08.17.10
Small Group Hairs Worth Splitting II... 90 percent of the story vs. the Full Story
Hearing 90% of someone's story and hearing 100% of the story is not the same thing.
When hearing 90% of the story…
- you'll hear what is comfortable to the story teller
- you'll hear what was funny or factual
- you'll hear the part of the story that will not make anyone angry or disappoint anyone
- you'll hear the part of the story that will not open the door for the group to create any expectations of the story telling group member
When hearing the full story…
- you'll hear the parts of the story that are uncomfortable for the story teller to tell
- you'll hear the part of the story that birthed the inner tension, anger, disappointment, or scars that were created at the time the event happened
- you'll hear the part of the story that might anger other group members or cause someone to be disappointed in the story teller
- you'll hear the part of the story that will open the door for the group to create expectations of the story telling group member, expectations to deal with a broken relationship, overcome their judgmental attitude, wrestle with their perspective concerning the issue that created the tension, etc…
It is important that small group leaders realize the difference between hearing 90% of the story and hearing 100% of the story because, when a group member voices 90% of the story, the small group leader may be able to get them to share the last 10%. When someone tells 100% of the story, it is then that the leader of the group can lead the members of the group to help the story-telling group member gain right perspective of the experience, take responsibility for their part of the conflict (if it was a conflictual situation between them and someone else), and work in tandem with God to heal a scarred heart.
Small Group Hairs Worth Splitting I... Recollecting vs. Reminiscing
I never thought I'd say it, but you are quiet the hair splitter, Rick. Good point. I would appreciate some of your thoughts and experience on drawing out the final 10%.
Very good point. I believe the first step to drawing out the final 10% is creating a safe environment. Members need to believe that what they share will be held in confidence. They need to know that they will not be judged, however they will be held accountable. They need to trust the group and know that they are loved and accepted unconditionally.