more than 200 shoe box gifts for Operation Christmas Child. And, they are well on their way to this goal. On Memorial Day weekend, their first lemonade stand of 2010 made close to $1,000.
“Selling lemonade to benefit Operation Christmas Child is a fun and inexpensive way to show your kids they can make a difference in the lives of others,” said Laurie. “It’s an opportunity to show them how to share Christ’s love with others.” This year Operation Christmas Child — the world’s largest Christmas project — plans to hand-deliver 8.2 million shoe box gifts to needy kids in 100 countries
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Wow! I am so inspired by what these children have done. Watch the video to see interviews with Laurie Hanson and some of the kids involved.
Remember that this week is National Collection Week for the OCC shoe boxes. As my friend OhAmanda shared this week, this shoe box may be the ONLY present the recipient gets. EVER. I have shed tears over the two shoe boxes I delivered to church this morning for two little preteen girls. I don't think twice before dropping $25 on some clothes for my toddler ... and yet $25 worth of toys and headbands and school supplies might make a difference in a child's life.
A little lemonade can go a long way! --Jessie, Resident Blog Guru
Our November 2010 issue included an excellent article on eating healthy during the holidays ("Nutritious Celebrations," p. 26) by registered dietician Beth Bence Reinke.
Here, Beth shares some of her favorite resources for getting kids to eat healthy.
These three healthy cookbooks contain numerous recipes that would work for parents and kids to make for parties and holidays:
Nourish Interactive has a special Thanksgiving page with tips for healthy eating, recipes, and advice for involving your kids.
Food Champs : At this site kids can sign in with a screen name (no need to give personal info) and then print out a dozen healthy recipes. They print out with step-by-step instructions and full-color photos of the recipe.
Catherine McCord, the author and chef behind Weelicious, posts recipes near-daily that take advantage of local, fresh foods yet are kid-friendly. She encourages parents to expand their kids' horizons through food!
Do you have a favorite resource for cooking with kids? Please share in the comments!
Last night I had some extra responsibilities to take care of at my church, so I found myself headed home later than usual. As I was driving home, my mind was wandering to what I wanted to do when I got home, which (to be completely honest) was to crash on the couch and watch a little bit of TV before crawling into bed after a long day. Quickly, I reminded myself that there were certain things I had to take care of before I could crash, such as packing lunches and picking out clothes for the next day. That's when it hit me!! I had completely forgotten that Jack's mother's day out class was having their fall fest party today and ... I had volunteered to bake brownies! So that's what I did. I went home and made brownies (with a little help from the Pillsbury dough boy)! Even though it was way past my bedtime, I enjoyed having the chance to make brownies for Jack's first official class party!
Today, I have found myself thinking about Jack all day, wondering how the party went and if he had fun, how much junk food he ate and what he'll get in his goodie bag! I can't wait to go pick him up and hear about his fun day!
What has your family done to celebrate fall this year? Do you have big plans for this weekend? Tell us all about your family's fall fun festivities!
For years you have trusted ParentLife as the go-to source for Christian parenting advice for families with preschoolers and children. Now the ParentLife team is excited to announce a new and improved ParentLife launching in March. And you can glimpse a preview of the new design today!
Check out our fresh, new March 2011 cover! Featuring a new logo, each cover will feature a moment-caught-in-time photo, real kids in real life moments. We hope each cover will make you smile and draw you inside for more.
We have expanded our long-time favorite "Growth Spurts" section, now including information for expectant parents. Each “Growth Spurt” offers the best developmental advice for the whole child and a ParentLife best product recommendation.
"A Life of Worship," ParentLife’s family worship and devotion department, now moves to the center spread of the magazine so it easily can be pulled out and hung on the refrigerator or somewhere visible in your home. It includes family worship time plans (based on the LifeSpan concept Hear-Know-Do that ties in with Sunday School) as well as a calendar with extra on-the-go, everyday, worship times for families to use throughout the month.
We are continuing our monthly departments "Real Life Solutions" with Dr. Linda Mintle, "Mom's Life" with new columnist Angie Smith, and "Dad's Life" with Carey Casey.
We are committed to partnering with parents churches to provide the latest cutting-edge information that you need as you seek to raise your children to the glory of God.
Before I had my son, I knew nothing about children. I never had siblings or cousins to "practice" on and babysitting wasn't my thing. So the first time I walked into the big baby warehouse with my husband I was floored! Who knew babies needed so much stuff?
Well, I've since found out that children don't need much. Diapers, clothes, a lot of love, and — if you don't have empty boxes and plastic containers around — a few toys will keep them occupied for hours.
Picking out toys for our children, though, can be quite cumbersome. If you frequent one of the big toy warehouses you may know all too well the temptation to buy every single toy in the store. Even trips to the consignment sale and discount store can tempt you into buying more than needed, because the toys are such a good deal! Toys are tricky. As parents, we want to provide our children with every opportunity to learn, but we don't want to overwhelm them with so many choices that they don't even know where to begin.
I've decided to be quite choosy with the toys my son has at home. The toybox isn't overflowing, so we try to be very purposeful with the toys he has to play with. The goal is for each toy to help instill the Word of God in his heart and reinforce the principles and stories of the Bible.
Instead of choosing a cartoon coloring book, I'll choose one with a Bible story theme. Instead of letting him watch cartoons on TV, I'd rather he watch something like VeggieTales. When he's learning shapes, we'll choose the toy pictured here most often so he can hear the story of Noah's ark.
Being choosy with toys won't necessarily ensure that our children will grow up to love God with all their heart, soul and strength. But I want to utilize every opportunity to teach my son (and future children) about God and His Word. I want to live out Deuteronomy 6:5-9 and literally repeat His Word to my children, talk about it when we sit in our house, walk along the road, when we lie down, and when we get up.
Christine Satterfield loves Jesus, her family, and the church. She spends as much time as possible playing with her son, and she's constantly cleaning his toys. You can find out how she cleans them on her blog iDreamofClean as well as learn other household cleaning tips and tricks for the busy mom.
In the October issue of ParentLife, our lead feature was "4 Parenting Styles to Avoid" by Dr. Tim Elmore. Here, we supply an easy quiz to figure out if you fit one of these parenting types. For the parenting descriptions, see the article on pages 18-21 of the October issue.
The best way you can help your child develop healthy friendship skills is by modeling healthy social skills and friendships. Your child is watching. Here are some quick tips on how to do that.
Watch your words. Do not gossip. Do not make disparaging remarks about others.
Teach your child how to make friends and what to do when others are unkind. Roleplay common scenarios.
Talk about cliques with your child. Acknowledge that your child will not be friends with everyone but can be kind to everyone.
Provide opportunities for your child to make new friends in a variety of settings with a variety of peers. Schedule playdates. Head to the park. Get your child involved in the children’s ministry at your church.
Praise your child when he is friendly and goes out of his way to include others.
Be a good listener. What may seem like unimportant playground drama is significant to your child.
How else can we teach our children to be good friends?
From the Vonda Skelton, writer of our October 2010 ParentLife feature "A Healthy Life: Kids, Colds, & Flu;" Dr. Rebecca Woodlief; and BabyCenter.com, here are some common misconceptions about colds and the flu.
Colds and flu are NOT caused by:
Getting chilled
Going outside with wet hair
Moving from warm to cold environment
An uncovered head
Myth: Over-the-counter remedies are good for children. In fact, they can be more harmful than helpful in children under 6, and even older children are at a risk of being overmedicated. "Every year, 7,000 children under the age of 11 are treated in U.S. emergency rooms after taking too much cough or cold medication," cites a BabyCenter article.
Myth: You can catch the flu from a flu shot. You cannot catch a virus from a dead virus. Any reaction is to the shot, not to the deactivated virus. The nasal spray vaccine is a weakened, not dead, virus, however, and therefore should not be given to people with weakened immune systems.
Myth: Kids in daycare catch more colds. This is true only to a point; after the first year of daycare, children are at no more risk for catching colds than those at home. Exposure to infections can also help build the immune systems of children so they catch fewer colds in later years.
Myth: Antibiotics can treat a cold or the flu. Because colds and flus are viral, they cannot be touched by antibiotics, which kill bacteria.
Myth: Green drainage indicates a bacterial infection (not cold or flu). In the past, this was thought to be true; however, "Recent studies have dispelled this old myth showing that viral infections often have colorful mucus and that the majroity of these head colds clear without any antibiotics," writes Dr. Jim Mitterando.
Do you spend the whole winter battling colds or is your household relatively healthy? Don't forget, to enter our monthly giveaway, just leave a comment during the month of October!
As parents today, you may find it difficult to sift through what is and what is not appropriate for your kids. Take a movie rating, for example. I think it’s safe to say that many “PG” movies of today would have been considered “PG-13” (and, in some cases, “R”) 10 years ago.
So, where do you start? What resources are available to parents who want to find an appropriate, kid-friendly movie for the whole family to watch on a Friday night?
I found a couple of online resources for parents, one of which also has a neat iPhone app to supplement its Web site.
Focus on the Family operates Plugged In Online, a Web site with hundreds of movie reviews (including movies currently in theaters). This one's a real simple, easy-to-navigate blog that also has reviews on videos, music, TV shows, and games. Plugged In makes searching for movies super simple, and it also has a feature which allows you to view the most-read reviews.
Another interesting online resource I found was Common Sense Media. I only stumbled across this Web site because I first found its iPhone app. This Web site has almost 4,000 movie reviews and, like Plugged In Online, also reviews games, TV shows, and music. In addition, this Web site has thousands of book reviews and Web site reviews. Here are a few screenshots of what the Common Sense Media iPhone app looks like.
Here's what you see when you open up the app. So, say you want to do a thorough review of a movie before taking the family to see it…
It lets you scroll through to select which movie you want to review. What I really like here is that it shows you how old you should be to watch the movie. None of those ambiguous movie ratings that loosely apply these days...
When you select "Read Our Full Review," you get a page of good content on what to expect from the movie. These icons are simple and easy to understand. I thought Common Sense Media did a great job including info that was important to parents. When was the last time you saw a movie and thought, “I would never want my child to grow up and behave like that”? This app actually shows you (via the “Role Models” icon) to what degree the movie might positively influence a child.
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Your little one wants to explore her world. As her motor skills develop, she will be interested in stacking, pushing, pulling, and knocking things down! She will want to imitate Mommy in the kitchen and Daddy at the tool bench. Let your child explore unstructured play with the following age-appropriate toys.
Today’s date is unique - 11/11/11. Did you know it is supposedly a special “wish day”? Wishing is ingrained in our culture. We wish on birthday candles, falling stars, and even numbers.
We found out we were moving on-campus at the school where my husband teaches while we were in North Carolina - about a week and a half before the move. So there was very little time to prepare my toddler for moving. In fact, we flew home from Pennsylvania and unceremoniously got back to the new apartment at 1 a.m. "Here's your room!" we said cheerfully.
Kat and her husband Jimmy have three children ages 8, 6 and 3. She loves music, running, Jesus and Tex-Mex food. Not necessarily in that order. Kat started the site 
Guess what? Today you get something we don't usually offer: a whole article from our June 2011 issue, in living color! The subject matter "Chosen Families: Parenting a Child with a Hidden Disability" is something many of our ParentLife Online readers can relate to. I hope you'll take the time to download and read the article if you missed it in the June issue. Thanks to author Shannon Royce for this information!
Dads Need Mentors! Celebrate Father's Day as a church family by establishing a mentoring program for dads. Learn about the benefits of older men mentoring younger men and how mentoring made a huge difference in the life of one church and community (pp. 30-31).
My favorite use of fresh blueberries is this double-crust blueberry pie. I took bits of pieces of other recipes to create this one, where delicious, ripe blueberries meld with a fresh burst of lemon. So find yourself a 
On several occasions in the not-so-distant past, I've found myself chuckling over the strange characteristics that mark motherhood. You know ... the things you never could have imagined or understood before having kids.
Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the Owner/Founder of 
"After a month without a shower, it's hard to describe the joy you get from a package of wet wipes." - Michael Krause
Now, at two-and-a-half, Libbie will listen to a whole stack of books. She relishes trips to the library, "reads" books in her bed at naptime, and can recite most of Green Eggs and Ham. 
My 10-year-old son, Jacob, was baptized a few weeks ago. The special day began with a prayer time with our pastor before the service. My husband, David, accompanied Jacob to the changing room. I sat in the congregation with our extended family, standing in support of Jacob as is the custom at our church.
Sunday was a special time for our family apart from the normal Easter festivities. Our 7-year-old, Christopher, was baptized. The pastor did a beautiful job, not only explaining to visitors why we baptize by immersion and what it symbolizes, but also in endearing each child's story to the congregation and reading a verse parents picked out for their child.
When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at 
This week I attended a meeting about transitioning kids into middle school. Yikes, middle school! Does that bring up not so pleasant memories for you as it does for me? There aren't many people I know who talk about the middle school years without thinking of the difficult moments.
There are 24 stories of Jesus’ life in this teaching tool. As a family, read one passage each night from April 1 to Easter Sunday on April 24. 
Remember the story of Jacob from Genesis 29? Jacob worked seven years to marry his love, Rachel, but was tricked by his uncle and married her older sister, Leah, instead. Jacob was not deterred and promised to work seven more years for Rachel. Talk about a true labor of love!
That was before he somehow realized that show is "for babies." For the longest time, we kept our collection of Backyardigan episodes on the DVR — probably 30 shows! Then the day came when I deleted them one by one ... all except our favorite 
In our 
Thanks Monica and Briana of 
Hamlet almost had it right. “To be or not to be” is a great question, but for many Christians, “To Santa or not to Santa” is truly the question to ask in December. Whatever you decide, can I make two recommendations? First, let’s extend grace to one another. The unity of the church should be strong enough to withstand a man in a red suit. Second, as a parent, don’t forget to filter this issue through the lens of honesty and tactfulness.
That’s when they decided to sell lemonade. One Saturday morning, Grace and her friends got up early, put on their homemade aprons and hair bows, and served lemonade at a neighborhood garage sale. In five hours, the girls made 74 dollars, and their efforts were covered by a local news station.
