ParentLife Blog

A Little Motherly Advice by Becky Suggs

20 weeks pregnant

One thing I was told before I became pregnant was that everyone seems to have something to say to an expectant mother, whether you want to hear it or not. I haven’t experienced this too much just yet, but from early on, I decided to only have a few people to go to for pregnancy advice – my mom, my sister and my doctor. Luckily, I have a mom who raised three girls and an older sister who has three great boys. I also have a doctor I trust; I’m not afraid to ask him even my most embarrassing questions.

Even though I have these “go-to” people in my life, I thought it would be fun to ask moms of all ages in my life to give me their best words of wisdom for a first-time mom. Here are some of their replies:

• It's great to read parenting books, but don't let those books take away from the most important Book - the Bible.  It has all the answers, and it's authored by the One who created the life on loan to you!

• Write things down! Take pictures! You think you'll remember everything, but you don't!

• Keep in mind God gave you the ability to care for your child in the best way you know how. Trust your gut, and don't doubt your ability to do what is best.

• Enjoy each moment and milestone, because they will quickly pass that one and go to the next.

• Don’t sweat the small stuff.

• You won't have all the answers, but you have earned the right to attempt life's journey together because you bonded for nine months.

• Even when you feel unworthy, undeserving and incapable of directing your child, remember He is there guiding you.

What about you? What one word of wisdom would you pass on to a new mom-to-be?

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Read Becky's other journal entries: Ask and You Shall Receive, Consider It Joy, Overwhelmed, and Pregnancy Perks.

Beat the Wicked Stepmother Myth

In our February issue, Chris Gonzalez writes about "The Wicked Stepmother: Three Ridiculous Myths" (pp. 30-31). Here, Chris expounds on what to do to beat those myths.

Become a contagious and irresistibly good stepmother in these ways.

1. Understand that your relationship with your stepchildren is born of the loss, either by death or divorce, or their mother. You are a reality in their lives because someone else that really matters to the children is gone or has dramatically changed.
2. Create realistic expectations for yourself as the stepmother. Be the loving and compassionate image of God you were created to be. Replacing the biological mother and fulfilling the stepchild’s every need is not likely to bring immediate success, if any success at all.
3. Be consistent, patient, and trustworthy over time. This will earn you more points with the new stepchildren than any grand plans for being everything to them.
4. Do not force, buy, or bribe your way into your stepchild’s life.

Create a new “normal” in your blended home.

• Acknowledge that the stepchildren have experienced loss.
• Be a learner of your new stepchildren.
• Be a learner and student of your new role as stepmother.
• Make your marriage a great marriage.
• Cooperate with the biological mother and avoid power struggles with her.
• Slowly create new family traditions.
• Read books on stepfamilies. I recommend Ron Deal’s book, The Smart Stepfamily. (Deal also wrote The Smart Stepmom, The Smart Stepdad, and The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Help Your Marriage Last a Lifetime.)

Liberate yourself and recognize your success as a stepmother.

Your new husband loves you, but that love does not necessarily create any sense of obligation within his children to do the same. In fact, they may decide to hate you as a tactic to get their biological parents back together. Again, it is not necessarily you they hate, but the role you occupy. No child is born with the glorious dreams of having a stepmother. However, when reality crashes down the walls of the ideal, children often resist reality and fantasize about their idealized past.

Your sense of self and capacity for love will be challenged. In all likelihood, your investment of love for your new stepchildren will far outweigh the returns, at first. Most stepchildren grow to love their stepmothers in some way. The goal is not to replace the biological mother but rather to develop a loving relationship with clear and defined boundaries wherein all the parties know and agree to the expectations for each other. Respect for each other and allowing space for stepchildren to be stepchildren is the name of the stepmothering game.

Chris Gonzalez is a marriage and family therapist with the Better Life Counseling Center in Jonesboro, Arkansas. He writes a feature column for the Jonesboro Sun and gives seminars on the topics of marriage, family, and faith. Chris and his wife Gail have two children, Sierra and Canaan.

Pregnancy Perks by Becky Suggs

16 weeks pregnant

I had no idea what to expect when I became pregnant. I have lots of friends and family who have had babies, but I can honestly say every day is a learning experience for me. There’s really no way to describe all of the changes going on inside and outside! 

Lately, I’ve been trying to find the positives in every situation that comes my way. With pregnancy, the obvious positive is the little one growing inside! But there are also some not so fun things with this miracle – ever-changing waistlines, unsettling foods, sleeplessness, and emotional ups and downs. My husband and I are determined to find positives when these negatives seem to weigh heavily on my mind. The other day, we found something that has brought us great laughter …

Expectant mother parking! How genius is this idea? I can admit we have only found three places in a 100-mile radius with this luxury, but it’s become a running joke between us each time we pull in a parking lot. (For the life of him, he can’t figure out why there aren’t these spots in stores like Home Depot or Lowe’s!) 

I’ve had some sort of job for the better part of 15 years now. I’ve never been fortunate to work for a company with employee-of-the-month parking, but it’s like I’m the employee of the month for nine whole months! In all seriousness, this is such a nice gesture towards those who are pregnant. Even if it just saves a few steps, thoughtful things like this can make my day a little brighter!

As I’ve thought a lot about this, I am reminded this is a great way to pray for expectant mothers. Next time you’re shopping and see one of these spaces occupied, pray for that mom to be. I’m sure she could use a little extra prayer in her day!

Note from Jessie: Trust me, Becky, these parking spots will be MUCH more precious when you're, say, 36 weeks pregnant! Hehe. I am an even bigger fan of the "parents with small children" spots.

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Overwhelmed by Becky Suggs

Here is the third in Becky Suggs' series on her first pregnancy. Enjoy! You can read the first and second installments if you missed them. 

My husband and I visited our first baby superstore last week. We are pregnant with our first child. Not having done much research on baby things, we were really just going to get the lay of the land – to figure out what we were going to need and get a ballpark figure of what it was going to cost.

While I consider both of us fairly educated people (we both have graduate degrees), as we walked down aisle after aisle, we realized just how much we have to learn. We looked at cribs and gliders, strollers and high chairs. We then moved on to bouncy seats and swings, changing tables and car seats. So many frills and fancy gadgets. Where was the basic car seat I sat in when I was little?

Each aisle brought more questions and more realization that we have no idea what we are getting ourselves into! By the time we left the store, my mind had shifted to the thousands of choices we would have to make. How do we decide between the swing that vibrates or the swing that rocks? What about the stroller? I don’t jog, but do I need a jogging stroller in case I start? How will we know what brand of diaper to use? What method will we use to potty train? Where will my child go to preschool … much less, college?

On the drive home, I laughed to myself. Yes, we’ve got a lot of choices to make. Yes, there are a lot of unknowns. But, I think it’s okay if we just start with the small stuff – like picking out a crib this week and maybe researching strollers next week. We have a lot to learn, but this is going to be a great adventure for all three of us!

Do you have any suggestions for Becky? What's your no-fail product that you love to tell others about?

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Superstore picture used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

My Miracle: A Joyful Testimony by Katie Buckley

Life could not get any better than this! That was my view on life about three years ago. I had a beautiful 5-month-old baby girl named Grace. She was the light of our lives. My husband and I had a precious little starter home that felt so cozy to us. We were working hard to be debt free, and I had found myself fortunate enough to be able to stay at home full time. Life could not have been any sweeter.

Double the Love
Things began to change when sickness came over me one morning. I figured I must have gotten a stomach bug, but I soon realized that sick feeling felt a lot like morning sickness. Being a new mom, the feeling was fresh on my mind. Surely I could not be pregnant, I thought. How can you get pregnant when your baby is still a newborn?

A few days later, I made my way to the store and purchased a pregnancy test. Sure enough, it was positive! What a shock!! We were planners, and this was not planned. What would my husband say? What would my friends say? My mind was buzzing with questions.

Later that evening, I told my husband the news. I was surprised to hear him say, “The more the merrier.” Mark was excited, but he was not the one who would have to stay home all day and manage life with two babies. My emotions were all over the place. I knew there was no way I was prepared to do it again.

One day I was doing laundry and watching Grace playing, and I thought to myself, if I love Grace this much, how great would it be to have doubled that love in this house? I knew then what my husband had known for awhile. Our house would be more exciting with double the amount of love.

Heartbreak & Anger
Later that same day, I made my way to my doctor’s office because I had begun to experience bleeding. It was confirmed the next day that I had in fact lost the baby. Complete and utter heartache overtook our home. My husband and parents cried and mourned the loss of the baby. I, too, cried but was more angry than sad. I had never been angry at God. But I was angry now. How could God give me this surprise baby, help me adjust to the idea of having two babies to care for, and then take the baby away from me? My mind just could not wrap around all these emotions.

A few days passed, and I could feel myself growing more and more upset. My friends took me out to lunch and tried to comfort me with encouraging words, but I felt as if I was in a fog.

The Miracle
One night as I lay in bed, I cried out to God and prayed, Ok, God … Your Word says you want us to bring everything to You in prayer. I am hurt that I have lost this baby. My deepest desire is for You to give me back the baby I have lost. I do not want a new baby or a different pregnancy. I want the baby I have lost.

With those words, I ended my prayer and fell asleep.

The next morning I was due for a check-up with my doctor. He wanted to make sure my body was taking care of the miscarriage. As I lay on the crinkly paper, my ears were filled with the swooshing sound of a heartbeat. As the ultrasound technician turned the screen toward my face, I found myself staring at a baby with a strong heartbeat. The doctor was called in immediately, and it was confirmed that the baby I had “lost” days earlier was actually still there and alive!

The next few days were filled with tears of joy, exciting phone calls, and prayers of thanksgiving. God had chosen to work a miracle. We will never know all the reasons why God does what He does, But I do know that God used this experience to teach me several things. I am always to bring my worries and cares to Him.
 

• God knew I was hurting at the loss of a baby, and He desired for me to share that with Him. He is a God who desires to have a relationship with me.
• I also learned that my children are God-breathed. Getting to be their mom is a privilege and honor ordained by God.
• Daily, I pray that God will remind me that I should love them with the love He has given me. My love for my children does not come from me, because that would be a love that comes from selfish and failing ways. By loving God first in all I do, I am able to love my children with God’s love and grace.

This type of love is perfect and pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

Praise be to the Lord of miracles!

Thank you, Katie, for this beautiful testimony.

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source. 

Consider It Joy by Becky Suggs

Here's the second post in Becky Suggs' journal on being an expectant mom. Read the first installment if you missed it!

My husband and I prayed for a very long time to have a child. Throughout the process, God reminded me in His Word, “Consider it pure joy…when you face trials of many kinds.”

Month after month, test after test … one little pink line.
Consider it pure joy …

Based on the job I had and the time it required during certain parts of the year, we knew timing was important. We decided to try one last time before we had to take a break with when the baby would most likely be due.
Consider it pure joy …

God graciously heard our cries and answered our prayers. Such joy as we told some of those who had been praying alongside us.

On the day of our first prenatal doctor’s visit, my boss at the ministry we worked with asked to have lunch with my husband and me before we left for the day. Through that conversation, I learned in just a short month, my job would be eliminated, along with many of my fellow employees'.
Consider it pure joy …

I wish I could say that first visit, hearing the heartbeat and seeing our precious baby, was a joyful one for me. While I was so thankful for the gift God had granted us, joy was not on the forefront of my mind. I was grieving over the ministry in which I had invested so much of my time and energy.
Consider it pure joy …

While I’m still wondering what God is teaching me through all of this, I know His plans are perfect. Though it’s not going the way I planned, God has a way of doing things His way and in His timing. Through it all, this precious life inside of me has brought me incredible joy. I have a new job around the corner … and I’ve heard motherhood is one of the greatest professions there is!

Becky Suggs and her husband, Robert, live in the mountains of Glorieta, New Mexico, with their pug, Sadie. They are expecting their first child in April. In her spare time, you can find Becky reading, enjoying the great outdoors, filling in squares to the latest crossword puzzle, and spending time with family. She has a passion for both kids and camping ministries.

Ultasound image used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

Ask and You Shall Receive by Becky Suggs

We are so excited to introduce Becky Suggs, who will be journaling her pregnancy here at ParentLife Online! I am thrilled to follow her journey to baby. Becky is currently 16 weeks pregnant with her first child, and she's going to chronicle the ups and downs, joys and fears, and reality of expecting.

My husband and I were overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Having no idea what to do next, I turned to everything on the Internet I could find. Not the wisest thing I’ve ever done, but since we were keeping it a secret for a while, it was really the only source I knew to turn to.

After lots of surfing and reading, I realized the only thing reassuring me I was pregnant were the two lines on multiple pregnancy tests (I had to be sure, of course!) and a doctor’s visit that consisted of a nurse coming in and saying, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” No emotional highs or lows. No sickness. No moodiness. Nothing was different. I remember telling my husband one evening, “I really don’t feel pregnant. I mean, I wish I would get sick or something just to have something to ‘reassure’ me.” Oh, be careful what you wish for.

My sweet growing baby first helped me understand I was pregnant on a four-hour whale-watching trip in San Diego. While everyone oohed and aahed over the majestic whales in the ocean, I became good friends with the side of the boat.

This precious new life inside of me didn’t stop there. Multiple times a day, he (or she) reminded me things were progressing on the right track. Tears and questions of “why me” plagued me as I spent much of my time hovered over the toilet. When I felt at my very bottom, I remember crying out, “God, please make it stop.” I was quickly reminded, “This too shall pass. I am growing new life inside of you.”

Ask, My dear child, and you shall receive!

Real Life Solutions: Pumping at Work

We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.

Q: I want to breastfeed my infant but there is no place for me to pump at my workplace. Is it worth the effort because it is a hassle? I have to go in the bathroom that is not really equipped to handle pumping. I want to talk to my employer but wonder if he will be sympathetic or look at this as a problem. Any suggestions?

A: Pediatricians recommend breastfeeding infants for at least the first year of life. The benefits to your child are worth the effort — lowered risk of infections, illness, and obesity. The benefits to you include a faster recovery from pregnancy and a lowered risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, osteoporosis, and obesity.

There are several programs around the country now designed to educate businesses about the value of supporting breastfeeding moms in the workplace. Businesses may need to make a few changes to support women and often need education on how to do this. However, the changes are usually low in terms of cost and the benefits to the employer include lower health-care costs, absenteeism, and turnover rates as well as higher employee productivity and morale.

Breastfeeding an infant is a win for all parties. When talking to an employer, focus on the bottom line of cost effectiveness; don’t be defensive or demanding. Educate the employer on how this can help the business save money. Begin by talking to other moms at work and see if there is support for introducing such an initiative to your employer. As a group, you may want to present the benefits and ask about private areas where you can express milk. If you have a wellness program or human resources officer, ask him about this issue. If there is interest, a free kit can be ordered from the Health Resources and Service Administration (HRSA). The kit includes a brochure explaining why businesses should support moms, some easy steps to implement, and an employee’s guide.

Given the cost of health care, breastfeeding is one of the free initiatives a business can support that lowers health risks for the baby and mom. So yes, it is worth the effort.

Rainy September by Jessie Weaver

It's another day where I feel like I've failed in everything.

Clothes don't fit,
but I eat macaroni and cheese.
Try to stay calm,
but I still snap snap snap. Pull glasses back, point angrily, try to get the lightbulb turned on above her head.
Grump at other cars,
write Better Business Bureau reports in my head
instead of offering forgiveness
and remembering it's a first world problem.

In the solitary night,
I cling to what I try to imprint
on my babies' brains.

Today Libbie said to me, "God loves me when I obey Mommy and Daddy."

"NO." I am scared of this lesson, this untruth. "God ALWAYS loves you. He LIKES it when you obey. But that doesn't change His love."

Does she get it? Do I?

When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (8 months).

Grown-Up-ness by Jessie Weaver

I've wondered a lot lately what it means to be a grown-up.

Does becoming a parent automatically make you grow up? What about those who become parents at 13, 14, even 17? What is the bridge you have to cross in order to feel grown-up?

When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (7 months). And yes, that picture is, in fact, of her, around age 14.

The Great Commission for Moms by Helen Lee (with GIVEAWAY!)

The Great Commission, Jesus’ command to go into the world and make disciples, stands at the heart of evangelicalism ― yet what does this mean for stay-at-home mothers? This calling to engage the world for Christ is given to every believer, and it does not change when we become mothers. But it is also true that when children enter the picture, our lives are changed dramatically.

Not all moms are called to pick up their families and move to a needier neighborhood; not all moms are meant to lobby in front of world leaders. But a mom who chooses to say, “I am willing. And God can,” can have a powerful missional influence wherever she is.

There is no formula for how to become a mom who engages with the world. But here are four steps to consider if you would like to move from a posture of retreating from the world into one that addresses its needs.
 

1. Place yourself where you can see, hear, and become aware of the needs around you. Read newspapers and magazines to keep current with what is happening in the world. Sign up to be a part of the One Campaign.
2. Pray that the Holy Spirit would speak to you if there is a particular issue He wants you to address or confront. Ask specifically that the Spirit would move in your heart in a strong way so you can discern God’s leading.
3. Probe to gain a deeper understanding of a particular issue that is calling for your attention. You can start simply by responding to the tugging on your heart by doing more research to understand the issue better.
4. Participate with God in helping combat the issue with concrete steps of action. These actions can be as small as picking up the telephone or signing an online petition in support of legislation; they could be bigger steps of faith as you grow in your knowledge and understanding of how God wants to use you. As you begin to take concrete steps of faith, your way will become clearer regarding how God will use you to make a difference in the world.

As you adopt a missional outlook, I encourage you to keep your eyes, ears, hearts, and minds open to where and how God might want to use you. You may never relocate your family to a poor neighborhood or fly off to Africa, but God can use you in big and small ways, if you will let Him.

One way to adopt a missional outlook is to understand your home as a missional outpost ― a place where you nurture and raise your children for a lifetime of participating in God’s mission to the world. Your home is a base for powerful missional activity to take place: invite neighborhood kids over for lunch and pray together before the meal, sponsor a child in a foreign country, or have your kids help you pick out grocery items for your church’s food pantry.

Whether you are in a vocational setting, a school volunteer committee, at the grocery store or school music rehearsal, or a neighborhood playgroup, you have the chance to do God’s work ― in other words, to be missional.

Helen Lee is the author of The Missional Mom: Living with Purpose at Home and in the World, which released in January from Moody Publishers. Helen is a homeschooling mom of three and lives with her family in Chicagoland.

Would you like to win a copy of The Missional Mom? We have FIVE copies to give away! To enter, simply comment with one way you (or your wife ... or someone you know!) tries to be missional in their parenting.

Winners will be picked July 27, 2011. One comment person person, please. USA only. LifeWay employees are not eligible to win.

You Know You're a Mom When ...

On several occasions in the not-so-distant past, I've found myself chuckling over the strange characteristics that mark motherhood. You know ... the things you never could have imagined or understood before having kids.

I'll give you two personal examples:

1. Several months ago, I was digging for something in the bottom of my purse and I pulled out a rubber duck. That probably doesn't happen to many women without children!

2. A few weeks ago, our department was given the opportunity to leave work a couple of hours early before a holiday weekend. Do you know what I did with my time off? I went grocery shopping ... and I was excited about it! Why? Because I didn't have my toddler in tow! Three and a half years ago, I could not have imagined being that excited about grocery shopping!

Knowing I'm not the only one who thinks about these kind of things, I decided to ask my Facebook friends to finish this sentence: You know you're a mom when ...

I LOVE the responses I got and wanted to share them with you.

Some made me literally laugh out loud!!

... you speak in five-word sentences. "Would you like some juice?" "Do you need to potty?" "We do not eat rocks."

... you automatically cut everyone's food into small pieces, even the grownups.

... you find yourself watching Sesame Street and you are the only one in the room.

... you unconsciously think in rhymes (due to reading too many Dr Seuss books)!

... you tell other adults that you will be right back because you need to "go pee-pee in the potty."

... you catch yourself singing the Wonder Pets theme song in the shower.

... you know every word to every VeggieTales video but have trouble recalling what you did last week.

... you accidentally dilute your own apple juice ... and drink it anyway.

... you share bites of your meal even though they have the exact same thing on their plates.

... there are rocks in the dryer and clothes in the driveway.

... you have to weed through the action figures in your purse to find your lipstick.

... ketchup on the ceiling does not surprise you in the least.

... you tell time by which cartoon is on.

... you understand the language of toddler speak.

Others were responses I knew every mother could relate to: 

... you're exhausted, ready for a nap, and your toddlers are running laps around you!

... you can't use the bathroom or take a shower without being interrupted.

... you hear yourself giving the same sound advice or warning to your children that your parents gave you ... even the phrases you swore you would never say!

... you catch your child's throw-up in a store.

... things that used to gross you out dont't phase you anymore!

... getting up at 7 is sleeping in.

And others warmed my heart and made me smile!

... you look at all your grandchildren and say, "It was all worth it".

... when you look at that little gift of God and nothing else seems as important anymore. 

... you can see your heart walking around OUTSIDE your body!

Now it's your turn. Leave us a comment finishing this sentence. You know you're a parent when ... . I can't wait to read your responses!

Sick Kids and Self Doubt by Jessie Weaver

When Libbie was about a year old, I was living with her by myself in our condo in Nashville. My husband was in Chattanooga during the workweek, and I was waiting on our condo to sell. (Ha. That's been a year and a half. Still own it.)

Libbie was playing around our kitchen island, and I picked her up. And knocked her forehead into the edge of the island.

Libbie wailed. I wailed. I felt like the Worst Mother of the Year award was right there for my taking. And I called my pediatrician's office, who called my doctor, and then my doctor called me. Just so I could find out, really, it wasn't that big of a deal. As long as she had a bump, it was OK.

This weekend I've been attending to a baby with a mid-grade fever ... not quite high enough to panic, not quite low enough to feel at ease with. I find myself in the same battle I always face: should I call the doctor? Is it a big deal? Sure, I'm supposed to trust my mother's intuition ... but I think it's a little clouded by the worry a mother has for her sick babies.

The self-doubt is my least favorite part of parenting.

It makes me even more glad that my husband and I are not in it alone. Not only do we have friends, family, a church that loves us, Dr. Google, and Twitter, MD—we have a Heavenly Father who cares for us and our kids.

"In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence and his children have a refuge." Proverbs 14:26

For some reason, it's struck me as beautiful lately how God and Jesus are Father and Husband—the two things Jesus was not literally on this earth. God, as Trinity, fulfills every role to us. He is beyond measure.

Because of this, I can muster up some confidence. And if I fall flat on my face as a parent, or go to the doctor when it's just the sniffles ... well, both God and the pediatrician will forgive.

When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (6 months).

10 Ways to Be a Global Soccer Mom by Shayne Moore

About eight years ago, I became a member of ONE. ONE is a grassroots advocacy and campaigning organization that fights extreme poverty and preventable disease, particularly in Africa. At the time I had three young children at home. Through my involvement with ONE, I began to learn about what life is like for moms and families in Africa who struggle against preventable disease and extreme poverty. These realities broke my heart and I soon found myself getting involved. 

Here are some things I have learned which are effective for real change for moms and families in the developing world. I may still find myself driving car pool, supervising homework, and stuck doing mountains of laundry; but these simple things—when we do them together—add up to make a difference.
 
 

• Become a member of ONE. By becoming a member of ONE, you are immediately in the conversation, receiving e-mail alerts, blogs, and “What We’re Reading” lists. ONE does the sifting of information and delivers articles and points of action in manageable pieces for the everyday mom.
• Read books, blogs, and articles to expand your understanding of extreme poverty and global disease and how to combat them effectively. Visit www.globalsoccermom.com.
• Support small indigenous projects like World Bicycle Relief or Growers First. Find organizations run by the people for the people. Give of your resources and your time.
• Join Facebook “causes” pages of your favorite organizations and follow them on Twitter. In this age of online social networks, we have unprecedented ways to receive and share information quickly and effectively.
• Participate in a local HIV/AIDS walk/run, or any race or marathon to raise money for your favorite cause.
• Learn who your Congressional representatives are and write letters to them expressing your concerns. Did you know your representatives keep local office hours and you can make appointments to talk to them in person about what is important to you?
• Get involved locally with issues of poverty and HIV/AIDS. Reach out to the HIV/AIDS community around you and encourage your church to do the same.
• Buy (RED) products, where proceeds go to support the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, TB, and Malaria. (RED) products can be found at places like Starbucks, Apple, Dell, Converse, Hallmark, American Express, and Gap.
• Get involved with World Vision and its Women of Vision programs. Sponsor an at-risk girl, and she will get an education through twelfth grade. The single best way to get a nation out of poverty is to educate its girls. Learn how World Vision fights to stop gender-based violence and how it fights for gender equality with a goal of empowering both men and women in areas ravaged by poverty and disease.
• One last thing you can do? Read Global Soccer Mom with a group of friends and work through the discussion questions at the back. Learn together how to make a real difference in our world!

Want to win a copy of Global Soccer Mom and get started changing the world? We have five copies of the book to share with our ParentLife Online readers. To enter, tell us in the comments: which of the above options most appeals to you and why?

Soccer mom photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

Moms! Be Intentional This Mother's Day by Catherine Hickem LCSW

Do you remember your first Mother’s Day? If you are like me, I recall all the details surrounding it. Having been infertile, it was a day I never thought I would celebrate. Yet, on that special day in 1985, I was overwhelmed by my blessings.  As I sat in church listening to my pastor-husband deliver the Mother’s Day sermon, I wept with joy. My 9-month-old adopted son Taylor was in the church nursery, I was three-and-a-half months pregnant, and my precious mother sat next to me. I could not have been more elated and grateful.

That special day happened 26 years ago, and much has happened since that time. I am much wiser, much grayer, and even more grateful than I was on that fateful holiday. It went by all too quickly, and yet the journey has taught me more about my faith and the character of God than any other relationship.

Being a mother is so much bigger than what I do with the children. It is the arena by which I learn about who I am, how I feel, where I am stuck, and how I live out my faith in God. Motherhood has been my greatest invitation to grow, reflect, and change. In order to be the type of mom I wanted to be, I had to take the time to become intentional, something that doesn’t happen by accident.

In a few days, we will celebrate Mother’s Day. In addition to celebrating it in your traditional way, wouldn’t it be great if you used this day as an opportunity to step back, reflect, and focus on your motherhood with a renewed sense of purpose? By taking this opportunity to listen to God and examine your relationship with each child, you will be better equipped to know your children better and strengthen your relationship with them.
 
To be regret free as a result of being purposeful on Mother’s Day, here are a few tips that will make your day and your motherhood more meaningful for the next year:

1. Begin with a prayer. This seems simple but too often it is the last thing we do. Ask God to give you a teachable heart and give you the eyes to see the things He shows you. Give yourself some time to be still and listen. Remember, God is not going to give you gems of insight if you are not at a place to appreciate them.
2. Get a notebook and put the name of each child at the top of a page. Identify the highlights of your relationship this last year under each child’s name.
3. Next, identify what it is that you learned about your child as well as yourself in the last year. Be honest as you do this. All relationships have challenging moments, but that is normal. The most important issue is to make sure you are learning and communicating with your child as well as God.
4. Make a goal for this next year that you want to accomplish with each child. Then pray and ask God to guide you step by step so you will be all He created you to be.

I pray you will be blessed in a unique and more powerful way this year as you take your motherhood to a whole new level.

What do you remember about your first Mother's Day?
 

Catherine Hickem, L.C.S.W., is the author of the new book Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Right (March 2011, Thomas Nelson) and is a licensed psychotherapist with three decades of experience. Hickem is a motherhood expert who has made it her life's mission to equip moms for every facet of raising exceptional children. Author, speaker, coach, and counselor, she founded Intentional Moms, a national not-for-profit organization that provides information, support, and insights on motherhood. Hickem lives in Delray Beach, Florida with her husband Neil. They have two adult children. To read Catherine's blog  visit  www.intentionalmoms.com.

Mother/baby photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

Being a Friend

Here are some more suggestions on mom friendships from Jennifer Holt, a supplement to our May 2011 article, "Looking for a Safety Net?"

Make the time to develop and nurture female friendships. The best way to make a new friend is to be a friend.

• Send encouraging notes. A verse, a text, an e-mail, or even an occasional greeting card can help you bond with a friend.
• Find a women’s Bible Study group. They will be your prayer partners in any season, and the forum lends itself to “bonding time” already.
• Meet at a local fast-food playground or park midweek to share ideas with someone old enough to appreciate you!
• Start a playgroup or join a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group in your area.
• Plan a regular girls day/night/weekend to be with those who make you feel like you’re not alone.
• Find a common interest. Do you know someone who likes to hike, scrapbook, paint, or read? Take a class, read the same book, or plan a trip together.

What other suggestions do you have for keeping up your friendships (with moms or otherwise)?

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

You're Not Alone, Mom!

In the May 2011 issue, our article "Looking for a Safety Net?" talks about the kind of mom friends you need in your life.

If you can’t find a way to meet regularly with friends, at least take time to read their blogs! There are tons of great mom Web sites out there to help you network and remind yourself you are not in this alone. Here are a few of our favorite Mom “reads” in book and Web site form.

• Christian Mommies
• Ungrind
• ChristianMom
• Moms of Faith™
• Just Moms
• Heavenly Homemakers
• Mom Seriously
• Impress Your Kids
• What Every Mom Needs by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall (Zondervan, 2006)
• Taking Care of the Me in Mommy by Lisa Whelchel (Thomas Nelson, 2007)
• God Thinks You’re Wonderful, Mom! by Max Lucado (Thomas Nelson, 2008) 
• Real Moms ... Real Jesus by Jill Savage (Moody, 2009)
• Chasing Superwoman by Susan M. DiMickele (David C. Cook, 2010)

Do you have a favorite mom blog or book about being a mom? I would be remiss if I didn't mention my own imperfect-mom blog, Vanderbilt Wife. Hope you'll pay me a visit! - Jessie

I'm Taking It Slow by Joy Fisher

The older I get, the more I wish my grandparents were still alive so I could ask them how they felt about the modern inventions of their day. I remember my grandfather, who was born in 1909, telling me about the first party line telephone his family shared with nearby neighbors. He would be astounded to know what today’s smart phones can do.

I keep telling myself that every generation has experienced a technology boom, but I sometimes feel the world is spinning faster now than ever before. I like gadgets as much as the next middle-aged modern mom, but I don’t mind explaining why I am holding on to some old traditions.

• We still have a land line. I know, we probably don’t really need it, since it seems the only people who know the number anymore are solicitors. Still, two or three times a week, my 6-year-old nephew calls our house to talk with his cousins about something he saw or did or learned. I love eavesdropping on these relationship-building conversations while any one of my kids walks around the kitchen with that long, dangling phone cord.

• I love and use my library card. I will never forget going with my mother to get my first library card. Each week Mom took my siblings and me to return and check out books, toted back and forth in a blue canvas bag with a green bookworm on it. I learned that the library was a place for us to have an outing and be together, and those books I brought home fostered in me a love of reading that has never abated. These days, I take my own three children to the library as often as possible. As preschoolers, they loved story time with the librarians. Now they enjoy summer reading programs, playing games on the library computers, and checking out audio CDs and video games as well as books. Yes, I know those electronic reading devices are cool, but they are just not for me, yet. Call me a throwback, but I still love the feel and smell of a printed book. I’m digging in my heels on this one.

• I’m a shutterbug. I’ve read newspaper and blog posts predicting the demise of point and shoot cameras. Film cameras are already nearly obsolete, and lots of my friends tell me that their phones take better pictures than their digital cameras. That may be true, but I like taking lots of pictures. I like looking at them, editing them, and sharing them. I’m really into digital scrapbooking and making DVDs of my pictures and video clips. See, I’m not as anti-technology as you think!

So what’s the point of all these confessions? As my family’s calendar fills up with more and more must-do’s, I want to be sure and slow down enough to take note of each passing day. I’m reminded of the passage in Ecclesiastes 3 that reminds us that there is a time for everything under the sun.

I plan to continue to intentionally keep one foot on and one foot off the electronic treadmill. I want to play board games with my children and watch them ride their bikes and shoot baskets. I still love to read to them and provide a place at home where they can draw and use glue and scissors and messy glitter. I want to talk face-to-face with the people I love. Most of all, I want to believe that someday as my kids tool around in their Jetsons-era cars, they will know exactly how I felt about my changing world.

Are there "relics" of technology that you hold onto? I'm a book-in-my-hand person as well. - Jessie

Joy Fisher has been a ParentLife contributor since before her children were born; her oldest is inching ever closer to his 13th birthday. She edits Special Buddies, LifeWay’s Bible study curriculum for children with intellectual and developmental special needs.

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons.Click on photo for source.

Addison Road: Refined By Fire

After a bus fire destroyed all of the band Addison Road’s merchandise, band members Ryan and Jenny Simmons' clothes and personal belongings, musical equipment, and the quartet’s RV tour transportation early last year, fans responded with overwhelming support — helping the band to replace everything lost.

Jenny relates, “I felt overwhelmed. We got a firsthand glimpse of what it’s like to be radically loved by God. There was nothing we could do to earn it, deserve it, or stop it. It was one of the most real pictures of God’s grace I’ve ever seen.”

Read Jenny’s thoughts on family, faith, and life on her popular personal blog: www.jennysimmons.com.

___________

Interested in listening to the music of Addison Road, whom we featured in the March 2011 ParentLife? Here are are their albums.

Addison Road (March 2008)

Stories (June 2010)

All About Angie: Our New Mom's Life Columnist! by Jessie Weaver

I'm sure many of you know who Angie Smith is. Her blog, Bring the Rain, has thousands and subscribers and hundreds of comments on each post. She is the author of I Will Carry You and the forthcoming What Women Fear. Her husband and sister-in-law are both recording artists.

I've known Angie for several years. Her sister-in-law Shawn and I went to church together in Nashville, and Angie and I both attended a Bible study at Shawn's house. I have to share a story with you that is a little chracteristic of my ditziness.

One night Shawn was going to be out-of-town so we had the Bible study at Angie's house. The twins were still toddlers and Kate was maybe 1. As I entered their beautiful home, scents of cooking wafted through the house. Angie explained her husband had helped the girls make pumpkin muffins and caramel apples. She mentioned a few other things he had done that day with the girls.

My mind let this stew and after a few minutes I asked Angie, "Um, what does your husband do? Does he work? It sounds like he is home a lot!"

Oh yes, I did.

Angie was gracious. "Oh, he is in a Christian singing group."

Me: "Which one?"

Angie: "Oh, you may not have even heard of them. It's called Selah."

My jaw dropped. I did not feel like the sharpest crayon in the box, friends.

We weren't far removed from that study when Angie conceived Audrey. About the same time she found out Audrey may not live, the spark of life that became Libbie started to grow in my body. It made me ache for her even more.

We live in different cities now, so I'm happy we've gotten to reconnect through ParentLife. Here are her answers to some questions we pulled together for her. Let's meet Angie Smith!

1. Tell us about your family ... your husband and your daughters. My husband is Todd Smith, who you might know from the Christian group Selah. We have been married 9 1/2 years and have 5 daughters: Abby and Ellie (identical twins) who are 8, Kate is 5, and Charlotte is 9 months. Our daughter Audrey would have been almost 3. She passed away the day she was born, in April of 2008.

2. Why did you decide to start a blog? I actually didn't really know what a blog was when I started writing! We had received a diagnosis about halfway through my pregnancy with Audrey explaining that she could not survive outside of the womb due to several conditions which deemed her "incompatible with life." I was overwhelmed by having to share the story over and over, exhausted by the sadness that came along with having to keep everyone updated as I was just trying to get through it myself.

I decided it would be great to have a place where I could update everyone in a way that was comfortable — just me and my computer, sitting on my bed, and sharing what was going on. I had no (emphasis ... NO) idea that it would lead to the ministry God has given me.

3. How many people follow your blog? Were you surprised by its popularity? Do you have any fun facts related to the blog you can share with us? I honestly don't know how many people actually follow it but I think it's somewhere around 10,000. And yes, I was very surprised that it became so well-read. I still am! But I think it's really because people loved my daughter and felt connected to me through that; also, I think people just relate to the way I love the Lord so fully yet imperfectly.

It is nothing short of an honor to be able to share my heart the way I do. Fun facts ... hmm ... I think it always overwhelms me that so many people read it from other countries. I got an e-mail telling me that a woman had put a prayer request for me in the weeping wall. That was phenomenal. I just love that there is such a sense of community, regardless of geography, race, life situation, etc. It is amazing that no matter where people come from (even spiritually), they have found a home on my blog because they cared for a sweet baby girl who we only got to keep for 2 1/2 hours. It's just amazing the way the Lord weaves His story, isn't it?

4. What is your favorite part about being a mom? Are there unique challenges you face since you have all girls? I think my favorite part is the sense that the Lord chose me to guide them. It is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination, but when we have those moments where we overhear them sticking up for what's right or praying when they think nobody is listening, it is incredible to feel like I had a part in it. The other night I went in to check on them while they were sleeping and I couldn't believe how long they looked on their beds. I have the privelege of watching them grow into the women of God they are called to be. I think as far as "unique challenges" I will better be able to answer in a few years when they hit the teenage years. I am already praying myself into a head of gray hair. Maybe you should pray for Todd more that me! Ha!

5. What is your involvement with dotMOM? What is dotMOM? I am speaking at the dotMOM conference and am deleriously excited about it. SUCH an amazing group of women and all in different stages of parenting. It is a much-needed conference which will uniquely cater to moms through biblical truth about motherhood, but also just plain old FUN.

I know a little bit from the behind-the-scenes stuff about what they are planning, and it is going to be a blast. I think women are going to be really blessed, not just by the teaching but also throught the fellowship of other moms. It is so important that we have a multi-generational approach to mothering, where we can learn from those who are much farther down the road from us. That sense of "mother mentoring" is a gap that I feel really needs to be filled, and I'm so excited to see the way dotMOM does this. Trust me. You're going to want to plan on it!!!

Thanks, Angie, for helping us get to know you a little better. Check out Angie's first "Mom's Life" column in the March issue of ParentLife.

A Heartfelt Thank You

We are forever grateful that way back in the spring of 2002, Rebecca agreed to take on this monthly column. She has become an irreplaceable part of the ParentLife team. But change, I'm afraid, is a fact of life. Starting next month, we will have a new "Mom's Life" columnist ... who will have big shoes to fill. Rebecca has set the bar high!

On a personal level, Rebecca is a joy to work with and has become a very dear friend! I treasure each or our conversations and interactions. Thank you, Rebecca, for all you've done for ParentLife! We love you!

If you love Rebecca's writing, don't worry. You'll see plenty more of her writing in ParentLife and here on the blog. (Don't miss her guest post on Monday!) But you can read more from Rebecca every day on her blog, Mom Seriously ... not to mention the following great resources.

• Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose
  
• Wise Up! Experience the Power of Proverbs
• Dig Deep: Unearthing the Treasures of Solomon's Proverbs
• Get Real! Embrace the Reality of Ruth
• Baby Boot Camp: Basic Training for the First Six Weeks of Motherhood

To read about Rebecca's journey with ParentLife from her perspective, don't miss this month's "Mom's Life" article.

If Rebecca has touched your heart in some way, we'd love to hear from you. Leave her a comment and let her know how much you appreciate her!

Does This Superwoman Cape Make Me Look Fat? by Laura Coppinger

Hello, my name is Laura, and I'm a homemaker. I'm also a wife, a mom, and a writer. I make most of our food from scratch, grow a large garden, and preserve a good portion of our food for the year. I homeschool our four sons. I have company over regularly. I'm in charge of one of our local health food co-ops. I cut my family's hair.

I also worry too much, yell at my kids sometimes, don't always make time each day to read my Bible, have a messy minivan, and I can't remember how to thread my sewing machine. The chair in my bedroom is covered with clothes that need to be hung up, I can never find a pen, and I haven't taught my youngest son to tie his shoes. I often have overdue library books, my refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, and I'm terrible about returning phone calls.

Some might look at all the great things I do each day and think I have it all together. I beg to differ. Any time I have tried on any of the varieties of Superwoman capes available, none of them seem to fit me right. They're either too tight, too short, too bright, or they're so long that I tripped over it when I try to wear it and fall flat on my face.

Each of us has our own God-given strengths and our human-based weaknesses. What I'm good at, you may not be, and what you're good at I may just have to admire from afar.

Trying to be a Superwoman doesn't work for me. The cape doesn't fit.

How about letting God use us to be the best woman we can be for Him? Now that's a plan that's a one size fits all.

Laura Coppinger is featured in the November 2010 ParentLife on pages 18-21. She writes and shares recipes at HeavenlyHomemakers.com. Here's one of her excellent, "real food" recipes she shared with us!

Apricot Breakfast Bars
© Laura Coppinger

Ingredients:
1 cup butter
¾ cup honey
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup buttermilk
2 eggs
2 cups whole-wheat flour
1½ cups rolled oats
½ cup unsweetened coconut flakes
¼ cup sesame seeds
¾ cup dried apricots

Directions:
Melt butter and honey together. Remove from heat. Pour mixture into a mixing bowl and add baking soda, salt, vanilla, buttermilk, and eggs. Stir in flour, oats, coconut, and sesame seeds until well combined. Cut dried apricots into small bites (I usually cut mine into fourths). Fold apricot pieces into dough.

Bake in a 9-by-13-inch baking pan at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 25 minutes. When completely cool, cut into 16 bars.

Variation — soaking grains (optional): Mix melted (and cooled) butter, buttermilk (with live cultures), flour, and oats thoroughly in a glass bowl. Cover and leave on the countertop overnight. In the morning, stir in remaining ingredients. Bake as above.


Laura’s Recommended Resources
Tropical Traditions
Weston A. Price Foundation®
Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons.

A Better Parent by Jessie Weaver

I'm pretty sure that those women who say they love being pregnant are lying.

It's not that I don't love feeling the baby move (except when, say, he's sitting on my lungs so I can't breathe at all). But pregnancy doesn't agree with me. I do not love it. I love the results.

Most of my current pregnancy has been characterized by intense fatigue. Some days, I can barely make it to the end of the day. Many days, I join my toddler for naptime.

And yet, as a pretty new stay-at-home mom, I feel like I should be getting my daughter out and about all the time. She needs to see the other kids, I tell myself. I sacrifice my sanity to go to playgroups and museums and meetings. We both end up exhausted.

I was really encouraged by several "more experienced" mommas lately. One is author and actress Lisa Whelchel, who gave this interview and advised moms to just be moms. Another friend who came home to be with her son after working full-time experienced the same "have to's" — have to keep the house perfect, have to be a perfect chef, have to do crafts, have to have the kiddo in every playgroup imaginable. After months of this, she was burnt out and admits the most important thing is being a mommy.

Last week, I backed out of several activities with my local MOMS club. Good things, but not as important as being a good mom. An exhausted woman does not make the best mommy to an insanely active almost 2-year-old. I keep clinging to the fact that these are the last few months I have alone with my Libbie. If making them count means doing puzzles with her on the floor and reading books all day, I am happy with that solution.

Do you struggle with the "have to's"? I'd be happy to read any pointers from moms — and dads! — with more experience.

How Much Weight Should I Gain?

I can’t say I love that moment at my midwife appointment where they hoist me and my baby belly onto that beloved doctor’s scale. Who does? Due to a long bout of all-day sickness, a struggle with a possible gallstone, and running after a toddler, I’ve been much less concerned with my weight gain during this, my second pregnancy.

Some women ignore the number; some obsess over it. Here are some basic guidelines for how much weight you should be gaining during the course of your pregnancy. As always, this is something you should discuss with your obstetrician or midwife if you have any concerns or questions.  -- Jessie, ParentLife Blog Guru

If your pre-pregnancy
weight status was:                                           You should gain this many pounds:

underweight                                                       28-40
normal weight                                                    25-35
overweight                                                         15-25
obese                                                               11-20

Data is from the Institute of Medicine, Weight Gain During Pregnancy: Reexamining the Guidelines (Washington, D.C.: National Academies Press, 2009).

You can also check out our “On the Way” section in every issue of ParentLife!

What’s your experience with weight gain during pregnancy? Good, bad, or ugly?

New Moms Need Mentors! by Jessie Weaver

A little over 22 months ago, I birthed my first child into the world.

She took her sweet old time as my husband and mother waited and the dog watched me, confused, while I didn’t sleep for two nights straight.

Her little life has changed me just as much and more than I expected. My greatest panic as we came home from the hospital in October 2008 was that I had no family in Nashville, where we lived. No one to call for help. I begged my mom to stay forever, to move to Nashville without my dad, anything to save me from having to raise a baby without her guidance. Wisely, she declined.

Just a few days into Libbie’s tiny life, the preschool minister from our church came to visit. She brought three things: the rose that had symbolized Libbie’s birth on the church altar; a Christian parenting book; and a copy of BabyLife.

I will confess to barely touching the book; life was too overwhelming already with a newborn wreaking havoc in our house. But I read BabyLife from cover to cover, multiple times. And discovered its bearer, our dear preschool director, lived very close to our house and would fill in as “Mom” when needed. Her guidance and friendship saved me several times.

Titus 2:3-5 encourages older women to mentor younger women “to be sensible.” I can think of many times when I needed some sense stuffed into my head. I am forever grateful to the women in my life — older, not too much older, even younger — who have taken the time to talk me down from a cliff. Every new mom needs guidance at one time or another, whether she wants to admit it or not!

Now, as baby #2 is gestating and December seems to be getting closer and closer, I hope to find another wonderful mentor in our new city. Because life with two seems pretty scary to me, but I know a lot of women have been there.
____

The ParentLife staff is starting work on the newest edition of BabyLife , which will be released in June 2011. The magazine is full of advice for parenting children during their first two years of life. What would you like to see featured in the magazine? What articles would catch your attention?

Jessie, the new “ParentLife Blog Guru,” is a stay-at-home mom and freelance writer and editor in Chattanooga, Tennessee. She has blogged for over four years at Vanderbilt Wife.

Mommy Blogger of the Month @ By Moms for Moms Blog

I had the awesome opportunity to be a Mommy Blogger of the Week on the By Moms for Moms blog! I am so honored that they asked me to participate. Be sure to stop by and check it out!

Picture-Perfect Grace by Renee Garcia

My 6-year-old daughter, Kennedy, recently completed a month-long intensive reading program at Vanderbilt. Four afternoons a week I would make the hour-long drive each way with Kennedy and my next door neighbor’s son who was also in the program, while my neighbor kept my other four children.

The first couple weeks went along pretty smoothly. I dropped the kids off with my neighbor, picked up her son, and off we went. No problems. I actually didn’t mind the drive. It gave me time to talk on the phone, think, or even pray.

Then, one day during week three, right as it was time to leave, it started raining. It poured. Hard. Two of my other children were sick that day, so I was driving them to my mom’s house to stay while we went to Vanderbilt. When I realized that the rain wasn’t going to let up, I pulled out my umbrella and one by one I walked my children out to the car. By the time they were all inside, we were running late, I was soaked to the skin, and my makeup was running down my face. I was a sight to see, I’m sure.

When I arrived at my neighbor’s house, she looked at me, got a little smile on her face and said, “I’m so glad you’re not perfect.” She went on to explain, “Every day you come here to drop the kids off and pick up my son, and you’re wearing cute clothes and your hair and makeup is always done just right, and it’s just nice to see that you’re not always perfect.” We both laughed and I went on my way. We were very late to Vanderbilt that day.

On the way there, I thought about her statement. How many other people look at me, or my life and think that I’m “perfect”? How many times do I look at others and think the same thing judging from an outward appearance? I know for a fact that anyone who looks deep into my life and my heart would see that I am far from perfect. I mess up all the time. I know the same is true for all those people who I hold to a higher standard every day.

The truth is, none of us are perfect (Romans 3:10). We’re not perfect spouses, perfect parents, or perfect Christians. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, saved only by the grace of God. Sometimes it just takes a little rain to fall in our lives to remind ourselves, and others, of that.

Thank you, Lord, for your never-ending forgiveness and grace!

Don't miss our July 2010 ParentLife article about Renee and her family — "Renee Garcia: Life With My Special Ks" (pp. 36-37). Be sure to visit Renee's blog: Life With My Special Ks.

Mother's Day Gift Ideas

Mother's Day is right around the corner. If you are a mom, maybe your family needs some Mother's Day gift hints! Or maybe you are a dad trying to figure out something new and creative this year for your wife!

Maybe you will be inspired by the following ideas!

• A trip to a Bed and Breakfast. Every mom needs some time to relax and rejuvenate, and a great way to do that is to visit a bed and breakfast. Visit BnBFinder.com, to find a bed and breakfast package that is just right for Mom. 
• Meals for Moms. In honor of your mom (or your wife) do something kind for a homebound senior mom. The Meals On Wheels Association of America (MOWAA) has just launched a new campaign called Meals for Moms to raise awareness of all the homebound senior moms facing the threat of hunger this Mother’s Day. You can send a free virtual bouquet of flowers to anyone (including a homebound senior mom) by visiting www.mealsformoms.org. If someone selects that their bouquet go to a Meals On Wheels client, those e-cards will be printed out and distributed by Meals On Wheels programs, along with any special messages written by the card creators. 
• A World Vision Gift. When it comes to Mom's priorities, children's needs come first.  What better way to honor Mom than by helping disadvantaged mothers provide for their children? World Vision Gift Catalog offers a variety of opportunities to assist mothers and their families in Haiti and around the world, by purchasing essential life-sustaining items. The World Vision Gift Catalog, located at www.worldvisiongifts.org, offers more than 100 poverty-fighting gifts ranging in price from $16 to $39,000 that can be purchased in the name of a mother, child, friend, or loved one.
• Make It and Take It. Jo-Ann Fabric and Craft Stores will host a free Make It-Take It event in every store across the country on Saturday, May 8th from 1:00 to 3:00 p.m. Children will have the opportunity to make two projects – a “hand” made flower bouquet and a fingerprint card. While the kids are crafting their masterpieces for mom, dads can stroll the store to find many great gifts — sewing machines, scrapbooking albums, picture frames, yarn, and gift cards to name a few ideas. To find the location nearest you, log onto Joann.com.
• For more great Mother's Day Gift ideas, be sure to check LifeWay stores. Stop by www.lifewaystores.com and browse their catalog "Mom: One Day Is Not Enough." You'll find great products like books, music, and home decor.
  

If you are a mom, what have some of your favorite Mother's Day gifts been? If you are not a mom, what are some creative ways you have honored your mother on Mother's Day? Share your ideas with us!

Christmas Ramblings

Last Christmas season was wonderful and easy for my new little family.  Jason and I were still basking in the glow of being new parents. We were excited for extended family members to meet Jack. Jack was still young enough that planning holiday festivities around his schedule was no problem at all! But looking to this year ... I was afraid things would be very different.

To be honest, I was worried this Christmas was going to be stressful. I was dreading putting out the Christmas decorations with a toddler underfoot, I was sure finding time to Christmas shop was going to be next to impossible, and I was concerned that all of the holiday festivities would throw Jack's schedule completely for a loop! (I can see my husband now ... shaking his head at my tendency to worry too much.)

The reality is ... this Christmas season has been great so far! We put up the Christmas decorations after Jack went to bed one night! We kept things simple this year and didn't go overboard. In fact, we put up the Christmas tree without any ornaments so that Jack could enjoy and explore it without us having to constantly monitor which ornaments he was handling. (Did I mention the tree is pre-lit? All we had to do was fluff it and plug it in! That's my kind of decorating!)

While the busy part of the month hasn't hit yet, I shouldn't worry too much about planning around Jack's schedule for Christmas activities. He's very laid-back and has never had a problem being flexible!

And on the shopping front, we are almost done, and it has been fun to shop with Jack! We only have a few more gifts to buy for family. Then we can turn our attention to shopping for Jack ... who surprisingly has become the hardest to shop for!

Last year Jack was too little to care what anybody got for him so we gave him practical things like bibs, blankets, clothes, and other essentials. But this year, there is a new pressure to get not only toys he will be excited about but also toys that are durable and will grow with him over the years. We only want to get him a few presents, so narrowing it down has been more difficult than I thought it would be. I'm sure all of the pondering will be well worth it though when Jack opens his presents on Christmas morning. I can't wait to experience Christmas through his eyes!!

Are you looking for gift ideas that are memorable, flexible, and durable? Be sure not to miss the 2009 Christmas Gift Guide in the December 2009 issue of ParentLife.

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Have you been seeing pink this October? That's because October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Other than skin cancer, breast cancer is the most common cancer among women in the United States. It is the second leading cause of death in women, after lung cancer. Chances are ... you or someone you love has been impacted by breast cancer in some way. Amy Heeg is a woman who has been directly impacted by breast cancer, but she is a survivor!. Here is her story.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 36. Until then, my biggest fears were my teenage son driving and how I would be turning 40 soon. Now turning 40 is a blessing.

It was July 2007, and I was still nursing my youngest when I noticed that my milk supply was decreasing on one side and there was a lump. The doctor didn't think there was anything to worry about, but just to be sure, he recommended an ultrasound.

He wasn't worried because I was 36 years old, didn't smoke or drink, led an active lifestyle, had nursed all of my children, and there was no history of breast cancer in my family. I got several ultrasounds and then a mammogram. Finally, the doctor said I needed to have a biopsy. The lump in my throat got bigger.

My mass was estimated to be about 4 cm in size, so the only real option was a mastectomy. On September 12, 2007— amidst tears of fear and amazing peace that only God could have provided me, I was rolled into surgery. A few weeks later I was officially given the news that the cancer had moved into my bones, with possible spots in my liver and ovaries. I was officially stage IV, with a husband, four children, and an entire life to fight for.

I’m 38 now, and my motivation is simple. I want to live. I want to see my children graduate, and get their first job. I want to see them get married and meet my grandchildren. I want to grow old with my husband.

I want women to understand that breast cancer is not an older women’s disease. Forty is not the magic number.

People continue to ask me where I find my strength, and my answer is God and my family and friends. I will walk in the Breast Cancer 3-Day and will continue to walk until a cure is found or I cease to breathe.

Amy Heeg — Howell, Michigan

Want to know more about breast cancer prevention and detection? Don't miss the article "Breast Cancer Awareness" in the October 2009 issue of ParentLife or visit www.cancer.org.

And don't forget! Early detection is so important! Be sure to see your doctor at the first sign or feeling that something might be wrong.

Check Out Our Recommended Sites!

Have you seen "Mom's Life" writer Rebecca Ingram Powell's newly redesigned site? It premiered earlier this month and is a great resource for Moms.

Check out this link and other ParentLife writers like Dr. Mom and Dr. Mintle in the "Sites" index.

Tell us about other great sites you like to visit for parenting advice and godly encouragement!

Babymoon Ideas by Suzanne Arguello

Do you have a little one on the way? Maybe it's time to rejuvenate your marriage and enjoy some much-needed relaxation on a babymoon!

Across the country, bed-and-breakfast inns offer delightful babymoon lodgings.  Discover your ideal destination with this sampler:

Begin your parenting adventure where Lewis and Clark ended their trek to the Pacific — Washington’s  Long Beach Peninsula. Wander the oceanfront boardwalk, breathe salt air, watch ocean mammals, and dine on fresh seafood. For attractions and accommodations, visit www.funbeach.com.

Or prepare for the arrival of your little prince or princess with a babymoon at Glen Eyrie Castle in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Savor time roaming the lush grounds or enhance your visit with a Navigator’s marriage or parenting conference offered on-site. Visit www.gleneyrie.org for details.

For a last urban outing sans baby gear, think San Antonio, Texas. The King William Historic District and nearby Riverwalk boast galleries, boutiques, museums, and charming B&Bs. Just for fun, attend a professional sporting event, or visit Sea World®. Find lodging, attractions, even day spas, at www.sanantonio.com.

If nature soothes your soul, consider an Ozark babymoon. Stay in a cottage, cabin, or a tree house!  Walk the woods, relax by the lake, or pause to pray at the Thorncrown Chapel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. Branson, Missouri is the place for family-friendly entertainment.  Learn more at www.eurekasprings.org and www.explorebranson.com.

Visit Virginia for a romantic babymoon. Balance pampering with local sightseeing. Explore Crabtree Falls along the Blue Ridge Parkway. Stroll Colonial Williamsburg gardens. Tour an antebellum home.  Make a splash at Virginia Beach.

To locate bed and breakfast babymoons in your area, visit www.bnbfinder.com/babymoon.

There are several options for keeping babymoon costs down.

• Consider off-season or midweek B&B specials.
• Many state and national parks rent cozy cabins for very reasonable rates.
• House-sit for vacationing friends; then splurge on day spa treatments. 

Future grandparents: A babymoon makes a much-appreciated gift for expectant parents.

Save more on your babymoon. Check out special bed and breakfast offers at www.stashtea.com and www.iloveinns.com.

For great tips on planning a babymoon, be sure read Suzanne's article "Babymoon" in the May 2009 issue of ParentLife.

Do you have a babymoon planned? Or have you been on a babymoon in the past? Tell us about your babymoon!

Are You Part of the Sandwich Generation?

If you are looking for ways to help care for your parents, check out the resource GeriCareFinder.com. GeriCareFinder.com brings together all types of senior care into one Web site. You can search through thousands of care providers, advisory resources, and product or service companies to help seniors, all within any US zip code. The extensive online support tools include a care needs assessment, financial calculators, definitions, articles, FAQs, helpful hints, and checklists — all on one helpful site.
 
GeriCareFinder.com is the official website of GeriCareFinder, Inc., which was founded by Lysa and Ron Kustek. While learning how to arrange care for an elderly friend during her illness, Lysa and Ron were overwhelmed, uneducated about the health care industry, and found the internet was of little help when trying to find the best care. GeriCareFinder.com is the answer for those with similar care questions.

How do sandwich generation parents balance caring for both generations? Read Kathryn Slattery's article on the sandwich generation "Squeezed in the Middle" in the May 2009 ParentLife for a new perspective for sandwich generation parents.

Are you caring for two generations? Tell us how you are balancing it all!

Staying in Shape

As a mother, I know it is very hard to find time to exercise and stay in shape. So why not include baby in your fitness routine? Exercising with your baby can be fun for both of you. Check out Stroller Strides® — the total fitness program for moms with their babies.

And now might be the perfect time to give Stroller Strides a try! In honor of Pregnancy Awareness Month and moms and moms-to-be everywhere, Stroller Strides will be offering both its traditional postnatal exercise classes and new prenatal Fit4Baby classes absolutely free at its more than 800 locations across the country, May 10-16! The classes are not only a fun and effective way to get fit, but also inspire lasting and supportive friendships.
 
For the free class pass, visit www.pregnancyawarenessmonth.com and click on the "Stroller Strides/Fit4Baby" banner to print the coupon. (Good for first-time clients only.)
 
To find a Stroller Strides/Fit4Baby location near you, visit www.strollerstrides.com.
 
How do you find time to stay in shape as a parent?

Honoring Mom

Every year it seems I hear that more phone calls are made on Mother's Day than any other holiday of the year. People are clamoring to get in touch with Mom and check in on Mother's Day! And no wonder, considering how special Moms are!

At ParentLife, we think of Moms in every issue we produce. In the May 2009 issue of ParentLife, we feature the article "Mentors for Moms" about how Moms receive so many benefits from having a godly mentor. The author, Linda Anderson, is the founder of the Mom to Mom ministry and curriculum to help encourage Moms and provide mentoring. Check out the Mom to Mom curriculum here.

Together with my children, I look forward to celebrating my wife on Mother's Day and making sure she has a special day. I also plan to call my Mom and telling her thank you for being such a great Mom.

How do you plan to celebrate Mom this Mother's Day?

An Unexpected Benefit of Motherhood

I am so excited! This Sunday, I will celebrate my first Mother's Day as a mother. Not only do I get to show my mother (and mother-in-law) my gratitude and love, but I also will be honored as a mother. My little boy, Jack, is a gift from God, and I do not remember what life was like without him. He has changed my world!

Being a mother has had some unexpected effects on my personality. Suddenly, I have a newfound confidence. Don't get me wrong. After almost 10 months of parenting, I am still very insecure in my parenting skills. Every day I wonder if I am doing things right and whether or not I am the best mother I can be. But other insecurities in my have been drastically reduced.

Those that know me well know that I tend to get stuck in a rut easily. I order the same food from the same restaurants. I fix my hair the same way every day and do not branch out much when it comes to fashion. I tend to worry a lot about what others think about my appearance and my personality. But for some strange reason, since Jack has been around, I am much more willing to try new things and I worry much less about what other people think. I find myself looking for restaurants I have never been to and ordering new things at my favorite restaurants. I am ready for a brave new hairstyle and to shop for a new wardrobe.

Some of this confidence definitely comes from God. The end of my pregnancy and Jack's delivery were anything but easy. In fact, some complications made them downright scary, but God carried us through. My faith and trust in God have been deepend, making me more confident.

I also think the confidence comes from my new identity as a mother. I feel important and needed more then I ever have in my life. I have a stronger, more clear-cut purpose. I realize that so many of the things I worried about in the past were insignificant and silly. Now, I have something more important to focus on — my family.

What about you? How has parenthood changed you? Have you discovered any unexpected benefits of motherhood?

Baby Boot Camp by Amy Hammond Hagberg

How Am I Smart?

A Not-So-Ordinary Day in the Life of a Working Mom

Upward® Scores!

What we do: Specifically designed for K5 through 6th grade boys and girls, Upward sport leagues provide a fun, positive atmosphere for children to grow in a sport they love while also learning about Jesus Christ.

Who we are: Upward^™ Unlimited is an international nonprofit children's sports organization designed to give children and their families a positive sports experience. To fulfill their mission, Upward partners with evangelical churches across the country. By working with and training local churches, over half a million children will participate in Upward this year.

How we operate: Giving children the opportunity to learn and grow through participating in games they love is one of the most rewarding aspects of conducting a league. Unlike traditional sports programs, Upward programs are structured so children participate in practices and games without league standings. Characteristics such as sportsmanship, kindness, and character are valued as winning qualities. Coaches primarily focus on ministering to children and their families instead of game strategy. Teams are arranged in a substitution system where all players are allowed equal playing time and equal opportunity for improvement.

What we emphasize: To further the "Every Child Is a Winner" philosophy, Upward coaches encourage each player with a game-day star award following each game that builds self-esteem and team spirit. Coaches also are prepared with guides containing a Scripture learning verse and devotions for practices and games. In addition, the referee will lead all sports teams in prayer in the center of the field or court at the beginning of each game. 

Upward offers basketball, cheerleading, soccer, flag football, and several camp options so find a church near you who offers one of our sports leagues.

Have you participated in an Upward league? Tell us about your experience!

"Dad, Will You Help Me?"

ParentLife 2010

How Time Flies!

We thought about the reality of these changes as we completed an "All About Me" poster for Christopher's preschool to display on his birthday. We spent a day perusing every photo we had of Christopher to pick out our favorites (this is one of our favs of the boys). Then came the whittling down process. We chose photos representing every year of his life and included every family member: aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, and first cousins. Sound tiring? It was! But afterwards, we looked with amazement at how blessed we are as a family.

The Levels of Biblical Learning

• Read the listings in each content area matching the age of your child.
• Note the knowledge and skills your child already has firmly in place.
• Mark the statements you believe your child is in the process of making his own.
• Flag one or two statements in each content area that you feel are important for your child to know.
• Determine ways to encourage your child in the areas where you feel he already is making progress and in the areas you flagged as important.

Schedule Obsession

I Love Valentine's Day!

One of my favorite parts of Valentine's Day is helping the boys pick out their Valentine cards for school. They are not that much different than the cards I picked out as a young boy, except for the characters on the front of the cards (although I think Scooby-Doo® has remained popular across all these years). And this year? My sons both picked out NASCAR® cards to give to their friends!

Although Valentine's Day is about more than giving chocolate and flowers, these tokens of love still remind us of the source of unconditional love -- God. Perhaps our greatest task in parenting is to show our children unconditional love on a regular basis. If you are like me, when I am tired, frustrated, or angry, I realize that I can only love my children unconditionally with God's help. So as you open your cards and eat candy hearts, remember to give thanks to God for sending Jesus -- His greatest gift of love!

What do you plan to do this year with your kids on Valentine's Day? What are your Valentine's Day traditions?

Fun on the Run by Carol McAdams Moore

1. Family Mealtimes. How often do you choose fast food because you have not planned ahead? Plan ahead which evenings will be restaurant or drive-through evenings and which will be cook-at-home nights. Stick to the plan.
2. Downtime. Without downtime, you will burn out quickly. God did not create people (including children) to be on the go nonstop. Plan time to be at home without structured activities or responsibilities. Refresh, recharge, and get reacquainted with those you love.
3. Church Activities. Stay involved in worship and Sunday School. Pray about which other church activities will best help your family grow in their relationship to Christ.
4. School and Community Activities. Consider a reasonable amount of involvement for community and school activities. Many parents of young children find that one extracurricular activity at a time per child is a good limit.
5. Family Outings. Plan time for short outings (one or two hours or a whole day).
6. Special Occasions. Strive to keep special occasions special. You may have wonderful memories of homemade cakes and elaborate meals. Continue the tradition with your own family.
7. Chores. The laundry, dishes, and yard work can be part of a schedule. If there is a planned time to do the laundry, then it is more likely to get done. If not, it becomes an emergency operation in an already-too-packed schedule.

Footy-Pajama Frustration

• First of all, I have learned to slow down. As I'm putting Jack in his pajamas, I tell myself, "Just take one snap at a time, and it should come out right." Sometimes I try to do too many things at one time and work myself into an exhausted mess. These are the days I am learning to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus. It may be a silly analogy, but I have to tell myself to take things one "snap" at a time.

• Secondly, I have learned that some everyday tasks just take more tries than others. As a parent, I certainly am not going to do everything right on the first try. It might take me several tries to figure out the best way to bathe a wiggly baby, establish a bedtime routine that works, or discover ways to make reading books a daily event. Thank goodness for second (... and third ... and fourth) chances!

A Healthy Heart by Travis Walters, M.D.

• Control your blood pressure. Have your blood pressure checked regularly. High blood pressure is considered 140/90 mmHg and above.
• Control blood cholesterol. Have your total cholesterol checked at least once every five years, along with a lipoprotein profile which shows a more specific breakdown of your total cholesterol.
• Stop smoking. Smoking is a major risk factor for heart disease.
• Control diabetes. Aiming for a hemoglobin A1C less than 7 percent reduces the risks from diabetes.
• Sustain a healthy weight. Target a body mass index (BMI) of 18.5 to 24.9.
• Exercise regularly. Strive for at least 30 minutes per day of moderate physical activity, four to six days per week.
• Maintain a healthy diet. Keep fat calories to less than 30 percent of your total calories and avoid saturated fats. A diet that contains a healthy balance of fruits, vegetables, grains, fish, poultry, and lean meat is best.

Controlling Clutter

Was one of your New Year's resolutions to keep your house cleaner or less cluttered? Maybe we can help!

ParentLife writer Amber Peacock gave us the following tips for controlling clutter.

Avoiding and dealing with clutter is a challenge for most families. Try these great ideas for controlling clutter.

• Before birthdays and holidays, make room for new things by getting rid of a few old things.
• For birthdays and holidays, consider giving more experiences and less stuff. Passes to local children's museums and parks are terrific gifts. Family friendly concerts, gift certificates to a skating rink, or passes to play miniature golf make memories instead of messes.
• Instead of waiting for spring cleaning to sort through stuff, make decluttering a regular routine. Designate a box for donations and keep it in a convenient spot (like your child's closet). Toss in outgrown clothes as you fold laundry instead of stuffing items back into dresser drawers. When the box is full, drop it off at a local charity.

Convenient Charity Drop-off Centers

• Check out Charity Guide's "How to Make a Difference in 15 Mintues"  for links to several nonprofit organizations that will put your old stuff to good use.
• Find a Goodwill® donation collection center near you.
• Learn about the Salvation Army® donation procedures in your area.
• Soles4Souls™ collects shoes for children and adults.

Amber Peacock has masters' degrees in Human Development/Family Studies and Education but learned how less can be more on the job as a stay-at-home mom of Seth (11), Melody (9), and Cara (5). She is the pastor's wife at Broadus Church in Mechanicsville, Virginia.

Leave us a comment and share some ways that your family controls clutter in your house.

Getting to Know You

Hi. May name is Jodi, and I am the editor of ParentLife magazine. I have worked on ParentLife for over five years and have loved every minute of it. I initially started out as the copy editor. As copy editor, I was responsible for correcting grammar and spelling, verifying all facts and statistics, and handling various administrative details. After a few years of being copy editor, I became editor. Now, as editor, I am responsible for leading out in the planning of upcoming issues; finding writers to write articles; and reading articles for stucture, content, and grammar. I feel so blessed to be able to work on such a great product that ministers to parents, and I have learned so much along the way.

I have actually been very surprised at how much I love working in the publishing business. In high school and college, English was always one of my least favorite subjects. If you would have told me six or seven years ago that my career would involve using grammar skills on a daily basis, I would have laughed. But through tiny nudges in the right direction, God led me to where I am today. He opened every door and gave me a love for what I do.

Over the past year, working on ParentLife has taken on new meaning. Why you ask? Because I am now a parent myself. My husband, Jason, and I had our first baby in July of 2008. His name is Jack and he has definitely rocked our world. I love being a mommy but need all of the help and encouragement I can get. That is why ParentLife articles have taken on new meaning to me -- I often can apply them to my everyday life. I am reading articles with a brand-new mind-set. I hope I am able to evaluate better what topics and products might be helpful to you and what is not. I feel more in touch with your everyday needs.

I hope and pray that each issue of ParentLife helps you in some aspect of your parenting journey. I would love to know what you would like to see more of. Leave me a comment and let me know what topics you would like to read about in ParentLife, what types of products you would like to see, or just general feedback about how we are doing. Tell me about yourself and your family. We love to know who is reading our magazine. Can't wait to hear from you!

Welcome to the ParentLife Blog!

ParentLife Online is here! We are excited for the opportunity to communicate with you online. ParentLife Online will be updated daily during the week with commentary from the ParentLife staff, content that goes deeper into topics appearing in our print magazine, product reviews, and helpful links to parenting sites and the latest parenting information.

We also want to hear from you! Respond to our posts, send us ideas for articles, and submit your writing and queries to be considered for ParentLife.

Meet the Editor in Chief

Hi there! I am William Summey, the editor in chief of ParentLife. I have been working on ParentLife for 7 years, initially as editor and now as editor in chief (EIC). As an EIC, I help edit the magazine but function as team leader, helping everyone do their jobs as best they can.

I have been married to my wife, Christy, for 15 years. We have two boys, Jonathan (10) and Christopher (4).

One of my passions is to help encourage parents in their parenting journey. One of the best ways to encourage others is by being open and honest about parenting struggles and challenges. By building community, we are all stronger. I hope that our blog can be a small piece of that community for you!

What are the parenting issues you feel most strongly about? I would love to hear from you!