06.18.10
Suggestions for Helping the Overly-Talkative Small Group Member
Principles to Remember:
- You are not disciplining this individual you are redirecting his/her actions
- Your guidance in this area will help this individual not only in group, but in all of life
- This situation should be discussed with no one other than the overly talkative individual
- Speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15)
A few ideas:
- Establish early in group life that you are anticipating an environment where everyone has the opportunity to share at meaningful levels.
- Be certain that the “Participation” aspect of group life is part of the group covenant. It should state something along these lines, “Everyone participates and no one dominates.” Establishing this expectation gives the group leader the right to redirect the overly talkative individual.
- When necessary, remind the entire group that, if everyone is not able to share thoughts and ideas, it is not a life-transforming group experience.
- Speak with the overly talkative individual away from the meeting. Let them know you value their input, that they are important to the group, and that they can strengthen the group by speaking less, allowing the less aggressive individuals to share more.
- Many times the overly talkative individual speaks up because the group remains silent following a question asked. They’re filling the silence gap to help the small group leader. Let them know that the times of silence are important and that others in the group will speak up if he/she doesn’t. Let them know they can be a greater help if they will not fill the silent spaces.
- If necessary, during some meetings make the following a requirement… No one speaks a second time until everyone else who wants to speak has spoken once.
Would you address the individual who is always applying principles in the third person instead of personal first person the same as the overly talkative?
Daniel, Individuals speaking in third person may be doing this so they can ask questions that they themselves are seeking answers to. Meet them for coffee or a meal. Let them know that you've noticed that they are responding in third person. Tell them you are there to be a guide and a friend, that you're concerned for them and that, because of your responsibility as a discipler of them, you want to be certain that you can help them with the issues they bring up, if they're speaking of themselves. If you find out they are talking about their own issues, ask them to speak from first person from now on. This way the entire group can come together to help them in their journey toward Christ, His expectations, and transformation. Remind them that the community of believers works in tandem with God to help us in the transformational process and that his unveiling his personal needs will not only help him become more like Christ but it will also open the door for others to do the same.
Daniel, Individuals speaking in third person may be doing this so they can ask questions that they themselves are seeking answers to. Meet them for coffee or a meal. Let them know that you've noticed that they are responding in third person. Tell them you are there to be a guide and a friend, that you're concerned for them and that, because of your responsibility as a discipler of them, you want to be certain that you can help them with the issues they bring up, if they're speaking of themselves. If you find out they are talking about their own issues, ask them to speak from first person from now on. This way the entire group can come together to help them in their journey toward Christ, His expectations, and transformation. Remind them that the community of believers works in tandem with God to help us in the transformational process and that his unveiling his personal needs will not only help him become more like Christ but it will also open the door for others to do the same.