On raising daughters

Melanie - July 23, 2008

Five and a half years ago, P and I sat in a room while an ultrasound technician looked at the screen and told us we were having a baby girl.

I had long suspected it was a girl, but actually hearing the words made me start to cry. I was going to have a daughter!

As much as I thought I knew about having a girl, since, you know, I am one, there have been so many things that have surprised me.

Things like how 5 1/2 pounds of baby sweetness wrapped in a fluffy pink blanket caused my life to change forever or how obsessed I'd become with finding hairbows to match every outfit.

But of all the moments that have caught me unaware, the biggest one happened a few months ago.

Late one night, I heard Caroline calling for me from her room. I went in to see what she needed and she started to cry. Not just a little cry for sympathy, but a real heart-wrenching sobbing kind of cry.

She told me she had some "thoughts in her brain" that she couldn't get out of her head. And as I pressed her to tell me what was going on, she began to tell me about how one of her little girlfriends had been mean to her that day at school.

She'd told Caroline that unless Caroline played the game she wanted to play then she wasn't going to play with her anymore and would tell the other girls not to play with her either.

Before that time I had never wished harm on a four-year-old child, but I had also never experienced someone being mean to my baby. I had a strong desire to call that other little girl and threaten her Polly Pocket collection.

But, of course, that would have been inappropriate. And also psychotic.

The thing that struck me was the fact that "mean girl" politics had arrived in preschool. I thought it would be sometime around junior high and orthodontia before Caroline came home in tears because of something another girl said or did.

I was shocked we reached that occasion before elementary school.

Vicki Courtney is in the middle of working on a great new Bible study/DVD called "Five Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter" and she could use your input.

For those of you raising daughters, what have you had to deal with that has caught you completely off-guard?

Also, what are some situations you have encountered where you have not allowed her to participate in/do/own something and then been discouraged when her friends' parents give in with their own daughters. In other words, fill in the blank: "But Mom, eveeeeeeeryone but me gets to/has a ___________________ !"

And lastly, (oh I am demanding today) how old was your daughter when you experienced these moments?

I'd love to sympathize with those of y'all in the same stage and begin to pray hard as I realize what lies ahead.

Category: Thoughts

Comments (29)


Oy, I hate you for asking this question!! Ok, not really cause we all need to share with each other to keep our girls safe!!

One of the situations we encountered with this was school dances. School dances are not what they were in our day (and those were probably bad enough). We started getting asked to let her go in 6th grade and of course everyone else was and they use it as a PTA fundraiser.. blah blah blah. Have you seen how GIRLS dance these days? Britney Spears is a young girls idol and all the bad stuff she does is just screaming for little girls to mimick her. We were afraid of drug use… maybe… but the dancing was totally what kept us from ever letting her go to one after the first dance. I think I only knew really what happened because I was there chaperoning… thinking that was a good thing… but watching all the other kids showed me that my daughter also saw all that and it was somehow as if I was condoning what they were doing!! So not true!!!

The next big issue came at 16 and it is the boyfriend factor. We don’t allow boyfriends or dating. All the girls at church have boyfriends, some have went through every boy in the youth group, so it is difficult to convince your daughter that not having a boyfriend is what is best for her. Unfortunately, she has known people who have become pregnant so that has given her a slap of reality. It hasn’t been perfect… she’s snuck once to see a boy… but I just keep doing my best to train her heart and I know God will honor that.

By the way, there are mean boys, too!! It’s ok for boys to fight it out mostly but girls have to be ladies. Bullying — from both sides of the aisle — are one of the reasons we brought all ours home to homeschool…

Be blessed! Sallie


Truthfully, the main thing that I can think of that I have been completely unprepared for was teaching a 12-year-old how to use tampons. Definitely NOT in any of the ‘What to Expect…’ books! That’s this summer’s struggle, but I’m sure there have been others. The Mean Girl politics showed up, for us, in kindergarten and which milk one should drink to be friends with Mean Girl. Middle school has been much worse, as you might imagine.

As far as what ‘everyone else’ got to do— I have no idea because, in short, I simply don’t care. My children have ridiculously early bedtimes (according to them), abusively strict television and movie limitations, and are woefully ill-equipped with video games, cool clothes, etc. My response is, “I’m sorry her mother doesn’t love her enough to set those limitations.” (I do say that tongue-in-cheek knowing those children’s mothers love them — but I’m pointing out that it is my love for my own children that causes me to have limits).


Catherine:

When my daughter was 11, she told me that she’d been abused. To put it mildly, I was not prepared for that conversation. So while I don’t think it’s appropriate to be so paranoid that we do not allow our children out of our sight, I must say that an age-appropriate conversation about privacy is essential. Today, I watch my grandchildren with adults who have loose (or non-existent) boundaries with children, and it worries me a lot.


Dori:

Well, I had the same experience with my Lindsey at about age 4 1/2. I was caught off guard that the cattyness of little girls could start so early. But what was more shocking was that it was LITTLE CHURCH GIRLS! Oh yes, it happened at church in Sunday School and the conversation went something like this:

L: Mommy, I don’t like church.

ME: Why, honey. Church is a great place. It’s where we learn about God.

L: ___ is mean to me.

ME: How so, honey.

L: She told the other girls in class that today is “Be Mean to Lindsey Day” and then told them to not be my friends because I was stupid.

ME: Don’t worry, honey. I’ll take care of __. She will be snatched bald-headed the next time I see her and her mother!

(That last statement didn’t really cross my lips to my sweet 4 year old, but the thought did occur to me.)

There is a whole class of mean girls…at church. Now in all fairness, it isn’t just our church. It’s everywhere, but what is up with THAT?!?


Name calling on the playground…

Everyone else watches Hannah Montana…

Both at age 4.


My daughter was in first grade last year (7 years old) and one of the things that we have already dealt with is self-image. She has already talked about how this girl is skinnier than her or that girl had long, beautiful hair.

My son that is going into sixth grade never had these issues! His elementary years were cake compared to what we are facing now.

We just try to remind our daughter that God has made her just as he wants her. That we are all different in so many ways. For example, her hair has never been longer than just above her shoulders. It just doesn’t grow very fast. Other girls her age have hair that can be put up in ponytails and hers can’t yet. I never thought that this would be an issue for her or something that other girls would make fun of. I know better now.


anonymous:

To fill in the blank, my eight-year-old daughter has been asking for a cell phone since she was six! Beleive it or not, most of her friends have a nicer phone than I do and they can all text faster than can I type! I just don’t see the point. Why does a first or second-grader need a cell phone? Any time she is out somewhere, she is with an adult who has a phone in the event of an emergency. Our 13-year-old son begged for one for a couple of years before we got one for him. He got his for his birthday at the end of his fifth grade year, before going to middle school. I was hesitant even then, but I must admit that it has been beneficial for him to have because at his age he is beginning to have a lot more independence. But, elementary school kids????


Thank you Melanie, for posting on this and a big thank you to the moms who are commenting! Please keep your comments coming. They are so helpful!


Becky Smith:

Oh my! My daughter is 8 months old, I am not/will not ever be ready for this. However, my niece is 8 years old, and has had difficulties with “mean girls” in her classroom. Hearing about her struggle reminds me of my struggle as a little girl. The funny thing is, I continued to seek the approval of the one who rejected me! My mother was very consistent in this: to tell me who God says I was, not who the little girl said I was. She still does it to this day, and I am 27! I am praying that over my sweet Sophie everyday. That she will know who she is in Christ, and that He will set her apart.


Tina:

I think the two things that have caught me off gaurd the most has been dealing with self image issues (I hear from my 15 yo all the time how big her thighs are for example) and immodest dress. These are huge battles we struggle with daily in one way or another.

I am the mother of 4 girls, ages 15, 13, 10 and 7. Self image issues have been with us since kinder with my oldest and followed through with all of them. Growing up not really hearing kinds words, I go out of my way to reinforce to the girls they are beautiful, smart, funny, kind … but we still battle it. I hear from my 7 year old how “chubby” she is. My 10 year old started awhile back looking at labels (not something we are obsessed with in our house)because she wants to be sure she is “healthy.” I could go on and on … it is frustrating.

The situation that comes to mind that is one that I am not willing to compromise with them on is modest dress. With one in high school and one in junior high, it is definitely a battle daily. We really try to impress upon them how important it is to respect themselves and that their attire is a part of that. But, even with the little girls, it at times is an issue. I do hear complaining everytime we go shopping and one of them comes up with something “so cute!!” that I then say, um … NO! I too am not interested in what others do - and we joking say to the girls as well, “sorry their families don’t care about them!” when we hear the “so & so gets to wear …” It is especially hard when we see it at church with some of the youth and sadly at times, the leaders.


Cutting. My 13 year old asked me “Mom, why do girls cut on themselves?” I was at first shocked and then realized that this behavior is prevalent right now, even as young as Jr. High. I explained to her the range of reasons for cutting - from attention-seeking to serious deep psychological problems, and every reason in between. I also asked her to please tell me if a friend of hers is ‘a cutter’, so that we can make sure she gets help. Text messaging. Less of an issue than something as serious as ‘cutting’, but this is a huge issue with teens right now. Our 13 year old has a cell phone and is only allowed to use it to talk to friends who have the same plan, so it’s free and won’t use our minutes. But she is dissatisfied with our ‘no texting’ rule, because ‘everyone else gets to text’. The same is true for instant-messaging, which we find to be too distracting and even kind of addictive if we let her do it, so it is currently off limits so that she can focus on her homework, Awana, etc. instead of being on continual and constant contact with peers (she seems them plenty at school, and is allowed to talk on the phone, but she thinks we are more strict than ‘everyone else’s parents’.) Boyfriends. My same 13 year old recently shocked me by asking “Mom, what age do I have to be before I can have a boyfriend”. I was not expecting my tomboy to suddenly turn girly and want a boyfriend!! I also thought she would somehow ‘just know’ our thoughts on dating and such, but it made me realize we had never really formally sat her down to set up standards for her that she was on board with and understands.

I also have a 10 year old. Her biggest issues are on the playground, with the ‘mean girls’. It starts in grammar school, for sure, and it is so hard to see her come home from school hurting from something someone said or did. And yet, I know, that these are things she has to learn to navigate, even though so painful, as a young girl. Why? Because the mean girl problem goes right on up to adulthood. I am in my 50’s now, and I still deal with mean girls (peers!), even at church sometimes. Some women have not outgrown it - I counsel women at my church and deal with this type of behavior (competitiveness, jealousy, judgementalness, cliques, etc) all the time, so I see this first hand every single day.


Jill:

Mine are seven and five and we are already having conversations about self image and a heart pleasing to the Lord. My five/y/o walking with her stomach sucked in and wondering why her legs (thighs) are so wide. My seven/y/o struggles more with the verbal and the silent treatment of others. Yikes, I tell myself that God knew I would be able to give them what they need, a hertiage based on His standards, so mostly I pray and seek counsel. Oh yeah, are they are homeschooled, so it is a challenge in our circle of friends. Some of the hardest influence is their sixteen y/o cousin who loves to influence them with everything “teen” HAVE MERCY, I am daily montoring that…mine are not even allowed to watch Disney except morning hours when there aren’t any tween shows on. This will only get harder. My knees will get calloused and my carpet worn. I love this forum of wisdom.


Mary B:

I think I have had more of an issue with my 6 year old than my 12 year old. My theory is that she has been exposed to more (Hannah Montana, Nick shows, other kid stuff just fill in the blank). And I do monitor what they watch. But, with her watching her older siblings has made her more aware of different attitudes.


My girl is 9 1/2. The conversations we’ve had lately:

~Everyone else has a cell phone (not really…but I’m sure it seems like it to her)

~I’m fat, ugly & stupid (from a girl who makes straight A’s and is cute as can be…though admittedly overweight. This has been a huge struggle in the past couple of months)

~Everyone else got to see that movie & I really want to see it! (she couldn’t even tell me what it was about, so how did she know she wanted to see it?)

~When you do whatever it takes to make a baby, do you ALWAYS make a baby, or just some of the time? (I was SOOOO not ready for that one!)


Oh thank you for this book!! I will be buying it. I am raising 9 girls, yes, 9 girls!! I love them dearly and cringe each time the world sucks a little part of them away from me. How I pray for their precious souls and hearts daily. I cannot wait to do this book with my FIVE teenage girls!!

My biggest wish and prayer is that they will have a heart for God, not for the world. How to teach that and model that gets tricky. However I think when we are tools for HIM, they are watching us more than we know.


Anne:

I have been caught off-guard with questions about menstrual periods….from a third grader. I was not ready for that conversation. And I have been looking for a book in our Christian bookstore that deals with it (and sexuality) in Godly terms.


cindi:

after having my daughter in a private, Christian school for Kinder (5yo)—and facing major self-esteem issues from the teachers(!!)there bc she wasn’t your cookie-cutter learner—we prayerfully enrolled her in public school. thankfully, her confidence has strengthened, but she still asks me if she is dumb—long-lasting scars. heart breaking.

we keep her pretty protected from movies (she still hasn’t seen narnia, not bc anything is wrong with it) if we deem them too scary. and really try to protect the tv shows she watches—for a while, as funny as “arthur and d.w.” are, living with a 4-5yo d.w is just not as much fun. she is better now with personalizing (she is 9yo), or actually, i guess i can more easily tolerate stephanie’s laugh and humor from full house.


Susan T:

My daughter is 6 (almost 7). We haven’t had too many experiences with “mean” girls yet, but I am amazed at how important it is to her and her friends to look “cool”. I didn’t think picking out appropriate clothes would be so hard at this age.


Anonymous:

Body image concerns at 5 years old!

We were totally shocked when our 10 year old was 5 (who was so skinny that she was still wearing size 2T jeans as capris) and called herself ugly and fat! She said she heard it at school…. The more we talked about this, she revealed that she had heard me say that I felt fat and didn’t like the way I was looking. (I always feel this way during that wonderful time of the month! - and didn’t realize how my complaining about that had influenced her.) That was a wake-up call in itself! I’m much more careful about that now.

On our bathroom mirror, we have Psalm 90:17 (Let the beauty of you be upon us, O Lord, and establish the works of our hands.) Now, both of us do the best with what we have (the works of our hands on our skin, hair, teeth, and me with my make up), and ask the beauty of the Lord to shine so heavily upon us that when people see us, we are beautiful in Him. Doing this has made a difference!

As for the “mom, but everybody’s doing it” conversations we have - they are much the same as mentioned before: cell phones, certain movies, certain tv shows, certain internet sites, certain books, celeb. teen magazines…

Thanks to Vicki Courtney, we know what’s going on, and we also realize that we are not the only ones “denying” our children what everyone else “gets to do”. Keep up the good work, and thank you so very much!


Amy:

From my 8 year old daughter. A conversation that took place just last night was over a skort. I told her she didn’t need to be wearing it anymore because it’s become too small. She said, “Mom, there were 3 other girls at school (a Christian school, by the way) that were wearing way shorter skirts than this.” I told her that I was her mom, not theirs and that I have a responsibility to teach her what is appropriate and what’s not. Not a word back, but she was not happy about it. Very challenging! I just know how I was as a preteen and teen and am pouring out prayer over her. I bought the Between magazine for her and she is loving it, so I hope that can serve as some conversation starters, too!


My first-grader came home from school last year crying. A fourth-grader (a usually very sweet girl) on the bus had told her, “If you don’t quit wearing the same pair of pants two days in a row, I’m not going to be your friend.” Uhhh…okay.

And I told my 2 older girls all about sex when they were 7 and almost 6. It was an amazing conversation, and I’m glad we had it. I know now that I’m the first one to tell them about sex. My older daughter asks questions about it every now and again. My 6-year-old has no interest. :)


My daughter just turned 6. She has been obsessed with princesses since about the time she turned 3. I keep hoping we will grow out of it just a bit. She does understand that she is God’s princess and I think that opens the door to deeper conversations with her.

My oldest two children (boy and girl) both had issues like you mentioned in kindergarten. I think my son experienced more of it—or maybe I was just flabbergasted by it more.

We have put our foot down on Bratz. We haven’t run into the big issues yet with our daughter.


Elizabeth:

I may have something to contribute to this, but right now, this moment, this is evoking every ounce of anxiety I’ve been squelching for the past few weeks about my daughter going “to the wolves” in a mere 2.5 weeks. I will make a second attempt to get through the email (I made it as far as the “Lindsey’s Sunday School class” entry) at the end of my work day as I am now choking back both tears and fears.

I’m sure this will be an opportunity to both teach and learn something new. I’m just a baby about my baby…


i need this. my daughter will be 12 in September.


LeighATL:

Man. I could write a book on this—oops, Vicki beat me to it. Here’s the quick breakdown: I was a non-churched wild child who came face to face with Christ at 30. By that time had a husband, 2 kids & baggage. I am now 38. My daughter is 15 (son 11 but he doesn’t count in this post) I have spent the last 8 years working out my own faith, praying like crazy, trying like crazy and trusting off and on (Lord, help me!)in hopes of raising kids that know and follow God with all their hearts-as much as I can knowing it’s ultimately up to Big Daddy.

Here is what I think it boils down to: Stay all up in your kid’s business. You think you know, but you have no idea.

DO NOT turn a blind eye to one thing! That’s it. I am continuosly amazed at parents, Christian or not, that just choose to not look. It’s much easier not to look!

It is very very lonely in Noseydom. I do not think that my choices create an immediate missionary-bound-virgin but here is what I choose (and pray that God gives me wisdom, discernment and the ability to catch my kids in anything that is needin’ them to get caught)That prayer works, ladies!

I choose to make my kids do daily personal Bible Study. I choose to talk to my kids about sex, drugs, drinking, pornography, bad language and so on. I choose to have access to all bedrooms, phone conversations, computer use, and homes of friends that they visit. It’s harder than you think.

If you have not yet been made to feel like a complete nutjob (even by Christian parents) then you’re kids are either not yet old enough or your not on it.

Ex: Hi Jane “church volunteer” Doe. I was calling to make sure that you will be there while the mixed group of kids is watching the movie at your house. What is the movie by the way? Are you going to make sure that they leave the lights on and you can hear them at all times? Good, then little Purity can come after all. (This is a hard call to make by the way. I’m not a nerd!)

And guess what? My kids have friends and their friends love to come to our house. My daughter’s friends think I’m “cool” for goodness sake! I know, nobody is more shocked than my daughter.

We continue to fight the good fight in public school! Knowing that radical faith, radical trust, radical grace and mercy that has been shown to us has to be shared.

May my daughter and your daughters be arrows shot out into this dark world that share the Light of Jesus Christ through purity, modesty, love, and good old fashioned common sense. In Jesus’ Name!


I have 3 daughters, ages 11, 6, and 5. I agree with what most others have voiced thus far, like cell phones at appropriate ages, internet restrictions, TV restrictions, modesty issues, etc.

My husband and I feel like these attitudes come from the perspective of these are “my rights” and what “I deserve”.

We did not always experience these “demands” from our children. We lived overseas for over 7 years (military family), where TV viewing consisted of very few shows that were not cartoons. No “real life” teen drama. No Disney. None of the “I’m entitled” nonsense.

Our kids (and us too!) had to wait for movies until they were out on DVD, because they were not shown at the same time overseas that they were released in the US. I realize that is a trivial example, but I just wanted to use something many people could relate to. How often do we hear “I can’t wait for such-and-such movie to come out?” We learned how to wait on many things, again teaching that it is NOT “all about ME.”

Being back in the US (land that I love, no doubt!) for just over 1 year, with cable and society pressures (such as weight, clothing, even expressions you wear on your face, like these kids who refuse to smile because it makes them seem cool, like the more depressed, despondant, and unhappy you are, the more interesting your life must be), as well as having instant gratification, we have seen HUGE changes in our kids, constantly asking for things like cell phones, ipods, and computers in their rooms, and lots of drama when we say no.

We sponsor a child overseas, and our kids take a step back when we discuss what life must be like for him. They can really be compassionate, but then, like the fight we all fight everyday as blessed people, they go right back to this “me” way of thinking, living for self instead of for the Lord.

So, the talk I would say one would have to have with their daughter would be something along the lines of loving God and others (the greatest commandment!), why it is important, and what that looks like in reality. It definitely does NOT look “me centered.” And it comes into play as a Godly wife and mother, too.

I hope all that ties together and makes sense! It does in my little brain, but maybe not so much written out!


Lisa D.:

Amazing. I just now had a conversation with my eight year old about sex. Thank you Jesus, she came to me with a question about an inappropriate slang word she heard from a friend’s sibling. Our discussion opened up a door that needed to be opened and I am so thankful that I was the one who got to present God’s plan for sex to her. As for what “everyone” has and why can’t she have? A cell phone. It started in first grade (can you believe, first grade?) with several little girls who had a cell phone. Needless to say, my daughter does not have a cell phone. Another issue is body image and it is closely connected with nutritional value of food. At the second grade lunch table, girls were comparing the amoung of sugar and fat grams in their food. A good idea gone bad and into dangerous territory if you ask me. I can hardly wait for Vicky’s book!


Nancy:

WOW! I’m so glad you posted about this. Yes, we’re struggling with this very same thing, and we’re only in kindergarden! Lots of you’re not my friend anymore, you’re mean, I’ll never play with you again if you don’t let me wear your shoes/hair thingy/bracelet banter. Taunting. And the attitude, oh the attitude, of placing themselves above anyone else. I’m first. I want the biggest/best/most and I’m gonna raise heck until I get it. This happens at school and church. I did have a discussion with some other mothers a few days ago about the mean spiritedness exhibited from our young daughters and their response was “they all talk like that - you’re daugthter will just have to get used to it/learn to deal with it/toughen up.” I’ve also noticed the other mothers catering to any whim of their young daughters just so they don’t have to listen to their tantrums. It’s insane the lenghts some of these little cherubs will go to make sure that they always get their way.


Melanie,

Oh My Goodness… Have I got stories… My girls are now 16 and 18 years of age - respectively…

A few things we’ve dealt with are:

At age 9 my eldest daughter got into the car after school one day and pulled out a note that she read to the 7 year old beside her. “I luv Richie. He is so s*xie.” (Because that is how you spell it when you are nine.) My jaw hit my lap and I pulled the car over, turned my body 180 degrees and said, “What did you say?”

She repeated what she said amid stammering and doe-eyed terror. Her former confidence in her proclamation had deteriorated into full blown Momma Fear.

I asked her, “Honey, exactly does that mean?”

She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know. I just like him I guess…”

My wisdom? “If you don’t know what a word means you probably shouldn’t use it, and you are MUCH TOO YOUNG to know what s*xie is.”

We did not have that discussion again ever.

Situation #2 - The attack of low rise, wide legged jeans… In Middle school these pants were all the rage. My daughters are leggy and long-bodied to boot (both coming in at nearly 6 ft. tall each). Finding clothes for them that fit in an affordable context was challenging if not impossible - especially when everyone else was doing it.

My rule was hard and fast - “I will buy you those jeans, but only if we buy shirts that cover well past the waist on the pants (because that is so much lower than the waistline God gave them.) We had some challenges, but truthfully - my girls have great style, modest taste and a heart for God so big that I cannot hardly have a bone of contention about wardrobe anymore…

My youngest loves skulls - and that was very difficult to manage with the rage of H*tt Topic and other such venues selling this and the kids from church swinging in with dark clothing bleached and color-stained hair … blah, blah, blah. This created quite a bit of turbulence a couple of years ago.

We were at the mall and they all but begged to shop at Hott Topic. I said “No.” To which they argued well Htt Topic is no different than “Hllister, Abercrmbie and Victria’s Secret…”

Mom, in total agreement, “You know, you’re right. You cannot shop in any of those stores either.”

My Hollister bag carrying baby looked at me with shock and disgust and stomped herself off with her friends.

As long as we had the “great debate” and they were drawing up sides on the “Mom you just don’t understand” issue… They were not allowed to shop there. However, in recent days they are doing better and we are relaxing the standard to allow them more freedom - but with moderation from the Momma Machine.

I relented this summer and applied, my own self, the bleach and the semi-permanent hair color in a streak in the younger’s hair - the hair color? Candy Apple Red… Because you know she did ask and wait for me to agree and she didn’t buck too hard all the other times I sad no… My only condition is her hair has to be something of a natural looking hair color by the time she returns to school at the end of Next Month.

Situation #3 - BOYS! Can I tell this has been a pleasant surprise? (Well, for the most part.) My youngest took a vow last year not to date anyone for a solid year - she is 16 years old - so the amount of self-discipline this must take is amazing to me. She is still on the “boy fast.” She has such high standards I’m pretty sure that Jesus, Himself would be proud of her committment to honoring Him in every way. A boy once tried to kiss her and she said, “Let me tell you, this is not happening so if that is all you’re interested in then you can take a walk.” I fall out every time she tells me a boy story.

The elder is a bit more boy crazy… She attracts a lot of young suitors and not all are the desirable variety. I guess with her the most difficult thing is that she is going to learn some things the hard way and I may have to let her - I can’t protect her forever - and that hurts a lot.

In March she was moody, disengaged and well quite frankly angry at everyone. Her sister reported that there was something going on between boyfriend and daughter that concerned her so I had a moment to say… OH NO!

A few weeks later, I don’t even remember how we got on this conversation - but, I felt she was hiding something and pried a bit. Before I knew it all the details of her near compromise came flooding out of her mouth with tears and sobs and great regret. I stood there trying to collect my thoughts, looking at my husband before finally mustering the composure to address the rules of the house and my expectations to ensure this did not happen again in the future.

This included no more “sitting” in the car for talking. If they were to visit, it would be in the house where we were - oh, and no more visits to the house unless one other person was home. We also talked about why it is important, and how God views chastity, purity and our decisions.

“One Night With The King” was great for us. She was 17 and had not had too many interested boys on her list at that point. She was disgusted and said, “Why is it all my ‘bad girls’ gone good friends catch all the good guys and I can’t find one.”

I told her I didn’t see it that way at all, I would much rather her wait for God to bring the right young man into her life than to see her going around trying on many to see if they fit.

It helped a lot I believe. I just pray everyday for her to find a man who can love God with all his heart, and to love her with that heart full of God’s love.

My final… OH My! Moment came when my youngest was in middle school. It’s been a few years, but it was a draw a line in the sand moment. I’m going to address a controversal topic here — YOGA. Now, I know there are very reasonable and devout Christians who are able to participate in Yoga with no adverse …. well, I know that this is a grey area. But, for me it was not a grey area for my 13 year old daughter.

Her drama teacher wanted them to do Yoga chanting and centering exercises before participating in their acting class. He required if for a grade and said if any of the children did not participate they would fail the class.

My daughter came home and asked for a Yoga mat, Yoga clothes and said - I have to Mom, I will fail if I don’t. These were the wrong words to say to this “Bible-Thumpin’ Momma.”

I called the teacher who at first defended his position, to which I put my expectations in clearly written instructions. “Under no circumstances and in no way will my daughter participate in Yoga exercises for a grade or for any other reason.” I went on to state that the requirement improperly required my daughter to observe practices that were originally worship postures for foreign idols and gods.

I explained in a later conversation that my strong conviction was based on the impressionable nature of these young people and that based on my study of the Bible - the Israelites did not necessarily believe in the pagan gods they were worshipping, they just took up the rituals and observances of the people who worshipped these gods.

He then stated he was merely implementing the practices of college dramatics teaching and wanted them to free their minds so they could better embrace their roles.

I ended up telling him that I wanted my daughter removed from the classroom where she could meditate on Scripture (Since, Jesus is the truth that really sets us free) while he had the rest of the class participate in the Yoga exercises. He finally agreed to my request and changed the exercises to voluntary participation without the graded quality.

WHEW! I guess I said a mouthful. My daughter thought I was ruining her life with the whole stance on Yoga participation… I stand by my decision, and I feel that the truth is that all things are permissable but not all things are beneficial - so with that said - I’m not discouraging anyone else’s participation in Yoga, just an experience that required me to take a stand.

Our most recent wardrobe debate, by the way, at age 18 my eldest now wants a belly-button ring. The jury is still out on whether I approve of that…

Blessings.


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