We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My seven-year-old son was playing house with his same-age cousins. I saw them and noticed they were touching each other and trying to kiss. Should I be concerned about this type of play?
A: Today, parents are very concerned about possible sexual abuse and victimization with kids, so it is important to know what is normal sexual developmental behavior. During the early school age years (6-8), children often play games or role-play as they explore their sexual development.
Your child has a natural interest in body parts and function at age seven. The key here is to notice whether his sexual interest is excessive, that the play involves children the same developmental age, and that no activity was forced or coerced.
Children this age have a normal curiosity about physical bodies that often leads to sexual play, involving touching or role-playing what they see adults do. Most times, it is harmless. So stay calm and use this to teach your son about the privacy of a person’s body and appropriate touch. You can use a book to go over private parts with him in order to satisfy his curiosity.
If you are still concerned, require the children play in open areas of your home. Finally, if your child has been sexually abused, exposed to pornography, or has observed adults having sex, pay more attention to what he is doing in order to spot signs of inappropriate play.
Want to teach your preteen about prayer? Have your family unplug for a day — no TV, no Internet, no phone. At the end of the day, read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and share how everyone felt about being disconnected from the world. Emphasize that too often, we are even more disconnected from God, the One who loves us and knows our every need.
Forever Friends
Friends are important to your preteen. Continue to monitor and guide your child’s activities and choices as she strives for more independence in choosing relationships. You can help your child make safe and successful relationships.
Communicate your expectations about the types of relationships your family deems appropriate. Talk in honest and open ways.
Encourage your child to develop positive relationships in your church, school, and community.
Get to know your child’s friends and their parents. Welcome them into your home, creating a safe, loving environment for friendships to develop.
How much do you "tend" your preteen's friendships?
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My 11-year-old son is constantly on his cell phone, the computer, or his gaming system. He is becoming disrespectful and getting in trouble at school because of his media use. We have taken away his privileges but he seems worse. What would you advise?
A: Parenting is all about training and teaching. It works best when you teach your child to obey by giving instructions that are consistent and clearly stated.
Media use is a brave new world to navigate. Begin by clarifying your media usage rules. Remember kids should have no more than one to two hours of screen time per day! Once you determine the rules of usage, have a conversation with your son to establish those rules. You may even want to write up a contract so there is no room for interpretation. Then stick to your guidelines no matter his response.
Instead of taking away privileges, I would turn it around and make him earn them. His use of media is determined by how well he complies to the agreed-upon guidelines. Put the responsibility on him — his usage is up to him, not you. Reward behavior that is compliant and also reward behavior that is media-free. Praise him for compliance to the guidelines.
Most of us underestimate the power of praise and find ourselves focusing on the negative versus the positive. When parents make this shift in emphasis (from negative to positive), the atmosphere in the home changes. Children know they earn privileges rather than assuming they are entitled to them. The rules are clear and enforced. It is then up to kids to comply with established rules if they want to engage with media, rather than parents playing the bad guys who always take things away.
How do you deal with media usage in your household?
Your child can help prepare for the holidays this year! Give her some orange and brown crayons or colored pencils (or green and red for Christmas) and white construction paper or cardstock. She can draw on several pieces of paper.
When your child is done coloring, cover the drawing with clear contact plastic and use them as place mats or a table runner for your holiday table. (The clear plastic helps protect the drawings. You can use them on your table without the plastic, but the pictures cannot be cleaned afterward.)
What a wonderful opportunity to let your young child feel a part of the holiday celebrations! For older preschoolers, offer stickers, glitter glue, feathers, and tissue paper for additional decorating.
When it comes to making friends, boys and girls look for different qualities. While boys tend to look for friends to share activities with, such as athletics, science, chess, or karate, girls look for friends to talk with, whether they’re sharing activities or not, says Natalie Robinson-Garfield, a psychotherapist and author of The Sense Connection.
“On the surface, [girls’ friendships and boys' friendships] might appear quite different,” says Richard Horowitz, a parenting coach and author of Family Centered Parenting. “Boys tend to be more hierarchical and will be more competitive with friends, including verbal put downs. Girls will be a bit more aware of their friends’ well-being and will be checking to make sure their friends are OK. However, both boys and girls can create an emotionally intimate relationship with a close friend and share vulnerabilities. Since it is more difficult for boys to get to this place, having a close male friend is really important in the life of a boy and young man.”
Studies show that the differences between girls’ friendships and boys’ friendships begin to narrow as children reach the preteen years. Regardless of what your child and his friend are doing together, the important thing is that they are learning to interact with and care about another person. “Even though both sexes go about doing it little differently, the need to relate and emotionally connect is the center theme,” says Simon Casey, Ph.D., a psychiatrist and author of Secrets to Emotional Wealth.
Have you noticed your children interacting differently as they make friends? Mine are still in the stage where they don't really even play with others. I'm interested to watch them grow up, as I have one of either sex! - Jessie
With back-to-school either coming soon or already a reality, you might be needing an old-fashioned after-school snack to satisfy your kids until dinnertime. Here are some healthy snacks that you'll feel good about putting on the table.
Old-Fashioned Rice Krispies Treats redux: Prepare this old time favorite recipe, but substitute high-fiber cereal or MultiGrain Cheerios and add some dried fruit to the mix, such as dried cranberries or raisins.
Anything on a stick. Kids love to eat finger food — and if they get to "create" it, even better. Set out bamboo skewers and several bowls of fruit, diced lean turkey breast, cheese, veggies, etc. and let the kids "make" their own snacks. You can control what foods they'll use for their creations, and they love the decision-making and activity part of the project!
Anything in a Tortilla! Kids will eat almost anything wrapped in a tortilla, so get creative. Smear some low-fat cream cheese and sliced strawberries or pears and cheddar cheese or even just peanut butter and bananas. The kids can also take over and make their own creation.
Make Your Own "Mix": When you take your child to the grocery store bulk bins, they love the idea of scooping and weighing the items. Let them select a few of their favorites for a homemade energy trail mix with seeds, nuts, popcorn, dried fruit and coconut, and yes, maybe even a small portion of chocolate nibs or drops! Have your child portion the completed mix into snack-sized plastic bags or mini containers and take them on the go for a quick pick-you-up snack!
Bagels, Baby! Nothing says satisfaction more than a bagel. Make it a nourishing snack by purchasing whole grain bagels and top them with organic jam and low fat cream cheese. To make them even more kid friendly, but them in thin slices and arrange like spokes of a wheel around the plate. What looks different and interesting yet familiar usually attracts kids to the plate!
What are your favorite after-school snacks to serve (or eat!)?
I still have a hard time fathoming that August is the beginning of the school year around here (Tennessee). Where I grew up in Richmond, Virginia, we didn't start school until the Tuesday after Labor Day. I'm pretty sure that's still the rule there. But then again, I didn't graduate until June 16th ... so I guess it's just a toss-up as to which end of the summer you want your extra weeks to be.
Do you want to start some special traditions for your school-aged children? Having pictures of the same events every year will make a beautiful scrapbook or album for your kids to look back on when they are adults. - Jessie
Here are some tips on back-to-school photography from Tracy Greene, photographer and author at Take Great Pictures.
Back To School Shopping, Shopping, Shopping
Whether you like it or not, shopping for back-to-school clothes, shoes, and school supplies is an annual tradition that deserves documentation. Photograph them before you leave with their worn out summer sandals, unruly pool hair, and faded summer tank tops. You'll have that to start your back-to-school scrapbook page and contrast it with the first day of school photo.
By giving the camera to your kids for part of this day you might even end up with a funny photo of yourself frazzled from a day of shopping.
The First Day
Whether they are taking the bus, walking, or driving themselves for the first time, that goodbye photo is crucial to remember that feeling forever. They will be proud to see their independence and you can reflect on this time in their lives.
Think Outside of the Box
Kids smiling for the camera always make a nice picture, but you might like something a little out of the ordinary even better. Try photographing kids from behind. On the first day of school you will see the excited posture of their walk onto the bus or into school with their new favorite backpack they picked for this year.
Get a Close-Up
Make sure you do a full head to toe photo to capture what they looked like at this time in their life. Then, zoom in close and do a few portraits to remember the features of their face at this age. They will inevitably get annoyed after a few shots so keep shooting and grab some of those funny candid moments too.
Back-to-School Traditions
Once they are home from the first day, do you have an annual family tradition? Homemade cookies and milk, ice cream cones... whatever the tradition, be sure to include your camera.
Do you have any back-to-school photography traditions?
“Daddy, can we do the questions?” That request is music to my ears. Shortly after our son, Joshua, turned 5, my wife and I began teaching him a catechism, which is a series of questions and answers designed to explain basic biblical doctrine.
What We’ve Learned
We began asking Joshua a new question every second or third day as part of the prayer and snuggle time we have with him and his 2-year-old sister. Several things amazed us right away.
Joshua was able to answer many of the new questions correctly with little or no help. It is encouraging to see that what we talk about at home and what he hears at church are anchoring firmly in his mind and heart.
He was able to quickly and easily learn new questions. Children have an amazing capacity to absorb information. We want to pour the gospel into our children as much as possible to take advantage of this developmental stage.
He was eager to “do the questions.” Showing a little encouragement and excitement when he answers questions correctly goes a long way and is helping him have fun as he learns about God.
The catechism questions began fueling wonderful spiritual conversations about God, life, heaven, and his unchurched friends. Initiating spiritual conversations has become easier and more natural.
Our biggest surprise was that our daughter, Hannah, was learning almost as much as Joshua! Our hearts quickly began to melt when we heard our 2-year-old’s sweet voice articulating biblical truth. It reinforces the principle that you can’t start this process too early.
A Great Opportunity
As a parent, you know that summer is a mixed blessing of free time for your child. Why not invest some of that time into teaching your child a catechism or challenging your child to learn a Bible verse each week until school starts? Or do both and learn a verse with each question. Sweeten the challenge by offering a quality reward at the end of the summer if he succeeds. (God mentions rewards quite often in the Bible; there is nothing wrong with motivating a child similarly!) Let this summer be a life-changing summer for your child. Perhaps you will experience the same change as well!
Sample Questions
Q. Who made you?
A. God.
Q. What else did God make?
A. Everything.
Q. Why did God make you?
A. For His own glory.
Q. How can you glorify God?
A. By loving Him and doing what He says.
Q. Why should you glorify God?
A. Because He loves me and takes care of me.
Ways to Impact Your Child Spiritually
Find a church with Saturday evening services and attend a few during the summer. Attending a different church’s worship service may further energize your family’s walk with Christ.
Find different ministry opportunities in which to participate as a family (soup kitchens, clothes closets, etc).
Make it a goal to invite a friend to church each Sunday during the summer.
Encourage your child to keep a prayer journal during the summer.
Brian Dembowczyk is Associate Pastor of Discipleship and Assimilation at FBC Tampa, Florida. He is married to Tara and is father of Joshua (5) and Hannah (3). You can follow Brian on Twitter at @BrianDembo or check out his blog at missionaldiscipleship.blogspot.com.
Wanna see what REALLY goes on at camp? Got questions as a parent or kids ministry leader? Tune in as CentriKid worship goes all the way live!
Experience camp 2011 from the comfort of your computer screen. You’ll see for yourself why everyone loves CentriKid and why this God-focused, kid-friendly week is a great investment in your 3rd–6th graders!
LOCATION:www.lifeway.com/centrikidlive DATES/TIMES: Wednesday, July 27, 2011 at 6:00 p.m. (EST) Thursday, July 28, 2011 at 7:00 p.m. (EST)
Even though the numbers of homeschoolers are growing, home education is still considered by many to be an inferior choice and is often cast in a bad light in films and TV shows. But in Dolphin Tale, homeschooling receives a positive endorsement.
Dolphin Tale is a heartwarming family film based on true events about Winter, a young dolphin who loses her tail in a crab trap, and Sawyer, the introverted 11-year-old boy who befriends her. Harry Connick Jr. plays Clay Haskett, a single dad and the dedicated marine biologist who rescues Winter.
As young actors, Nathan Gamble and Cozi Zuehlsdorff — who plays Haskett’s daughter Hazel — are homeschooled while on set, but Cozi’s character Hazel is also homeschooled in the film. During a visit to the set of Dolphin Tale, Harry Connick Jr. discussed the benefits of homeschooling for his young co-workers.
“I think it’s the perfect opportunity for Cozi and Nathan for their professions. I sit in their [Nathan and Cozi's] class a lot; in fact, sometime we have music class, and it counts towards their credit. If you can find a great instructor, I think it’s the best thing in the world.”
Connick also revealed that he had been a homeschooling father. “I have three children and my oldest was homeschooled for a year. I really liked it. The only reason I don’t homeschool all my children is that they love the society of other children.” He went on to confess that he wished homeschooling would have been an option when he was young. “I would have loved to have been homeschooled, because I wasn’t really a social animal. I didn’t do well in school and I would have thrived if they had had homeschooling when I was growing up.”
Dolphin Tale releases September 23 by Warner Brothers and Alcon Entertainment. You can watch the trailer above.
Back in January, we gave you a sneak peek at Theo, a video-based curriculum for kids that our editorial project leader, William Summey, is heading up. Theo the Animated Theologian dissects simple principles of faith for kids to grasp.
We thought you'd enjoy this interview with Theo's creator, Mike Joens.
The Theo package you can purchase includes five 10-minute videos on DVD, as well as having a DVD-ROM component with leading information, teaching plans, and parent information. Theo makes teaching salvation concepts easy and fun!
Theo released June 1, 2011, and LifeWay will release additional Theo packages in September and December.
Many parents have daily standoffs with their child to read his/her homework assignment. Yes, many kids are just being stubborn, but many others (more than we think), have language-learning disorders such as dyslexia that make it difficult for them to read.
When a parent realizes there's an issue, they turn to their educational institution for help, but unfortunately, most public schools are not set up to diagnose or help children with these disorders. Parents can spend two to three years looking for answers and help, and during this time, their child is falling behind in school. For decades, clinicians and parents have not had easy access to a screening instrument--until now.
Lexercise, a company that provides professionally-managed, online dyslexia treatment, has just introduced a free online test that allows parents to screen children ages 6 and up for dyslexia, no matter where they live. First of its kind, the screener takes 5 to 10 minutes to complete and uses common words and nonsense syllables to identify children who are at risk for dyslexia.
Too many children are going through school not ever being diagnosed, which can have a lifelong adverse impact on them personally and professionally. It's imperative that parents know that immediate diagnosis is possible.This screener could literally change the lives of kids who are struggling to read and whose parents have no idea where to turn to for help.
Jodi was able to test the screener and reports that is extremely simple and free to use. No registration is required. If you are concerned about your child's reading, definitely give Lexercise a try.
If you have a child who is struggling with reading, you might also be interested in these articles:
As the winter begins to wrap up and we all look forward to the dog days of summer, some decisions need to be made. Some parents are not sure about when it is the right time to send their children to sleep-away camp. I don’t believe that there is an exact age that is the “right” age; it is more about the readiness that your child exhibits that lets you know she can handle being away from home.
Here are 5 signs your child may be ready for sleep-away camp: 1. Your child begin expresses an interest in going to camp.
This is an easy sign that lets you know your child is ready. As your child develops peer relationships in school and begins spending more time with her friends away from you, she may verbalize her desire to go to camp. 2. Your child is able to spend longer periods away from you without being upset.
Your young child might express a desire to have a sleepover with a friend; but once the child is at the friend’s home, she may become anxious and want to come home. If this is the case, wait until your child can have sleepovers without being upset or returning home.
3. Your child gets along well with her peers.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but if your child is displaying any behavioral problems at home or school, most likely these will follow her to camp, Your child needs to be able to get along with others, as this is a major part of her growth at camp. 4. Your child is able to follow directions from leaders.
There are so many wonderful things that your child will learn at camp. Being able to follow directions and respect the counselors and group leaders is a necessary skill in order to be away from home. Often, kids who are away from their parents may think they have free reign to do and say whatever they please, so it is important to discuss this aspect with your child and make sure she is capable of handling it while she is away from your watchful eye.
5. Your child is asking to attend the type of camp that fits her needs.
It is possible to have your child be ready for camp but choose the wrong type of camp. Some camps emphasize sports and others theater or science. It is crucial that you don’t place your child in an athletic camp if her desires and talents are in other areas. Your child will more than likely feel out of place, and this can be a set-up for failure.
Figuring out the right time for your child to attend sleep-away camp may be tricky, but paying attention to the signs she is ready may help make the process a bit easier. Do not push a child to go before she is ready. Even if your child expresses the interest to go to camp, it is still possible that she may get home-sick as she acclimates to her new environment. Just remember this is normal and should pass as she becomes entrenched in camp life, which is a rewarding and growth-producing experience.
Would you add any more signs that your child is ready?
Jennifer Kelman has a BA in Sociology from American University and a Masters in Social Work from New York University and has worked with children in a variety of psychiatric and medical settings. She is the creator of Mrs. Pinkelmeyer, who inspires self-esteem in children through her love, warmth and silliness and author of the new award-winning children's book, Mrs. Pinkelmeyer and Moopus McGlinden Burn the Rrrrump Rrrroast.
There is just something special about a week away from everything normal and familiar. Many Christians say times when God spoke most clearly along their spiritual journey were retreats or camps. God uses these away-from-home experiences in a big way. Why not start at a time when most kids make a decision to follow Christ or begin to own their faith? Going strong for 10 years, CentriKid staff teams are made up of more and more college students who had their own lives changed through CentriKid!
Camp Basics
CentriKid camps provide a five-day, four-night camp for church groups with children who have completed grades 3 through 6. Churches bring kids and chaperones, but CentriKid staffers take care of all the preparation and programming. If your church has never brought a group, you can start with your own child and yourself. Most CentriKid sites are small college campuses or conference centers. Groups are separated by church into dorms, hotel-style rooms, or other campus housing. Each church makes their own rooming assignments.
A Typical Day
In the morning, kids are introduced to “Quiet Time” where they spend time alone with God. “I Can’t Wait!” kicks off the day, getting everyone up, moving, and ready for the day. Kids go straight to “Team Time,” where they experience creative presentations of biblical truths and play fun games.
In the afternoon, kids pick their favorite activities — pool games, archery, soccer, art, cooking, and more. After “Hang Time” and dinner, the entire camp worships together. Church groups have time to connect back with just their group. The day ends with a fun party – where campers compete to win games on stage. After the party, kids are wiped out from the day, and it is lights out!
Chances are, your child will come home saying, “I wish I could have stayed another week!”
Adult Involvement
What about adults? Some call it a vacation! Adults get their share of late nights and early mornings, but they can focus on their main responsibility, investing in their kids. CentriKid even provides a refreshing time of Bible study and worship just for adults, called “Adult Gathering.”
CentriKid Promises
Consider four promises CentriKid is committed to provide.
A safe place — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Many parents say that safety is their biggest concern in sending a child to camp. At CentriKid, campers are supervised every hour of the day. Church groups sign off that all of their adults have completed background checks, and CentriKid staff complete a vigorous hiring process. Campers are encouraged to ask questions, share struggles, and begin to own their faith.
Age-specific teams.CentriKid Camps recognize that a third grader learns in a much different way than a sixth grader, and groups are planned accordingly. Campers are placed on teams with kids their own age and with staffers who are passionate about effectively teaching the Bible to kids!
Ministry through relationships. Kids are bound to meet lots of friends and great role models at camp. The students who serve at camp embrace their role in building relationships with kids ... they learn kids’ names; hang out with them; and have conversations about sports, school, friends, and God!
Kid-friendly programming. CentriKid embraces the latest technology, executes each piece of camp with excellence, and makes everything an experience for kids — because connecting with kids on their level is a top priority and a promise to parents.
Homesickness Tips
Try a test run. Let your camper stay at a grandparent’s house or with a trusted friend. Having been away from home before, he is likely to do better at camp.
Talk about the details. Go over the schedule and what you will be up to. Many kids do not want to miss what is happening back home!
Set ground rules for calling. CentriKid recommends that campers call home once per day. Many churches have a “no call” policy except in case of emergency. In this case, parents call the church for updates from camp, and campers are not even tempted to call home.
Encourage your camper. All too often, parents can cause homesickness without realizing it. Let go. Enjoy watching your child take one more step toward growing up.
Label each item that goes to camp — every shirt, sock, and sandal!
Expect clothes to come home dirty ... and some to not make it home at all.
Plan each day’s outfit. Pack each one in a labeled gallon-size bag.
Kids love to have money for the camp store, snacks, and missions offering. CentriKid recommends $25.
Pack an easy-to-read Bible that your child will be comfortable reading and using in Bible study.
CentriKid Information
Visit www.lifeway.com/centrikid to see the 2011 camp locations, request more information, or register for camp! As a parent, you can even preview a day of camp as a guest of CentriKid at no cost to you.
Do you have plans for your kids to attend a camp this summer?
Meredith Teasley works as a Camp Specialist for CentriKid Camps planning camp year-round. She and her husband, Nic, live in Nashville, Tennessee and are active members at Grace Community Church. They love volunteering with 3rd-6th graders. Meredith blogs at www.meredithteasley.com.
If your tween daughter is like 4.5 million other young women in the world, she may have a thing for Justin Bieber. For those parents who have been either on a sequestered jury or in a coma for the last year, I’m talking about a 17-year-old Canadian music sensation who has stolen the hearts of older tweens and younger teens with his you-know-you-love-me good looks and ultra-trendy image.
Should you be concerned when your 12-year-old stares at the cover of her My World CD for hours at a time or can’t miss a single Tweet of Justin’s Twittering? Probably not – for several reasons.
The boy wonder’s career has soared, largely because he has a way of making his young listeners feel like the music is theirs. While we adults are watching him grow up, his fans are busy projecting their new feelings of I-suddenly-like-boys-but-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-about-that onto this boy whose only “flaw” seems to be the fact that he’s singing about deep love and probably doesn’t know a thing about it.
As far as I’ve been able to tell, he isn’t promoting sex or drugs, and he has yet to be in the negative media spotlight except for a few Internet scams. On the other hand, he is providing girls with a chance to express their confusing feelings in an arena that is safe. Justin is not going to ask them out, try to kiss them, or pressure them in any way.
Tweens have been doing that as far back as there have been male celebrities. Hearts have fluttered, passionate screams have been uttered, and posters have been plastered on bedroom walls for decades. And I can’t say that any girl has really been the worse for it. Yes, now and then a young girl gets a little obsessed, but that’s usually when something else is going on in her life.
For the most part, a crush on an unobtainable male figure is not only nothing to worry about – it’s actually a healthy part of a girl’s emergence into womanhood. Before you launch into, “But nobody but God should be her idol!” hear me out. We’ll get to that.
In their tween years, girls naturally feel the first stirrings of attraction to boys. But since the guys their age are, as we call them on my tween blog, “absurd little creeps,” at least to them, girls unconsciously look for somebody a little more perfect to adore. At the same time, while they may even find boys their own age – or a little older – less than absurd or creepy, they don’t know what to do with those feelings. If a boy two years older did flirt with your tween, she would probably turn scarlet all the way to her hair follicles and run for the nearest girls’ restroom to find her BFFs. It is far safer to daydream about a kiss on the cheek from Justin Bieber than to risk having that actually happen with little Michael next door. I think all parents would agree with that!
When girls do develop a “thing” for a star, they want to fully embrace it. It may seem immature to you for your tween to paper the walls with posters of this cutie, spend all her allowance downloading his music onto her mp3 player, and write lengthy fan letters declaring her undying love. But she is immature. She is 10, 11, 12, 13 years old, untangling those sudden confusing feelings about males. She is learning what it feels like to be attracted to somebody. Sure it’s unrealistic. Deep inside, she knows that. She isn't going to carry over this fantasy into real life. She is just enjoying being a girl.
Keep the whole thing in perspective. Your tween is not “worshiping” an idol. She has a crush. When you and your spouse fell in love, did you ditch God and pour all of your affections out on each other? You’re there to guide your tween into a healthy relationship with the Lord, and that will be her frame of reference in relationships. If you’re focusing on living a joyous Christian life with your daughter, she’s going to know that Justin isn't taking His place.
If your daughter does have Bieber Fever – or any other symptom of tween love – be involved. Stay up on the news about her celebrity interest, so if he does succumb to the temptations of fame and go off the proverbial deep end, you can walk your daughter through it, talk about what went wrong, and how that person needs to be prayed for. If Justin starts recording songs of an objectionable nature, step in and say, “I’m not happy with this particular single, and here’s why.”
Just like anything else she passes through on her journey to womanhood, this is important to your daughter. Making fun of her, putting down her feelings, guilting her are not your best ways to help her down the path. Keep your sense of humor, and at the very least remember the cassette tapes you wore out listening to Michael W. Smith or U2. I firmly believe that God is laughing right along with you.
Nancy Rue is an award-winning author who’s written over 100 books for adults and tweens, and she travels around the country speaking to tween girls and their moms at FaithGirlz events. Moms’ Ultimate Guide to the Tween Girl World is Rue's first book written specifically for parents. She turned her attention to parents after mothers repeatedly asked her for advice on raising their tween daughters. Her latest book is for dads and releases this month: What Happened to My Little Girl?
This month we have 3 copies of Moms' Ultimate Guide to the Tween Girl World and 3 copies of What Happened to My Little Girl? to give away! To enter, just answer this question: Who was your biggest celebrity crush?
I confess I was a huge Hanson fan myself. Fifth-row seats to their Virginia Beach concert, circa 1998. - Jessie
Is it really already time to start thinking about summer camp? If you are like my family — and many others in the current economy — it might be. Not only may it be time to begin putting away funds for that camp experience, it couldn't hurt to start stockpiling those little camp necessities when you find them on a great sale!
Budget-helping blogs like Southern Savers and Money Saving Mom are all over the web, alerting you to great deals when they come along. Keep a list of items you know your child will need for camp (or for that family vacation, birthdays, or even Christmas!) by your computer. When you see those items at amazing prices, go ahead and buy now, thus avoiding a huge payout the day before your child leaves for camp (or vacation, etc, etc).
Here are some items the American Camp Association recommends packing for your child's camp experience:
Headgear — This includes items like scarves, bandannas, baseball caps, eyeglasses, sunglasses, and swimming goggles.
Clothing — T-shirts/tank tops, shorts, long pants, a jacket, a swim suit, pajamas and robe, and of course, underwear should be included.
Footwear — Consider items such as boots, tennis shoes, sandals, dress shoes, and socks.
Bed and Bath — towels, as well as a blanket, pillow, pillow cases, sheets, sleeping bag, laundry bag, and mattress pad.
Bathroom Kit — a brush and comb, shampoo, soap and soap container, toothbrush and holder, toothpaste, deodorant, insect repellent, feminine products, sun block, shaving gear, and lip balm with sun block in it.
Other items — books and magazines, flashlights and batteries, frisbees or other toys, a water bottle, and writing materials. When considering electronics, musical instruments, and other special gear, check with the camp about policies.
Do your kids go to a summer camp? What's the one item they always forget to pack?
Registration is open for all of our summer 2011 CentriKid camps (for kids who have finished 3rd-6th grades). The theme of this year's camps is "Shipwreck Island: Where God Provides."
Having taught their seven sons and one daughter from home for the last 15 years, Guy and Angie Penrod are homeschool pros. Their family is featured in the February 2011 issue of ParentLife on pages 18-21. To help other parent teachers, Angie compiled a list of her cream of the crop homeschool curricula, sorted by subject.
In a May 2009 ParentLife article entitled "A Carpenter's Mission: Building a House of Love," we featured the McDougal family. At the time, they were building an allergen-free home to live in due to the fact that three of their four children have cystic fibrosis.
In October, the McDougal children (Jeffrey, 12; Sean, 10; Katie, 8; and Grace, 6) entered the Inspirational Country Music (ICM) Awards convention talent search. Out of 30 contestants, the McDougal kids won first place! They will recieve a three-song recording session with producer Gene Higgins and a single release to radio from HMG Nashville.
The family was able to move into their allergen-free home in November. They sell their CD, The Work of a Carpenter, to help raise money for the home.
Congratulations, McDougals, from the ParentLife team!
More than ever, parents are faced with a dilemma when purchasing toys for their children: Should they buy what their children really long for? Or should they buy a good, educational toy they choose on their child’s behalf?
In our society, children are constantly bombarded with advertisements promoting toys often designed to break within a few months, or be replaced by their own “newer” versions. The toys your children want are not necessarily the ones that are of great quality or of any value for that matter, but they are the ones advertised constantly, and the ones all their friends own at school: the “cool” toys.
Often, however, when children get these toys, they fail to play with them. The problem is that, if you observe closely, there is not much that they can do with the toy. It does not inspire the child’s imagination, or any other skills for that matter.
Look at what you are going to buy and, before you decide, ask yourself: How can my child play with this toy? What does it do? What skills does it promote? If you have good answers for those questions, chances are you are in the right path.
Here are a few factors to consider before approaching the check out counter this holiday season:
A child’s brain is most influential before the age of six. Babies are developing their sense of sound, sight, and touch, and familiarizing themselves with the world that surrounds them. Toys that assist in hand-eye coordination, visual skills, or any of their senses are a good choice. Look for toys with bright, attractive colors or patterns, mirrored or reflective surfaces, varied textures, and safe to mouth (meaning easy to wash!). Toys they can pull, chew, discover, hear, grab, and get a sound out of are some good choices. Lamaze has some good choices for young babies, but there are many exciting choices in the market. I also recommend soft blocks and cars, rattles, and washable books.
Toddlers are in a stage of exploration and are finding their independence. They are developing their motor skills and using their imagination. Ride-ons or anything that can be pushed or pulled are great choices. Even better if they have elements of everyday life that they can use to pretend-play, such as lawnmowers, grocery carts or dolls and strollers. These toys are also great for early walkers. Toys they can use in the sand or water are not only great but also necessary for their development. Non-toxic finger paint and shape sorters or puzzles are also perfect for their budding imaginations. You will find, however, that some of their favorite things to play with will be right in your kitchen!
Preschoolers are jumping, running, and interested in so many things! Good toys will challenge them and engage their imagination and reasoning skills. Vehicles and bikes are great for gross motor skills, while puzzles, building toys such as Lego®, Brio trains and tracks, and art supplies develop their fine motor skills (and their imagination and reasoning skills). Realistic dolls and house furniture and accessories of any size are great for role-playing and imagination as well. Science kits are amazing for this age group, and books and toys that help them learn to read.
Young children have well-established social skills and love to play in groups even more than they did before. Board games and group games are a great choice for this age group, as are art supplies and crafts projects, as well as more complex building sets and science kits. Books they can read on their own are a wonderful gift, and magic kits or circus-type toys promote better motor skills. I love to encourage outdoor toys for this age group as well, such as skates, basketball, jump-ropes and Chinese elastics, ping-pong, badminton, or anything that will promote healthy outdoor play and invite new friendships. Tweens and Teens are the age group that people struggle the most with. I have one at home and, personally, I find this age group fascinating! As veteran toy consumers, they are hard to impress. Often, the only toys they gravitate towards are video games. However, this is the perfect age to introduce them to some of the things you still like to play with as an adult! Our son loves to make animation movies. He inherited one of our cameras, and we bought him a computer and some plasticine. He also invites his friends over and together, they make movies which they later can post on YouTube. Choose things that will give your child a great sense of accomplishment, and engage them to the fullest. Other choices can be a real instrument and some lessons or a painting kit. Knitting or sewing projects (even a simple sewing machine), woodworking, clay, an easel, a pet they always wanted — the possibilities are endless. Look for toys that show you trust them and believe in them, and you can affect them for life!
While anticipation of a gleeful smile and wish fulfilled should, of course, play into your purchasing decisions, what you put under the tree can have a lasting impression on your child. A little research combined with a lot of love will ensure your child has an extraordinary Christmas with benefits that last far beyond the holiday season.
Natacha V. Beim is a renowned writer, speaker, educational leader, and founder and CEO of Core Education & Fine Arts. Born in Uruguay and raised in Montréal, Canada, she has traveled extensively and studied educational systems around the world. As a pioneer in the field of modern education, Beim continually pursues studies in the field developmental psychology focusing on the early years. Visit www.cefa.ca for more information.
What's your favorite toy to buy as a gift? I love to buy play food for my daughter's friends — either Melissa and Doug sets or some fun felt food from Etsy! - Jessie, Resident ParentLife Blogger
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: We will be traveling to our relatives in another state for several family gatherings during Christmas. Two of my siblings are problem drinkers, and I am not sure how to handle this with my family. We do not drink, so my children are not used to seeing family members act up while under the influence. In the past, the drinking has gotten out of hand. My children are now old enough to ask questions. What do I do or say if the drinking starts to become a problem again?
A: Drinking during the holidays can get out of control and create many problems for families, especially in families where problem drinkers are in denial and do nothing to prevent getting intoxicated. The best advice is to make sure that when you visit, you have a way of escape. Even if your siblings offer to let you stay at their homes, reserve a room at a hotel. That way, if their behavior becomes problematic, you can leave.
Before you travel, I would tell them and your parents that the past history of drinking makes you uncomfortable and that if things begin to get out of control, you will excuse yourself and leave. This way it puts the burden on them to moderate. If they persist in their behavior, you explained the rules ahead of time.
If you leave, have a talk with your children about the importance of family (the reason you continue to visit) but that there are times family members must set limits and boundaries on behavior that is unsafe or inappropriate. Being around people who are drunk is not something you want to expose them to or be around. Altered states change people in ways that are not always nice. This is a hard line to take but one that will earn the respect of your children and may cause others to rethink their enabling behavior.
Don’t allow anyone to put guilt on you for setting boundaries. You are not telling your family what to do but telling them what you will or will not tolerate to keep your family safe.
You can see more advice from Dr. Linda on her blog.
Do you have experience with having to set boundaries with family members? Please share your advice in the comments.
A challenge for many parents is wanting to help their kids succeed in school but not always knowing how best to do that. When they see a child struggle with homework, where do they start? A math and science tutor for many years and co-founder of the online tutoring service Virtual Nerd, Leo Shmuylovich says parents can do two critical things: observe, then assess what the problem is.
“Parents are in a unique position — they can sit down with their child, one-on-one, and devote extra time at home to understanding their child’s needs. Teachers in a busy classroom don’t always get that opportunity or it can take longer in school to identify the student’s need,” says Shmuylovich.
Shmuylovich offers these suggestions for parents to help overcome a child’s learning struggles.
Problem: Poor Review or Test-taking Skills
If your child is doing well on homework but does poorly on written exams, it could mean she has either poor review or test-taking skills.
Solution: Help your child develop the habit of setting aside time each day to review his work. Create a mock “high stakes” environment each day, during which the student has to solve problems without the help of a textbook or other reference tool. You can easily set this up and then gradually lead your student to do this on his own.
Problem: Misunderstanding a Current Concept
When your child misunderstands a current concept, it can be frustrating. This is the place where you may have the most difficulty helping your child, since the concept may be new to you too.
Solution: Try putting your child in the role of teacher and ask him to explain the concept to you, the “student.” If your child can explain the concept to you well enough, he should be able to handle the related work. You may also want to search online for videos that explain or demonstrate the concept. For example, Virtual Nerd offers several tutorials that explain and help reinforce math and science concepts.
Problem: Not Enough Practice
Some students don't have enough practice with either current or previous concepts, which becomes evident when they tell you they “can’t remember how to do it.”
Solution: It can be tough for you to write out new problems that practice a particular concept for your child. Instead Shmuylovich recommends that you seek out additional practice within the text or ask the teacher for specific worksheets or other practice. Sometimes it really is just a matter of repeated execution (the multiplication table comes to mind, but it's the same for A + B = C).
How do you help your children study without "doing it for them"?
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My 8-year-old son is on a recreational soccer league. He loves to play sports but is a bad loser. After a game, he is irritable and upset. I don’t like how he talks about losing, but my husband says I am overreacting. Am I?
A: The number of children that participate in recreational sports has grown exponentially in recent years. However, we are seeing some disturbing trends — kids who are overly rewarded for mediocrity in order to prevent them from feeling bad to kids obsessed with winning.
A survey in Sports Illustrated for Kids asked its readers what they observed about their parents, coaches, and adults when they played sports. Seventy-four percent said they witnessed out-of-control adults at their games. The most common behaviors cited were parents yelling at officials and coaches and parents yelling at children.
Parents need to chill out and allow coaches to do their jobs. Unfortunately, when children see overly intense adults get angry, they learn the same behavior. Therefore, observe if the adults are exercising self-control at the games.
Another possibility relates to how your child feels about himself. Usually kids who are sore losers worry too much about what others think of them when they do not win. Or a child may feel that he is only accepted when he wins. Discuss the value of doing your best on that particular day over winning.
Additionally, some children easily are frustrated and need help winding down from a losing game. They do not know how to handle frustration, so they get angry. Parents who can talk about their own frustrations and disappointments when they lose model for their children how to accept losses.
Evaluate the messages you may be sending about the importance of winning; teach your child that his identity does not come from being a winner — character matters more; help your child deal with frustrations and losing in ways that are acceptable; and practice graceful losing. Winning is not always possible, and learning to lose gracefully is what builds character in a child.
Is your child a good sport? How have you taught your child good sportsmanship?
Just a few weeks into the school year and already out of ideas for school lunch? Try the 4-to-1 method (4 healthy, whole foods, and 1 treat). Post this list on your fridge, and then select one item from each category for the lunchbox. (Packing in a divided Bento box helps keeps everything separate and doesn't produce as much waste as packing everything in baggies.)
You and your children can work together to add to these lists with items they love as well.
Protein/grain combo: tuna in whole-wheat pita, turkey and avocado on whole-wheat bread, ham and lettuce on rye, cheese and whole-grain crackers, peanut butter and jelly on whole-wheat tortilla, hard-boiled egg, slice of cold pizza, spiral pasta with chick peas, soup in a thermos
Fruit: apple slices, banana, grapes, strawberries, blueberries, melon cubes, pear, kiwi slices, nectarine, applesauce, mango, pineapple, plum, fruit cup in its own juice, 100-percent fruit juice
Veggie: cherry tomatoes, bell pepper strips, baby carrots, broccoli florets, cucumber slices, celery sticks, spinach salad, coleslaw, pickled beets, cold corn in vinaigrette dressing, mashed sweet potatoes with cinnamon
Treat: snack-size candy bar, homemade cookie, popcorn, pretzels, baked chips, dried fruit and nuts, granola bar, cereal bar, homemade fruit muffin, graham crackers, pudding cup, dry cereal
In the October issue of ParentLife, Tonya Grant's article "Innocence Lost: Movies, TV, and Preteens" provides tools for navigating the tricky world of media choices. Tonya gave us a few extra questions for the blog to help you get your preteen talking about media choices and peer influence.
Is it possible to be liked by everyone? (Role-play some examples.)
How is this (activity/friend/pursuit) going to make you a stronger person? Are there any ways it could hurt you now or later?
Will the group still like you if you choose not to participate? If not, how will you handle that? If not, what does that say about the group?
When did this (person/form of media) start getting popular? Has it always been popular? Do you think it may one day not be popular anymore?
Tell me some reasons you like this (song, style, movie).
What do you know about the example this (music group, actor, person at school/church) sets? Do you aspire to act like that or have a similar reputation?
Do you think I would allow this star to babysit (you or younger children)? Why (not)?
Do you think how this person acts is okay? Why (not)? What do you think are the long-term effects of choices, behaviors, and lifestyles like this?
What do you think Jesus might say if He was sitting down having a conversation with this person you admire?
How do you feel when I tell you “no” about this, but your friends are allowed to participate in it? What would make you more willing to feel that way?
Is this person’s main message in agreement, opposed to, or neutral about our Christian values? How can media that is strongly opposite our values affect our thinking?
How do you want to be remembered?
Initiating conversations like these will not only guide your teen in his decisions, it will also help your know his heart better. Be open to having your mind changed as well; but remember, you are the parent. You have the right to lay down the law in your home.
What topics have you struggled with when it comes to talk to your teens and preteens?
Some children are natural at initiating play — and relationships — with other children, while others must be guided. Here are some tips for ensuring your child will learn to make and keep friends.
Start with the Golden Rule.
“Have them consider, ‘Would you like it if Jayden did that to you?’” says Corinne Gregory, founder of SocialSmarts®, a nationally-recognized program that teaches good social skills, positive character, and values to kids. “Young children are not aware of how much power they have to make other people feel good or bad. To build and keep friends, you have to put yourself in their shoes. Keep reinforcing this concept with your child, praising positive behavior when you see it and gently correcting the negative.”
Offer consistency.
“Teaching the concept of ‘friend’ comes best when there can be one consistent one-on-one situation, one consistent family with whom you and your child feel comfortable,” says Andrea Gould, Ph.D., president of Lucid Learning Systems. “After mastering the art of playing peaceably with one other youngster, preferably close in age, a child can learn, with guidance, to generalize about friendship, its comforts, and its challenges. Good experience generalizes readily.”
Foster empathy.
“Learning to recognize and interpret social cues such as a sad face, a laugh, or a child’s need to be alone can determine whether or not your child will make and keep friends easily,” says Jackie Gass, president of Sunbrook Academy and early childhood development expert. “You can promote the process [of developing empathy] through everyday experiences by talking about facial expressions of others and asking, ‘How do you think she feels?’, ‘How does that make you feel?’, or ‘Does he look happy or sad?’ You can also encourage this by expressing your own feelings or through books and games.”
Pay attention and discuss what you see.
“Talk to your child about what to expect when you go to the park, attend a birthday party or school,” says Vicki Folds, Ph.D., vice president of education and professional development at Children of America. “If your child dominates situations, discuss how the other children might be feeling if they never get a turn. If your child stands back and waits for others to engage them, you might want to encourage your child to initiate a game. At the end of a play day, encourage your child to tell you about the day, about the friends, they made and what they did. This helps them remember events and build relationships.”
So there's what the experts say. Do you have any additional advice or tools for helping your child(ren) make friends?
The beginning of the school year means school picture time is probably drawing close again. Here are ten tips from Linda Russell, the CEO of Mugshots.
Avoid hats. Photographers will often remove for the shoot and then the child is left with “hat head.”
Parents should stay away. Children are more natural when no one is watching — that means you, Mom, peeking around the corner!
Don't practice poses with your child. Let the photographer unlock their natural expressions, not cheesy grins they've rehearsed for hours.
For boys, the best bet is a collared shirt that compliments their eyes and hair. Small patterns or solids are best. Avoid words, superheroes, and pop culture images on T-shirts.
Ironing your child's collar in the morning will make a big difference in those head shots.
For girls, avoid spaghetti straps. They tend to hang low and if it is chilly, the goose bumps on their arms show.
A gap tooth or braces are beautiful. Let them shine. Don't have kids keep their mouth closed — show off the smile!
For eyeglasses, non-reflective lenses are best. Feel free to ask the photographer to shoot a photo with and without the glasses to see which you prefer.
Schedule a haircut at least 10 days ahead of photo day.
Ponytails are great with barrettes or hairpins to manage fly-aways.
Did you have a favorite or least favorite school picture? In my favorite, I’m wearing a pink sweater with cows and have a side ponytail, but I look happy! In my least favorite, I’m wearing a paisley-print dress and refusing to show my buck teeth. (See #7...) — Jessie (ParentLife Blog Guru)
A few days ago I took my kids to play with some friends at the elementary school playground in preparation for school starting back this week. Watermelon and popsicles helped the children ease back into the group dynamic. Moms and dads stood around in the shade talking about how quickly the summer days have rushed by.
Construction has been ongoing on our school campus all summer. A new classroom wing is being added, and the older sections are getting cosmetic upgrades. The day we were there, the parking lot was still littered with construction equipment and storage trailers. It’s pretty safe to say that conditions will be less than perfect on the first day of school.
That experience is a good picture of how I feel about our choice to send our kids to public school. Every year, there’s a lot of pleasantness, but also a bit of clutter. Like many parents in the public school system, we did our homework and moved into a school zone we felt good about. We didn’t know it then, but eventually we needed special education services that included a program for our son who has Down syndrome as well as academic enrichments for our two little scholars.
My children entered grades 2, 4, and 6 last week. The key for getting off to a great start is the same formula I’ve used for many years: Be positive! Greeting administrators with a smile and signing up to help in my kids’ rooms sets the tone for the entire year. When those inevitable imperfections arise, I try to be a part of healthy solutions.
Enrolling in the public school system means there will always be frustrations regarding zoning, aging facilities, larger classes, and budget shortfalls. That’s the clutter. The bright spots are teachers who love kids, interaction with families from other cultures and walks of life, and the challenge of teaching our children to make the best of situations that are sometimes less than ideal.
Joy Fisher was part of the editorial team of ParentLife’s premiere issue over 16 years ago. These days, she serves as contract Content Editor of Bible Teaching for Kids Special Buddies, LifeWay’s Sunday School curriculum for children with special needs. She and David have been married since 1995 and are the parents of Samuel, Jacob, and Lara.
Do your children attend public school? Tell us about your public-school experiences.
Homeschooling is not for everyone. After 14 years spent in home education, I believe it is a calling, and not everyone is called to homeschool. For instance, my dad, a pastor, would never tell others that they should be preachers too. That is his calling. He knows it is not for everyone. My mom was called to teach in the public school, and her career spanned several decades. She loved it, but she didn't think that everyone else should teach school. It was her calling. Whether your calling is dentistry, homemaking, fire fighting, or counseling, nothing but that is going to work for you. Homeschooling has worked for my family because I knew that it was what I was supposed to do.
I felt the Lord calling me to be a homeschooling mom when I just 8 years old! I was home from school for a "snow day." I loved being at home because we were all together. On this particular snow day I decided to tally the number of hours each week that I spent in school, the number of hours I spent sleeping, and the number of hours I actually had at home. Even at 8 years old, I didn't like the way those numbers added up. I know it may sound really strange to some of you (maybe all of you!), but I believe the seed for homeschooling was planted in my heart that day.
Fast-forward nearly 10 years (1985). This time, I was a high school senior, at home with a bad case of "senior-itis." LOL! I was watching The Phil Donahue Show, and Phil's guests that day were David and Micki Colfax. The Colfaxes had garnered national attention for their outrageous decision to homeschool their four boys. They had written a book about their home education experience, and the proof was in the pudding: Their sons had all been accepted into Ivy League schools. Impressive! The seed settled into fertile soil. Less than two years later, I was working my summer job at the mall, and I met a mom who was homeschooling her two children. They were different, yes, but it was a difference to which I felt drawn. The mom was peaceful; the children were well-behaved and courteous. I wanted that for my future family.
At that point, the seed in my heart began to take root. As the Lord often does when He calls, He confirmed my journey every step of the way, from a husband who was always devoted to this method of education, to friends who had been called as well. As we waded in, curriculum choices surfaced that were a perfect fit for my children’s needs. And when the challenge of high school came along, the Lord provided tutorial programs that gave my students the benefit of learning from teachers who were experts in their respective fields.
Oh, and the question I was asked about a bazillion times in the early days, What about socialization? Well, my kids have had friends, played on sports teams, and been active in their church and community. These days we are often asked, What about college? We’ve only graduated one so far, but she was awarded a merit scholarship to the university of her dreams, where she’ll be attending this fall.
I do not believe that homeschooling is the right fit for every family. But if it is the right fit for yours, and if you feel the Lord is calling you to make this decision, then I encourage you to honor Him with your obedience. I will tell you from my own experience that I have no regrets. The lessons I have taught my children are irreplaceable, the value of possessing a Christian worldview is immeasurable, and the years that have flown by are irreversible.
Rebecca Ingram Powell is the author of Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose. Read more about Rebecca’s homeschooling journey on her blog: www.MomSeriously.com.
Bible Express is a devotional magazine for preteens! In the September issue, Bible Express is featuring two bands from iShine Live tour — The Rubyz and Mission Six. If your preteen is a fan of these bands, you definitely won't want to miss it!
Also coming in September ... Bible Express is becoming two magazines in one. Each issue will be a flipbook design where one side is specifically for boys and the other side is specifically for girls. Cover, articles, and devotions will be gender specific and relevant for today's preteens! It will be awesome!
Does your church recieve Bible Express? Does your preteen use it? Tell us what you love about it ... and your thoughts on the new format!
By Frances Nankin, Executive Producer/Editorial Director, Cyberchase
Your child is at risk over the summer months of losing the skills she has developed during the year in math — and the risk is greater for losing math skills than reading skills. Help your child overcome the summer slump in math. Here are some fun things you can do to avoid this summer slump and give your child a leg up on math for the fall.
Money, Money, Money! Kids are always on the lookout for ways to earn money during the summer months. Hone your child's math skills by helping her set a goal for the total amount she wants to earn and make a chart or graph to track weekly progress. Encouraging your child to budget an amount for saving as well as spending is another way to engage her with money math.
How Far? How Many? How Much? As a parent, you probably get asked these questions often, but how often do you turn them back to your child and share a brief math moment? If you say, "About how far (how many, how much) do you think it is?" and then suggest ways to estimate, you can help your child recognize those times when an answer that is "close enough" is actually "good enough!" Estimation (or making an informed guess) is a useful math tool any time a precise answer isn’t necessary to solve a problem.
Going to the Game? Guess My Player! Number puzzles are a fun summer pastime, and you can make them up on the spot at a ball game. Take turns picking a player’s number and making up clues to see if the other person can figure out who it is. For example: “My player’s number is an even number. It is more than 10, less than 15, and is a multiple of 3.”
Get Active!
Summer is a great time to help kids develop good habits around physical exercise. Help your child choose a type of exercise she enjoys (swimming, riding bikes, hiking), and then set performance goals — bike or hike a certain distance in a given amount of time or swim a set number of laps — to try to reach by the end of summer. The trick to success is to agree on an exercise schedule and use a chart or graph to keep track of progress after each session. Keeping track helps your child measure progress, keeps her motivated, and even helps her predict how long it will take to reach her goals.
The Waiting Game: What’s My Rule? Everyone spends time waiting, whether it’s at the doctor’s office, in line at the supermarket, or sitting hungry at a restaurant. Before your child gets cranky, try this fun, simple math game that helps build algebraic thinking skills while beating the boredom! Player A picks a number between 0 and 10 and says it out loud. Player B silently picks a secret rule (plus 3, for example, or minus 2), applies the rule to the number, and says the new number out loud. Keeping that new number in mind, player A says another number, player B silently applies the same rule, and gives player A the new number. The play continues until player A has enough information to guess the rule.
What has your family done this summer to avoid the summer slump? Share your tips with other ParentLife readers by leaving a comment!
Cyberchase offers fun episodes, web games, and hands-on activities and events and free, fun resources to strengthen children’s math skills over the summer. Visit Cyberchase online at www.pbskidsgo.org/cyberchase or on Facebook to access sneak peeks at the new episodes, fan events, exclusive behind-the-scenes videos, photos, and more related to the Cyberchase Summer Challenge. Watch Cyberchase on your local PBS Station.
If you read Jeanette M. Brooks' article "This Is a Test, Only a Test" in the April 2010 issue of ParentLife, you might have been encouraged by perspective it gave related to standardized testing in schools. But you may be asking yourself, "What about college admissions? Don't test scores affect college admissions?" Jeanette has insight into that question as well.
Many of the nation’s high schools — as well as middle and elementary schools — have started to re-examine their philosophy on standardized testing. And they are in good company. In fact, the National Center for Fair and Open Testing reported in 2009 that more than 815 colleges and universities in the United States no longer require most applicants to submit SAT or ACT scores. The reasons are varied, but many institutions cite concerns that standardized tests under-predict the success of women, minorities, non-native speakers of English, and students from lower-income families — not to mention the unnecessary stress they place on college-aspiring high-schoolers.
Even among colleges who still use standardized test scores, the trend is toward the consideration of the “whole package.” In other words, admissions decisions often are based more on a broad array of personal qualities. Standardized tests are no longer the gatekeeper to higher learning like they once were.
How do you feel about standardized tests? Does your child test well? Share your thoughts with us and other ParentLife readers by leaving a comment.
In the October 2009 issue of ParentLife, Teresa Cook dealt with the difficult topic of preteens and pornography. She opened up about her family's personal struggle with pornography and provided tips to help other families prevent porn addiction in their homes. Pornography is no longer just a problem that grown men or even older teenagers struggle with. Exposure to porn is happening younger and younger. Do you know how to keep your preteen safe?
Because this is such an important issue, we want to be sure everyone has a chance to see the article, even if you missed the October 2009 issue of ParentLife.
Ten years ago, I seldom gave a thought to pornography. Sure, I knew about “adult” bookstores and backroom video rentals, but porn belonged to another world. I was certain it would never affect my family. That is until one day when our teenage son, Brandon, came to us in tears and confessed that he was addicted to pornography. He told us about stumbling across a partially scrambled cable channel where he saw enough to become hooked. For 18 months, he snuck from his room in the middle of the night to watch flickering images that buried themselves deep into his mind. “I’ve tried over and over to stop, but I can’t,” Brandon sobbed as we hugged him. “I need help!”
Presence of Porn
Since that day, I have learned more about pornography than I ever wanted to know. More children are being exposed to porn and at younger ages than ever before. A recent survey published by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) revealed that 42 percent of children ages 10 to 17 had seen online pornography in the previous year. When I first began investigating, statistics showed the average age of first exposure as 11 to 13. Due to the proliferation of pornography on the Internet, some experts say that age has dropped to 8. In fact, counselors report seeing more preteens, including girls, who compulsively view pornography. This is frightening since the earlier the exposure, the more ingrained an addiction may become.
Power of Porn Having never experienced an addiction, I had difficulty understanding why Brandon could not stop looking at it. Surely he was not physically addicted to pornography since he did not ingest anything as alcoholics or drug addicts do. Yet even after we located a counselor for our son and helped him set up protection and accountability practices, he continued seeking ways to access sexually explicit material. I later discovered that viewing pornography does indeed cause a powerful, mood-altering addiction. Researchers believe natural endorphins many times stronger than heroin flood an addict’s body causing him to literally get high on his own brain chemicals. Resulting sexual arousal stimulates the adrenal glands to release the hormone epinephrine, which burns the images into the viewer’s mind. These memories are difficult, sometimes impossible, to erase and can play back at will or even against the addict’s will. Our son battled a relentless foe.
Preventing Porn Addiction Looking back, I see many things my husband and I could have done differently to prevent Brandon from falling prey to this addiction. While no plan guarantees a porn-proof child, taking the following steps will help insulate your child against its temptation.
Protect. With today’s technology explosion, pornography is not only easily accessible but difficult to avoid. Institute a protection plan to make your home a safe haven. Connect with like-minded parents who also guard their homes. Model self-protection procedures in the movies and shows you watch and the material you read.
Prepare. Even if you plug all the gaps through which obscenity can enter your home, your children may still encounter it at a friend’s house, the local library, or school. Prepare your child’s heart and mind to resist in three ways.
Teach godly sexuality. After my husband and I had the “birds and bees” talk with Brandon, we told him to come to us if he ever had questions. Then we breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Whew! Glad that’s over.” How I wish I had known that developing a healthy sense of sexuality in children involves more. While we never modeled unhealthy sexuality for our son, we failed to intentionally teach him God’s plan for sex. You have the opportunity to do better. By discussing sex in an appropriate and God-honoring way, you can make great strides in heading off a fascination with pornography.
Initiate the porn talk. You may worry, as I did, that warning children about pornography will trigger an unwholesome curiosity. Counselors say the opposite is true. The more children know about the dangers, the less likely they will want to see it. Age-geared discussions can start as early as preschool, as a natural extension of warning children about strangers and inappropriate touch.
Keep communication open. Even when children accidentally stumble upon pornography, they often feel intense shame and are reluctant to talk about it. Prepare your children by keeping communication open and assuring them of your unconditional love.
Pray. A mother of 12 once gave me a parents’ list of prayers which included “pray your children will get caught when they are guilty.” Pray they admit their wrongdoings, maybe, but get caught? I found it difficult to send that request heavenward. Months after Brandon’s confession, we learned the cable programs were not his first exposure to pornography. One brief incident took place on a youth trip. His getting caught at that time would have been embarrassing, but it might have forced us to take a closer look and given us a chance to intervene. Pray specifically not only for God to protect your children but to reveal to you any secrets they may harbor.
My Plea Thanks to God’s mercy, Brandon no longer seeks out pornography as he once did, but he probably will battle its lure for the rest of his life. I cannot change that. But armed with the facts I wish I had known, you can take action to prevent our family’s story from becoming your family’s story.
The Preteen Porn Talk Are you struggling to know how to talk to your preteen about pornography? Click here for discussion points to help you get the conversation started.
Keep abreast of technology. Even as you read this, pornographers are finding new ways to deliver their product.
Teresa Cook writes and speaks on a number of parenting topics, including pornography addiction in children. Be sure to check out her Web site www.pornproofyourchild.com for more information.
Each month in ParentLife, Dr. Linda Mintle answers your questions in our "Real Life Solutions" department. This month we have an extra Q&A just for you.
Q. My 5-year-old son tried to kiss a girl in kindergarten. The teacher called me and told me he chases a girl at recess and tries to kiss her. Apparently the little girl runs away and giggles. The teacher is new and young and wanted me to know. The teacher says he is doing well in class and we don’t have problems with him at home. He does see my husband kiss me when he comes home from work. How should I handle this and why is he doing this at such a young age? Apparently this isn’t the first girl he has tried to kiss.
A. Do not panic. This is the age in which your child is learning about what is means to be male and female. He does this primarily through identification with Dad and watching and imitating others. Developmentally, his conscious is activating sexual curiosity and he is learning basic gender identity. He has seen your husband kiss you and watched people in movies and TV do the same. Your son is curious and experimenting with what he has seen. It is normal to try and copy this behavior. In a few years, he will think kissing is gross! Unless he has been the victim of sexual abuse or exposed to inappropriate sexual content, his behavior is normal.
Simply talk to your son and tell him that kissing his classmates is inappropriate. Do not punish him but do tell him to stop. He can chase the little girl he likes but not kiss her. Suggest that he tag her instead. Your attitude toward this behavior is most important! Be careful not to shame your son or make this into a big deal. How you feel about his sexual development and how you respond to normal development is important.
Linda Mintle, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has been in clinical practice for over 20 years. She is the author of 16 books, a national speaker, news contributor and Assistant Professor of Clinical Pediatrics, Department of Pediatrics, Eastern Virginia Medical School. For more about Dr. Linda, go to her Web site — www.drlindahelps.com.
Do you have questions for Dr. Linda? Send them to us!
Preteen dating is not something that should be taken lightly. In fact, statistics show that preteen dating can lead to serious problems. Depending on whom you talk to, each of the following terms can have a different definition. But this glossary should give parents an idea of what their children are talking about when they mention dating or a relationship. Discussing these terms with your child now can help you set guidelines for the future as you seek God’s plan for his life.
Hooking Up -- The term “hooking up” equals every parent’s nightmare. And, it does happen with preteens. When two preteens hook up, they get together for one party, one night, or even just one hour. Sometimes, they know each other, and sometimes, they do not. It really does not matter because there are no strings attached, no commitments, and no plans to ever develop a relationship.
FWB (Friends with benefits) -- Two good friends who do not want to be in a boy/girl relationship. Instead, they become involved physically whenever it “just happens.”
Talking -- When a boy and girl are “talking,” they are casually flirting and showing interest in each other. Most of the time, they are not ready to commit to a relationship and are testing the waters to see if their relationship can go further.
Drop-Off Dating -- Drop-off dating occurs when parents drop their preteen off somewhere they think is safe such as a mall, skating ring, or movie theater. What parents may not realize is often after they are dropped off, their children are picked up and taken to another location.
Going Out -- When two preteens say they are “going out,” they probably mean they are in a relationship that is recognized by their peers as exclusive. Terms like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are used. Preteens can “go out” without going anywhere on a date.
Group Dating -- Group dating can be chaperoned or unchaperoned. When preteens group date, they may go out with older friends who drive. Caution: Going on group dates no longer means that your child is safe from being physically intimate (especially if your preteen group dates with older couples). Many teens and preteens now act the same way in front of their friends that they would alone. In fact, sometimes being with friends actually makes it more difficult for preteens to say “no” to situations in which they are uncomfortable.
Family Dating -- For many, family dating is a good alternative to secular dating. After searching God’s Word and listening to each other, families can choose their own rules and relationship guidelines. Family dating allows parents to get to know their child’s friends in a more natural setting while it still keeps children under the protection and guidance of their parents.
Courtship -- Courtship is a “no nonsense” approach to finding a mate. Courtship is not a casual dating relationship. In fact, some couples wait until marriage to kiss each other. Generally, in courtship, a man will pursue a woman with the ultimate goal of finding a spouse. She, in turn, has the benefit of her family’s support and of knowing the man who is pursuing her is seriously seeking God’s plan for their future instead of a casual relationship.
For more on preteen dating, don't miss Mia's article "Growth Spurts: 9 to 12 Years -- The Dating Game" in this month's issue of ParentLife.
Is your preteen dating? Does your preteen use these terms? Tell us about your experiences!
The Levels of Biblical Learning (LOBL) is a simple but important ministry tool developed by experts to provide parents and teachers with visible milestones as you guide kids in their spiritual growth. The Levels of Biblical Learning gives a coordinated approach from birth through preteens by using 10 concept areas — God, Jesus, the Bible, Creation, Family, Self, Church, Community & World, Holy Spirit, and Salvation.
Let me just give you an example. This Christmas, you can talk about Jesus' birth with your child in an age-appropriate way. You can start when your child is a baby ... laying the foundational concepts and then building on them as your child grows.
Babies to 2s
God chose a family for Jesus.
Jesus was born.
3s to Pre-K
Angels told Mary and Joseph that Jesus would be born.
Jesus was sent to earth by God.
Kindergarten
People in the Old Testament told that Jesus would be born.
God sent Jesus to earth because He loves us.
Grades 1 to 2
Prophets in the Old Testament told that Jesus would be born.
God sent Jesus to earth because He loves us.
Grades 3 to 4
Old Testament prophets revealed God's plan for Jesus to be the Savior.
On this particularly cold, rainy, winter day in middle Tennessee, you might think I'm out of my mind posting information about Arbor Day, but I don't want anyone who is interested to miss the opportunity to be involved in the 2010 National Poster Contest put on by the Arbor Day Foundation. Many of the state deadlines are fast-approaching.
The annual National Poster Contest teaches thousands of students each year about the value of trees. This year's theme is “Trees are Terrific … And Energy Wise!”
The competition is open to all fifth-grade students nationwide. Visit www.arborday.org/postercontest for contest rules, state deadlines, and to view the previous year’s winners. A free educational guidebook with extensive classroom activities is available for download.
Has your child ever won a contest like this? Tell us about it! Or if you enter the Arbor Day Foundation's poster contest, leave a comment and let us know!
Fall is here and usually that means time for school pictures! School picture day may last only a few minutes for most individual students, but the outcome can haunt them for a lifetime. Bad haircuts, clothing, or poses can become the stuff of family legend. However, it doesn’t have to end that way. SchoolPictures.com, an authority on taking classic student portraits, is sharing some advice this year with parents, students, and teachers to hopefully best prepare them for this rite of passage.
Mark your calendar! You do not want to forget the date of your student’s pictures.
A well-groomed child is the best start for a perfect photo.
Do not try out any new haircuts, styles, or colors within two weeks before photos.
Avoid wearing stripes or loud prints on clothing. Solid colors are a sure bet.
Avoid clothes with printed slogans. They often get cropped out of the photo.
A good night’s sleep keeps under-eye circles at bay.
Select small accessories that don’t detract from the focus on your student.
A spot of eye drop solution can help reduce eye redness.
Avoid excessive sun exposure for a few days prior to picture day.
Good posture will ensure kids look alert and at their best.
Tell students to relax and let their own smile and personality come through!
Do you have any school picture stories? Share your funny stories with us and other ParentLife readers by leaving a comment.
We heard such positive things about our August Back to School issue that we wanted to share the article from ParentLife's former Editor in Chief Joy Emery for any of you who missed it. We thought it might encourage those of you who are homeschooling to see Joy's story.
We had no problems with our public school. What led us to consider the homeschool option was our family’s unique situation. While we live in Tennessee, Chris works with the North American Mission Board (NAMB) which is located in Alpharetta, Georgia. He is a regional team leader for the states of Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Iowa. Because much of his work involves travel to his assigned states, along with a week on-site in Atlanta each month, we decided to pray about whether or not to venture into the homeschool arena in order to travel with him.
Considering Each Child’s Needs When making any family decision, consider how each person may be impacted. Our three children vary in need and personality. Our oldest, 12-year-old Jackson, is a high achiever and people pleaser. He pushes himself and aims high. Kristen, our 11-year-old, is an average student who enjoys the social part of school. She is our practical child — the one who is best at problem solving and organization. Our 7-year-old is Brandon — our ball of energy. He is very bright and loves sports, drama, and the outdoors. He is a confident child and is not scared of new adventures.
When considering our children’s needs, there was one in particular who seemed to be best-suited for the homeschool environment. Kristen had always struggled with reading and comprehension as well as in mastering math concepts. I always had wondered if she might find greater success with a homeschool program. Jackson was at a transition time into middle school. It would be a year of transition for him regardless of whether we homeschooled or not. Brandon would lack the daily social contact with peers but would continue to have that interaction at church.
Gathering Information To make the decision to homeschool, we had to gather information. One of our most useful resources came through conversations with experienced homeschool families. We learned that each family has to find what fits the family and that what fits one child might not fit the others.
Conversations with homeschool families helped us better evaluate our options and gave us direction. We also gained the confidence that we could be successful in homeschooling our children.
Homeschool Support We made our decision to homeschool and enrolled with an umbrella school which keeps our school records, serves as our parent/teacher advisor, and operates as a testing facility to measure the children’s progress. The umbrella school also coordinates events and field trips for the children to meet other homeschoolers.
School at Home and on the Road We have enjoyed many different on-the-road learning experiences. My contribution as the primary teacher of three varied students means a lot of preparation on my part, but I truly believe that my children are getting a well-rounded and personal education plan as we learn together at home and on the road. We are thankful we listened when God began to lead us in this direction. It makes each day a new adventure and broadens each child’s life experiences in a way a typical classroom never could.
Looking for a new tradition for the first day of school? Check out this idea submitted by ParentLife writer Donna Noble.
We have a back-to-school tradition in our family. It began the year my nephew Brian was in kindergarten. I am sure that my sister never anticipated on the day of the first-ever “Bus Party!” that the celebration would lead to another and yet another, until the wheels on the bus had gone around and around, carrying us 20 years down the road.
A Bus Party
What is a bus party? It is simple. All you have to do is make a few treats and a pitcher of lemonade and, at the end of the school day, park yourself by the bus stop. When the bus comes into sight, you jump up and cheer in celebration of your child completing her first day of the school year
If all of this sounds a little funny, believe me, it is! You should see my sisters, my mom, and me each year! As we shout, “Hooray! It’s the bus party!” we get a few questioning looks from the bus driver. (Come to think of it, our kids have had a new bus driver every year. Is it possible that we scare them off?) Still, these incredulous bus drivers have never turned down the brownies we have offered them through the window.
Every year, our children know to expect this bus party silliness. Though the kids look a little sheepish as they descend the steps of the bus, try as they might, they cannot hold back their laughter. Once again, demonstrative affection triumphs over embarrassment.
The bus pulls away, but we stay and eat goodies. We talk about the day, about new teachers, and about our hopes for the year to come. Best of all, we share a very special bond.
Special Memories Though every bus party is similar, each one is also unique. Sometimes we sing silly songs, read inspirational verses together, or simply reminisce about past bus parties.
One year, it rained so hard that only my 72-year-old mother and I were brave enough to dance around in the front yard. Everyone else waited under-roof for the guests of honor to arrive. When the bus finally came, the kids dashed straight past poor Grandma to the shelter of the barn where they joined their cousins and the faithful aunts for a great celebration. Future Bus Parties Once upon a time there were more little ones waiting on the blanket than riding the bus. Then there were more on the bus than on the blanket. Now our wonderful high schoolers would not miss celebrating their elementary school-aged cousins’ bus party days. The celebration continues for my children: the last two of the bus party of 12!
The Deeper Truth One thing is for sure: The children in our family have gained the confidence to venture forth on their own because they know how much they are valued at home. And here is the icing on the bus party cake: Together we have experienced a sense of community that some people may never understand. Success calls for celebration ... even if it is just an ordinary day, like the first day of school.
Donna J. Noble and her husband, Darrin, are co-founders of PineCross Ministries, LLP (www.pinecrossministries.com), whose focus is hospitality and encouragement to families. She writes from PineCross Acres in Hartville, Ohio, where she and her family love to celebrate ordinary days.
Does your family have any back-to-school traditions? Leave us a comment and tell us about them!
Have your kids gone back to school yet? Mine are 12 days away now. As I wrote in the August ParentLife "Parenting Matters," it seems like just yesterday our oldest, Jonathan, was starting kindergarten. Now he is a fifth grader, and our youngest, Christopher, is on his way to kindergarten!
There are a lot of worries and fears about starting anything new — and kindergarten is a big deal! To help Christopher get ready for his first day of kindergarten, our school had a kindergarten camp. The kids got to meet their teachers, visit their new classrooms, play a few games, and even practice the afternoon hookup line. All of this was designed to cut down on first-day jitters, and I think it worked!
We have also gathered supplies like backpacks, lunch boxes, and clothes to start the school year off with excitement. We always have a routine of taking photos on the first morning of school that is a fun start to that first day.
Do you have a child starting school for the first time? Or do you have a sure fire way to cut down on first-day jitters? I would love to hear your ideas! Post a response so that other parents can read your ideas.
Read our August issue of ParentLife for all sorts of great back-to-school article and tips. Have a great beginning of the school year!
We ran across this great information from the American Camp Association (ACA) about packing for camp and thought parents might find it useful for kids who are going to camp the second half of summer. The ACA encourages parents to contact their camp for specific packing lists and guidelines. In addition, the ACA suggests the following guidelines for parents to keep in mind when packing for camp:
Headgear – Parents should pack items to protect a camper from the sun: scarves, bandannas, baseball caps, or sunhats, as well as needed eyeglasses, sunglasses, and swimming goggles.
Clothing – Clothing is a necessary component of camp, just do not expect any to return home clean! Include T-shirts, a swim suit, and shorts for hot days; a jacket, sweatshirt, and jeans for cool or cold days; and a raincoat or poncho for rainy days. Also, long pants will protect a camper from poison ivy, bugs, and thorns during hikes.
Footwear – Appropriate footwear is one of the most important items to pack for children at camp, especially when they are hiking, spelunking, running, and heading to the beach. Consider packing boots, tennis shoes, sandals, lots of socks — and dress shoes if the camp requires them. Remember that shoes should be broken in prior to the start of camp.
Bed and Bath Needs – For children attending a resident camp, parents should remember to pack the home basics: towels, as well as a blanket, pillow, pillow cases, sheets, sleeping bag, laundry bag, and mattress pad. Bathroom Kits are essential. Families should pack a brush and comb, shampoo, soap and soap container, toothbrush and holder, toothpaste, deodorant, insect repellent, sun block, and lip balm with sun block in it.
Additional Items – Pack some additional items including books and magazines, flashlights and batteries, Frisbees® or other toys, a water bottle, and writing materials. When considering electronics, musical instruments, and other special gear, check with the camp about policies.
Decisions about camp, including from what to pack, should be made together as a family. When children participate in the decision-making process, their likelihood of enjoying a positive experience is improved.
For expert advice on what to pack, or preparing for camp, visit ACA’s parent resource site at www.CampParents.org.
Where are you sending your kids to camp this summer?Tell us about your camp experience!
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) invites children to enter a nationalart contest with a chance to win a trip to Washington, DC. The contest is open to boys and girls in three groups, grades 3-5, 6-8, and 9-12, and the theme is "Protecting Children from Tobacco Smoke.”
Group winners and their parents will be invited to a presentation ceremony at the 2009 AAP National Conference & Exhibition in Washington, DC, on Saturday, October 17. Each first-place winner will receive $500 and up to $1,000 for travel expenses. The three second-place winners will each receive $250. The winners’ schools will be awarded matching amounts. Winners will have their artwork featured on the AAP Web site and promotional materials.
“There are still far too many young people who smoke and many pick up this deadly habit while they are at school,” warns AAP President David Tayloe, Jr, MD, FAAP. “This is an opportunity for children to exercise their creative side to alert other children – and parents -- to the dangers of tobacco and secondhand smoke.”
This year’s contest is an initiative of the AAP’s Julius B. Richmond Center, supported by the Flight Attendant Medical Research Institute, and dedicated to the elimination of children’s exposure to tobacco and secondhand smoke.
To enter, children should submit an original piece of artwork to: National Art Contest, American Academy of Pediatrics, 141, Northwest Point Boulevard, Elk Grove Village, IL 60007. Rules, official entry forms and consent forms must accompany all entries and are available online. Entries must be postmarked by July 31, 2009. Winning entries will be selected by a panel of judges including pediatricians, and announced in the summer.
The American Academy of Pediatrics is an organization of 60,000 primary care pediatricians, pediatric medical subspecialists and pediatric surgical specialists dedicated to the health, safety and well being of infants, children, adolescents and young adults.
Are you and your kids excited that summer is almost here? What are you planning to do this summer?
Couples not getting along, workplace strife, children whining. Have you noticed that the root cause of many problems is lack of communication? We can never spend enough time practicing our listening and speaking skills at work, church, or home. The problem is that we have gotten so busy that we don't have time to sit down and talk when we are rushing from event to event. I will be the first one to admit I am too busy. Unfortunately busyness can cause us to miss out on one of the best parts of parenting -- sitting together and talking with our kids.
Whether we are teaching our children some of his first words, asking about his school day at dinner, or having "The Talk" about the birds and the bees, talking with our kids is so important. I am at the stage in parenting where my children ask lots of questions -- about everything -- to the point where it can be tiring! But I am careful to answer questions because I know that the time will soon come when my children will hit those teenage years and be more reserved.
Yesterday Christopher and I talked for nearly two hours while we watched Jonathan play in a baseball game. We talked about everything from baseball to silly April Fool's Day jokes, but it was precious time together.
In the "Parenting Matters" editorial for the April 2009 issue of ParentLife, I talk about other great times we talk together as a family.
What are some of the great conversations you have had with your kids? Do they surprise you at the insights they have and the questions they ask? Post a comment and let us hear from you!
I love to watch TV! In fact, some of my favorite downtime at the end of the day is getting to watch a favorite show we have recorded or to start a movie.
But with kids, there are often so many things to be careful about regarding the TV shows and movies they watch. We definitely draw boundaries as to the type of shows and movies that our boys watch, but sometimes they hear from friends about other shows and movies we would not let our boys see. So how do you decide what to let your kids watch?
One resource that I have used for evaluating movie and TV content is Common Sense Media. They provide a target age range for every movie and TV show and even video games, books, and music. Common Sense Media gives an age that they evaluate media to be appropriate for and then evaluates content based on several subject categories: Violence; Language; Sex; Consumerism; Drinking, drugs, & smoking; and Message & role models. Check out their evaluation on the new video release of Bolt to get an idea of how their system works.
No matter what tool you use to evaluate shows and movies, sometimes the best option is to sit and watch shows together and talk about what you are watching. So many times even the best shows or sporting events can have commercials that are violent, sexually charged, or promote alcohol, so the best bet is to be involved and communicate about media with your kids.
Are there other tools you use to evaluate movies and TV shows? What are the best shows that your kids watch?
Sometimes we spend too much time and energy listening to what experts say we should do as parents. Oftentimes it is our kids who tell us what they need the most!
Proof positive are these real-life student comments submitted by ParentLife writer, Mia Pinson, a middle school teacher in South Carolina. Their assignment was to write down advice they would give their parents to help them be a better student in school.
Listen to what some students said they really want from their parents.
• Help me with homework.
• Don't ignore me when I ask for help.
• Help me study so I don't have to make bad grades. I am embarrassed when I do.
• Don't yell at me when I don't get my homework.
• Don't scream at me if I mess up.
• Don't yell at me to wake me up in the morning. It starts me off in a bad mood.
• Reward me for good grades with a surprise.
• Please congratulate me more.
• Be happy when I make a good grade.
• When I tell you the truth about something, don't go and try to fix me.
• Spend time with me. Talk to me about school.
• Don't fuss if I get a C on my report card and I tried my best.
• Don't make me feel bad because I am not smart.
• Stand up for me. Show other people you are proud of me.
• Show me how to love school.
• Pay more attention to me. Encourage me to do well.
• Thank you for always asking me what my day was like and for trying to understand me.
• Thank you for saying you love me.
This list was humbling to me. I think it shows that, no matter the context, our kids need our love, help, support, and encouragement. And it makes me want to ask my sons, "How could Daddy be a better parent?" I think they would say, "Play with us more!" What do you think your kids would say?
Is your preteen tired of school? Is she feeling the pressure of completing school work, earning good grades, and fitting in with her peers? Help her take the stress out of school.
Encourage excellence but emphasize to your preteen that she does not base her self-worth on grades. There is a balance here. Push her to do her best but assure that her value is grounded in being a child of God.
Ensure that your preteen has enough time to study and complete homework. Procrastinating or rushing through assignments will catch up to your
preteen sooner or later. Be proactive in this area. Know what
assignments are coming up and help your preteen set aside enough time
to get all of them done.
Celebrate your preteen's success. Be eager and quick to point out when your preteen does well. When she earns a good grade, praise her! When she writes a paper, ask to read it and give her positive feedback. If the only time you talk about school is when you are critical, your preteen most likely will worry more.
For more help on teaching your preteen to see herself through God's eyes, be sure to check out ParentLife's 9 to 12 Years Growth Spurt article "Self-Identity" in the March 2009 issue.
What school struggles is your preteen facing? Do you have
stress-reducing suggestions to share with other parents? Leave a comment and
let us know.
Google™ recently announced this year's "Doodle 4 Google"competition. The competition invites all K-12 students in the U.S. to design a Google logo inspired by the timely theme, "What I Wish for the World." The winning student's doodle will be displayed on the Google homepage on May 21, 2009. The champion "doodler" will also receive a $15,000 college scholarship and a $25,000 technology grant for his or her school. This year's competition also includes a $10,000 award to recognize the school district with the greatest quality participation.
This year, Google is partnering with the Smithsonian'sCooper-Hewitt National Design Museum, a leader in encouraging the next generation of designers and advancing public understanding of design. After the competition concludes, the top 40 winners' doodles will be displayed in a national exhibit at Cooper-Hewitt in New York City.
Teachers can register their class online by going to www.google.com/doodle4google. Registration closes on March 17 and all entries must be postmarked by March 31.
Did you know that every child learns differently? How does your child learn best?
There are eight primary ways that children learn. To find out how your child learns, check out the article "How Am I Smart?" (HowAmISmart.pdf) by Dr. Kathy Koch from the September 2009 issue of ParentLife.
Which of these eight learning styles describes your child? Let us know.
This time of year always makes me think of Upward™ Basketball. I have helped coach Upward three years and love this organization for its sports philosophy and emphasis on teaching kids about Jesus. I thought you would enjoy these words from Upward's founder and president, Caz McCaslin.
What we do: Specifically designed for K5 through 6th grade boys and girls, Upward sport leagues provide a fun, positive atmosphere for children to grow in a sport they lovewhile also learning about Jesus Christ.
Who we are: Upward™ Unlimited is
an international nonprofit children's sports organization designed to
give children and their families a positive sports experience. To
fulfill their mission, Upward partners with evangelical churches across
the country. By working with and training local churches, over half a
million children will participate in Upward this year.
How we operate: Giving
children the opportunity to learn and grow through participating in
games they love is one of the most rewarding aspects of conducting a
league. Unlike traditional sports programs, Upward programs are
structured so children participate in practices and games without
league standings. Characteristics such as sportsmanship, kindness, and
character are valued as winning qualities. Coaches primarily focus on
ministering to children and their families instead of game strategy.
Teams are arranged in a substitution system where all players are
allowed equal playing time and equal opportunity for improvement.
What we emphasize: To
further the "Every Child Is a Winner" philosophy, Upward coaches
encourage each player with a game-day star award following each game
that builds self-esteem and team spirit. Coaches also are prepared with guides containing a Scripture
learning verse and devotions for practices and games. In addition, the
referee will lead all sports teams in prayer in the center of the field
or court at the beginning of each game.
Upward offers basketball, cheerleading, soccer, flag football, and several camp options so find a church near you who offers one of our sports leagues.
Have you participated in an Upward league? Tell us about your experience!
Has your child had a big project due at school and needed your help? How much should you step in? Do you find that the majority of school projects reflect Mom's or Dad's work more than the student's? Ouch! The truth hurts.
Why is it that we sometimes step over the boundary line and do things on our child's behalf? This tendency doesn't happen overnight. Parents often are caught in a pattern of doing things for their kids, rather than stopping to teach or coach them how to do things for themselves. The following are three guidelines for fighting this trend.
Step back. It is OK for kids to make mistakes. We sometimes forget that trial and error can be the best part of learning. We would rather step in and make things right. Or we are living vicariously through our children and take things personally when our children make mistakes.
Build in time for interruptions and teachable moments. Kids learn by asking questions, hands-on experimenting, and connecting new things with what they already know. We are sometimes too busy for our child's questions or to stop and teach a life skill. We have to fight packing our schedules so full that there is no time left for life's interruptions. Unfortunately, all too quickly the question "Dad, will you help me?" turns to "I can't do this! You'll have to do it."
Place the journey together higher than the finished product. Too many times, we focus on the end product. We want our child to make the perfect project or we must have the clothes folded a certain way or we are not happy. Resist the urge to refold those clothes or make the project the way you would have done it. Life is a journey together, so enjoy the time along the way!
Have you ever had trouble with this "doing too much" boundary? How do you discern where to draw the line?
It's hard to believe, but the ParentLife team is already starting to make plans for 2010 and we need your help! We want to make sure the topics we cover are practical and helpful to your everyday life. So tell us ...
What parenting questions do you have (or hear your friends asking) related to this specific stage of parenting?
Leave us a comment and let us know. Or e-mail your ideas to parentlife@lifeway.com. (Please include in your comment or e-mail the ages of your child/children.) We want to use this information to plan the topics we will cover in our "Growth Spurts" section in 2010.
One of my favorite parts of Valentine's Day is helping the boys pick out their Valentine cards for school. They are not that much different than the cards I picked out as a young boy, except for the characters on the front of the cards (although I think Scooby-Doo® has remained popular across all these years). And this year? My sons both picked out NASCAR® cards to give to their friends!
Although Valentine's Day is about more than giving chocolate and flowers, these tokens of love still remind us of the source of unconditional love -- God. Perhaps our greatest task in parenting is to show our children unconditional love on a regular basis. If you are like me, when I am tired, frustrated, or angry, I realize that I can only love my children unconditionally with God's help. So as you open your cards and eat candy hearts, remember to give thanks to God for sending Jesus -- His greatest gift of love!
What do you plan to do this year with your kids on Valentine's Day? What are your Valentine's Day traditions?
A month later, how are you doing on your new year's goals? If you are like me, I am doing better keeping some resolutions more than others! I made it a goal this year to have a daily quiet time each morning with my oldest son before school. It has been a struggle to find this time in our busy schedule. Although we have not been successful every day, many mornings we are able to read a devotion and pray during breakfast. It has been great time together and with God!
What do we do? Jonathan reads a devotion in Adventure magazine, a devotional for 3rd and 4th graders. I have been trying to stay on a plan to read through the Bible this year. Sometimes we read slilently and other times read aloud part of our devotion. We talk about what it means and then end in prayer. We usually spend about 10 minutes, and it starts our day off right!
What are some of the ways you spend time as a family with God?
Adventure magazine is one of the LifeWay family of devotional magazines. LifeWay also produces More magazine for children in 1st and 2nd grades, Bible Express for preteens, and ec for teens. These devotionals are all designed to help children spend time with God each day. Each magazine also has a lot of fun learning games inside and focuses on practical application of Bible truths.
I love this time of year! Nothing is better than football in January (except maybe March Madness). You might be thinking, "But the big football game is now in February every year!" That's true ... but also part of the reason why I say that football in January is so great.
Let's face it. Super Bowl games can be duds. The best games often are in earlier rounds of the playoffs. The Super Bowl gets so much hype and attention. How could it possibly pay off?
Have you noticed that once your kids entered school that parenting becomes a lot more event centered? You have to take them to practice, rehearsals, school, church and all the corresponding games, performances, recitals, plays, parents' nights, and other important events. Ever beat yourself up for missing some of those big events?
As Dads, we sometimes put too much emphasis on the things we do or a few big things in life -- Christmas morning, a birthday party, or a family vacation -- when those events may not live up to expectations either. The heart of parenting comes in the day-to-day time you spend with your child -- being there, talking, loving, and even drawing boundaries fairly and consistently. This knowledge can take the pressure off trying to perfect those big events and back on how you live today.
Don't worry about tomorrow! Take some time for your child today.
Let me hear from you: What are some of the things that stand in the way of you doing all that you want to do as a dad?
ParentLife Online is here! We are excited for the opportunity to communicate with you online. ParentLife Online will be updated daily during the week with commentary from the ParentLife staff, content that goes deeper into topics appearing in our print magazine, product reviews, and helpful links to parenting sites and the latest parenting information.
We also want to hear from you! Respond to our posts, send us ideas for articles, and submit your writing and queries to be considered for ParentLife.
Meet the Editor in Chief
Hi there! I am William Summey, the editor in chief of ParentLife. I have been working on ParentLife for 7 years, initially as editor and now as editor in chief (EIC). As an EIC, I help edit the magazine but function as team leader, helping everyone do their jobs as best they can.
I have been married to my wife, Christy, for 15 years. We have two boys, Jonathan (10) and Christopher (4).
One of my passions is to help encourage parents in their parenting journey. One of the best ways to encourage others is by being open and honest about parenting struggles and challenges. By building community, we are all stronger. I hope that our blog can be a small piece of that community for you!
What are the parenting issues you feel most strongly about? I would love to hear from you!
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Many parents have daily standoffs with their child to read his/her homework assignment. Yes, many kids are just being stubborn, but many others (more than we think), have language-learning disorders such as dyslexia that make it difficult for them to read.
In October, the McDougal children (Jeffrey, 12; Sean, 10; Katie, 8; and Grace, 6) entered the 
We are proud to have 
In the 
Homeschooling is not for everyone. After 14 years spent in home education, I believe it is a calling, and not everyone is called to homeschool. For instance, my dad, a pastor, would never tell others that they should be preachers too. That is his calling. He knows it is not for everyone. My mom was called to teach in the public school, and her career spanned several decades. She loved it, but she didn't think that everyone else should teach school. It was her calling. Whether your calling is dentistry, homemaking, fire fighting, or counseling, nothing but that is going to work for you. Homeschooling has worked for my family because I knew that it was what I was supposed to do.
Summer is a great time to help kids develop good habits around physical exercise. Help your child choose a type of exercise she enjoys (swimming, riding bikes, hiking), and then set performance goals — bike or hike a certain distance in a given amount of time or swim a set number of laps — to try to reach by the end of summer. The trick to success is to agree on an exercise schedule and use a chart or graph to keep track of progress after each session. Keeping track helps your child measure progress, keeps her motivated, and even helps her predict how long it will take to reach her goals.
Many of the nation’s high schools — as well as middle and elementary schools — have started to re-examine their philosophy on standardized testing. And they are in good company. In fact, the 
Since that day, I have learned more about pornography than I ever wanted to know. More children are being exposed to porn and at younger ages than ever before. A recent survey published by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) revealed that 42 percent of children ages 10 to 17 had seen online pornography in the previous year. When I first began investigating, statistics showed the average age of first exposure as 11 to 13. Due to the proliferation of pornography on the Internet, some experts say that age has dropped to 8. In fact, counselors report seeing more preteens, including girls, who compulsively view pornography. This is frightening since the earlier the exposure, the more ingrained an addiction may become.
Preteen dating is not something that should be taken lightly. In fact, statistics show that preteen dating can lead to serious problems. Depending on whom you talk to, each of the following terms can have a different definition. But this glossary should give parents an idea of what their children are talking about when they mention dating or a relationship. Discussing these terms with your child now can help you set guidelines for the future as you seek God’s plan for his life.
Let me just give you an example. This Christmas, you can talk about Jesus' birth with your child in an age-appropriate way. You can start when your child is a baby ... laying the foundational concepts and then building on them as your child grows.
What is a bus party? It is simple. All you have to do is make a few treats and a pitcher of lemonade and, at the end of the school day, park yourself by the bus stop. When the bus comes into sight, you jump up and cheer in celebration of your child completing her first day of the school year
Sometimes we spend too much time and energy listening to what experts say we should do as parents. Oftentimes it is our kids who tell us what they need the most! 
