All Access

This can be a tough one with independent little girls. Mine (10 1/2 yr. old) is now shopping in the Junior Dept. which gets even trickier to navigate! Our favorite place to shop is Kohls. We basically follow our school dress code rules - one I especially appreciate is that your skirt or shorts have to be longer than your fingertips when your arms are resting at your side. They also don’t allow tummy to show or spaghetti straps (although I do allow thinner straps in the summer but my daughter always layers a couple tops for a more modest look.) Our biggest issue has to be with swimming suits (or bathing bandaids). Teeny bikinis are being marketed to all ages but I insist we stick with tankinis and one pieces. My daughter also likes to wear board shorts over her swim bottoms so I’m very thankful for that!
She will notice and comment if a young man or woman is inappropriately dressed. I pray as she enters her teen years that she holds on to her strong sense of right and wrong.

Thanks for addressing this. I can tell you raising boys - even at age 7 - they notice the “inappropriateness.” It helps us to explain why we don’t do certain things - why we don’t watch Sponge Bob or whatever. So they start getting a grasp of the foundation and thinking that we want them to have as they grow older.

Good for you Melanie about the Bratz stuff. Our boys didn’t even know what it was until they received these Valentine’s and they literally asked, “Mommy, what is this for? Why did _ give me this?” They actually chose to toss those! ;)

You may consider at this age, doing more of the shopping on your own (less freedom initially for the younger ones) and then she choses from what you have provided in the wardrobe so it is limited how ‘silly’ it gets. You can always allow more choices as she gets older.

I just made that suggestion and I carefully do because we have made the mistake (for us) in too much too soon and it’s hard to back up. Does that make sense without being offensive? I pray.

For our boys, our rule is polos, oxfords (collar shirts) on a lot of occasions. Making an effort in clothing. Not making it what matters. As believers, I think we have a standard to hold and try to be accountable in our dress choices too. It is somewhat counter the culture.

Is it me, when did society default to the jeans, tees, tank tops, shorts dress code all.the.time? ;>

Thanks for listening and broaching the subject.

We don’t do two piece swim suits even though they are cute on the hanger or cute on the 3 year old model. Don’t want to tell her in a few years that no she can’t wear them…

We also don’t do flashing shoes or character shoes. There is no way that Dora sneakers go with everything!

My son (4) is really good about dressing himself, does not always match but he does not like scary things or shirts that look “mean” (his words).

My daughter (2) really likes the flashy stuff so we are really careful about what we buy for her to wear because the idea of showing her tummy off is already cool to her. Always wear bloomers under our dresses - even though it is hard to find them after size 2, bike shorts are a great item around here.

I think it is important for moms to be an example of modesty to our daughters - so if it not ok for her to leave the house in it then it is not ok for me either (not that I would be interested in showing my tummy).

Be the example for your children. It will make a difference in their future!

My daughter is only two but my husband and I were discussing modesty and clothes before she was ever born.

We don’t do Bratz and we try to dress her fashionable but not too grown up. We look at the clothes they have for older girls and are amazed at how grown up they are. The clothes make the girls look much older than they are.

Before we moved we only had JCPenny and Walmart to shop from. Now we have a much bigger selection and will hopefully be checking it out soon since she is outgrowing her clothes.

Excellent topic. I look forward to reading the other comments.

Melanie - I feel your pain. My daughter is 2, will be three in August, and loves to dress herself. She would wear a tutu over every outfit if I let her, and dress-up shoes of course. My husband and I are trying to instill in her that she is a princess of the Most High, and as such, she most dress and act appropriately, with humility and integrity. She has totally bought into the fact that she is a princess (boy has she!), especially in her attire. So, we are working extra hard to teach her that princesses have responsibilities and must bring honor to their King. We have to work extra hard to reinforce the characteristics of a princess because she seems so focused (maybe obsessed) with dressing like a princess. Though, I wonder if the heels on the dress-up shoes are too much for a 2 yr old? Maybe. Thanks for addressing the issue of modesty, rebecca in e.tx

We don’t do Bratz, either. My daughter can’t understand FOR THE LIFE OF HER why. Then we were watching tv the other day and a singer came on to perform. She was barely dressed. Before I could get the remote to change, my daughter said, “Mommy, she looks like a Bratz.” We talked about appropriate ways to dress and why I don’t want her to play with Bratz stuff because she’ll want to dress like that and guess what? SHE GOT IT! Now she doesn’t want to play with/wear Bratz stuff.

We also have rules against wearing shorts/pants with words written across the backside.

Love Gap, too. We can totally compromise in that store.

I am finding these discussions on modesty/appropriate clothing very interesting. There are alot of different views out there! Myself I am the parent of three children (girl 12, boy 9 & girl 6) We consider ourselves pretty modest people. I don’t allow my 12 year old to wear the “mini skirts” or short shorts. However she is allowed to wear a two piece to the beach, pool etc. (I know gasp!) She also has some spaghetti strap tank tops. (Again gasp!) She does own a one-piece that she wears for youth group events and family pool parties.
She is a very confident girl who knows what the boundaries are.
I have used many of the guidelines that Melanie follows when dressing her daughter. The groundwork needs to be layed when children are younger. I have always taught my children to appreciate what God has blessed them with, whether or not society views it as that. Also to appreciate the different gifts everyone else has. The love for Christ and others shows more through them than the clothes that are on their body. I feel that is what people notice more rather than what they are not wearing.

I believe that teaching modesty to our daughters starts with how we Moms dress ourselves. It’s hard to find clothing for any age that is modest. But, thankfully, layering is in! I’m short in the torso, so most of the tops I try on hang lower on me and show cleavage. Because of this, I’ve had to invest in strappy tanks of all colors, and hardly wear a top without them. Now, my 10 year old daughter wears tanks with all of her clothing because she thinks that’s the “normal” thing to do. We actually call them “modisty tanks”.

From the time she was little, we’ve talked about what is modest, and what is not. When she is with me when I’m trying on clothes, we rate the modesty of the outfit, and if it doesn’t pass, she watches me put it back on the rack. We always look for the “3Cs” - Cute or Cool, Comfortable, and Coverage. A tee-shirt under spaghetti straps, and leggings under a mini skirt seem to transform the immodest to modest and satisfy both mom and daughter.

Thanks for putting important topics like this out there for discussion. I’m looking forward to learning from everyone!

what about really high heels for teens..the really cute peep toes are great with wedges maybe but they like the wilder ones with stillettos (some really look like hooker shoes)..my nieces wear them a lot and i think some are just too sexy..unfortunatley their parents do not;(

and really short skirts with leggings..these are homeschool girls..they think the leggings make them modest but they really dont;(

We have four kids: three girls and a boy. We have focused most of our attention in the modesty department on our girls, as the sensuality of dress in society seems geared toward them. However, this summer we realized how important talking with our son about being modest is. We were at the pool, and there are A LOT of scantily clad teenage girls and women there. I noticed my 8 year old son staring, and when we talked about it, he did not even realize why he was so drawn to stare (seeing how he IS 8 and all). So we had to talk about being aware and careful of what he sees. We shield him from as much as possible,like walking on the other side of the mall when passing Victoria’s Secret where all the secrets are staring at you from the window!

My oldest daughter is 11 1/2 and likes one-piece swimsuits or tankinis, and has been wearing modest shorts for so long (her entire life) that she is completely aware when a pair is too short and will put them in the give-away bag. We shop at Land’s End quite a lot, and also JCPenney. They have a good selection for Junior sized girls looking for trendy yet modest clothing.

I am with you! This is hard. Everything is designed with the word sexy in mind. We hear that word SO much in the media and it’s confusing for my 2 girls (5 & 7)… honestly it’s confusing for me too!

Anyway, we shop a lot at Target, Kohls and The Childrens Place. I try to let my girls make up their own minds about what not to wear. However, we generally draw the line with most name brands (unless there is a great sale) and anything with popular characters.

Thanks for creating conversation!

I have a 5 yr. old daughter that just loves to wear dresses, and I like the t-shirt dresses at Lands End. She could wear these every day! With the Mary Jane looking Keds, although she is about to outgrow those! :)

I have 7-, 5- and 4-year-old daughters so of course we deal with this too. And it seems like living in Orlando makes the situation worse, somehow—people in general seem to dress less modestly than back in the midwest, where I’m originally from.

My favorite recent discovery are lace-trimmed bike shorts, which I find at Target and Wal-Mart. They’re modestly long, lightweight and cute. I’ve always fought with my girls to make them wear shorts under dresses. With the thin, lace-trimmed ones they don’t mind. I don’t let them wear them without a dress, though—they’re too thin and tight for that.

This is a huge issue with my 5 year old. With her, the hoochier the better. She has a pair of Daisy Duke shorts (hand me downs - I didn’t buy them!) and Lord help me, the other day I needed to get ready quickly and without a fuss so I told her she could wear them in public to save myself the grief.

As I type this, I am repenting again for how wrong that was on so many different levels. lol

Anyway, love the Gap. Also like Children’s Place for the bargains but their clothes do not hold up very well.

I have three girls: 9, 8 and 7 months (not so worried about her yet), but my oldest ones have a pretty good understanding what is modest and what isn’t. We are very clear on no tummies or booties showing. They are good to ask us if they can or cannot wear something. But, seein’ as how I still do the shopping with them in tow, I still get the final say so.

I’m a Target fan myself. Oh, and Ross is usually good to me. Oh, and Old Navy, Sheesh, I remember very well!

I have a 16 year old who loves fashion but really is focused on desiring to be a creator or modest clothing! She loves places like:

http://www.shadeclothing.com/Product/Womens/Modest/Layering_Basics/Overview — they really have longggggg camis and shirts that are good for layering

http://www.justdenimskirts.com/ — LOVE all the cute skirts!!!

http://mikarose.com/index.html — fashionable, feminine, and so cute for girls or women

http://www.simplymodest.com/ — all modest and all under $10

https://www.funkyfrum.com/default.htm — my daughter says tres chic!

http://www.christa-taylor.com/ — doesn’t everyone know about Christa Taylor by now?!

http://www.layersclothing.com — I’m still not sold completely on them as a “modest” clothier but they do have many modest pieces…

http://www.vintagevixen.com/ — all vintage so closer to modesty — still think some is “frumpier” than I’d even like though but hey, that is what a sewing machine is for…LOL

I bought a lot of my daughter’s clothes at the outlet malls. I was able to get Carter’s, OshGosh B’Gosh, Gap Kids and Talbot’s Kids clothing at reasonable prices. I found those clothing lines were a bit more conservative. I would also hit Gymboree when they were having a sale. TJ Maxx was a good place to go too.