All Access

Amen, Sophie. Amen!

And, oh yeah. I once had a friend call to tell me, “Joanne, control is an idol. You can worship it or God. And you’ve got to choose.”

OUCH!

But, wow!, did God use that to start prying open my fingers and to teach me to live with open hands. To trust him through what was coming on the heels of that conversation. (And, boy, was Toben being diagnosed bipolar a doozy!)

As scary as it can be, I need others in my business!

I REALLY struggle with isolation about my feelings and I am a people person. But when it comes to sharing what is going on in my personal life opening up is so difficult. I have found the times I have though that a weight is lifted, probably because they are praying on my behalf and what a difference that is making. Also, they often can help me see other sides that I hadn’g considered and it takes away the intenseness of my feelings.

I have come to realize that when I really want to sit in my sin or self-pity, I shut off from others. When I get real with my friends about what I am struggling with, they will flat out tell me that I cannot keep on doing things (even the little things) because it is not what God wants me to do, and as a result I change my behavior. I am glad I have a community of women who want God’s best for my life, because it keeps me grounded in truth, rather than letting me get carried away by emotions or selfish desires. I think it is vital to have that kind of support system (and to BE that kind of support system for others).

I also struggle with the wanting to shut off and shut down when things are not going my way. You are so right, by doing this I am giving myself permission to feel sorry for myself, act stinky, and wallow in my misery. This was excellent food for thought. Thanks Sophie!

It’s so hard to find the right balance. For I NEED to be alone, but if I take it too far, I become isolated and unengaged, even hard-hearted. But if I have too much time in community, I begin to get agitated and grouchy.

More often than not, I pray for eah day, “Lord, order my steps today.” And I mean, even if that means I am out of my comfort zone in community.

LOVE! YOU!

What I’m noticing is that we, as women, don’t share how we have overcome issues with other women. It could be simple stuff to major sin that we overcame. It’s like we don’t want to admit that we were once weak. But the sister next to us needs to hear that we fail and with God, He picks us up again and puts us back on our feet.

Oh, Sophie, my face actually got flamin’ hot as I read your post this morning. I live alone and work at home, and am completely prone to everything you described. And though God has blessed me with an amazing group of godly friends who will absolutely get in ma bidness, I still find myself hiding out… Thank you so much for sharing this. Will y’all be sharing the rest of the seven points? It sounds (as usual) like a fab message.

I related so much to the first four comments. And like Angela said, we can’t just have that kind of support - we need to BE that kind of support.

Deborah: YES. It’s a struggle for me for sure.

And Holly: you make a great point about the balance. I have to have alone time, too. Too much time with other people and my head starts to spin on its axis.

Don’t you just love those prayer requests that begin with, “We need to pray for so-and-so because listen to what she did/what someone did to her/etc…” I actually don’t even take prayer requests verbally in small groups that I teach anymore because of this exact issue.

As far as needing people, I’ve been thinking about this more and more. I have an extreme melancholy personality with absolutely no sanguine in me unless I fake it (which sometimes you just have to do), so it’s always been easy for me to be on my own. But the year and a half that my husband and I have spent trying to find a Sunday School class to join together has made me so sad to not have a close group of believing friends to share with and study with and to even serve. Especially for my husband because he’s an extreme sanguine and absolutely needs people. But it looks like we may have found a small group to be part of, so we’re hoping for the best.

Sophie,

As I read your “introvert/extrovert” tendencies, one thing came to mind: “Sophie and I must be twins separated at birth!”

One thought that I have to share because it is part of my testimony is this:

Isolation led to the worst season of habitual sin that I had ever known in my life!

I did something that I had always said I would never do. I still followed after God during that time, but had completely lost it in that one thing. He pursued and never let go of me and that is the only reason I stand forgiven, redeemed and free of it today.

There is tremendous safety in having godly people in your business to hold you accountable. When we become isolated and introverted, we have vain imaginations, we walk too closely to boundaries that God has wisely placed before us, and we just go bonkers!

I believe that isolation is one of the enemy’s best tactics and I have a red flag warning go off when I start falling into those dangerous practices. I ask God everyday to never let me forget what it felt like to live in that type of defeat and what that feeling of isolation feels like so that I never have to face that kind of failure again. I also ask Him to let me recognize it in others so I can maybe pull them from the edge before they jump into that very steep pit!

Blessings, Sis! :) Dori

Isolation will also mess with your head. You need people around you to keep you rooted in reality. (Godly people. That is key!) When you’re alone, or you think you are, the devil will fill that head of yours with lies. A Godly friend will give you truth.

Right before sitting down to read through my blogs-o-the-day, Boomama being one of them, which led me to HERE, I was browsing through Facebook, and started to feel sad. Because although FB has allowed me to reconnect with some dear old friends, and become closer with some current long-distance friends, I can honestly say that I truly have no close friends that live close. (ya know?) And as I thought about updating my status, what I really wanted to say was: Sara needs a friend.

Getting “up in one anothers’ business” is important. And I’m totally willing, able and have tried to do that for others - many times going out on a limb to be a friend and giving and giving, only to never get that refreshing “receiving” from them. Oftentimes, those that I consider to be “friends” end up revealing to me, in one way or another (that usually smarts) that we really weren’t friends, but just acquaintances. I’ve realized that in today’s busy society, many just don’t take time to be a friend. Or, they already have their comfortable amount of “friend quota” already met and there is simply no room for a new friend.

So I’ve been praying for God to send a friend to my neck of the woods that also has time to BE a friend. And really, I’ve been waiting for this for YEARS. It’s lonely when you don’t have anybody’s business to be up in (other than those long-distance on facebook) and it’s lonely when no one cares to be in yours.

Isolation is the reason I started a blog! I was feeling very isolated with very few friends and I knew that if I started a blog I would make friends…even if they are mostly “cyber friends”!

I am finding the total opposite (I think it is the opposite), not that I am isolating myself but can’t find someone to share these struggles with. All my friends are busy with their own lives. I can throw a prayer request out there via an email and believe they are praying but typically never get the response saying “I got your back!” or “I have been there”. I crave this fellowship and can’t say I have a go to person!

I am part field dancer / part cave dweller. There are days I long to dance in fields of grace with my church body, my family, my friends and days I want to hide up in my cave and seal the door. Don’t talk to me, don’t ask me, don’t even look at me too long. And the enemy loves this because he tells us ” you are the only one that feels like this” “you are the only one that has to battle me, everyone else has it perfect”. Praise God for His word and our testimonies for that is how the enemy is defeated! This verse has booted me out of my cave more than once: Proverbs 18:1 The one who lives alone (isolated) is self-indulgent, showing contempt for all who have sound judgement. Time alone is necessary, isolation from the body is opening my cave door to the enemy.

Great thoughts, Sophie. And um — yes. I am SO thankful for friends to keep me accountable, and to keep me “me.”

i just stumbled over here & i love it.

a couple years ago i was struggling with some health related fears. ever the cheerful person, i didn’t want to share these fears/ concerns/symptoms with others. i didn’t want them to think i was a weirdo or a ‘doom & gloomer’….anyway…i struggled along with the health fears, with some anxiety too..thanks to my ‘i can handle it myself’ attitude. geez, what a loon. i’m in a place right now where outside my husband i don’t feel i have a super close kindred spirit ( not a praying one anyway). so i’m spending more time in the word than i used to but i miss those close realtionships.

my bff from a gazillion yearsago is uber private. its so frustrating b/c , despite the fact that we’re besties, she only wants to share the good. she can be going through a major breakup and will just give me the ‘i have my hand raised in a silent prayer request mode’. bugs the stew out of me. i have encouraged her to let me be an accountability partner with her but she still prefers to live in this denial bubble.

good lordy, did i open a bag of worms or what. maybe ya’ll could just paypal me an invoice for your advice!!! :)