Recently at a YOU Lead women’s leadership training, we had a panel of leaders answering questions submitted by attendees. Several past and upcoming posts address those and try to help answer them. 
   
Today’s question: What are some ideas for helping hurting women? Do you recommend support groups?

Most of us, as women’s leaders are not trained counselors. Often when faced with the crises women experience in life, we often feel so inadequate to help. I want to suggest some helpful resources and ideas to help you prepare to minister to women in your sphere of influence.

1.    Share and document women’s stories. Often you will hear women share one on one or in small groups, specific experiences they have had and how they have navigated through them. Often they share how God led and equipped them to face issues they never thought they would have to face. Encourage these women to share their stories often (always with prayer and discretion) as the Holy Spirit leads. Then ask if they would be willing to help women who are facing similar crises and who just need someone to walk with them through it. I believe mostly women just need to know there is another woman who understands her situation and who is a picture of hope because she has made it (or is making it) through the crisis. Then, as you come across women in need, you have a listening ear and someone who will pray for them as they walk together. Encourage women to share testimonies in corporate gatherings from time to time, so women who are hurting alone and in silence will know someone else in your church has experienced something similar to the one they are facing.

2.    Don’t assume the role of a professional counselor. Know when to refer to professional help and when to set healthy boundaries. A couple of resources I recommend are: A Trusted Friend…When it Matters Most, a Bible study women can go through together to become more equipped to help hurting friends. For your leaders, use Women Reaching Women in Crisis (comes in download and print versions and you can make copies of either version to have 3 sets to use with your team). This resource equips you in general on referrals, boundaries, etc. as well as specific issues such as post abortion trauma, chemical addictions, sexual addictions (for her or her spouse), depression, prodigal children, domestic violence, and?????. Bev Hislop has also written a great book called Shepherding Women in Pain.

3.    Yes, support groups are healthy when led in a healthy way. To talk over issues in common is so helpful, but it must be more than just a “this is so hard” discussion. It must move from “this hurts” to how do we make it through and even thrive in Christ in the mean time. Breaking Free is a great study to help women struggling with all types of strongholds. Recovering from the Losses of Life is helpful to anyone dealing with any type of loss. This one in particular helped me deal with a relationship that had temporarily ended and I had to get past it to move on in the Lord. We must redirect women to the Bible to find the real help they need no matter what the crisis.

I can’t tell you how much my friend was to my own journey as she shared her life and experience of a painful struggle with a daughter. I watched this wonderful godly mom navigate her crisis for several years before I ever realized one day I would walk in her shoes and would desperately need what she had taught me. And I needed her as I walked my journey to just walk with and pray for me as I’d prayed for her all those years without really understanding what she was going through.

Each story the Lord allows into any of His daughters’ lives is one He can use to minister to someone else.

What do you do to help hurting women?

Additional Helpful Resources:
Transformed Lives
Women Reaching Women

As a leader this topic is dear to my heart, partially because the statistics of women dealing with this. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention in an article dated 2002 here are the stats:

Number of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity (impaired ability to have children): 7.3  million
Percent of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity: 11.8%
Number of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile (unable to get pregnant for at least 12 consecutive months): 2.1 million
Percent of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile: 7.4%
Number of women ages 15-44 who have ever used infertility services: 7.3 million

Source: Fertility, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health of U.S. Women: Data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, tables 67, 69, 97


But another reason it’s dear to my heart is my own personal experience with the issue.  I remember the pain of wanting to be a mom so desperately and the years of wait until the Lord gave us precious twin baby girls through adoption.

As a leader, we need to be equipped to help women dealing with infertility. Recently, Terri Stovall wrote an article for Baptist Press and shared her personal journey in her article Infertility-where grief meets grace. I highly suggest you read this article and glean ideas for how to help women in your church who is experiencing infertility. The high number of women in this category makes it an issue we must address and an open door to reaching hurting women.

Resources:

Women Reaching Women in Crisis, LifeWay Women Webcast
Five things you must know about women facing infertility by Kerry Anthony
Women Reaching Women in Crisis book
Transformed Lives
A Trusted Friend
Women Reaching Women
Shepherding Women in Pain, Bev Hislop
I will Carry You, Angie Smith
Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couple and Those Who Love Them, Cindy Lewis Dake
When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden, Sandra Glahn & William Cutrer, M.D.
Water From the Rock: Finding God’s Comfort in the Midst of Infertility, Donna Gibbs, Becky Garrett, Phyllis Radon

Past webposts: Mother's Day When You Are Not A Mom, Longing, Loss, Life: Ministering to Hurting Women, Longing & Loss, Longing & Loss
 

Guest blogger, Dr. Deb Douglas, is the Minister to Women, First Baptist Church, Bossier City, LA . She wrote this article our of her own experience with women in her church who have had an abortion. Be sure to watch the web cast recordings of Surrendering the Secret Part 1 & 2 with Pat Layton as you reach out to these hurting women.

Women with post-abortion trauma may already be in your church, or they could be seeking help in your community, and maybe yours is the church to which they turn. If God is leading you toward reaching out to these women in particular, here are some tips to guide you in this ministry.  Pray, asking God to direct your steps in understanding the hearts of women experiencing post-abortion trauma.

·    Make a commitment to be a part of the healing and reconciliation process in the lives of women who have had an abortion.
·    Invite a post-abortive woman who has dealt with and overcome the guilt, shame, and consequences of abortion to speak at a specific women's event. Contact your local Crisis Pregnancy Center (CPC) for names of speakers in your area.
·    Educate yourself on post-abortive syndrome.
·    Begin one-on-one ministering to any women in your church struggling with this, pairing women who struggle with post-abortive syndrome and mature Christian women in your church.

Equip Yourself
If you haven't looked at the topic of abortion in-depth, now's the time to do a little research. But even more importantly, if you haven't examined your own attitudes toward those who have had abortions, now is the time to look at those too. Ask God to prepare your heart to reach out to these ladies.

Four key steps to take as you prepare to minister are:
1.    Analyze personal feelings and convictions toward abortion.
2.    Realize many women have abortions without realizing the consequences of their actions.
3.    Recognize we have all sinned.
4.    Understand abortion causes long-term effects.

Not only do you need to know more about abortion itself, but you also must consider the effects it has on women who have abortions. Become informed of the effects of abortion so you can be sensitive to the needs of these women. This doesn't have to be a dissertation - even a quick search on the Internet results in a wealth of information.

Equip Other Women to Serve
If your women's ministry is developing specific efforts to reach out to post-abortive women, you can't bear that burden alone. Educate the ladies in your church on how they can help.
·    Keep the women of the church informed by making up-to-date information on post-abortion trauma and the effects of abortion available.
·    When appropriate and possible, privately ask women who have had abortions to share their testimonies publicly with your ladies.
·    Plan a women's ministry trip to the National Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga, Tenn.
·    Develop a relationship with a local CPC. Discover what services and help are offered for women dealing with post-abortion trauma.
·    Involve women in opportunities to minister in the crisis pregnancy field. For example, you could participate in Walk for Life, take part in CPC fund-raising and banquets, and lead Bible studies.
·    Have a baby shower or diaper collection for the local CPC.

A Final Note
All this may look fairly predictable from a distance, but if you've never known someone who has had an abortion and has struggled with post-abortion trauma, it may hit you harder than you anticipate. That's why you must go back to the foundation of prayer.Pray that God would prepare you to serve these ladies with genuine love and compassion. Try not to look shocked when women with post-abortion syndrome share. And remember, you don't have to minister alone. Don't be afraid to encourage ladies to seek professional post-abortion counseling.Be patient with these ladies, as healing and grieving take time. Listen with sympathy and compassion. Remind women that God forgives. Encourage women by sharing Scripture as the Lord leads you. Stay in constant communication with Him, and let Him minister to others through your willing heart.

Dr. Deb Douglas,  is the Minister to Women, First Baptist Church, Bossier City, LA   and also serves as one of our LifeWay Ministry Multipliers. Deb launched her first women's Bible study at the age of 20. Her passion is encouraging and equipping women to serve. She is the Minister to Women at FBC Bossier City and a conference/retreat speaker, strategic planning consultant, and freelance writer.  Deb graduated from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary with a Masters of Arts in Christian Education/Women's Ministry and a Doctor of Education in Ministry degree from NOBTS. She is the wife of Paul, mom of Jared and Katie, and mother-in-law to Emily.

Resources:
Surrendering the Secret Webcast Part 1
Surrendering the Secret Webcast Part 2
Surrendering the Secret Kit
Women Reaching Women in Crisis
A Trusted Friend When It Matters Most
Transformed Lives

Did you notice during the holidays ministry needs surfacing in larger than normal numbers, especially in the lives of single women? But what do you do after the new year has begun to follow up on those needs. Linda Lesniewski challenges us to consider what plans we have in place to continue ministry  after the holidays.

 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me. Matthew 25:36 HCSB

As I'm clearing off my work space from the past month's activities, I realize that the majority of the ministry bustle had been directed toward assisting the needs of single women. That wasn't intentional. The requests that came to our church just happened to come from women in desperate situations, and most of them were single. The Christmas season provided a window into their lives and entrance into their homes. But how will we continue to minister to these women during the months stretching out ahead of us? Their needs won't disappear just because of the new year.

I'm convicted to be intentional about staying in touch and making sure they have a personal presentation of the Gospel beyond the Gospel track tucked into their bags of groceries or among their children's gifts. I want to introduce them and their children to opportunities to grow spiritually at our church. I'd like to find out about their personal needs. Do they need the computer skills offered through Christian Women's Job Corp or codependency recovery offered through Celebrate Recovery? Is domestic violence part of their situation? Have they healed from their divorce or would they benefit from Divorce Care? Are they recently widowed and need Grief Share?

Now I'm concerned that their needs might feel as overwhelming to me as they do to them!  Fortunately, the body of Christ makes reaching out possible. Together we can make a permanent difference in these women's lives rather than provide temporary seasonal relief. What experiences did you have meeting needs during the past month? How many recipients were single women? What are your plans for continuing that loving touch of God's love into the new year?

Resources:

God Loves Single Moms: Practical Help for Finding Confidence, Strength, and Hope 

Women Reaching Women

Transformed Lives

Connecting Women: A Relational Guide for Leaders in WM

In today's society, more and more families are experiencing painful situations with children who rebel against them, but the church is positioned to reach out to these families and show them the love of Christ during their ordeal.

You and other women in your ministry can care for mothers of prodigal children in your church and community with 10 simple actions:

1. Pray.

Be faithful in lifting these mothers up in prayer. Some days parents of prodigals are barely making it.

2. Show your concern in tangible ways.

Don't be afraid to call, write, or bake a cake - but let them know you care.

3. Point out positive things about these children when you have the opportunity.

Your sincerity and perspective will help these mothers refocus since sometimes, they may be face-to-face with only the negative.

4. Be sensitive as you share about the joys your children bring you.

Obviously, these mothers didn't set out for their children to rebel. They don't resent your family's joys and success, but sometimes oversharing can provide a foothold for negative thought patterns.

5. Let these mothers know they are not alone in their journeys.

Encourage transparency among the women in your church (no matter what struggles they have) to let moms know they don't have to hide or be ashamed of the issues they're facing.

6. Help mothers network together.

If there are women in your church who have already experienced a relationship with a prodigal child, ask them to take special care to minister to mothers of prodigal children. You might even consider asking women who have faced this to begin a support group for women currently dealing with prodigals. (Likewise, if there is a father who has dealt with a prodigal child, he would be a great candidate to reach out equally to another father facing the same issues.)

7. Encourage them to care for themselves and other relationships as well.

Show them practical, positive things they can do to nurture themselves, their husbands, and other family members as well as the prodigal child. Those ideas can be as simple as spending quality family time or making sure they maintain their quiet times and Bible study with God.

8. Listen.

Let moms talk when they need to, and then just pray.

9. Keep using these moms in ministry roles as they are able to give of their time.

These ladies may need a ministry outlet where they can see God working in and through their lives. Service in such a role can help balance out what's not going right in their relationships.

10. Keep yourself informed on other ways to reach women in crisis.

Many resources on basic lay counseling and ministry are available for you to read and use as mothers of prodigals may come to you for help.

Two recommended leadership books are A Trusted Friend: When It Matters Most and Transformed Lives, which has an entire chapter dedicated to reaching the hurting woman. LifeWay also offers series of online helps about key topics and lay counseling, including the downloadable resource (or you can order the PDF already printed), Women Reaching Women in Crisis: Prodigal Children.

If you know mothers of prodigal children, God has placed you in a valuable role to encourage and pray for them as a women's leader and sister in Christ. Seize the opportunities you have to minister to these women, and believe God to move powerfully in their lives for His glory and their good.