In another woman's shadow
Sophie - January 21, 2010
Yesterday I finished my first week of homework for Esther: It's Tough Being A Woman, and I can't get over how the first chapter of the book of Esther has just captivated me. I can't wait to watch the DVD tonight at Bible study.
One of the main points Beth makes in the first week of Esther is that it's tough being a woman in another woman's shadow. She talks about how women tend to compare themselves to other women, and she even makes the statement that we notice more about the women around us than men do. She's right, you know.
I like to think that I'm a person who doesn't do a lot of comparing, but what I've realized this week is that I compare without even being aware of it. What's been so interesting to me about this whole comparison revelation is that I don't compare so that I can feel better about myself. It's actually the opposite. Because what I've noticed over the last few days is that almost every single time a comparison races through my brain, it's like a pity party alarm.
My hair doesn't look nearly as good as hers does.
Her marriage seems perfect.
She's a much more patient mama than I am.
I'd love to get to know her, but she has so many friends that she'd never have time to go to lunch with me.
You know the drill. And the drill? IS RIDICULOUS.
Earlier today I was talking to Melanie - who knows better than anyone that fear is a much bigger issue for me than comparison / insecurity - and I told her that I've been so surprised by how this week's homework has shown me that I'm not nearly as healthy in this area as I thought I was. I guess the mindset of comparison has been so ingrained in my thoughts that I didn't even recognize it for what it was.
But now I know. And the good news is that I'm excited to see how God uses this Bible study to tear down some unhealthy junk in my head and my heart and then put the pieces back together again.
What about you? Do you struggle with comparing yourself to other women? How do you deal with it?
Melanie
Melanie
Sophie
Sophie
Paige
Paige
Kris
Kris
Comments (6)
The only problem I have with comparing myself to others is the fact that I do it all the livelong day. It’s awful. I always assume that everyone has it much more together than I do - which I am, with increasing frequency, finding out is not true. It’s an area that I’ve declared “Under Construction” in my life.
I’m hoping to pick up a copy of the Esther bible study soon!
Posted on January 21, 2010 3:19 PM
You said: “I’d love to get to know her, but she has so many friends that she’d never have time to go to lunch with me.”
Oh, so true! In real life and blog land. I get scared off of commenting on some womens blogs because they have so many followers, I’m afraid they’ll look at me as a bloggy groupie instead of a real person, or that they don’t have time for me.
Don’t we so often think of God in same terms sometimes. As in, my prayer request is really so trivial that I shouldn’t bother God with it when he has so many bigger things to take care of.
GREAT post!!
Posted on January 21, 2010 4:05 PM
See….I’m just the opposite of you. I’m so insecure that I compare myself to EVERYONE and everything. Ridiculous still the same.
I’m growing a tiny bit more confident as I turn 40 in a few weeks, but its still a battle.
Posted on January 22, 2010 4:39 PM
I have to continually battle against comparing myself to other women. It is mostly about how I look and I have to remind myself that God loves me and made me they way I am.
I did the Esther study in the fall and I loved it - it is probably my new favorite study. I do have to warn you that the week 4 video will hit you between the eyes. It is about fear and it is an awesome lesson. All of the lessons are wonderful though - homework and video.
Thanks for the reminder not to compare. I needed to hear that again!
Posted on January 23, 2010 10:03 AM
Sophie,
I wanted to type the oh-so-spiritual answer: “Well, I remind myself everyday who I am in Christ.”
But the truth is that I forget who I am in Christ more times than not. I forget that I am beautiful in His eyes. I forget that He doesn’t see the outside appearance, but He is always gazing deeply into my heart. I forget that He even looks at that “perfect woman” that I’m comparing myself to and doesn’t see HER outward appearance, but is looking intently on HER heart, too.
I heard Beth say last week that she heard God speak to her during her quiet time that He didn’t want her to tell Him “I love You” anymore, but that He wanted her to start saying “I love You, too.”
At the end of the day, I think any comparisons I make or any self-esteem issues I might have doesn’t have nearly as much to do with how I feel about me, but how I think God feels about me.
I just need to remember that before I ever uttered an “I love You” to Him, He had said it long before and I just need to keep my eyes on Him…not on others and their clothes, hairstyles, bodies, marriages, jobs, talents…but look straight into the face of the One who loves me just the way I am and say…
GOD…I LOVE YOU, TOO!
Blessings, Dori
Posted on January 25, 2010 10:34 AM
I do compare myself to others more than I probably should but not as much as I used to! I led our Bible study group in the Esther study just about this time last year. It was WONDERFUL. You will get so very much from it! We will be starting Beth’s Daniel study next week. Looking forward to that.
Marilyn
Posted on January 25, 2010 12:38 PM