07.14.10
A Candid Conversation with a Mega-Church Pastor Who Didn't Affair Proof His Marriage III
Today is day three of a very important series of conversations with Brad Johnson, former pastor of a mega-church in southern California. In way of introduction, I've included the two paragraphs below. If you read day one or day two of this series of posts, feel free to skip these two paragraphs and go straight to the interview. If you are joining in the conversation for the first time today, I'd suggest you read yesterday's introduction.
I had the opportunity of serving alongside and under the direction of Senior Pastor Brad Johnson for nearly seven years. Brad is undoubtedly one of the greatest leaders I have ever known. His passion for God's church, sincerity of heart, ability to bring about change, and his communication skills makes him a premiere church leader. Brad transitioned a rural Kentucky church and in the process grew her from a congregation of less than 300 to nearly 2,000. He left Kentucky when Rick Warren requested he come on staff at Saddleback Church. While at Saddleback he served as one of her teaching pastors and was given oversight of her Home Base ministry. Then Calvary Community Church, a soon to be mega-church in Westlake Village, California came calling. Brad exited the well-known Saddleback Church to become the senior pastor at Calvary Community. It was there that Brad made the devastating mistake of allowing himself to enter into a relationship with a woman other than his wife.
Over the years Brad and I have spoken often of his story and how others can learn from his destructive decision. I asked Brad if he would be willing to allow me to interview him. His honesty and openness are not only refreshing, it may protect some of you from making the same mistake.
Rick: Brad, having eldered alongside you, I know at one time that you despised divorce. What is your perspective on divorce now?
Brad: I despise it more than ever. I wish I could undo every bit of my prodigal life and if I could, I would do whatever it took to save/salvage my marriage. I truly understand why God hates divorce. The on-going suffering of my children and sorrow in my heart is to be despised.
Rick: How can you have a dislike for divorce yet be a divorced person yourself?
Brad: Only with God's help. God is giving me (and my former wife and children) lots of grace and lots of hope for a new future, but we all walk into that future with a limp. A crass example that I have told people is to look upon my poor choices like one would look at a lab rat. The rat experiences the trauma, or the poison, or the consequences of an experiment SO THAT others do not have to experience anything like this themselves. My life and divorce can be redeemed if God uses my story to save another home and family.
Rick: How has this situation changed your view on the church and how she should respond to those who find themselves divorced?
Brad: Let's enlarge the topic to how the church should respond to anyone who is broken by sin. Though there have been some unbelievably sweet, grace-giving Christians that God used to 'love me back to HIMSELF,' I also experienced a harsh, punishing side of the church that I had never experienced. I am convinced that many believers never fully find their way back home, because the angry brothers and sisters (of the Prodigal Son story) stand in the way. It's tragic and I hope I can be used by our Lord to help Christians know how to respond to all sinners.
Rick: Let me take that question one step further… How should the church respond to those who caused the divorce?
Brad: If the person who sins (whatever that sin might be), is a Christian, there is very little convincing that Christians need to do for the person to know the sinfulness of their choices. The Holy Spirit does that. Nor is it the role of Christians to make sure enough punishment has been meted out to the sinner. There is a sense among some Christians that they must make sure the sinner "pays." The reaping and sowing principle is one that God set in order and that God ensures happens. Christians don't have to pile on the consequences. If a Christian remains in an on-going pattern of sin, unrepentant and rebellious, then Christians will likely need to give space and time. God will work in the meantime. BUT, when a person gives a hint of a desire to return, then Christians should be open-armed and ready to renew and rebuild a relationship in a spirit of grace and forgiveness.
Rick: Some would say that you are no longer fit for ministry yet God miraculously opened the door for you to plant a church. How would you respond to those individuals?
Brad: I certainly don't want to argue for why I'm back and I am very aware that so many ministers are never again given the opportunity to return to a ministry setting. I'm humbled by that fact. All I can offer is what transpired in my life. After becoming completely broken and repentant, I offered myself in a process of conversations, and relationships with Pastors, a reputable Christian therapist, and an older mentor and over a long period of time. For a year, they observed my life, challenged me, questioned me, watched me, prayed for me, loved me, walked with me, encouraged me, and pointed me steadily on the right road. In the meantime, I sought diligently and consistently to live and show the fruit of my repentance. I worked in the secular arena for over two years and deeply desired to live a life of which my kids could once again be proud. By His Spirit and through His people, God slowly rebuilt my interior world. He restored a right spirit within me. And after a year of humble, slow listening and following the leadership of this team around me, they consistently began to challenge me to open myself to whatever God might have for me next. God brought people around me who urged me to consider the gifts and calling that were once again evident in my life. I resisted the idea of ever again doing anything remotely like ministry, let alone on a church staff. However, the Holy Spirit kept at my heart and through people who are wise and mature in faith, God kept nudging me and wooing me back. Once again, after much soul-searching and counsel, I surrendered to whatever God had next for me. What He had next was this opportunity to be part of a new church start. I know that my task is to remain faithful to this calling and to our Lord and it's God's part to bless, bring fruit and contend with detractors.
I never was a pastor. But i have had responsibilities in minstry in a couple different churches. I have also had a hand in divorce and, in one, an affair helped bring on the divorce. I know that in the time I turned away from God, the greatest punishment was being out of fellowship with fellow believers and not being able to minister to others.
The prodifal son did not willfully sin against his father and family. In the end, he saw that he had "sinned against his father', however, at the time, he did not see that.
I will say this, every time I took more alcohol than I should have, each time I opened up the computer to somewhere I shoul dnot have been, every time I strayed from my marriage vows, I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING.
Christians have a habit of using biblical terms to explain away our reasons for doing things and for our great sorrow in making the amends we need to make. Like Brad and like me, many will forever feel the guilt and seperation from those we have loved because of our choices. Bt please remember, we did it to ourselves, and those we affected. Do not trivialize your decisions or your guilt or your pain of being seperated.
Thank you, Brad, for sharing. I pray the joy of growth over powers the pain of failure.