ARCHIVE
February 2010
Listen to what some young adult women are saying. How does this help you as you reach and lead young women into the future?
As a women’s leader, do you struggle to figure out what will reach and motivate all women? Have you discovered that what works for one generation, probably WON’T work for another one? How do we connect all ages of women for spiritual growth and ministry? We have tried to help you understand all the generations through our Top Ten series. Last week, we hosted a live web cast and discussed this further in a panel discussion of leadership women. We shared what we have experienced in training and what we desire as we discover ways to reach and connect each generation from preteen girls to senior women. Click here to view the recording of this Generations. The Unbroken Chain: Ministry Through the Ages with Chris Adams, Lead Women’s Ministry Specialist, Pam Gibbs, Girls’ Ministry Specialist & Betsy Langmade, Women’s Event Coordinator.
We ran out of time before we could share some of the comments made by older and younger women. The assignment was for the older women (they could decide which was which!) to share one thing they would want a younger woman to know. The younger women shared one thing they would like to know from an older woman. The responses were so touching and showed how easy it really is to invest in and mentor other women.
Comments to an older from a younger woman:
I would like to know what your secret is to having a happy marriage. What made you so close?
I would like to know how old you were when you became real, took off your mask and made a difference? Did you ever go through times when you felt spiritually blank, but you knew you were full of the Holy Spirit?
I want to have your grace and wisdom and to know how you let patience have its perfect work when your heart was full of longing, when it ached and sorrow seemed your only friend. How did you battle fear?
How did you know God loved you and how did you know you loved Him back?
I want to have someone I can vent to. I love my mom but sometimes info just doesn’t get through to me. I want someone that I can cry on their shoulder, or yell, or just bounce ideas off of. Someone that will show me and help me learn how to study the Bible. Just another person I can talk to that will love me no matter what, just like my mom.
What do you see when you look back on life that was not as important as you thought it was when you were younger, and what did you disregard that you realize now is a very important part of life?
Comments from an older to a younger woman:
This is such a violent world. What is it like for you to navigate through.
Do you wonder about kids, your kids? What comfort do you need right now?
What do you wish someone would tell you? If you could influence one change,
where would you invest?
Go with God, no matter what it costs you!! Serve an audience of one—The Lord, and stop trying to please everyone around you. Remember that every decision that you make is seed that you are sowing. Your first ministry is to your family. Trust the Lord., wait on Him and He will direct your path.
My desire for you is that you would share with me the joys and delights of your life as well as your sorrows and cares. I would love to be involved in walking with you as you raise your children. I would enjoy spending time with you and sharing my heart with you about the wonderful love of Christ and ways His Word can transform you into the woman He always intended you to be!
What I would like to know about younger women is what I can do to help
and share the trials and tribulations I have been through and what I can do to
love and share Jesus with them, and what they need from me.
I want to know if I can love you and be your mentor.
To show a genuine and real person, and to let you know I truly care about you.
I would like what I, as a baby boomer, can say or do to earn your respected trust.
Prayerfully read these scriptures and share them with the women in your church as you seek to connect all generations of women for spiritual growth and service:
One generation will declare Your works to the next and will proclaim Your mighty acts. I will speak of your glorious splendor and Your wonderful works. They will proclaim the power of Your awe-inspiring works, and I will declare Your greatness. They will give a testimony of Your great goodness and will joyfully sing of Your righteousness. Psalm 145:4-7
Descendants will serve Him; the next generation will be told about the Lord.
They will come and tell a people yet to be born about His righteousness—what He has done. Psalm 22:30–31
Even when I am old and gray, God, do not abandon me. Then I will proclaim Your power
to [another] generation, Your strength to all who are to come. Psalm 71:18
This will be written for a later generation, and a newly created people will praise the LORD. Psalm 102:18
Titus 2:3–5
Share with us your ideas for connecting the generations.
Recently we hosted a live web cast with a panel of leaders discuss this issue of connecting the generations through the ages. We discussed several myths regarding this issue:
• “I don’t have anything to offer the younger generation. They are very competent and independent.”
• “They don’t want to hear from me. They think I am old fashioned.”
• “I need to keep up with the latest culture (music, technology, etc.) to mentor younger girls and women.”
• “Older women just don’t understand what it’s like to be in my shoes.”
• The bigger the age difference, the less connection between generations.
• Today’s women are busy. They don’t really want to invest in a mentoring relationship. “I would have to commit a lot of time to a mentoring relationship.”
The truth is the younger generation is so hungry for the touch of older women. They want to understand how they can navigate life and they want to talk to someone who is farther down the road than they are. So, what are you doing do connect the generations?
Here are a couple of ideas (but listen to the web cast for more):
Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, VA hosted Generations: Link of Love through their women’s ministry. They showed a video with women from each generation talking about their generation, what their needs are, and what they have to offer women from other generations followed by a short panel with those same women. The women’s ministry leader talked to one woman in her 60's before the event trying to encourage her to come and asked her what she thought she had to offer the younger generation. She replied, "NOTHING!" They are very competent and independent." Boy! Was she ever blown away.
If we can just get the generations to communicate their desires, needs and experiences, I do not think we will have trouble getting them to connect.
What are you doing to get your generations of women to connect? Please share your ideas in the comments.
Women Reaching Women
What is it about stepping out in commitment to Christ that draws a huge target on our chests for the enemy to begin pounding on us? Somewhere in the mid 80’s my husband and I surrendered to ministry, not having a clue what that meant. We felt sure that is what God told us to do after my serving in a part time ministry position with our church in Texas and both of us having gone on overseas mission trips. We actually felt like God has called my husband into full time ministry so he went to seminary. But we made it public and there the story truly begins….
Almost immediately we faced road blocks and discouragement. We began to question the call. But as we continued to pray, we felt like we’d truly heard and must respond and that it was the enemy who was making us doubt, not God.
Did it get easier, no! Harder! First of all small things happened, my husband lost his job, lost his company car with the job, most of our appliances were falling apart (we’d been married about 15 years so it was time for them all to wear out at the same time!), and our car fell apart. My mom would call me and ask, “well, what broke today?”. It got to be somewhat funny and painful all at the same time. Then we began having a family relationship issue that was so very painful. The enemy tried to take our possession, when that didn’t defeat us he began to work on our family. But God….
If not for His power and strength, we’d have given up many times a long time ago! But He provided all we needed continually. For eight months we had no income (except for a small stipend I received from my church for my position there). Not once did we do without food or clothing, and we always paid our bills. I can’t tell you how that happened. As I tried to put it on paper, income and outgo did not match up. God told me to stop trying to figure it out, just trust Him. It was a huge stretching time for us spiritually, but it was very difficult to stand strong in the face of the devil daily. I remember actually digging my heals into the carpet and saying, “I refuse to allow the enemy to have victory!”. And some days, that’s all I had to make it through the day. Luke 4: 8 goes well here: “Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.” (KJV) But God….
How powerful He is. We know He’s more powerful than the devil. We read in 1 John 4:4, “You are from God, little children, and you have conquered them {evil spirits}, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. “ Do we really believe that? If so, DIG YOUR HEELS IN! Do not allow the enemy victory in your life, your day, your heart.” (HCSB)
Our job it to know Him, follow Him and obey Him. God’s job is to fight the enemy. He told the Israelites this in Deuteronomy 28:1, 7, “Now if you faithfully obey the Lord your God and are careful to follow all His commands I am giving you today, the Lord your God will put you far above all the nations of the earth. The Lord will cause the enemies who rise up against you to be defeated before you. They will march out against you from one direction but flee from you in seven directions.” (HCSB)
Pretty powerful commander we have! I love what Beth Moore says in Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman. “Some of us with little previous battle experience have no idea why God is allowing us to go through such difficult times in a place we thought was His will. He’s trying to make warriors out of us, Girlfriend! Rise to the occasion! But we aren’t meant to fight unseen forces alone. You and I have the God-given right to lock arms with our sisters and brothers in Christ and defend ourselves with the sword of the Spirit and the shield of faith. Here’s the best part: When we do, we are guaranteed the victory. I said guaranteed.”
We gain more strength by understanding Deuteronomy 31: 8, “The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” (HCSB) The best part as a Christian is that we never fight the enemy alone! We have the best army there is, God leading, Christian sisters alongside us.
When you are struggling, be willing to reach out to those around you for prayer and guidance. More than once I’ve called my accountability partner to pray as the attacks became obvious and it dawned on me, it wasn’t just a “bad day”. It was Satan in my face! Outright spiritual warfare. We have to recognized it and face it in His strength.
Tips:
- Know God so you recognize His power in the face of the enemy.
- Know your weaknesses so you know what boundaries need to be in place
- Memorize scripture so you can quote it in the face of the enemy. It works!
- Never think this won’t happen to you! That’s when you are at your weakest.
- Watch the little things. Failure to stand against “little sins” leads to bigger and bigger ones.
- Ask God to not let you get away with any sin, no matter how small. You want Him to quicken your spirit when you start heading the wrong direction.
- Remember that at times, spiritual warfare has nothing to do with you sin, it can have more to do with your obedience. You are much more a threat to Him when you are following hard after Christ. But it’s SO worth it.
- Put on the armor of God daily. Ephesians 6: 10-18. Check out this article by David Jeremiah, Spiritual Warfare and You
- Do a Bible study to equip yourself with armor. Try Spiritual Warfare by John Franklin and Chuck Lawless and Putting on the Armor by Chuck Lawless.
For more reading: The Fight of Your Life by Michael D. Warden
What…you might say! Ladies, since it’s not our ministry, only God knows how long we will be leading as we are now. He also knows who will come behind us and take the mantle. He also knows we cannot and should not do ministry alone.
Who came before you to lead you? How long have you been in leadership? Did you even expect to be in the place of leadership you are in today? Who trained you and who are you training?
Remember the first thing Jesus did once He began His earthly ministry? He gathered around him a group of 12 very unlikely men to disciple, train, and leave the ministry in the hands of after the crucifixion. He knew He would not be in that place for a long time and prepared for the future of the ministry once he was gone.
I have seen ministries with women die once a leader left. That should never happen. If we build teams of spirit-led godly leaders and trust them with responsibility, the ministry will grow. I am also aware of a ministry led by a director who had a heart attack just prior to a major event. She was able to come back part of the day during the event and I asked her how it all fell into place without her. She said her team didn’t even miss her. They took over and the event went so smoothly. She had trained them well. That is a mark of a great leader.
So, who are you pouring into who could take over if you moved to another city, or if the Lord took you home. That’s not morbid, that’s reality.
We also have to make sure that as the younger women come along, we are willing to let go of doing it “our way” and hand off well so that “future generations will know the Lord.” (Ps. 78:1-6) Read more about the younger generations here.
Let’s pray for God to direct us to teachable women who in turn want to lead others to
lead others…..
Women Reaching Women
Ok, I know, you are tired of hearing that. But if you have been in ministry longer than a few months, you know that if you want to finish the race well, you will have to learn how to adjust daily, to the changing issues, needs, and times!
In this third of our life lessons for leaders we see that vibrancy and freshness of ministry depends on our not getting in to a ministry rut! Because it worked once does not mean it will work again. It might, but if it loses effectiveness there is always room to ask God what will make it more successful in terms of reaching and discipling women. Perhaps it only needs a tweak, perhaps it needs a complete overhaul, but if we are not flexible we won’t be willing to even ask God the question.
I have always loved the analogy of a rigid tree that does not bend. When the tornado comes it snaps. If it’s flexible and bends with the wind, it is much less likely to break.
According to Branda Polk, in Five Stretches to Improve Your Flexibility, “flexibility is defined as full range of motion around a joint.” What happens when you exert physical effort and you do not have flexibility in your joints and muscles? Pain, tears, and other injuries. You have to exercise those body parts to keep them flexible. And you have to add new movements and exercises outside the comfort zone to improve the flexibility.
My pastor David Landrith, Long Hollow Baptist Church, Hendersonville TN said this as our 2008 women’s leadership forum: Do not lack flexibility. "God delights in pushing us out of our comfort zones so we learn to trust Him and be flexible," Landrith said. "The real challenge is to maintain the posture of ‘God, you tell us where to go and we will follow you.’" Click here to read the entire article.
What bends you out of shape the fastest? A staff member booking something on top of the women’s event you scheduled on that date months ago? Take a look at the issues. Have you booked a speaker and paid a deposit? If so, then perhaps you need to sit and have an honest discussion with the staff person. If not, maybe you need to take a look purpose of each event. What is the potential reach of each one? Is one for a smaller target while the other would reach the entire church and possibly those in the community? Be willing to give it to God and let Him direct your heart and your efforts. He might even want you and your team to assist in the church-wide event in some way.
Awwww, you say, but our team spent time and effort on planning this. Here is a quick little assessment of your “flexibility quotient”.
Ask God what He says, and go with His, not your plan. Hard, yes, blessed, yes! Remember that motto, if it hinders, don’t! If fighting this battle would cause more harm than good, you know the answer. Only God can direct you, but as you truly seek Him and His will, He will certainly do that.
Women Reaching Women
Now that we’ve covered preliminaries and what NOT to do, let’s get into lesson one. Sharon Betters wrote this in an online article, Women’s leaders “see it [women’s ministry] as a program that is one layer of the church, rather than vital ingredient that is marbleized into the whole community, an ingredient that is critical to the peace and prosperity of a local church and denomination.”
As some churches move toward a more simple structure and ministries are called to support an overall purpose that umbrella’s the whole church, the ministries with women must more and more be willing to find creative ways of ministering to and with women in all aspects of the church, not just the “programs” assigned to the women’s ministry.
We must ask the question, where are the women in our church, and how can we as women’s leaders be a resource to those groups and leaders who are ministering to women. For instance, the church may have mostly co-ed small groups rather than segmented by male and female. As a women’s leader, can you make yourself available to those small group leaders in case they have a need in their group for someone to come alongside and minister to or disciple a woman? Can you provide helpful tools, information and resources to those leaders who want to help the women in their group? Perhaps you, or other leaders are willing to be “on call” as needed throughout the church to help women.
Continually watch for places you can offer assistance to other ministries in the church. Be willing to ask, “Is there some way our women’s leaders could assist with this event, outreach, or small group activity?”
One church lost their Shoe Box ministry leader. No one seemed able or willing to head it up until the women’s ministry leader offered to assist. No one thought of asking her so she just volunteered. These leaders made a huge impact on the lives that were touched not only by those receiving the shoe boxes, but also by those who wanted to continue to be a part of this vital ministry.
Making the ministry with women available to needs outside their specific assignments shows they care more about the Kingdom than their program. If the goal is to help women know and grow in Christ, and help them find a place to serve in the Kingdom, then why limit that only to what is on your women’s ministry calendar? I have seen a number of times the title change in the church from women’s ministry director to women’s resource director. That means that this area of ministry has gained enough credibility that when there is a need regarding women, or where a women’s leadership would be beneficial, people know where to turn and who to ask.
As we see the bigger picture of ministry throughout the church, the community, and the Kingdom, we have the joy of interlocking with and supporting other ministries within the local church and those in their community.
See other helpful resources such as Women Reaching Women.
Ever do something for your husband thinking it would show him how much you love him but he didn’t seem to get it? Or do you wish he would show you his love for you in a specific way but he never does?
At a Marriage Monday meeting of our women’s team, we discussed something that changed one of our member’s marriage completely! Melissa facilitated our meeting this week and shared how God had opened her eyes to how to bless her husband and how he was blessing her without her really knowing it. She shared a book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you aren’t familiar with this book, the concept is that everyone has a love language: acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time or gifts. Normally we try to show our spouse love using our own love language rather than his. The ideal is to find out your man’s language and use that to show you love him.
Melissa shared an assessment with us so we could discover our own love language. There is one assessment for the wife and another for the husband.
I have known for a long time that my husband wants words of affirmation. He has a strong reaction to criticism or what even appears criticism. Because respect is the most important need a man has, this should be obvious to me. Sometimes my words are thoughtless and can bite deep without my even meaning to. I want to be proactive in finding ways to say how much he means to me, how important he is, and especially what a great “handy man” and I try to tell him often what that means to me. It’s even better to tell him in front of others.
I think I am pretty mixed up because I want it all! All five love languages! But my highest was a tie between acts of service and quality time. We were given the assignment to discover our husband’s love language and to make sure he knows ours before our next meeting. As we know their love language, we are to speak that language daily to our guys.
Can you imagine a better way to say Happy Valentine’s Day? What are you doing to communicate to your man in a practical way just how much you love him? Share your ideas in the comments box.
*Marriage Monday is a meeting of women at our office who want to grow strong marriages. We meet every couple of weeks to discuss what’s going on and we share ideas and learn from one another’s experiences as we seek to be godly wives.
In the previous post, we talked about asking the right ministry questions and preparing ourselves spiritually for ministry. Now let’s consider the “what not” to do in ministry. As lead in a ministry area, we often learn more by our mistakes than we do our successes. Stop and just list a few of your own lessons from failure that impacted your life and ministry.
OK, I know this is taking the “negative” stance, but just go with me here.
1. Do NOT hide the vision. If God had called you to a ministry position, He must have given you a vision of how your investment can impact the Kingdom. Know what it is, write it down and read it regularly, then share it every opportunity you can as you relate to women.
2. Do NOT work alone. Always ask God to raise up those who also grasp the vision of reaching and discipling women for Christ…those who will work along side you to accomplish that vision.
3. Do NOT focus the ministry only on one program or personality. If you do, what happens when that personality is not longer a part of the ministry? What happens if all your efforts are in one way of doing ministry, one program, and that program isn’t reaching the majority of women? Seek what God wants for each area of ministry with women and be flexible enough to be able to switch and change as He leads.
4. Do NOT focus on program rather than people. If we are all about the “program” then we are not watching and connecting with women to even know what their needs are and what is going on in their lives. If we fail to connect personally with women, we will not have effective ministry with women, even if all the “program” pieces are in place! For those of us who are task oriented, we have to be intentional in building relationships and surround ourselves with relational leaders to balance the tasks.
What other do NOTs can you think of that God has taught you? Please share them here. Watch for more “life lessons” posts coming soon.
Further reading, Women Reaching Women.
I recently read the book, The Butterfly Effect, by Andy Andrews at our team retreat as an assignment from our director. It only took about 20-30 minutes to read and then we were to respond to the question -- Does my life really matter?
The author shared that the theory, stated by Edward Lorenz, was that a butterfly could flap it’s wings and set molecules in motion which move other molecules and in turn would be eventually capable of starting a hurricane on the other side of the world. Edward was laughed at but 30 years later, physics professors proved that the a butterfly effect was accurate, now known as The Law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions.
One of the example the authors shares, goes all the way back to a man by the name of Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, a Union Army colonel July 2, 1863. With very poor odds they were able to capture the rebels at Gettysburg. In a hopeless situation, he chose to stand ground and fight. Eighty men, with no ammunition, captured over 400 enemy soldiers. It’s been said that had he not charged that day, that the rebels would have won that day and ultimately the war. And it’s assumed that if that had happened, we would exist as two countries, the Union and the Confederacy. The book continues to move through history, including Hitler’s reign and other historical events.
The point is, according to the author, “everything you do matters. Every move you make, every action you take…matters.” I would add, even if you do not see results currently. DO NOT give up. In 2 Chronicles 15:7 Azariah is telling Asa and others not to give up. Their work has a reward. And Paul writes the Thessalonians, “do not grow weary in doing good." 2 Thess. 3:13.
If you are wondering if the time you are investing in Kingdom work is important, remember the story and know that you also have a “butterfly effect” that will be heard long after you are gone from this world. “This will be written for a later generation, and a newly created people will praise the LORD." Psalms 102:18 (HCSB)
By leading women today, you have the “butterfly effect” of touching the lives of those who are yet to be born! Can you even imagine? The author concludes, “You have been created in order that you might make a difference.” Continue faithfully serving and leading women, God will do far more through you than you will ever see in your lifetime.
As a leader, do you ever stop to think back over your life to those most profound life-changing lessons you have learned? I was once asked to speak on the topic, Top 10 Tips for Leaders. I began processing the things I felt were most important. The list eventually grew beyond 10 and became a chapter in our revised edition of the women’s ministry leadership book, Women Reaching Women.
But the lessons have not stopped there! They continue daily. Right now, God has asked me to pray daily for Him to “break my heart for what breaks His” as the song says. And especially to pray for a heart for evangelism. I am not sure right now what He is going to teach me this year as I pursue that, but I am alert and watching!
This will be the first in a series for a new category, Life Lessons for Leaders. My prayer is that these lessons will help you as you lead women, and that you will begin to think about your own lessons and how to use those in ministry.
Before I actually begin with lesson one, let’s think about what it takes to lead well. Our own spiritual development is absolutely foundational to our leadership, and its effectiveness. Sometimes I need to just ask myself a few questions, such as...Am I spending time in the Word daily? (2 Tim. 3:16-17, Heb. 4:12) Am I submitting to God’s authority? (Psalm 143:8) Am I bathing everything in prayer? (Eph 6:18) Am I becoming more like Him daily?(1 Peter 2:2-3, 2 Thessalonians 1:3) My answers to these questions tell me the importance I put into my walk, especially as I lead other women.
Next I need to make sure I have a battle plan. I must understand God and His power, and recognize and understand who the enemy is and what He desires to do as I follow Christ all while leading others to do the same. Here are some great scriptures to study in preparation for ministry: 1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Timothy 6:11, 2 Timothy 2:22, Ephesians 6:11,14. Any leader who thinks she is immune to falling is a prime target for Satan. Just study Beth Moore’s When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. She shares examples of leaders who never planned to fall but found themselves at the bottom of a filthy pit. Our influence as leaders can do so much to help OR harm the work of Christ. We must be prepared and aware of our foe and examine each thought, use our Sword, flee the enemy, and ask God’s help as we put on His armor.
Temptation begins in the mind so guard it carefully (Romans 12:1-2, Philippians 4:8-9). I love Rick Warren’s quote from The Purpose Driven Life, “Every temptation is an opportunity to do good. On the path to spiritual maturity, even temptation becomes a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block when you realize it’s just as much an occasion to do the right thing as to do the wrong thing. God develops the fruit of the Spirit in your life by allowing circumstances in which you are tempted to express the exact opposite quality. Character development always involves a choice. And temptation provides that opportunity.”
So, choose to pursue holiness as you lead women to pursue holiness. Be set apart and transparent with our own struggles, yet proclaim God’s faithfulness. We must be consecrated. (1 Peter 1:13-16, 2 Timothy 2:21).
Now, as we gear up, put on the armor and watch for God’s work in our lives, the next post in this series will talk about what God has taught me NOT to do in ministry!
Please share your life lessons with us so we can learn from you!
